WALKING TO MY FREEDOM

I ran and ran into the night. I was breathless, trembling, screaming. Yet I still ran and ran determined to reach that light. I longed to take hold of it yet it was a long way off. But it was my hope, the only thing that kept me running. For that light, that small dot faraway was my freedom.

All my life, I was a prisoner, a slave. I was tormented, every minute. Yet I was trapped not knowing how to come out.

Insecurity, Rejection, Self-pity, Envy, Jealousy, Mistrust, Hatred – these are my jailers; my masters. My life was run by them. Everything I did was a product of their doing. Still, I believed them. I clung on to them. I bowed at the mere sound of their command. I let myself being trampled by them.

I was a person living with that belief that I was nothing, a loser, just an ugly face in the crowd, the dumbest of dumbs. I loved to be in the background – it spared me many an effort to explain myself or be noticed. Silence was my comfort. I didn’t like people. I was afraid to be heard or discovered. I let people accuse me of things that I was not but was made to be because of pressure. I let people devise their own dull theory about me even it wasn’t to my favor. I let people injure me; run my life without my consent I let people make me insecure about anything. I was weak, I lack the strength to fight, yet possessed a will to surrender.

Because of my insecurities, I didn’t live the life that I wanted to live. Because of jealousy and envy, my eyes were only open to falsities. My path twisted and turned.

I had skills, yes – but I doubted that I possess them. I was fond of believing myself as the puny, ugly, weakling that everybody loathed.

However, there is point in a person’s life that makes him want to give up. It happened to me. I reached the summit of my insecurity. Then, I began to be desperate to give up being the loser that I was. I wanted the people to stop bugging me with false testimonies about myself. I wanted to have a new life. I wanted to be freed from the chains of slavery that seized me. I wanted my prison cell to unlock.

And so my quest for freedom began. I started to look for people, books, inspirational things that could keep me away from my chains. The load became lighter, yet it was still there. It kept coming back, wanting to steal my long sought freedom.

Then one time, someone approached me and offered me the same freedom that I was pursuing. He promised me that it was full. It was not just a portion, a quarter, or half of the freedom that I wanted. It was the WHOLE of it! He even promised it to be brimming. I asked how much was the cost. He said, I need not pay for anything. It was his gift. It was for free. I doubted a bit, yet in my desperation, I decided to give it a try.

Curious, I asked, “How would you do it?’

He answered, “ I love you so much that I’m willing to die to give you freedom.”

I laughed at the idea. Who would ever die for me? Yet to my surprise, he did meant his promise.

He gave up his life, just as he had said he would. He took my sufferings, my insecurities, my rejections, my mockeries, my hurts. He was willing to have them all so that I could be freed from my chains.

Yet, he didn’t complain. He was beaten, cursed, he died in the most torturous, excruciating way any man could ever experience. While he was undergoing this, he didn’t show even a bit of regret. He was suffering, yet felt a different kind of joy. Joy, because of the knowledge that I will have the full life that he promised me.

I didn’t know him that long. But I discovered that he had known me all my life. He was seeking for me, trying to catch my attention, wanting me to even just set my eyes on him. But I was too blind. I was too focused with myself to even notice the kind eyes watching my every move.

When I cried, he was there. When I was cursed, he was there. When I attempted to commit suicide, he was there. When I was at the lowest points in my life, he was there. He was there, experiencing the same hurt that I was going through. He was there offering the comfort, the encouragement, and the hope, that I failed to see and experience because of my blindness. I refused to listen to him. I refused to accept him.

I should have known to live a full life, a great life years ago. I shouldn’t have allowed falsehoods to ruin my life. I should have been confident long ago. I should have broken my chains. I should never have been a slave. Yet I was because I refused to listen to his plea.

Yet looking back and analyzing why this terrible past has to happen, I found out that it also has a purpose. It happened so that I could let other people know about this great person, this great love. I am a living proof of this remarkable love. The love that I once taken for granted. The love that once turned me into a skeptic. The love that has now negated all the things that I once believed was the truth.

All these were realized because of the sufferings of one person. A righteous man whose heart contains nothing but love. Who am I to reject this person? Who am I not to accept the love that he is offering me without asking anything in return? Who am I not to give this same love to the one man who paid the price of my freedom with his own life?

If you don’t believe me, try calling him. Stop awhile from your busy world and make even a small space in your heart and let him in. You will be surprised at how much load he will take off from you. You will be surprised to realize that this life is still worth living even if the world tells otherwise.

Remember he’s just around there, calling your name. Try to respond by calling his name. His name is Jesus Christ.