A Man & Wife's Eternal Argument

“I am the Master, and the head of our household. I can be as gentle as a newborn’s breath, as uplifting and refreshing as a skilled preacher’s sermon, or I can bring the earth and its people to their knees. I am Wind. I encompass the air, sky, storms, and clouds.”

“I beg to differ! I am the true Master, and head of our household. I am Rain. I encompass water, wells, springs, pools, lakes, and oceans. I am a giver of life, and that makes me the Master. My wetness makes life spring forth from the earth, and if I withhold it, all visible signs of life wilt, wither and die. I can allow lovers and children to equally delight, although for very different reasons, in my gracious gift of a sudden sun shower, or gentle, cleansing tears from the heavens.”

“Why argue with me? I have sailed ships around the earth, whose fate would have been becalmed, and the Americas would have never been discovered by the one called Christopher Columbus.”

“I’ve provided fresh drinking water to your many sailors, who would have died an ugly, horrible death while waiting on you to guide them to safe harbor.”

“I could have blown you far away, so let’s just say that I have allowed you to fill many a hold of sailing ships with your pure, life-giving elixir. After all, it is I who command the clouds that carry your nectar.”

“And in blowing me away in your clouds, you would endanger the lives of those you claim to have allowed me to serve my liquid. I claim the title of Head of Household. It is I that have spared mankind, on land and sea alike. I accuse you, Wind, of murder. The careless way you unleash your natural forces shows little regard for human life contained on Earth's surface. ”

“My winds help spread the seeds of plants and trees that filter the air and produce the oxygen for all of mankind.”

“Need I remind you that if not for the moisture that the earth drinks from me, the seeds would never take root to grow? And I filter the air that carries all the dust you manage to kick up as you frolic across Earth’s face.”

“I have shown mankind the need to be flexible. Poets have spoken of how boughs must bend least they break before me. Let me remind you that your generosity has caused floods that have wreaked untold destruction.”

“Who are you to talk about wreaking untold destruction? On what appears to be a cyclic whim, you will spin, whirl, and whip seemingly out of control. You cast tornados and typhoons that cut a path of pure destruction. America has aptly named your regular, well-traveled path Tornado Alley. Of this you are proud, and think that you deserve the title Master? Earth, itself has long been considered an element in her own right. Empedocles, who was born in 492 BC, who introduces us in his proposal of the Four Basic Roots: Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. Who then Plato named them Elements. And Aristotle, like you, had to be disagreeable. We have had this debate. And still you dare continue to argue with me!”

“You are said, Rain, to be of cats and dogs. Thus have no room to accuse me of anything. We are forever married in mythology. The English sailors still say, “The cat has a gale of wind in her tail.” when I am unusually frisky. Witches that rode upon my storms were said to take the form of a cat. The image of a dog is a sign of me, Wind. Like the wolf, both animals were attendants of Odin, the storm-god. Thus made our marriage, Wife. You symbolize the cat in a down-pouring rain, and the dog being the symbol of strong gusting winds which accompany a rainstorm; hence a “rain of cats and dogs”. Thus is our marriage, Dear, a union of your rainfall with my winds.”

“I, Rain, born of water, now call upon Earth and Fire, to extinguish any claim you make to be Master of our household.”

“I, Wind, born of Air, will denounce all claims to any title, if you will acknowledge our marriage once, for all, and forever. Now, Rain, follow me to our ocean bed. I have missed you so.”

“Yes, lover. Wrap yourself around me, and take me with you out to the blue-green, salty oceans depths. As long as we are together there is no force greater on the Earth.”

“Your moisture feeds my desires. Your dampness is as sweet as any perfume. I can feel your humidity strengthen me. Where again, Rain, our passion will spawn our children as it has done since the beginning of time.”

“Yes, Wind, husband of mine, and this year I shall name my brood -- Alex, Bonnie, Charley, Danielle, Earl, Frances, Gaston, Hermine, Ivan, Jeanne, Karl, and Lisa.”

“Yes, Rain, my fertile wife, and if we still have the time and strength I want the others yet still to born out of our embrace to be called Matthew, Nicole, Otto, Paula, Richard, Shary, Tomas, Virginie, and Walter.”

“Again, I say to you, Wind, my husband, “It is just like a man to continually boast of his sexual prowess.”


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Word Count: 908