Jilted Wishes

Jilted Wishes

This is the story of a heart broken,
Of a friendship brought to a finish.
Written in the empty style
Of the one who was left diminished.

This is my story of a girl I portrayed
As my forever best-friend-to-be
She had a laugh that brought joy to my ears
And beauty to last for eternity.

We talked about all kinds of people,
From girls I know to guys she liked.
But then one day something changed,
My feelings were just not right.

Somehow I had begun to experience it,
A new burning feeling of desire.
But she seemed not to notice the change;
That my heart had been set on fire.

I tried to lie to myself,
To keep the feelings from growing.
But every test of when her eyes met mine,
Showed my love gave no sign of slowing.

Since these feelings I could not deny,
I had to win her heart.
I wish I had known then what I know now,
My plans were doomed from the start.

I planned a better hello, a fuller smile
Interesting topics for conversation.
Anything I thought necessary to lead
To three words of information.

I went over my part in my head
Tried to anticipate her every move.
The time had come to test my plans.
This moment of truth her love would prove.

It’s funny how we talk all the time,
But now I stutter when I speak.
I have so much I want to say
My emotions at their peak.

She notices that I’m anxious,
So she talks to calm my nerves.
I finally build up enough courage
To throw the dialogue a curve.

I think I said ‘I love you’ between her
‘Pink pumps look nice’ & ‘The outfit stinks’
The stunned look on her blank face,
Matched the silence as she sipped her drink.

She takes a deep breath & then she sighs.
My life turns into a nightmare.
The ‘Just a friend’ cuts like a knife,
As my soul by her is laid bare.

I pretend that it didn’t matter.
Like it was a joke that didn’t come out right.
Inside my stomach is churning,
So I excuse myself for the night.

I walk aimlessly along the streets,
watch the world from empty rooftops.
I see other couples out enjoying life,
When all I want is to make life stop.

I cursed myself for being so worthless,
To think I deserved a woman so divine.
In retrospect, I see myself as
Spittle in her glass of wine.

I feel like I’m falling down a well,
More like a bottomless pit.
I can’t wait to get to the end.
Hope I die as soon as I hit.

I mope for hours, days, maybe weeks.
I don’t know ‘cause time has stopped.
I feel I’m at my darkest hour.
My head is on the chopping block.

I decide it’s better not to live,
Than to be in pain and misery.
I write a short suicide note,
Her house as target for delivery.

When I think I can’t take anymore
Something deep inside of me
Calls me back from death to life
It’s my last shred of dignity.

How dare she turn me down!
I wanted the best for her in life.
I won’t let it end this way,
So I put away the knife.

I know I need some help,
I’ve always turned to her for advice.
Things would have turned out different
If I hadn’t been so nice.

“That’s just it,” I say to myself.
“My problems been brought to the fore.”
She might’ve been here hugging me now,
If I hadn’t been such a bore.

I think about all the guys she’s liked.
I want to copy their endearing traits.
So Steve’s old walk, Jim’s kiss-hello,
Become the new dishes on my plate.

Dan’s funny smile, Jack’s shaky laugh,
Kevin’s many calls to say he remembers,
Are now the new tools I will use
To set flame to her love embers.


I think I’m ready, I feel prepared now.
I want everything to come out right.
I call her house to set an evening up.
I arrange an unforgettable night.

I maintain my confidence this time,
No stuttering like before.
I’m sure she sees the changes I’ve made,
As I reach to get the door.

I let her know I still feel the same,
That I could fulfill her wants and dreams.
But the ‘I love you’ that I crave,
Is still slipping away it seems.

She takes a deep breath & holds my hand,
I see the strain upon her face.
Then as pleasant as possible,
She puts me in my place.

“It’s like I told you before,” she says.
“This friendship is all we have.”
She leans over and kisses my cheek.
I utter a muffled laugh.

I laugh at my misfortune.
I laugh at this mistake.
I laugh for having tried again,
Inside I’m drowning in sorrow’s lake.

My life begins to spiral down again.
The walls begin to break.
But somehow I stop short this time,
A plain ‘NO’ I’m not going to take.

Before she goes out the door,
I stop her in her tracks.
There is one answer I want to know,
And I want to know the facts.

I want to know if she is happy with love.
She responds that she couldn’t be better.
“Unfortunate,” I think as I ponder
an unseen hole in her sweater.

“Life’s not fair,” I say to myself.
Not being the last time that phrase I would use.
Still, as long as she’s happy that’s all I want,
So I guess I really didn’t lose.

So not my lover, not my mate,
Not even my forever best-friend-to-be.
I used to love you so much Monica,
I just wish you would have loved me.