The Sock Monster

Why is it that whenever you want to wear a specific pair of socks, one of them disappears? And, it is never a brand spanking new pair of socks. It's a pair that you've had for a few weeks. You have already had plenty of time to walk, skip, jump, twirl, hop, and dance your way into the idea that these socks are just the coolest most cozy socks ever. And, boy, you wish you had a dozen pairs just like them. But, there never can be another pair like these socks. That's what make them so special. That's what make them so cool. That, is what makes them so tasty.

Everyone knows that there is a weird little monster that lives in everybody's house, and eats their socks. They call him the "sock monster." People say that he lives in the dryer. I would only agree with that if your dryer was in the basement. Because, as everyone knows, creepy monsters live in the basement. Or, the attic. But, I don't think a sock monster would live in the attic. That's just absurd. The journey from the attic to the basement or laundry room would be too risky. Someone would have caught him by now.

Plus, I don't think he lives in your house. Or, my house. Or, anybody's house. I think he travels into your house when he's hungry. That's when the dryer is on. The smell of it makes him hungry. It's like, when your mom is fixing your favorite dinner, and you can smell it from your room. You get really hungry, and want to eat it. The dryer always smells good when it is on. If you liked socks, that would be the best smell ever, I suppose.

He's really good at being sneaky too. I'm pretty sure that he sneaks into houses from a complex system of underground tunnels. They lead to super secret hidden doors close to your dryer. He creeps about when no one is around, and snatches your socks without you knowing it (He's got to be sneaky, or he'll get caught).

There are two different kinds of Sock Monster, and they eat two completely different kinds of socks. There are Sock Monster boys, and Sock Monster girls. The Ladies eat the Left Socks. They Gentlemen eat the Right Socks. Sock Monsters can tell the difference by the way they smell. Baby Sock Monsters only nibble at the toes. That's how you get those little holes in your socks.

Never, ever, not in a million years, do Sock Monsters take both socks in a pair. It is against the rules. Also, only one sock per day can be taken from a dryer. Any more, and it would distort the sock to foot ratio. Plus, if all of a person's socks went missing at the same time, they would surely take notice and start looking for them. And, maybe, just maybe, start up a search party to hunt down whatever it was that took all of the socks. That's no good if you are a Sock Monster.

I am thinking about writing my sock monster a note, and leaving it on the dryer door. No one knows if Sock Monsters are able to read or write. But, I have to at least try. My mom just got me an awesome pair of striped toe socks that go up to my knees. They are the coziest socks in the world. I run around all over the place with them on. I don't even need to wear shoes. If I wear shoes, no one can see me pick up stuff with my toes, or wiggle them or anything. And, where is the fun in that?

Anyway, I really love these socks. And, I know that they would be absolutely, positively, one hundred percent lonely and afraid if anyone tried to take them away from each other, or eat them at all. Maybe I can trade my Sock Monster a couple of old crummy gym socks in exchange for not eating my awesome striped socks...