Fairyland Support Group

The room was small and sparse, with its only real defining feature a circle of chairs in the middle, upon which a rather diverse group of people were sitting and looking nervous. The door creaked open, and a newcomer slunk in, slightly shamefacedly, to take a seat in an unoccupied chair, as much in the back corner as a circle of chairs would allow. One man, sitting in position that was about as much at the head of the group as it could be, pushed back his wire-frame glasses from the bridge of his nose and regarded him.
"Velcome!" He said with an exuberant cheerfulness that really didn't fit with the rather dingy feel of the room. "Stand up and introduce yourself."
"Err..." He said, looking around for all the world like someone who really didn't want to be singled out. "I'm Ryan."
"Velcome, Ryan!"
There was silence in the room. The man glared at the other people assembled.
"Everyone, Velcome Ryan!"
There was a rather ragged chorus of "Welcomes" and one rather bewildered "hullo."
"Everyone, introduce yourselves."
They all looked around at each other and sat back in their chairs.
He glared again. "Everyone?"
A blond man surreptitiously elbowed the dark-haired man sitting next to him, who promptly wheeled and raised his hand to hit him.
"Oh, good! A volunteer!"
The man turned and looked at him, looked slightly bewildered for a second, and then glared at the blond. He muttering something along the lines of, "I'll get you for this" at the blond, and then sighed. "Hello, my name is A'er."
The leader waited for a moment. "And...?" He prompted.
"And I'm a psychopathic killer who destroyed a whole city in a fit of anger."
"Improper format."
He sighed again. "My name is A'er, and I have an anger management problem."
"Velcome, A'er!" He paused. "Everyone?"
They all looked at him with varying states of puzzlement.
"You're supposed to say, 'Velcome, Insert-Name-Here, admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery."
"Welcome, Insert-Name-Here, admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery."
"No, no, no." He sighed. "What I meant vhas, after each person speaks, you are supposed to say the phrase with their name in it."
They all looked at each other and shrugged. "The phrase with their name in it."
"No! 'Velcome, A'er, admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery'. And vhen the next person gets up, you say the same thing, only you say their name instead of A'er's."
"Isn't that awfully formulaic?"
"That's the point! It's supposed to make everyone feel like a part of the group!"
"I think it's destroying our essential uniqueness by trying to fit us all in a carbon-copy mold."
"Ryker?"
"Yes?"
"Try exerting your essential uniqueness by being quiet."
"My essential uniqueness doesn't want to be quiet. Everyone else is being quiet. Then it wouldn't be unique."
"You shouldn't let the others determine your actions, Ryker, even if it be by doing the opposite."
"But..."
"Just try it."
He sat back down again, muttering about suppression.
"Now, everyone, say the phrase. And I don't mean for everyone to say, 'the phrase,' I mean for everyone to say vhat ve discussed earlier. And by that I don't mean for everyone to say 'the phrase ve discussed earlier', I mean..."
"We know what you mean. We're not stupid."
"All right. So... Everyone?"
Someone leaned over to the neighbor. "Who was talking again?"
"The leader."
"No, before that!"
"Ryker?"
"No, I mean the one we're supposed to say instead of Insert-Name-Here."
"What are you talking about?"
"It's A'er." Said the leader.
"What?"
"A'er. That's the name."
"Oh. Yes. Thank You."
"Don't mention it."
They all looked at each other.
"Say the phrase."
"Oh. Right."
Silence.
"Velcome, A'er. Admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery."
"Welcome, A'er. Admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery."
A'er muttered something.
"Vhat was that?"
"I said, it must be a very long road." He glared out of the corner of his eye at the blond man, who was snickering, and made an odd little gesture. The snickerer fell over in convulsions, frothing at the mouth. The leader glared, and he waved his hand again, stopping the spell.
"Now, A'er, that isn't a constructive use of your powers, nor of dealing with your frustrations. Apologize to S'srikka."
"I'm sorry, oh disgustingly vile one who dabbles in the forbidden arts."
"Well, at least I didn't kill the girl I was in love with by accident!"
"Only because you're incapable of loving anyone! And besides, you wouldn't have killed them by accident, you'd have done it on purpose, sacrificing her in some pagan sacrifice to unleash the powers of pure evil. Oh, wait! You already did!"
"A'er, S'srikka! You are not being supportive. Now give each other a hug, and tell each other, 'I appreciate and respect you for who you are.'"
There was some muttering, in which the words "appreciate" and "accept" did appear. Possibly.
"All right, return to your seats."
"Demonspawn!" A'er growled as he walked by.
"Destroyer of all things beautiful."
"All right, now Ylsae, introduce yourself."
"My name is Ylsae, and I have a control problem."
Someone snorted. "I'll say! A control problem? He killed how many people trying to stop what's-his-face..."
The leader coughed. The speaker fell silent. And the whole room was silent.
And silent some more.
And some more.
"Everyone..."
Silence.
"Everyone!"
"Hello, Ylsae. Admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery."
"All right, Ylsae. You may have a seat." He looked around. Everyone avoided his eyes. Except one. He sighed. "Ryker?"
Ryker popped to his feet. "Hello! My name is Ryker, and I don't have a problem."
"Hello, Ryker! Not admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery." They were starting to get into it now.
"No, no, no!" He sighed. "Now Ryker, tell the truth."
Ryker pointed. "He's my problem."
"Let's not blame others for our own shortcomings."
"I'm not blaming him for my shortcomings. I'm blaming him for his shortcomings."
"Does blaming him solve anything?"
"It revives my faint and flagging hope in the nature of humanity, that in the face of their flaws they just might make the effort to better themselves and make the world a better place, where children may play safely and all men live as brothers..."
"All right, all right already! But you have no control over anyone else, only yourself."
"I'll remember that if I ever see you being attacked in a dark alley."
"Vhat?"
"Well, I'll have no control over the thief's actions, nor any right to judge him based on my old, outmoded concept of morality, as per last weeks group discussion."
"Err..."
"Furthermore, as per the aforesaid discussion, I must needs support his decision to act upon his inmost subconscious desires and thus free his true self from the artificial constraints put on it by societies expectations, and embrace him for who he truly is, affirming his essential humanness, or specie or race of his choice, and positive uniqueness rather than condemning him for the aberrations that by necessity occur in a society that surpresses our darker halves in an effort to conform to an arbitrary standard of ideals rather than embracing them as the part that is most natural and has allowed us to survive the countless aeons."
"Ah..."
"And, as you, being a member of the upper echelons of our society, because your class allowed you the education that many of us lacked and your education has placed you in a position of power over others, and thus as one interested in protecting the status quo, I must also support him, for he, by definition, as one acting outside the boundaries of acceptable behavior as defined by society and thus being placed in the lower echelons of said society, and since no one would voluntarily occupy a less valued position, he must have been forced there, by members of the aforesaid status quo, and is thus the wronged party and victim, rather than the villain, as common preconception, as put forth by the aforesaid status quo in order to preserve their position would have it. As per discussion, two weeks ago."
They all stood and gave him a standing ovation, cheering wildly. One asked their neighbor in awe, "Was that all one sentence?"
"Two, I think."
The leader sat with his head in his hands.
Ryker grinned wickedly. "Repeat after me: 'we aren't bad, we're merely under a differential moral ethos.'"
"We're not bad, we're merely under a differential moral ethos!"
"I say, old chap. Doesn't exactly flow off the tongue, as far as chants go."
They all looked at each other and shrugged. One person leaped up, pulled out a knife from somewhere within her clothing, and sprung at a redhead, screaming, "My name is Kisaki, and I don't have a problem with homicidal tendencies! Prepare to die!"
The redhead glanced up. "My name... My name..." She slurred. "My name ish Okibi, and I don't have a drinking problem, and I don't want to be on the road to recovery!" She stood up, and promptly fell over.
"Taste my cold steel, Dictator of Yid!"
"Kisaki!"
"Yes, Doctor?" She paused with an innocent expression, placing the knife behind her back.
"Vhat have I told you about bringing veapons to Group?"
She sighed. "Don't bring weapons to group. The only weapon you need is a kind and caring heart."
"So vhy do you have a knife?"
She grinned innocently. "I named it 'A Kind and Caring Heart.'"
***
The room was small, but it was a bit less sparse... As it was now strewn with the pieces of the circle of chairs. The Group was sitting upon the floor, looking a bit shamefaced.
"You all ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I should send you into the other room to think about vhat you have done!"
Ryker raised his hand.
"Yes?"
"If you sent us all into the other room, wouldn't that be the same as us all being in here?"
"Ah..."
Kisaki raised her hand. "Does the other room have chairs?"
S'srikka glared at her. "What does it matter? You'd just destroy them!"
"Would you rather I destroyed you?"
"You could try."
"Is that an offer?"
A'er smirked. "Ten bucks on the little one."
"Who're you callin little?"
"I was trying to compliment you."
She scowled. "Well, don't."
"Yes mistress."
Ryker calmly reached out, grabbed her by the back of her shirt, and held her up in the air squirming and trying to get her knife out. "A'er, you know better."
"Sorry, 'saki"
"S'allright. Just don't do it again."
Someone else raised their hand. "Since when could we afford another room?"
Kisaki grinned. "Okibi over there has been putting in a little overtime on the street corners, generous soul that she is."
***
Ten minutes later, after Ryker and A'er had managed to pull a rather self-effacing fellow who simply called himself "Soldier" off of Kisaki and sent them to opposite sides of the room, the leader got up and yelled at them. He yelled quite nicely, in multiple languages. Kiaski clapped at some of the better words, when she wasn't glaring at Soldier.
When he finally wound down, Ryker raised his hand, and the leader sighed. "Yes?"
"What happened to positive reinforcement as a counteractor to bad behavior, by reinforcing the positive aspects rather than the negative, and thus reinforcing their self-esteem, leading to them not needing to act out in order to gain attention?"
"Vhat have I told you about attending lectures?"
"We need to expand our minds in order to overcome our own self-delusions that trap us into negative behavior patterns."
"Ryker, you are fostering division within the Group."
"Are you feeling threatened by your continuing loss of control as we grow into our own identities and the freedom that this entails?
"I think you are reacting to your own feelings of insecurity by attempting to prove yourself more adept and thus lower someone else in everyone else's eyes, putting you on par or superior."
"You started it."
"Vhat?"
"You belittled my feeling of anger and thus caused me to lash out in reaction to protect my self-identity, because it didn't meet your expectations of proper focus for my anger. I think you are the one suffering from insecurity, causing you to form this group as a place where you may feel superior."
"You're insane."
"But I am comfortable in my insanity. My insanity is part of me, and thus I embrace it, for in reality, we all are insane."
"I'm not insane!" Said Kisaki.
They all looked at her, hiding her little... Well, rather large... Knife behind her back and with an innocent expression on her little face. Her "enemy," Okibi, nodded vigorously (and a trifle drunkenly). Kisaki didn't notice.
"Vhat?"
"I'm perfectly normal and sane."
"Really."
"Yep. Because I know I'm crazy, and a crazy person wouldn't know they were crazy. Therefor..."
"But then you wouldn't know you were crazy, so you would be."
"But I know that if I know that I am, I would be, and then I wouldn't be, but that if I know that, then I know that I am, and thus that as soon as I do, I am, so I'm not."
He stared at her.
"Kinda makes your head hurt, doesn't it?"
"Sheesh right." Okibi said. "I'm the crazy one."
Kisaki glared at her. "What?"
"Yup, I'm more crazy than you are! Teehee!"
"No you're not!"
"Am too!"
"Are not!"
"Kisakobi!"
They both blinked at him. "What?"
"Well, you're both practically the same person."
"We are not!" They said in unison.
Kisaki nodded vigorously. "I'm the nice one."
There was a bit of a stunned silence at that comment.
"The nice one?"
She grinned and kept nodding. "Yup. I'm lovable and cuddly."
Someone whispered to their neighbor. "Delusional."
She ran up and kicked him, leaving him curled up in a ball, moaning in agony. "Lovable and cuddly, dang you!"
Okibi giggled. "My delusional bubbles are made of titanium reinforced steel."
"What's that?"
"Can't be popped! Can't be popped! Teehee!" She danced around singing that for a while, and then fell over. "Gravity works!"
Kisaki looked at her prone form. "Poor thing. I wonder what it's like to be completely insane."
They all looked at each other. She wandered over to a guy sitting in the back, who had just been watching with amusement the whole time, and sat in his lap.
"You love me, don't you?"
He blinked.
"You love me. I'm cute and cuddly and lovable."
"Umm..."
"Umm is a very good word. No other word need be applied."
"What?"
"It's a reference to a real life situation that no one besides the writer would understand."
"Writer?"
"You know. The writer. The one who controls our entire lives with merely a movement of her pencil."
"Ah."
"I know you don't believe me, but it's true."
"Have you seen this writer?"
"Don't be silly. I'm inside the story! How could I see the writer?"
"Oh yes, silly me."
"You still haven't answered my question."
"If I say no, are you going to hurt me?"
She looked at him. "Would I do that?"
"Yes. I mean... Umm.... Yes I love you?"
"That's what I thought." She grinned and snuggled into his chest.