Dearest Robby

Dearest Robby,

          You’re haunting my thoughts day and night. I even dream about you when I sleep. When my days are long and hard, I calmly wait for the night to arrive, just so I can sleep and go to far away places where you and I can be together. Your smile brightens my heart, making it beat to a faster tune. I could lose myself in your eyes and gladly give my soul to you. Your voice echoes in my mind as I hear you saying my name. My knees weaken, the core of my being crying out to you. I try to imagine what it would be like to feel your lips on mine. Would it be as blissful as I think? Would the kiss lift me from reality and take me to a higher place? A place that makes all of this seem right?

         In my dreams, we are together and I can admit to you how much I love you and want you. There’s no shame, no guilt, just ecstasy as we hold one another, touching, kissing, loving each other’s bodies.

          Your name is like liquid honey on my tongue and I have to be careful so as not to say it aloud. Even when I am alone, I dare not speak your name, for fear of the shame that might overcome me.

          I think of the last time we saw one another. It’s been just over a year now, but the night plays over and over in my heart as clear as though it were last week. That night was the best time of my life. If we never meet again, I will cherish what I have and be grateful of the moments we shared.

         Though I know I will never know what it’s like to love you physically, I will forever love you in my heart, secretly. I will spend my days next to my husband as we raise our son, dreaming of you. Despite how happy I may be with my husband, for he loves me dearly, I will always yearn for you. A desire will forever burn deep inside of me, waiting for you. As long as I breathe, I will carry you with me, imagining you near me.

         You are such a wonderful person. You are so loving and caring. No one can make me laugh like you do.

         I relive that last night over and over again in my heart, wishing I could go back and never let the day light break across the darkness.

          Do you know who I am? Have you figured out who’s writing this letter? Did you feel the same about me? Will I ever know…

         I know what a risk I am taking by even writing my feelings down on paper, but I had to allow myself just once to be honest with myself. Just once, I wanted to be able to let my secrets out. Even if you figure this out and realize who is writing this, my life belongs to my husband. He is a good man. Just know I will forever love you and carry you in a special place deep inside of my soul and never be forgotten.


                                                                      Always,
                                                            Your Secret Admirer