Homonym Rant

I’m not even going to start off with a bad pun this time. America has problems. Yes, yes, I know you could go on all day about them, but I’m talking grammar problems. As some of you may know, I have already ranted once on grammar, specifically about the misuse of the word “less.” You can access this rant at "Rant on Less" . This time, however, I shall branch out a bit and cover certain homonyms and they’re misuse.

Quick, did you catch that? I sure hope you did. In case you didn’t, go back and read the last sentence of the previous paragraph real hard until you do. Got it now? Good.

There are two sets of homonyms (words which sound the same but are spelled differently and mean different things) that are so commonly misused, no one notices anymore. Except me, and other neurotic geeks like me. The most commonly misused one that I have seen is the interchanging of “you’re” and “your.”

“You’re mom is so cool for giving us those cookies.”

“Your a great friend.”

“Your going to do WHAT?!”

Please, please, PLEASE tell me you see what is wrong in the above three sentences, gentle reader. You do? Good! We’re off to a great start then.

The word “you’re” is a contraction, the long version of which is “you are.” “Your,” on the other hand, means something that belongs to or is associated with the person to whom the speaker is, well, speaking. Thus, when next you want to say something involving either of these two words, here is a simple code to see which one is needed.

First, check if it makes sense with “you are.”

“You are mom is so cool for giving us those cookies.” That makes absolutely NO sense whatsoever, and so the correct word is “your.”

“You are a great friend.” Why, that DOES make sense! Ergo, “you’re” is the proper word to use.


Now wasn’t easy? I’ll leave the third sentence as an exercise for the student.

Okay, moving on. The next set of homonyms is slightly trickier, for it contains three words rather than two. The words are as follows: “there,” “they’re,” and “their.” Now watch closely.

“There such great people.”

“Did you see they’re new house?”

“Look over their!”

Cringing in pain yet? If so, then stick around after; we’d like to enlist you in our organization.

The word “there” is used to refer to locations and distance. The word “they’re” is a contraction, meaning, “they are.” And finally, “their” is used to refer to something that belongs to or is associated with a group of people. Let’s try them out.

“They’re such great people.”

“Did you see their new house?”

“Look over there!”

Now, do you see how these three versions make much more sense than the original three? And they look so much nicer too!

Sorry, sir. Yes, I know. I’ll keep it down. Sheesh, you’d think the guards in here would have to sleep sometime. Alas.

Now, just one more quick set of homonyms before they bring us dinner and mock us for being unable to see sunlight.

This one is, in my humble opinion, the simplest set of the three. Yet, as a complement, it is the most often misused. These are the infamous “its” and “it’s.”

“It’s fur was soft as silk.”

“Its freezing in here!”

"Its been a long day."

These, despite what many uneducated authors would have you believe, are INCORRECT. “It’s” is a contraction, meaning, “it is” or "it has" (for past tense). Similarly to the “your” and “you’re” homonym set, there exists a simple way to determine which one to use. If you can substitute “it is” or "it has" into the sentence and have it make sense, then it’s correct. If not, then use “its.” See? Simpler even than juggling semicolons! Although not half as fun.

“It is/has fur was soft as silk” make no grammatical sense. A third-grader could tell you this. Therefore, use “its.” The confusion that usually arises here is that people think “it’s” is the possessive form of “it.” Unfortunately, English is a silly language, so this misconception isn’t as difficult to understand as I’d like. Usually, to get the possessive form of a noun, you add an apostrophe and tack on an “s.” Not always true, I’ll admit, but usually. “It,” however, is a tricky blighter, and likes to thumb its nose at the rules. “Its” is the possessive form of “it,” while “it’s” can ONLY mean “it is” or "it has." No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Therefore, your sentences should be as follows:

“Its fur was soft as silk.”

“It’s freezing out here!”

"It's been a long day."

See? Those sound, look, and feel so much better, so much more proper. Want to know why? Because they ARE.

One last thing: I have heard tales of the misuse of a third form of “it,” although I have yet to see it myself. This would be “its’.” That is, the plural posessive form, IF English made sense and “it” were a normal word. Since this is not true, “its’” has absolutely no place in the English language that I know of.

And now the guard is here with my dinner, so I bid thee good day. May you use these contractive homonyms correctly from this point forward.

NAG out.



This message has been brought to you by NAG: Nerds Advancing Grammar. Thank you.
         -Warm-blooded Winterdrake