Independence Day

Independence Day

It was a tumultuous Spring in 1995, when my husband was arrested for Aggravated D.U.I. (driving under the influence with children in the car). In that brief moment of discovery, humiliation, and hurt, I silently declared my independence from this abusive alcoholic. Now, I would have to plunge forward and become physically, financially, and emotionally independent. At the age of twenty-six with two small children, I forced myself to take the first frightening step towards personal freedom...I walked away.

Physically leaving my husband was an inevitable frightening move, but one which had to be taken. For although I still loved him, it was unsafe living in the same house fearing that violence would once again be inflicted upon me. After the initial shock of discovery wore away, I sped to the police station and rescued my bewildered children. Yes, once again, he had ended up in jail and while I was in night class! I immediately headed for the house, packed some clothing, then hurried away to escape into another county. This was my chance! Just as slaves had fled their masters in years past, so was I now fleeing my own tyrant as I searched for safety in the dark of night. My heart shook with anticipation and fear while my body now severed the invisible chain which had wrapped lethally about me. Each mile that I drove put more and more distance between us as I neared the safe house for battered women. This was where I would call ‘Home' until I straightened out the inevitable mess that had only worsened over the years....the finances.

Yes, I was immensely thankful and relieved that I had escaped, but still there were several hurtles to face including the entanglement of our money. Fortunately, the only thing I had to do was close our joint accounts and open new ones in my name only. I had no regrets in doing this since the money in the accounts was mine, for he had been drinking his. As I continued to sever my ties with him, my awareness of how to support a family on a single income painfully heightened. At first, this seemed to be an insurmountable obstacle, but there were people who helped me. One such person, a vice president of a bank whom I had previously met, understood my circumstances and approved a personal loan for me to buy a home. Now I was able to live in my own home and pay my own bills without the addition of my husband weighing me down. And though it was an immense struggle in the beginning, it became easier as time passed. Unfortunately, there was one thing yet that I had to face and deal with. I couldn't seem to get off of the emotional roller coaster that I had been riding for so long. It was time to break the last chain that could unravel all that I had already accomplished. It was time to place my heart on the shelf.

The emotional hurdle was the most imposing of the three challenges, for I could not just leap over its looming bulk. I decided right then and there that I would free myself and seek emotional independence even if I had to seek outside help. Therefore, I found an Alennon group (a group for victims of substance abusers) to join and work through my torrent waves of emotion. Through many tears and angry outbursts, sleepless nights of loneliness, and keeping this secret from my family, I finally came to terms with my wasted years of marriage. I finally accepted that it was now in my past and would not harm me again. I finally severed the last tie and bolted towards freedom.

One day as I thought back to the struggles I had faced, it dawned on me the enormous barriers that I had torn through. I had now reached my goals of physical, financial, and emotional independence. And as I sat lounging in my recliner watching the children play obliviously on the floor, the positive benefits unfolded before me. My life was now steady and secure because I no longer feared one single man. I had survived an important battle and thanked God for giving me the courage to follow the path to freedom. Not only had I struggled to become an independent woman, but had also improved the chances of my children not becoming future victims. No, it was not only independence day for me, but also independence day for future generations in my family. The circle of violence was broken; I had won the war.