A Not So Normal Day In Disneyland

As most days went, it was a peaceful morning in Disneyland. Chip and Dale were just starting their nut hunt for their daily meals. Already the toon children were up and about. Huey, Dewy, and Louie were running amuck with Max and Pluto in a game of ‘Catch the Stitch’. Donald and Mickey and Minnie Mouse were still cuddling in bed together in their respected houses.

In the faint morning air, birds were singing, children were laughing, and alarm clocks were buzzing. One Disney character after another rolled over to turn their alarm clocks off. Donald with a sledge hammer, and Mickey lightly tapping the snooze button. It was the park employees’ jobs to open the park, the toons only needed to worry about the visitors.

After Mickey’s alarm went off for the seventh time, Minnie finally pulled the young mouse out of bed. "C’mon Mickey. It’s time to start this wonderful new day."

Mickey’s grumble matched his partner’s high pitch tone. "Let the other’s take care of the park. How would you like it, waking up at six in the morning, every day, every week, every year, for the rest of your life? I get no vacations, and still have to turn out a twenty billion dollar child oriented corporation annually. I deserve to sleep in once in a while."

Minnie kissed her partner. "We’re here for the children. It is our duty to be there for them every day. They look up to us."

As Minnie went off to fix breakfast and fix her ears, Mickey gave a deep sigh. "Some role models we are. Ninety years in the making, and we still aren’t properly married." Mickey gave one last sigh, remembering that it was in his contract stating that he could only complain twice a day. The mouse quickly: took a shower, ate breakfast, brushed his teeth, and took the train to Main Street to start his day.

That was a typical morning for Mickey Mouse.

It was a Saturday morning. The Disney princesses had thrown a huge slumber party the night before at Sleeping Beauty’s castle. Girls only. Minnie and Daisy were both invited, but onla Daisy had been able to attend. Anything to get away from her husband’s insistent snoring was a good thing.

Bidding the princesses goodbye, Daisy straightened out her bow and went about her work. While Mickey and Donald greeted the park visitors, it was her and Minnie’s job to keep the park functioning smoothly. It wasn’t until she finished inspecting the PH level of the water rides that she received a page from Goofy. Not the brightest bulb of the bunch, he still made a mean head of security. His page read: You're not going to believe who just came through the gates. Hurry!

Cutting through Frontiers Land, stopping only to sign a few autographs, she came upon the most unusual sight in the three kingdoms, Critter country, New Orleans, and Toon Town combined.

"Thufferin’ thuckatage! What a theme park!"

"People, Alice is through the looking glass."

"No I’m not. I’m right here."

Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, and Sylvester the Cat waved to Alice as she made her way to Fantasy Land. Daisy stared at them, her bill gaping open. The five-sum turned in her direction as Donald, Minnie, Mickey, and Goofy came running up along side her.

The timeless cartoon celebrities stared at each other for a few seconds. No one knew what to think of the present predictament. Disney and Warner Brothers once made a deal defining the limits each corporation had with the label of their characters endorsement. Since then, neither toon had seen the other.

"So what are you doing here?" Donald questioned in his usual scratchy voice.

Bugs pulled out a carrot from some invisible pocket and started chomping on it as he leaned against a churro stand. "We came to see you, gurgle beak."

"Who are you calling gurgle beak, big foot?" Donald’s friends rolled their eyes as he went into one of his fighting fits; hopping around on one foot while throwing his fists about. Goofy picked up his ducky friend when it seemed he was actually planning to attack the Warner characters.

Mickey stepped forward, waving a fist at his foes. "We’ll at least he doesn’t spit when he speaks!"

Daffy and Sylvester both took a menacing step forward. "What did you say?"

The girls shared a look between them and hastily stepped in front of the Disney characters. Minnie tried her best to stay sweet, but her life partner and his best friend had a point. "C’mon you guys, I’m sure they didn’t come here to start a fight."

"Akly-alky-alky-alky-alky-alky-" Elmer Fudd gave Porky several hard pats on the back, much like you would an old record player. "Actually, we did."

"We came here ‘cause its duck season!"

With that smooth comment from Fudd, Daffy’s eyes almost popped out of his head. Forgetting his Disney enemies, he unleashed his furry on the rabbit standing next to him. "Why do you alwayth do thith?" His lisp stood out more than usual. "The firtht time was a joke on my part. Pluth it was fun hearing him say wabbit over and over again." He looked at the Disney characters for a moment. "You want a funny voith type, try making cartoons with thith maroon."

Bugs laid a sympathetic hand on Daffy’s shoulder. "Hey Daf, have you noticed there are three ducks here."

Daffy took a few moments to count the number of ducks on his fingers. A malicious grin spread across his bill. Jumping behind a bush naked, he reappeared wearing an accompanying hunting uniform as Fudd. "Let’s go hunt some duck!"

"Why do you want to kill us? What did we ever do to you?"

"It’s like this, Doc; over the past few years, Disney stocks have been rising while our own stocks have been plummeting. With you out of the picture, Warner Brothers Incorporated will started to bring in the big bucks again. Do you think I like living in those rabbit holes?"

"Well garsh, it’s not our fault your company is losing money. Disney financial advisors predicted the current economic deficit, and took the proper steps to prevent profit drops. It also helps that our company has gone international, while your corporation is still based mostly in the United States."

All the famous cartoon characters in the vicinity, Warner and Disney alike, stared at Goofy. "W-w-wow! I thought you were really unin-unintel-unintele...really goofy."

Goofy shook his head at Porky and shrugged. "Goofy, is as goofy does."

Mickey wasn’t going to say anything, but when he thought he heard Sylvester whisper, "rip off," he knew he had to do something.

"Well if you came here to do something, go ahead and do it already!"

"Okay!" Elmer Fudd lifted his gun and fired.

Instead of a round of bullets taking out the Disney characters, a gray gas spewed out from the rifle’s barrel. The Warner characters quickly donned their gas masks as they watched Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, and Goofy choke on the toxic fumes. Mickey was the last one to lose consciousness, but before he did, he looked up into Bugs’ face, watching the rabbit wave good bye.





Minnie was the first of them to wake up. She knew she wasn't dead, but she was tied up and it was very hot out, wherever she was. She sat up, testing the ropes that bound her hands behind her back.

The Warner characters had snuck them out of Disneyland, tied them up, and dropped them off in the middle of the Sierra Nevada desert. There wasn’t a living soul, yet alone a living thing, for miles in any direction.

"What in the world happened?" Hearing Donald’s scratchy voice was the first good thing to happen all morning. At least she had eaten a big breakfast before setting out for the day.

"That horrible rabbit and his cronies knocked us out and dragged us here with no food, no water, and no way of find our way home."

The others started to rouse at this point, catching what Minnie said. Mickey was the last to wake. Assessing the situation, he made his way over to Minnie, gnawing at her ropes.

"What’cha doin’ there Mickey?"

With the male mouse having his mouth full at the moment, his life partner filled in for him. "We are mice, Goofy. Chewing through things is what we do."

When Minnie was free of her bonds, they switched places, then moved on to the others. Once everyone was free, they all put their heads together to solve their present predicament.

"How do we find our way home without a map?"

"How do we survive long enough to find our way home?"

Mickey and Donald tried to comfort their women as Goofy’s ears perked. "Shhh. Listen."

The Disney characters grew quiet. Off in the distance, they could hear a faint beep beep noise. Coming at them, were three road runners. Not like the silly one that was constantly being chased by the coyote, but three real live road runners. They weren’t as speedy as the make believe one, unable to leave dust clouds in their wake, but they were fast. And they were big.

"I thought road runners were barely the size of large cats. How can these be the size of horses?"

"Haven’t you ever seen the movie ‘Them’? Ants probably weren’t the only thing to become super sized in the atomic bomb testings."

"Hey, I know!" Everyone turned to Donald. "Why don’t we catch them. We could ride them back to the Magic Kingdom!"

"Aww Donald, how do you plan on catching one, let alone all three?"

Donald grew red with furry as he glared at Mickey. The mouse in turn looked a little sheepish. He was about to apologize when Donald stormed off. "You just watch me." The only thing the duck took with him was the ropes that had bound him.

Using the rope as a lasso, he went to work. About forty minuets and three rage fits later, Donald caught himself a road runner. "I told you it could be done," he squawked. Within another hour, all three road runners were captured with the makeshift bridles. The mice were on one road runner, the ducks another and Goofy took up the rear.

When Mickey started to lead their strange caravan, Donald pulled up next to him. "You’re going the wrong way. We want to be going in that direction." Donald pointed in the opposite direction that Mickey was taking them.

"Well, how come Donald?"

Daisy snapped at Goofy. "If Mickey’s being a mouse lets him gnaw through ropes, then our being ducks lets us know which way south is. Go ahead Donald."

Donald muttered under his breath as he looked around. When he stopped muttering he started his road runner in a direction. "This way is west. We’re bound to run into something out here."

Donald led, and the other toonsters followed. After a few hours of wandering the desert on their road runners, there were dry mouths and sour dispositions. It wasn’t until Minnie saw something that the group’s mood started to liven up.

"But I swear, Goofy. Something’s out there."

"Aww heck, Mickey, shut your wife up. Our hopes are dry enough as it is."

"She’s not my wife. Yet. And I think she’s right. There is something out there."

As they approached, they discovered it wasn’t a something, but a someone. Snow White sat on a small tuffet of a rock, bawling her eyes out.

Mickey dismounted from his ride and went to console the crying princess. "Well hey there Snow White. What seems to be the problem?"

"Oh Mickey, it’s simply horrible!" The princess was about to jump into Mickey’s sympathetic arms, but after seeing Minnie’s expression, decided against it.

"Are your evil stepsisters picking on you?"

"Are you going to die on your sixteenth birthday?"

"Do you have only three days to kiss your prince?"

"A-huck, was your prince really a street rat?"

"Is your prince a total beast?"

"Oh, nothing like that. Besides, Charming is just so...so..."

Charming?" Daisy suggested.

Snow White nodded. "Yes, exactly. No, my problem is far worse than any glass slipper, spinning wheel, crustacean music man, magic carpet, or enchanted rose. It’s even worse than a wicked step mother."

The others blinked in confusion. "Well what is it then?"

Snow White’s tears began anew. "A mother-in-law," she wailed.

The mice and ducks winced. Mickey and Minnie’s mothers didn’t approve of their life style, and Daisy’s mother never had a kind word to say to Donald. They slowly started to back up their roadrunners when Snow White caught them.

"Wait! Why are you five out here?" Reluctantly, they told their story. When they were done, Snow White seemed sympathetic to their cause. "The happiest place on Earth lies in that direction. Oh, and here, take these." From out of nowhere, she pulled out seven small canteens. She handed one out to each of the toonsters.

"I only need these two. I’m sure Charming will find me soon enough. Besides, you all look like you could use the water."

The toonsters graciously accepted Snow White’s offer, then continued on their way. Snow White waved at them as they left, shouting something that sounded like, "Say ‘hi’ to Tinkerbell for me when you see her!"

They continued to wave, not quite sure what she meant.

Minutes turned to hours as the sun crossed the sky. Soon, Snow White’s generosity became only a distant memory. The toonsters were tired, hungry, thirsty, and slowly losing hope of ever seeing civilization again.

"I don’t think we’ll ever see civilization again."

"Never say never, Daisy. Look, I think I see the LA Airport just a few miles away."

Abruptly, the giant roadrunners broke out into a run. As they drew closer, runway lights became neon signs. Air planes became helicopters, cars and horses, just waiting to fetch a passenger. And the airport itself wasn’t what it seemed to be, either. In its place was a restaurant/eatery hotel. At least that’s what it looked like with all the neon lights.

They approached as the sun started to set. The hotel seemed to be an establishment carved entirely out of a large cactus. This was no ordinary cactus. Instead of the myriad small versions you see along side the freeway, this cactus looked like it had seen the same amount of radioactivity as the roadrunners they now sat on. It was a little over two stories tall, and as thick as a full grown man.

The neon lights read:

M-I-C-

"See ya real soon!" The three good fairies were standing beside the cactus, waving their patrons good bye.

K-E-Y-

"Why? Because I love you!" Charming, it turned out, had indeed found Snow White. They were now sharing a very long and passionate kiss.

M-O-U-S-E

HOUSE

Minnie, Daisy, Donald, and Goofy stared at Mickey with wide eyes. He started back, equally perplexed, but then acknowledgment dawned in his eyes. "Oh, I remember now! Tinkerbell came to me, asking if she could use my name for a project of hers. She said that her name didn’t have the same amount of power to pull it through."

"A cactus casino?!" Daisy exclaimed. "What was she thinking? How does she plan to fit all her customers into a little cactus?!"

Just as the words came out of Daisy’s mouth, Cinderella’s fairy god mother appeared before them. "Hello, and welcome to the Mickey Mouse House. Oh, Mickey! And Donald, and Goofy, and Minnie, and Daisy! What are you all doing here?"

"It’s a long story, miss fairy god mother."

"Oh please, call me Lucinda. People are all quick to call out for their fairy god parents, but do they bother to learn our names? Anyway, leave your...friends....here. They will be well taken care of. We have rooms ready for you. The magic mirror said you were coming."

"Well how do you expect us all to fit into that little thing?" While Goofy complained, a couple of the satyrs from Fantasia escorted the road runners away from the group.

Lucinda rolled up her sleeves and pulled out her wand from thin air. "Well you see, dear, it’s like this; bibidi," Donald and Daisy disappeared. "Bobidi," Mickey and Minnie followed suit. "Boo!"

Before Goofy could say anything, a brilliant sparkling light encircled and blinded him. A quick freezing shiver ran down his spine, and then it was all over. Opening his eyes, his mouth fell open as he looked around the first floor of a hundred story resort. There was a large, intricate fountain with mythical and mystical creatures spewing water in the center of the first floor. There were nine check in stations around the lobby. Coffee tables dotted the layout; couches and easy chairs surrounding them.

Candelabrums sat on desks and tables. Where their light did not reach, small crystal chandeliers and lamps filled in the cracks. For every ten floors, a unique chandler dangled to reflect their crystalline angles. On opposing walls to the chandlers, four sets of elevators ran from the lobby up to the top floor.

From an equal height, a glowing green orb started to descend toward the lobby. The glow was about the size of a fist and landed in Mickey’s gloved palm. "Ha ha, hi Tinkerbell. How’s business doing?"

The fairy danced, playing her strange game of charades that only Mickey and Peter Pan seemed to understand.

"That good huh? Tha'st terrific! Say, I heard you had rooms for us." She danced again. "The largest room? For each couple and Goofy? I don’t know how we’re going to pay for it all, but thanks. Thanks a lot. C’mon guys, we’re on the seventy second floor."

The group took only a few steps before Tinker bell flew back in front to Mickey. As she danced, Mickey’s eyes grew wide. "They’re here?!" Thanks Tink." Mickey started running towards one of the elevators, waving his companions to follow. When the elevator doors closed, he pressed a button that wasn’t their floor. "Tinkerbell said that the Warner characters who attacked us are renting out a room here. They’ve been drinking and saying that we are all dead."

"A room? You’d think they would have sprung for a suite or something."

"All of the room here are suites. It took nearly two years worth of magic to build this place."

"I assume we’re going to meet that other duck and his friends." Leave it to Donald to only see those who concern him. "I sure hope you have a plan, Mickey."

As the elevator stopped, a mischievous grin spread across the mouse’s face. "I can only hope. Goofy, Minnie, could you two go back down to the lobby and buy everyone that you met a drink? Tell the bartender that I’ll take care of everything."

The two nodded and stayed in the elevator, singing ‘Let’s All go to the Lobby’. The remaining three toonsters stepped out of the elevator. Knowing where he was going, Mickey stopped in front of one of the suites. "Now we go into the lion’s den."

Carefully, he knocked on the door.

A few moments later, Sylvester stuck his head out. It was obvious he had been drinking. "Well hello there! It’s nice to see you alive. Come in, come in, the others will be equally surprised!" Daisy, being the last one in, closed the door behind her. The five that had come to the magic kingdom were now sitting around a large table. Each one of them had several empty beer bottles around their area. "Hey everybody, look at this! It’s the mouse himself and his mouseketeers!"

Daffy and Porky didn’t look up; too intent on their drinking game. Elmer Fudd looked, smiled and laughed for no reason, then returned to watching Daffy and Porky. Bugs was busy eating a carrot, but every now and again he could be caught dunking the vegetable into a bottle of brandy.

"What’s up Doc? Care for a pint?"

"Whisky on the rocks will do just fine. I was hoping to order some room service."

The rabbit nodded. "Sure, sure. Of course, of course. Hey, no hard feelings right? You got us, we got you?"

Mickey smiled humorlessly. "You got us. Now we want to return the favor. Let’s go ahead and order that room service!"

The Disney and Warner characters spent the next several hours throwing the biggest party the cactus hotel had ever seen. Minnie and Goofy reunited with their friends and the party grew even louder.

To show the achievement of alcohol they drank, a wine and beer bottle pyramid reached fifteen levels high. The suite was a mess, and drunk quickly became an understatement for them. Only Mickey and Goofy seemed to remain sound of mind. It was around the time Daisy and Minnie started to dance topless on the coffee table that they knew it was time to go.

The Disney characters left the Warners to sleep off the excitement of their party. They barely stepped out from the elevator into the lobby before Tinkerbell was dancing furiously about them. Mickey kept a calm expression as he dealt with the hotel’s manager and owner.

"Yes, I’m sorry we caused so much noise. Thanks for not disturbing us. We enjoyed our rooms, even if it doesn’t look like we used them. Could you arrange a helicopter for us? We’d like to leave as soon as possible."

Tinkerbell danced again, this time reveling a roll of paper as wide as she was tall. As she bobbed up and down around Mickey’s nose, she dropped one end of the roll and watched as the other end reached the ground and curled away.

It was their bill.

Mickey nodded with understanding and thumbed in the direction of the Warner’s suite. "Don’t worry, Tink. Bugges Bunny and his friends agreed to pay our tab. I even got it in writing." Mickey pulled out a sheet of paper from his shorts -eww- and presented it to the fairy. Sure enough, there were the Warners’ signatures. Not only had they agreed to pay off Mickey’s bill at the hotel, but also any price they expended on their helicopter ride home.

Tinkerbell circled around Mickey’s head in delight. "Thanks again for the stay, Tink. I hope to see ya real soon. Oh, and if they asked for Advil, add that to the bill too." As they started for Godmother Lucinda, who was waving ecstatically at them, Mickey took Goofy’s arm. "Are you sober enough to pilot a chopper?"

"Well garsh Mickey, I think so, but is landing those strange characters with the bill such a good idea? And where do you plan on going with a helicopter?"

Mickey caught sight of Minnie in her drunken state and decided to give her a piggyback ride. "For one thing, with the amount on that tab, those five will be washing dishes for a very long time. Especially since I stole all their wallets." Goofy started laughing his goofy laugh as Mickey shifted Minnie’s weight on his back. "As for the helicopter; I’ve been hearing good things about Universal Studios Florida."

Goofy laughed all the harder, and soon so did the others. Pretty soon, they were on their way to Orlando faster than you could say bibidi bobidi boo.