Play By Heart (Chapter 4)

         Felecia’s fingers were so sore. After practicing for two hours, she was both fatigued and irritated. The music that had sounded so good to her the first week of practice, was suddenly sounding off-tempo and off-key. She wasn’t sure if her ears were deceiving her, or whether she was really off. Whatever the reason was, Felecia had just a day left to make a good impression on Joel, because if it didn’t sound good to her, it definitely wouldn’t sound good to him.
         Felecia looked at the sheet music in front of her, and the notes suddenly became foreign. She was on the brink of tears when her mother arrived.
“Oh,” She could hear her say. “You’re practicing.”
She looked down at her hands and avoided her mothers face. “I’m practicing.” She said, wiping the tear from her eye.
          “Is this… Mozart?” She asked, hovering over Felecia’s shoulder.
         “They’re all classical, mom.”
         Her mother reached out and flipped through the music. “That’s great, sweetie.” Her eyes returned to Felecia “You’re Uncle Drew would be so proud.”
         Felecia was shocked just to hear that name from her mother’s lips. Her mother had really been changing lately, and Felecia was suspicious of what had brought on this turn of events. Lately, not only did they talk more, but her mother wasn’t as fickle as she ordinarily was.
         “Thanks mom.”
She saw the smile across her mothers face, accentuated by her dimpled cheeks and light brown eyes. Somehow she was unexpectedly warmed by her presence. “Look,” She showed her the duet she was working on. “Bet, you didn’t know I could play this.”
         Her mother sat beside Felecia at the bench and urged her to play it. “Okay, it’s not perfect." Felecia wasn’t really worried whether she would mess up or not. She was just excited her mother was paying attention.
         Felecia played right through the first half of the song, hoping that she was counting right and that she was still on tempo. The song was very quick and upbeat, most of all it took a lot of counting. When Felecia couldn’t understand the rest, she stopped.
         “That sounds good, Felecia. I’m glad you’re making progress in this class.”
She reached over and gave her mother a hug. It was the most affection they had shown one another in a long time. Felecia solemnly wondered why they had become so distant, and why just a simple hug felt so surreal.
         “Hey,” her mother whispered concluding the awkwardness between them. “Is there a recital or anything coming up?”
         “I don’t know I’ll ask my teacher.”
Her mother got up from the bench. “Oh, yeah, I’d like to meet her.”
         “Meet him.” She corrected. “Remember I told you his name was Joel.”
         "Mr. Joel?”
Felecia nearly fell over with laughter. “No, it’s just Joel.”
         Her mother made her way into the kitchen. “Is he old?”
“Umm,” Felecia pretended not to hear. “He’s a nice guy, mom.”
         “A nice guy, huh?”

Felecia smiled to herself as her eyes refocused on the piano keys. She had played her mother’s upright piano for so long, that other pianos seemed close to unfamiliar. The petals were dirty and dusty, and the wood was chipped, but it was still Felecia’s favorite piano to play. She had fond memories of this piano.
It was the same one that she and her Uncle Drew had practiced on when she was little. She would never forget her first piano lesson that featured a terrible rendition of ‘Hot Crossed Buns’. She’d come up to her uncle, convinced that she knew how to play ‘Hot Crossed Buns’ without ever practicing.
         Felecia had even practiced the lyrics. Needless to say, at the age of five they were the wrong lyrics. “…One Hay penny... Two Hay pennies… Hot cross buns…” } He’d cheered her on like she was a maestro. It was this supportiveness she missed more than anything. He told her she was good even when she wasn’t. After a while, it was her Uncle’s backing that helped her thrive.
         Felecia held back tears as she thought of how much she missed him. If he were there, he would certainly be pushing her toward a scholarship. He would make sure she got where she needed to be.
         Felecia began to play one of the songs she used to hear her Uncle play. She had always assumed it was his, although she’d never known why he played it so often, or what it meant. It was funny how, that particular song was just as mysterious as the one in her dreams.
         Her mother walked back into the living room, and stood beside her.
“How do you remember that song?” She asked.
         “I memorized it.”
Her mother listened and stared off into the distance, before returning back to the kitchen. “I want to hear more classical music.” She yelled.
         Felecia was at least glad to oblige her mother and began practicing, the duet again. She realized that she couldn’t torture herself over the way it sounded, it was only two weeks after her first lesson. No one said she had to have it perfect, and she was doing pretty well for her third week. All she simply needed to do was be patient.

         Felecia continued practicing late into the night on and off. When she went upstairs she spent the rest of her night washing and then re-dyeing her hair. Her normally kinky auburn-colored hair was basically a few shades lighter than her friend Shay’s. She’d experimented a lot less when it came to hair styles and dyes than Shay. One day Felecia look up, and Shay would be a blonde sporting braids. It was all about spontaneity for her friend.
Felecia wasn’t quite sure why she was putting so much preparation into her piano lesson, but she was excited about it.
         She’d even found herself choosing what to wear the next day for school. Her options were seriously thought-out. She chose exactly what looked nice on her, and whether it went well with her shoes. When Felecia realized what she was doing she threw the clothes off her bed. Why was she worried about what she was going to wear to a piano lesson? It wasn’t that big of a deal.
         It wasn’t like Joel was going to notice what color her hair was, or even what length her skirt was, for that matter. He was her instructor; after all, and anything besides a platonic relationship would really be awkward. And then there was the whole ‘interracial thing’, which definitely played into the situation. Felecia couldn’t believe she had even considered it. It was completely unrealistic.
         “Not gonna happen.” She spoke aloud.
         One the bright side; she finally did manage to find a V-neck shirt that suited her really well. It also, went well with the black pants she had just recently bought. Despite the fact that she hadn’t worked in close to two weeks she still had saved enough money to buy the things she wanted.
         All week, she had frequented the music store. In just a few day she had purchased more music books, particularly the one’s that were too advanced for her, and after browsing through the jazz section decided to buy another CD.
          Since she had been listening to jazz mostly every night, she knew a lot of the songs by heart. Thelonious Monk’s ‘52nd Street Theme’ was one of her favorites. She had been practicing at it for a while by then. Although, it didn’t sound perfect, it sounded similar. She hoped, a little, that it would be good enough for her school’s talent show.

         Well, it finally came. The day she’d been waiting on: "The Day of Lesson 3". To say that this was the highlight of her week was a major understatement. Second to Kevin not returning to school that week, it had topped her list. And it showed. Everyone in school that day had asked her just why she was so radiant.
         “You’re glowing.” Shay told her, as they made their way to Settlement.
Felecia pressed her hands to her cheeks. “Glowing?”
         “And that is a stunning ensemble you have on.”
         “What about my hair?” Felecia asked with a smile.
         “You’ve got Ringlets.” Shay giggled, “When did you decide to make yourself over?”
         “What are you talking about?” Felecia asked, pretending to be oblivious. She had actually planned on doing her hair ahead of time, the outfit was another story.
         “I’m going to keep my mouth shut.”
You’d better. Felecia thought. Shay had been urging her to ask Joel out all week, and it was really becoming annoying. For one thing, Felecia was tired of repeating herself, and she was tired of defending herself every time Shay told her she was in denial. She had only known him for a day. It wasn't enough time to feel him out, so to speak.

         Finally the two pulled into the parking lot of the school. They had gotten there a lot sooner than the first time.
         “Well, we’re here.” Shay smiled over at Felecia. “Is there anything you need to prepare? Do you have any pre-lesson rituals?”
         “Stop teasing me.”
She pulled her jacket around her and grabbed up her purse that also served as a carrying bag for her music.
         Felecia took a few steps out in front of her, and suddenly began to feel nervous again. She hated nervous feelings. They made her feel too weird. “Bye, Felecia.”
         When Felecia turned back around, Shay was gone. And with that, so were her hopes of changing her mind. Well, her mother probably wouldn’t give her that option anyway.
         She walked through the swinging doors, and into the waiting area. Her hands were somewhat shaking when she handed the clerk the check her mother had given him. “Have a seat,” The clerk told her, handing her a written receipt. “I don’t believe Mr. Roberts has made it here yet.”
         Felecia felt her stomach tighten. She didn’t want to hear those words. She sat down in the waiting area, wondering if he would show up or if he was still sick. Her shoes clicked on the linoleum floor as she bounced her legs nervously. Actually she may have been on the brink of an anxiety attack.
         Felecia jumped when she heard the door open, but wasn’t expecting to see Joel. When she caught sight of him out of the corner of her eye, her heart skipped a beat.
         Joel glanced at her a second, and then made his way over to the desk clerk. He started talking to her, and they talked for approximately two minutes. Felecia knew this for sure. She’d checked her watch twice in the process.
         When he was through, He turned around and focused his attention on Felecia. I wonder why you’re late, she thought looking him up and down.
         “Two words--- Public Transportation.” Joel told her, just when she’d doubted his mind-reading skills. He flashed a grin, and began walking down the hall.
         Felecia followed close behind, and waited for him to turn his back just to admire him from afar. Joel’s hair wasn’t up that day. He was wearing an Adidas track jacket, a loose pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. Felecia took notice of his paint-speckled sneakers, as well.
         She had a funny feeling that he knew she was watching him, although it took all her strength to pull her eyes away.
         Joel turned on the lights in the room, and dropped his backpack on the floor. “So what were we working on?” He turned to face her with his hands in his pockets.
         “These,” She rummaged through her bag, found her folder and showed Joel the exercises. He acknowledged her with a nod, but she could see that he was preoccupied. He’d stared at her out of the corner of his eye. “There’s… something different about you.”
         Joel rubbed his jaw perplexed. Felecia could feel herself blushing. She was afraid he might say something she definitely didn’t want to hear. “Oh.” He laughed. “Your hair is red.”
         Felecia felt her hair; she glanced at her reflection by the window. “It is.”
How could she forget? She’d only spent two hours washing and dyeing it. The fact that he’d even realized astonished her.

         He turned and walked over to the piano, removing his jacket before sitting down at the bench. His eyes welcomed her to sit beside him, and she did; but as far as she possibly could. A few more inches, and she would’ve been on the floor.
         “Are you still sick?” Felecia asked, hoping to spark conversation before their lesson.
         “Sick?” he questioned. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, afraid that she might’ve said the wrong thing. “That’s why you weren’t here last week, right?”
         “Uh, no,” He mumbled. “My father was rushed to the hospital on Friday morning. So I drove up to New York to see him.”
         Felecia winced as his words. The thought of a hospital was painful to her. She hated them, they reminded her too much of the past. Visiting her uncle everyday at the hospital, she watched him deteriorate slowly of prostate cancer. She hoped his father was okay, and that he would be spared from the same torment she went through.
         Felecia had the sudden urge to console him, but chose to ignore it. It would just be too awkward.
         “Is he alright?” Felecia made eye-contact with Joel as she spoke, and could feel her heart pounding in her chest.
         Joel let out a deep sigh. “He’s fine now, but it was definitely a scare.”
         “I’m glad he’s alright.”
Joel smiled, “I’m glad too. You don’t how know how fast I was driving that morning.”
         “Isn’t New York only an hour from Philly?”
         “Yeah, it is.” He answered. “It’s weird how I’m only an hour away, but I feel so far from home.”
         Felecia laughed quietly. No, it didn’t sound like a laugh, in fact; it wasn’t a laugh at all. She was too nervous to really laugh. She was simply glad they were conversing. In just a few short minutes, she’d gathered that either he was a native New Yorker or had lived there a while, and that his father was somehow sick. She could definitely sympathize with him there.
         “Well let’s get started.”
Joel grabbed up Felecia’s folder and perused the sheets inside. Felecia watched him as he did, and noticed something she didn’t notice the first time, that was; Joel had really nice arms. Overall he had a very nice frame. He wasn’t lanky at all, just well-proportioned.

         Felecia’s eyes focused on the folder in his hands. She saw him pick Minuet and Trio, which had become a favorite of hers. “We’ll practice the first part, and work on this next one.”
         She stretched her fingers out in front of her and quickly found the first note. “It’s in G major” She heard him whisper. Although she had not the faintest idea what he was talking about; she began to play anyway. It sounded pretty clear, except for a few minor mistakes, and Joel seemed not to be too overcritical. He’d told her she was a little off-tempo once or twice, which could’ve been a lot worse.
         “You were really practicing, huh?”
         “A little,” Felecia lied. If he even knew the extreme amounts of practicing she had done, he would be scared.
         “Okay, let’s try it together and see how it sounds.”
Felecia excitedly played the first few notes. “G major,” Joel told her, picking up her fingers and placing them on the right keys. She was so preoccupied with the fact that she was touching him that she didn’t even comprehend what he was telling her.
         So, they began to play and of course Joel’s playing sounded better than hers.
“It needs work.” He said with a laugh. It was a laugh that sounded like it was concealing what he really meant. Suddenly she wished she owned his mind-reading skills.

         Felecia found herself struggling somewhat through most of the lesson. Because of this, she found Joel’s criticism to be very helpful, especially when she thought she was playing the right way from the start.
On the downside, he really proved to be distracting, and Felecia was hoping this wouldn’t happen. She honestly watched him far more than she’d played that day. Even so, she’d gathered what she could from the lesson.
         “You’re doing really well for this to be your second week of lessons.”
Felecia thanked Joel as he put, what he told her, would be their last exercise in front of her. It looked so easy. With both arms she reached across Joel to find the beginning chords.
         “Wait,” He laughed. “You’re going to fall off this bench if you don’t move in some.”
So, she moved in closer, despite the fact that it meant being closer to Joel. That was too much for her. Anyway she did manage to play the song. Its simplicity made it the easiest sheet of music she’d done so far.
         “This was just for good measure.” He told her. “It’s a piece of cake.” Yeah, she figured that out on her own.
          “Ready to wrap it up,” He asked.
         Wrap it up? Felecia thought glumly. Why, oh why did it have to be five-thirty? Somberly, she gathered up her things, and stood hovering over Joel a while longer. She gazed at him, thinking about how much of a nice guy he was. He was really sweet. It was too bad there weren’t more of him in the world. It was also too bad Kevin wasn’t more like him.
         Joel must’ve felt her watching him, because he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She wondered what he was thinking. Only because he held her gaze for close to ten seconds, she had been counting.
         “Play something.”
She wasn’t sure what had made her say this or even why. Maybe it was just so she could linger a few minutes longer. Of course, she was also really interested in hearing him play.
         “Okay.” Joel responded biting his lip. He looked like he was eager to oblige her. The song that he began to play sounded very familiar. No, it wasn’t classical, it was jazz. She had heard this song on one of the compilations she’d bought.
         “Is that… Oscar Peterson?”
A huge smile came across Joel’s face; he looked at her almost as if she’d just hung the moon. “Yeah, it’s…”
         “That’s Tenderly.” She said, finishing his sentence.
         “Impressive.”
         “Wait,” She rushed over to the piano bench, and sat next to him, apparently not worried about the space between them now, and began to play 52nd Street Theme.          “Thelonious Monk.” He murmured with his head cocked to the side, and the widest smile she had seen on him yet. She must’ve really done something right.
         “When did you learn this?”
Felecia’s eyes nervously shot back down to the piano keys. “This week,” She told him. “I taught myself.”
         “That’s so… cool.” Joel whispered. She could feel his eyes on her as she said this. “Keep playing.”
         Felecia hadn’t even realized she’d stopped. By then her fingers were tense and shaking, so playing anything was out of the question at that point.
         Joel took it upon himself to start playing again. It was another familiar tune. “Do you know this one?”
         “That’s Canadian Suite.” She replied. Her voice was once again shaking. “It’s another Oscar Peterson.”
         Joel raised his eyebrows. “You’re amazing.” She heard him moan, or at least it sounded like a moan. It made Felecia want to laugh out loud.
         She then decided it probably wasn’t good for her to hang around any longer. Finally she spoke up. “I better leave.”
         “Why?” Joel quickly asked.
         “Well, because the class is over.”
         “And…” He remarked with laughter in his voice.
         Felecia got up from the bench and swung her bag over her shoulder. She couldn’t answer him, if she told him the truth; that his closeness was making her uneasy, it would just be awkward. Of course, if he was reading her mind he already knew that.
         “Goodbye.”
Felecia realized that they hadn’t even officially ended their conversation, but decided she’d simply walk away. If she could’ve run down the hallway she would have. Instead, she nonchalantly chose to stroll, as if he wasn’t affecting her at all. She could see him leaned against the doorway out of the corner of her eye, and was glad when he was out of sight.
         “Shay greeted her as she reached the waiting room. “Here you finally are!” She exclaimed. “I’ve only been waiting for the last half an hour.”
Felecia checked her watch. It was closer to six than she’d obviously thought.
         “I’m sorry.”
         “Yeah… right.” Shay mumbled. “So how was today’s flirt match?”
Felecia laughed, despite her friend’s obvious pun. “If you’re asking how my lesson went; I’d say it went pretty well.”
         “No, it didn’t go well unless it ended with a tongue kiss.”
“You’re not funny.”
Shay linked arms with Felecia. “No, you’re not funny.”
         “The desk clerk glanced at her and Shay, and had a stern expression on her face. Just to play it up, Shay kissed Felecia on the cheek.
         “What’s up with that lady?” She asked sarcastically. They were no longer an earshot within the waiting room, and couldn’t help but burst with laughter. “I don’t know.”

         Felecia skipped, yes skipped, to Shay’s car, and opened up her door. “It’s a beautiful evening isn’t it?”
         “No it’s not. It looks like it’s going to rain in two seconds.”
Felecia didn’t notice. No one could tell her the sun wasn’t shining on that day. Not when she was feeling as good as she did then. It was amazing how she went from extremely nervous to extremely cheerful in just seconds.
         “How is your sight-reading coming along?”
Felecia was so surprised that Shay was asking her a normal question that she almost didn’t know how to respond. She was so use to quipping back in response.
         “Well, it’s as difficult as I thought it would be, but I think I’m doing well.”
Shay nodded her head, as she turned on the ignition.
         “The closer it gets to Homecoming the more excited I am.”
         “Well, I…”
Shay pressed her foot against the breaks hard, and Felecia went flying forward. “Whoa.”
         “She glanced in her rear view mirror. “I almost hit him.” Felecia was wondering why she was smiling as she said this, and when she turned around to see Joel she realized.
         “He had walked behind the car right as they were moving. Thankfully, he’d thought to move.
         “Shay was more concerned at getting a good look at him, than the fact that she’d nearly ran him down. “Ooh, he is good-looking.” She glanced in her rear view mirror again. “Should I honk the horn?”
         Felecia immediately reached over and stopped her. “Don’t even think about it.”
Shay laughed loudly. “I think we should offer him a ride. It’s going to pour down raining.”
         When Felecia looked back at Joel walking she felt a bit guilty. On the other hand, she knew that Shay and he being in the same radius would result in chaos. When Felecia didn’t answer, Shay shrugged her shoulders and pulled out of the parking space. A second later the rain started pouring down.
         “As she looked back at Joel, she saw him walking with his hands in his pockets. His hair was matted against his face, and his clothes were soaked. She thought about asking Shay to turn the car around but dashed away that thought. It would probably be just too awkward.
         “You’re such a wimp.”
Felecia chose to ignore Shay, simply to cut down on the annoyance factor. If she we’re in denial, she certainly didn’t want to be reminded again.