Express Lane Blues

Express Lane Blues
By Inman
Fiction

John stopped at the store to pick up a quick package of smokes. He went to the express check-out where only one woman was at the check-out. She had just laid three items down and had four items in her arm. She told the checker she wanted to pay for the two groups separately.
The checker rang up the first three items and put them in a bag.

The lady then opened her purse and rummaged around for a couple of minutes and finally found some money and paid the clerk. When she got her change she put it back in her purse and closed her purse.

Then the clerk rang up the next four items. Once they were in the bag, the lady opened her purse and rummaged around for a couple of minutes and finally found some money and paid the clerk.

John was silently cursing under his breath. Come on bitch, let’s get a move on, you knew that you were going to have to pay, why did you wait until the last minute to get your money out and then why did you put your change up when you knew you were going to have to pay for the second group of items?

The lady left and John stepped up to the counter and said, “May I have a package of Marlboro Lights 100's, Please?”

“I’ll have to go to the office to get them. I’ll be right back.” the clerk said.

While John was waiting he was looking at signs. The express sign said fifteen items or less.
A big, fatwoman pushing a shopping cart loaded to the point that it looked like something might fall out parked her buggy behind John.

John knew there was a lot more than fifteen items in the basket but he didn’t say anything out loud.

The clerk came back with his cigarettes and he paid and started to leave when he noticed the woman behind him begin to unload her shopping basket on the belt.

John confronted the clerk, “I thought this was an express lane. Are you really going to check this woman out with over a hundred items? “ John asked.

The clerk was a little embarassed to be put on the spot. “This isn’t any of your business. You’ve got your cigarettes, just go on and leave and keep your nose out of where it does not belong.” the clerk said.

“I get damn, fucking tired of coming into a store when I’m in a hurry and having to fucking wait in the express lane because you won’t tell these fucking people that have to many items in their basket to go to another lane.” John said.

The clerk tried to ignore John and picked up the first item to scan,

“Oh no you don’t,” John said as he grabbed the clerk’s hand to prevent her from scanning the first item. “I want the store manager over here PD fucking Q. Let’s see what he has to say about this?” John was getting louder by the second.

The clerk glared at John and then spoke into the intercom, “Will the manager come to the Express Lane please.” She said.

Almost instantly a man was standing there. A badge that said: Bob Jones, Manager was on his shirt.

Bob Jones said, “I’m the manager. What is the problem here?”

“This man won’t let me check the customer’s groceries.”the clerk said.

“Hold on one fucking minute. The sign says fifteen items or less. How many items do you think are in this lady’s basket. I’m getting tired of coming into a store that has an express lane and then have to wait for a long time because some ass hole customer can’t read the sign and the fucking ass hole clerk is afraid to tell the customer that this lane is reserved for fifteen items or less.” John said.

The store manager, Bob Jones looked at the belt that was already piled high with groceries. There was about eight people in line behind the lady and nobody had over two or three items in their hands. The manager said, “In the future I’ll inform the clerks to tell customers who have more than fifteen items to go to another check out lane, but since this lady already has her cart almost completely unloaded, I’m going to let the clerk check her out because that will be faster.”

“I’ll be a son of a bitch. You mother humper. I demand that this lady check out somewhere else.
John said.

“Listen, I’m the store manager and it is my decision, not yours. If you don’t leave I’ll have to call the police.”

“Okay, call the fucking Police.” John said.

There was a lady behind the big woman and she said. “Why don’t you read the fucking sign lady. You have more than fifteen items.”

“Yeah” someone else shouted from the back of the line. “This is an express lane, can’t you read?”

The manager reached for the telephone and dialed 911 and someone on the other end answered right away. “911, How may I help you?”

“Do you have this address. I need the police here right away. There is a man standing here that will not let the checker do her job.” Bob Jones said.

Several people that were in line behind the fat lady moved to another check out lane.

“Is the man armed? “ the 911 operator asked the manager.

“No, he is not armed.” the manager replied.

“The Police are on the way. Try to stay calm.” the 911 operator said.

Just about that time a police car pulled up to the front doors of the store and two police officers walked into the store and up to where the manager was standing. One officer spoke, “What seems to be the problem here, Bob? “

“This man, “ and the manager pointed at John and then continued, “Will not let the clerk check this lady out.”

The two police focused their attention on John and before they could speak John blurted out, “This lane is an express lane for fifteen items or less. The clerk refused to ask this lady to go to another lane. Case closed. I interviened.”

The police officers looked at one another and then they turned to Bob Jones and the one that had spoken earlier said, “He has a point, Bob.”

Bob Jones turned to the big, fat lady and said, “I’m sorry. You’ll have to reload your basket and go to another lane. This is the express lane.”

The lady huffed up and said, “I’ll just go somewhere else.” and she waddled by John and walked out of the store.

The clerk started putting her stuff back into the basket. John turned around and helped.

The police officer said, “Is everything okay here?”

Bob Jones said, “Yes, thanks for coming out so quickly.”

The officer said, “I guess you better enforce your own rules or take the express lane sign down.”

Once they had the basket full, John said, “Thank You for doing your job.” and he left the store.

The End
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