Karen's Decision

Karen’s Decision

Yesterday Karen made a decision,
Changing both her and my life forever.
Listen to me carefully please,
As I piece mine back together.

Karen was a girl I met at a wine tasting,
Through an acquaintance of mine.
She seemed so unlike other women I knew,
Staring quietly in her glass of wine.

I sat down beside her to talk,
But she put up her defenses quick.
Conversation was laborious work.
The air was getting thick.

I could tell she was holding something back,
That she had a little secret.
Still, I wanted to open her heart’s vault
To see how far that we’d get.

I tried to discern her circumstances.
But all I got were the usual replies.
I thought I’d try a different approach,
So I comment on her lovely eyes.

She takes my comment, laughs a little,
Then deftly tosses it aside.
It’s like she’d known just what I’d say,
But still took it all in stride.

Finally my perseverance pays off,
She agrees we can see each other again.
But she leaves before I can get her number.
My newfound love seems at an end.

I go home to ponder our dialogue.
The clues are there, plain for me to see.
I decide to make a go of it,
She hadn’t seen the last of me.

I remember she told me her schedule,
Work on these days, others chores at home.
What was it she could see out her window?
Was it something about a dome?

What kind of work does she do?
Receptionist in a doctor’s office?
“She said we could meet, so it’s fine,” I say.
Although I’m not sure what the law is.

Will she be happy to see me?
Or will she pull a gun?
What if she doesn’t remember me?
I hope she doesn’t turn and run.

I drive across town, though bad traffic.
The hospital comes into view.
As I enter the lobby, I think to myself,
“I have no excuse! Now what am I to do?”

There she is behind the desk!
I’ll pretend I have an appointment.
“I need to get the doctor’s opinion,” I state.
“I want to try this new skin ointment.”

I say her name badge sounds familiar,
Then her memory clicks into place.
Now she remembers me from before.
She thought I had a familiar face.

While she looks up my name,
I say the words I have rehearsed.
To my delight, I spy her ID tag,
Lying on top of her purse!

I quiet down, as she continues to check,
The ID tag I put into memorization.
237 West Flatbush Pond
My mind takes in the information.

I ask her about the area where she lives,
I tell her I used to live nearby.
“Now all I need is a phone number,”
so I give the numbers another try.

I ask for & get her number this time.
She feels bad she can’t find my name.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say as I leave,
It was all just part of the game.

An ‘accidental’ hello here, ‘I keep running
Into you by chance’ encounters on the street.
Is all I need to get this started,
I want this romance up and on its feet.

Despite everything I say and do,
She still keeps something bottled up inside.
Trust is a two-way street,
So in her I decide to confide.

I tell her my feelings for her are growing.
She looks amiss & stands on her feet.
“Before you go any further,” she interrupts,
“There is someone I’d like you to meet.”

Someone she would like me to meet?!
Her parents? A boyfriend she didn’t mention?
As we silently walk the four blocks to her home,
I prepare to face another rejection.

She opens the door, and calls a woman’s name.
Two people answer from the back.
The other woman’s voice makes me wonder,
“She’s gay? That’s the last thing I’d think to check.”

Then a little girl, 3 or 4 years old,
Comes around for me to see.
She runs and jumps into Karen’s arms,
Screaming that she had missed her mommy.

Karen hugs her tight, then she replies,
“I want you to meet mommy’s new friend.”
As I kneel down to say hi to the girl,
My thoughts begin to spin.

By trying so hard, had I obligated myself?
To this woman, perhaps my wife-to-be?
Now big things loom in my head.
Am I ready to join this family?

She sees the confusion in my face,
So her logic she puts into application.
She tactfully lets me decide by saying,
“As you see, I live in a unique situation.”

I don’t know what to say, I’m confounded.
I wasn’t prepared for this.
She smiles at her daughter, then replies.
“I guess this is one point I always miss.”

I need time to meditate, time to think,
Time to find out where I stand.
She tries to calm me down
By taking hold of my unsteady hand,

But her hand feels so small and soft,
I have to glance down and see.
To my surprise, I see cute eyes
On dimpled cheeks looking back at me.

It’s her daughter and she’s laughing,
Because she sees that I’m surprised.
But at the same time she looks serious,
I can see the ‘I hope’ in her eyes.

Her mother tells her to go and play,
Then pays the babysitter.
Closes the door behind her, and asks,
“How do you like my little critter?”

I say she is cute, so pretty,
So active and so small.
But those words don’t come close,
To what she wants to hear most of all.

She turns her head and says it’s late,
I say, “I guess I’ll leave.”
I reach out to shake her hand,
A tear falls on my sleeve.

I leave her to her thoughts,
Walk out and close the door.
I could’ve sworn I heard her crying,
Before I left her floor.

I drive back to my apartment,
Turn on my TV, sit in my loveseat.
Did I make the right choice?
I decide to make something to eat.

I sit and stare at my chicken,
Deep inside the guilt wells up.
Should they be my responsibility?
My wine glares like blood in my cup.

One o’clock in the morning,
I should be going to bed.
But I’m still afraid to confront
The guilt that lurks within my head.

A sleepless night, fervent prayer to God,
Dawn breaks and I make my decision.
The means to end both our pains,
Clear within my vision.

I drive back to her apartment,
Serenely content, grinning from ear to ear.
I finally found within myself,
The good news she wanted to hear.

I run from the parking lot to her building,
Catch the door as someone comes out.
I have no second thoughts about my feelings.
With true love there is no doubt.

I knock, quite hard, on the door.
She’s amazed to see me standing there.
I move in close & take her hand.
I want to show that I still care.

I tell her that I love her,
That I want to keep on dating.
Now she has a perplexed look on her face,
Like she has been contemplating.

“I don’t understand,” I think to myself.
“Why won’t she just say yes?”
Has she been hiding something else,
A secret she couldn’t confess?

After a pause, she takes a deep breath.
I quickly say, “I don’t want this love to end.”
She replies, “Despite how we both feel,
I think we should just stay friends.”

“Just stay friends,” I angrily scream.
The air is hot with my emotion.
Her daughter peeks around the corner,
To see what’s all the commotion.

“I know it was wrong,” she interjects,
“I gave you the wrong impression.”
I can tell she is lying though,
From the hurt in her facial expression.

“If you feel the same, we can make it work,”
I plead with all my heart.
She knew from the beginning it would end like this.
She should have stopped it from the start.

I couldn’t believe it! I felt like crying.
I felt I was losing my family just as I had it.
She put her arm around to hold me softly,
Hoping my estrangement could be padded.

She told me that I went to fast,
That her family needed a man of stability.
She told me more is essential,
To have home integrity.

I didn’t know what to say or how to react
I couldn’t gain her trust.
This time, when she reached out to shake my hand,
It was my tear that fell in the dust.

Broken, destroyed, humiliated, crushed,
She led me back to the door.
As I descended the steps to my car,
I pondered the hours before.

On the way to her home, it seemed perfect,
Like an amazing star-guided collision.
But in the end, what it all boiled down to
Was that Karen made THE FINAL DECISION.