the benny grayson story (humorous)

*** 'a friendly performance' by benny grayson ***

(benny enters with a bag over shoulder, folding directors chair, and a small folding table. he sets up table and chair quickly and turns to audience.)
hello everyone!
i'm benny grayson.
writer of productions such as
'whistling dixie', 'a seventh rate fiend',
and my first, today's focus, 'a friendly performance'.
now, i personally feel you can't get much out of a workshop speaker,
unless you know where they came from.
so let's light things off so we can get to work.

(he chuckles and sits down. his tone changes from a formal introduction to that of a story teller. he remains active and reminiscent throughout. though he may become eccentric at times, he remains simply pleased to have the opportunity to recount the events he's so fond of.)

i grew up in a small new jersey home.
i was involved in drama my whole life.
i was even a gurber baby understudy,

(makes a bunched up baby face)

but i never got a chance to fill the spot.
anyway, when i hit elementary school
i was still entranced by the theatre.
i even played joseph in
the local christmas pageant.

(a beat of an air of self-achievement)

then it happened.
for my tenth birthday,
my mom bought me tickets
to the best show in recorded history
and i bet in mankind's unrecorded history, even.
and if somehow the dinosaurs
figured out the theatre,
i still don't think
they could have topped this show.
i saw 'phantom of the opera'.

(beat)

i was mind blown.
after that, i saw all of the andrew lloyd webber's works.
i bought the cd's, the tapes, the buttons, the t-shirts.
i'd seen them all, and i had it all!
i decided i would be just like my hero.
when i graduated i moved
to new york into an apartment with two other guys.
they wanted to be actors...
like that would ever happen.
either way, we were soon evicted.
i moved back in with my parents and soon,
i began my first musical.
i was bound and determined to
have it as good as the andrew's.
i looked for inspiration,

(takes a wide look around.)

and found it everywhere i looked.
my true adventure began.

so i wrote the musical score. and boy was it a doozy.
it was an epic concoction of numbers, very 'phantom of the opera'
with a splash of 'singing in the rain' tap dance numbers
with an 'annie' esque optimism.
now, all i had to do was learn how to play it.

(spins around to keyboard sitting on the table and starts hitting notes. dissonance ensues. continues to play while speaking.)

it was sensational. i couldn't get enough of it.

(a particularly harsh chord is hit. he stops playing.)

so the music was done. now, it needed words. so i got to work.

(sits down facing opposite of keyboard. begins typing.)

and so i began to type the script for my masterpiece. and i continued to work as the sun came up and as the sun went down and as the sun came up again and as the sun...

(after obvious fatigue he falls asleep for 2 beats. suddenly wakes, look around, wipes mouth. quickly returns to upbeat self.)

and so i did so for 23 days and 23 nights, when on the 24 day, i finished writing the work!
i was so proud... and then i began editing.

(begins scribbling on a piece of paper.)

i edited for 23 days and 23 nights.
and the editing began and continued as the sun came up and as the sun went down
and as the sun came up again and as the sun...

(just as they're about to drift off they catch themselves. awkwardly smile, continued by a sigh.)

and on the 24 day
i was ready to present to 'a friendly performance' to the andrew.

(begins dialing a phone number while he continues.)

i called him up, and began to pitch my script.

(begins switching roles between jack and himself.)

(as himself)
hey! andy, this is benjamin grayson.
um... first, let me just say
i am a huge fan.

(as andrew)
oh... why, uh, thank you.
may i ask what the call is concerning?

(as himself)
actually, i have something
i think you might be interested in.

(as andrew)
oh no... are you calling about
a first script?

(as himself)
well, my first musical script.

(as andy, talking to himself)
oh boy, not another one...

(as himself)
uh huh... a big fan sir, a big fan...
anyway,
so i've got a script i'd like you look at.

(as andrew)
oh really?

(as himself)
yeah! so get this-
it's about three guys.
and they live in an apartment together.
and they just love to party.
well, one day their landlord says they've had too many complaints-
and if they don't pay off the $30,000 damages tab within a month,
they get evicted.
do you follow me?

(as andrew)
all too well.

(as himself)
great. so anyway,
the only way they can raise the money
is if they start putting on performances
on their balcony for the city.
2 dollars a ticket!
and so you think with generic hollywood,
they would pay the bill, right? right?

(as andrew)
right...

(as himself)
but they don't!
the first act ends with them getting kicked out of their apartment,
and going their separate ways.
then, in act two, you find out they all went on-
to be on broadway! huh? huh?!

(as andrew, gives a disgusted look to the phone, and hangs up. he continues as himself, unaware.)

and it turns out, they're all trying to out
for the same role
in the same musical!
believe me, hilarity ensues as they try to balance
old friendships and a competition for work.
so what do you think? great huh? huh?
hello? oh great...

(the conversation is over. he returns to telling the story.)

and my phone service cut out.
it couldn't have happened at a more inopportune moment.
but i knew he wanted my script.

(gets a paper cup and begins drinking intently. continues to do so throughout his travel. sits down facing audience and begins driving.)

so i decided i need to deliver it in person!
so i hopped in my car

(gets out of 'car'. walks through a door to a counter.)

and i drove to new york
and bought

(addressing 'cashier' behind the 'counter')

one ticket to london, please

(makes a quick exchange. walks and puts bag through the metal detector, empties pockets, and walks through. then pauses with legs spread and arms raised.)

i continued on and had a relatively small amount of hassle.

(looks as if the 'security guard' is holding something)

so i like to sew. what's it to you?

(grabs the 'sewing kit'. walks onto plane and continues to sit down. buckles seat belt and puts down tray. sets script on it.)

i couldn't wait to get my script to the andrew lloyd webber.

(begins flipping through script and calling for his cup to be filled.)

i spent most of my flight just thumbing through my script
and drinking lots of sprite.

('empties' cup. calls for more. 'puts table in upright position'. feels the plane land. unbuckles and exits the plane.)

after we landed i rented a

(talking once again to a cashier)

1997 red neon.

(pause)

no i can't drive a stick.

(accepts keys.)

thanks.

(back to story)

so i hopped in my car-

(about to hop in left side, looks inside 'car', closes door and enters on the right.)

so i hopped in my british car and went to his house.
i knew i should get some rest,

(he exits the car and walks to a 'door')

but i was so eager i went straight to his house.

(about to 'knock', realizes the cup remains in his hand. takes a final drink and tosses it back and 'knocks'.)

and no one answered.
but then i tried again, and his wife led me in!

(has a seat. grabs various 'phantom of the opera' merchandise among other andrew lloyd webber musicals and puts them on as he continues to talk.)

now i don't want to sound like
some lame fanboy or something,
but i am a pretty big fan of his.

(a beat of nervous anticipation. then looks up and 'sees' him. walks over and sets down script on table.)

he said it would take a bit before he could read it
and he closed the door.
so i sat there for a couple of days
while he read my script.

(pulls out a package of crackers, 'eats' them, and starts 'reading')

but i didn't mind the time.
i had planned ahead for this sort of thing.

(looks up and 'sees' andrew again)

and finally he came out and said

(becomes andrew once again)

i like your style.
the music is strong,
the words are forceful,
and the story, although harshly unoriginal,
fits well.

(as himself)
the suspense was great.

(as andrew)
and there are a few points i was unsure of...
but i'll get this thing on the stage!
we can work the little faults out.
you should have heard some of
raul's parts in 'phantom''s early stages.
(a reminiscent chuckle)
now let's get started!

(a himself he utters a 'thanks' and excitedly shakes hands. conversation ends. he returns to the story and removes a.l.w. merch. puts on a beret`.)


so we put out a cast call.
we found a strong chorus,
a good 'producer' and a few supporting actors.
all that was left was the three main characters.
we found two of the leading men in no time.
they seemed to recognize me,
and i remembered them from somewhere...
but anyway, we looked for quite a while
until the andy had an idea.

(as andrew)
you know, i think my contract with a theatre
just a bit south of here is about over.
let's see if we can get one of them!

(returns to story)

so within a week we had 20 more people on board.
the question was, who was the third star in our show's galaxy?
the andrew and i differed here.
he really wanted to see jacob brent in the spot.
i loved him as mr. mistoffiles,
but i wanted a different energy for this.
michael gruber had my vote.
his rendition of 'rumpus cat' never ceased to wow me.
we decided that we would put them through a few line throughs

(a moment of gloating.)

my guy so should have won.
but then big bad michael ball decided to try out
and we all had to pay homage or whatever.
he wound up getting the part.

(sighs and rolls eyes.)

alright. so practices began,
then dress rehearsals began,
and opening night came.
sure enough, it was a smash!
and every night we'd have
a standing ovation

(jumps with excitement and begins clapping.)

and every night our cast

(takes a huge bow)

would take the biggest bows
because they knew that they had

(throws up hands with excitement)

the biggest show on broadway!

(he sits down and seems to fall, ever so gradually, out of his story. he laughs out loud. addressing the audience once again as a speaker.)

and that's how my career as a successful playwright began.

(puts hands on knees and leans forward.)

now, i'm more interested in what you have to tell me.


thanks for reading. if you have monologues of your own, please write me. i quite enjoy reading them. thanks again for reading!