New The Earth's Rotation- 4 chapters

Introduction. Because I care (not!)


!!!! I promise you as soon as you get through the introduction it will become a journey you will never forget, unless your name is mark!!!!


Before I begin I would like to take the time to explain a few things first. Since I care about you all I had decided to rewrite the introduction because as creative as it was I found it wasn't living up to it's potential (in other words... it sucked). In the beginning there was nothing in the universe (it was as empty as your head) not even the power of light was present but than there was a book created called, 'The Earth's Rotation' and it was good. In this book (I created) there were brackets, and notes with this symbol * giving a little four-one-one of what I was thinking also for comic relief from all... the... comedy? Stop whining and let me continue. If you get bored (and you won't) than what the hell is wrong with you? It's entertaining. I have kept some of the old material from the first introduction (because I'm lazy) because It's gold (painted). I welcome you to sit back and relax (for you people who thought it was so wise to stand) as you laugh your lungs to a deflated balloon. Let me quickly explain how my writing system works. To make an easier interaction atmosphere, the Zetas will be labelled with their name and then their number. I explain why this is the case further on in the novel. This allows the reader to understand who is talking easier without all the descriptions.
On a small and insignificant planet inhabited by an evolved race of apes there was one who stood out among the rest. His name was Kevin, um I mean Adam. He had always known himself different from the rest of the humans. He tried to understand the other's behaviour rather than look down on them. It wasn't that he was full of himself, no he was unique and no one could tell him why. This is his journey as written in 'The Earth's Rotation', published by West Ten publishing company home of the book in a can. Adam is described as tall and hansom (sorry girls he is not dark but he is Canadian.)
*Note* I apologize if some of you feel left out or offended but you must realize that I take on a new personality for the comic relief. The truth is that everyone is created equal and I'm the ruler of you all. I'm glad I changed the introduction, now bow down to me. *End of Note*
The Moon refocused its attention to the Earth; to Adam, who positioned himself on top of the highest mountain peek in the region.
“Where is eve?” Adam said searching the area around him.
“You are star-crossed lovers?” The moon observed.
“I would travel to the end of the universe for her.”
“Have you?”
“No but I would.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind that you would.”
“Do you have someone?”
“All I have is my reflections.”
“That must be lonely.”
“Tell me about it. Do you think there’s someone out there for me?”
“Perhaps.”
“How can I find them if the earth’s gravitational pull has me?”
“Have you ever thought of being more then just friends with the earth? I assumed you were together.”
“The thought never crossed my mind.”
“Maybe it should.”

As the two continued to discuss relationships the sun was becoming more excited about talking. Everyone knows that the sun was with the earth, didn’t they? The sun moaned causing sparks of sun flares to collide together.
‘The end is near’ the Earth thought. ‘I can feel it.’
*Note* Now to the Earth a few days is a couple of years to the human time so there is no need to be alarmed at the current feeling (not for us humans any way). *End of Note*
To revive the subject of this story; the essential time period was that of the Earth’s. This information was vital to the ends of the universe. The universe may not revolve around the Earth but this planet is of great value. Approximately about $150, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 value (please do not ask me to translate this into words because I will not do so). Most creatures are unaware of this fact and if they did, they would still frown upon Earth intelligence. This would explain the simple sentence in most travel guides which state Earth as: ‘THE DULLEST PLACE IN ALL THAT”S KNOWN.’ This may also explain why no one ever vacations on Earth.
Zetas are said to be the most intelligent among today’s creatures. They have recently been in ‘Universal Magazine’ under the title of: ‘Millennium’s Brightest Stars’ and UHW under: ‘Get Smart or Go Home’. Zetas are worshiped as celebrities. The Zeta world is created primarily of energy. Their top scientists have been said to discover that the universe has a structure code of energy. The information is limited on the subject but rumours made by the Clique are usually to be proven true (I will touch the Clique association later when the moment is right). Zeta scientists discuss the structure code under the following terms:
1. The energy is split into colours.
2. Those colours represent amounts of information in the universe.
3. The energy follows patterns that repeat in smaller versions.
4. These patterns never end similar to a mirror within a mirror.
It’s not that every thing gets smaller, in fact as you travel through the mirror it becomes a whole new place. This place may look similar to the last but it has a new energy code.
5. Each branch on these patterns holds thorough information on the universe.
6. The colours and branches have a number system, which relate to the number systems of those objects that live in the universe.
The Zetas (because of the discovery that they hold.) are able to develop objects out of thin air. This is the reason that the economy is so rich. The Zeta world looks like it was removed from the ‘Wizard of Oz.’ Green and blue coloured cacti-style buildings flood the landscape of the planet Elactyai. From space, Elactyai is a ball of gas. These gases are just an unnatural (to humans.) colour of clouds that do not evaporate. This would normally be unusual, although the Zeta people caused this phenomenon. The clouds were developed in the top labs of Elactyai. Mother Nature (whom is created and connected with the same energy system as what humans consider being ‘nature.’) was discussing the terms of agreement with the Zetas about mentoring the human race. When all was said and done, the Zetas received new artificial fur coats (which are very difficult to develop in labs and the planet does not provide the material.) in exchange for their co-operation.





Chapter 1. Are You Lost Yet?



Adam was very silent.
Eve was very silent.
“What?”
Adam coughed.
“Well it is Green.” continued the Moon.
“How can the Sun be green?” asked Adam.
The Moon never answered. In his mind he roamed through the science.
The morning shone over the primitive land of humans. Cars flooded the streets and filled the air with pollution. The world was making way for a development plan. The human race was discussing the idea of one government ruling the planet, one country for the greater good. The only problem with the idea is that Earth people do not know how to live in peace. The leader of this New World community would need protection. They would have to create a force that would defend this new leader. Currently the issue was about food shortage and someone mentioned pigs in his barn but other than that, things were boring. A New World order is what these people needed.
The Moon was lonely, the Sun was frustrated, and the Earth was rotating.
A small disc landed in the near by field just beyond the position Adam had been in when he was indulged in the most interesting conversation of his life. There the ship waited in silence. Inside the fingers of the most intelligent Zetas in the universe made preparations for contact with the foolish ape creatures.
Zeta 10: “Get ready for launch!”
Zeta 382: “The observation period is finished.”
Zeta 4: “We will return in a month. Get ready for launch!”
Zeta 382: “Launch count down begin.”
Zeta 4: “The count down has begun.”
Zeta 10: “Five.”
Zeta 4: “Four.”
Zeta 382: “Three.”
Zeta 246: “Too bad we didn‘t get souvenirs.”
Zeta 10: “Lift off.”
The craft was silent as they skipped along the open sky. The Zeta’s intention for visiting the Earth in such a sort length was unclear.
The concept of no other life existing in the universe is false. Earth’s galaxy on the other hand is true. The Milky Way is one out of a billions, no trillions, no quadions (created by the universal Oxhand’s dictionary the term quadions marks a number somewhere after trillion and just slightly before the number pentons.) of galaxies which all carry forms of life. Bob runs the whole universe. Bob (short form for Bill Omere Bones.) designs the programs that creates the numeric makeup of everything in the universal system or he’s just some guy who likes to eat burritos and writes cool phrases in Spanish. The Clique rumour that he arrived from beyond the universe but we like to look at them as crazy in this area. Bob has banned all traveling beyond the universe; in addition, it’s just plan impossible. The stars have tried to pass through the invisible barrier and have failed miserably. It happened like this:
“Hey Bill, Bill take a look at this!”
“What?”
“What do you think is on the other side of this invisible barrier?”
“Black.”
“Cool, let’s go see.”
When they figured out that the barrier was preventing them from travelling any further, they gave up all attempts. Stars are said to be very unintelligent beings of burning rock. This is now a proven fact.
Adam lifted his head to discover to his surprise (and some person who sat off in a dark corner of a distant planet drinking tea.) that he was no longer in his house in the suburbs. A finger pointed at him in hesitation. The finger was no origin of Earth and continued to single him out. The Zetas had picked up their test subject. The room surrounding Adam was a dull grey, illuminating shadows against the walls. Dust covered the surfaces in all ill appearance, floating up every time an object was moved.
Adam could feel the vibrations of a quiet conversation rising.
Zeta 382: “Rocks are not evil however pebbles on the other hand are most definitely straight from hell.”
Zeta 4: “Trees are just misunderstood creatures.”
Zeta 10: “Yes, it’s those stupid beings that give trees a bad name.”
“Green eggs and jam.”
The group of Zetas turned to face their subject.
Zeta 4: “Oh good, he’s awake.”
Zeta 382: “We thought that you were going to sleep away a century.”
“Where am I?”
Zeta 4: “You are in the wonderful graces of Blue Betsy.”
“The cow?”
Zeta 10: “No Earthman, you are in the third largest ship in the Galaxa galaxy.”
“Who named the galaxy that?”
Zeta 382: “I told you that was a dumb name.”
Zeta 4: “Shut up, that’s unimportant right now.”
“So what’s the second largest ship.”
Zeta 10: “Um… well… we felt that is was unnecessary to have one and we skipped right to ‘Largest Ship’.”
Zeta 328: “It was Zeta 246’s idea.”
Zeta 10: “Blue Betsy, not the cow, travels at 55 seconds faster than the speed of green.”
Zeta 382: “That’s fast, whoooop.”
“Why is this room covered in dust?”
Zeta 10: “We leave that idiot the job of designing the room and look what he does.”
Zeta 4: “Dull and filled with dust, like the inside of his head.”
The only door in the room slid open, in walked a little man with white skin and big eyes. He looks like the rest of them. The creature was munching on some type of bar.
Zeta 246: “What’s the point of fish?”
Zeta 4: “… Blue Betsy has fifty-nine thousand different rooms. We could have created more but we were running out of time, the end of the universe and all.”
Zeta 246: “Do you think fish can drown?”
Zeta 10: “What is wrong with you?”
Zeta 4: “I blame economy.”
Zeta 246: “I blame fish. I like to believe that I’m a deep-space diver.”
“My head is spinning.”
Zeta 382: “That would be the drugs we gave you. Straight from the scientific wonders of Elactyai’s laboratories.”
Zeta 4: “Or it’s Zeta 246’s stupidity.”
“Is this Mexico?”
Zeta 4: “Try to understand, the universe is unstable because of you Earthlings. Why you are so important to Mother Nature is beyond me.
Zeta 246: “Do you think fish can commit suicide?”
Zeta 382: “Try to ignore him.”
“What is Elactyai?”
Zeta 10: “That is our home planet.”
Zeta 246: “Home, home on the range…”
“Why do you want me?”
Zeta 4: “for some reason you are vital for our survival…”
Zeta 246: “Where the deer and the… what is a deer?”
Zeta 4: “If we can gather the energy from the other side of the universe we can clean up your planet.”
Zeta 10: “We will also teach you how to generate objects from the energy around you.”
Zeta 246: “I made cheese.”
Zeta 10: “Yes, we know.”
Zeta 246: “I like cheese.”
Zeta 382: “Strap him into the chair.”
Zeta 246: “No! Not the chair!”
The others leave the room and in a few minutes return with a chrome colouured chair.
Zeta 246: “Wow, what a pretty colour.”
Zeta 4: “Put him in.”
Zeta 246: “Noooo!
They strapped him into the chair as a large piece of machinery lowered from the ceiling. Two lids slid back revealing a set of lights. They started rapidly flashing bright colours.
Zeta 246: “Owwww the colours, the flashing colours.”
“What is that thing?”
Zeta 4: “It’s a device that flashes colour two seconds slower than the speed of black.”
“Sounds painful.”
Zeta 10: “The journey begins for our home planet.”
Zeta 246: “It will be a long and boring journey in which someone will die… DIE!”
“How long will it take?”
Zeta 4: “Five minutes.”
Zeta 246: “Some will DIE!”
“Who is Zeta One?”
Zeta 246: “The question is, who is who?”
Zeta 382: “The question is, will you ever stop talking.”
Zeta 246: “Well that’s a very stupid question. Will I?”
They all seemed exhausted.
Zeta 10: “Zeta one is the one who created all of us Zetas.”
Zeta 246: “Daddy!”
Zeta 4: “Unfortunately the Zetas who are not intelligent find themselves to be incredibly stupid.”
Zeta 246: “I’m not stupid, am I?”
Zeta 382: “Yes.”
Zeta 10: “Zeta four will be the only one to travel with you to the end of the universe.”
Zeta 246: “Damn, I want to go.”
Zeta 382: “No.”
Zeta 246: “No cheese for you!”
Zeta 10: “We should be arriving in Elactyai right about… now.”
Zeta 246: “Okay, who died?”
Zeta 382: “No one.”
Outside streams flowed through the neatly erosion created paths, to Elactyai’s main laboratory. Bright green growth surrounded the outer walls of the buildings.
Zeta 4: “Our structures are not actually green, they are just covered in weeds. The people voted and majority wins as you know, similar to Earth.”
“Actually, I don’t.”
Zeta 10: “In the morning you and Zeta 4 will travel to the end of the universe. We will restock the new ship later on tonight.”
*Note* To say the “ends” of the universe would be slightly incorrect, as most of us know. For those people without intelligence you may continue using this improper phasing but everyone knows that there is only one exit for the universe however, not everyone knows exactly where it is right now. The door seems to shift from location to location, confusing the simplest of minds. This was one day discovered when a ship of fools was trying to travel beyond the universe and realized that they were not going to fit through the door. A few seconds later and two cups of coffee, half the crew found themselves in the depths of a sun. Moral of the story, two cups of coffee is excessively too much to start your day. *End of Note*
Fountains flourished the growth around the newly laid turf. The Zetas have placed turf along the ground to give it a fresher smell. Pine and orange aromas hover in the air at noon when the heat is at its peak.
The group from Blue Betsy made their way off the ramp of the spaceship. They crowded around the entrance to the laboratory.
“There’s no door.”

*Note* Doorknobs, if they were not an incredible waste of time, would be vital for the properly sane household. Since no one in the universe is in their right state of mind, doorknobs have no purpose. Sure it helps open the door whenever you desire to walk through it but we would be better off without them. In fact, the purpose of a door is completely mad. What about all those innocent creatures that are crushed by this object? Surely, they did not wake up to a new day to be brutally slaughtered by a door. The invention must go. So what if your neighbours will enter your house without knocking you also have a bell. Anyone who shuns this idea should be left in a burning building without a parachute, fifty hundred feet off the ground with a crazed chipmunk tearing away at your face all because you can’t allow twenty seconds of your day devoted to sharing. The home experience is over rated with doorknobs and light switches. They should be non-existent so the family can spend more time screaming at each other. *End of Note*
Zeta 4: “Please don’t ask.”
They entered the foyer and received lab coats from passing scientists. The inside was just as titanic as the outside. Tunnels branched out of the center of the foyer reaching for various scientific marvels cooking up in each section. Adam could sense new creative experiments being whipped up. The whole place reminded him of some of the most advanced laboratories on Earth. Adam stopped between the entry to glance above the frame. There in bold letters was the words Black Betsy development.
Zeta 10: “Adam, welcome to your new home in space.”
Zeta 382: “You and Zeta Four will be traveling in a faster ship. New from the Zeta’s laboratories. This baby carries ten stories of storage area, one hundred thousand different rooms, and travels two seconds faster then the speed of black. The speed of black is two thousand seconds faster than the speed of green.”
*Note* These speeds are calculated by a different system of Earth’s regular numbers. After one is the negatives however they are worded differently. The negatives are counted into seconds. *End of Note*
Zeta 4: “Behold Adam, Black Betsy.”
Zeta 246: “Wow a wall! Black Betsy is a wall?”
Zeta 10: “What?”
They all turned to Zeta 246, who was standing in a corner of the room.
Zeta 382: “Turn around, stupid.”
Zeta 246 turned to face the gigantic spaceship before them.
Zeta 246: “Wow a doggy.”
They all sighed with tiresome.
Zeta 10: “Thank Bob that you are not as unintelligent as Zeta 246.”
“Don’t you mean God?”
Zeta 4: “No Bob, he’s the one who runs the universe. We must visit the universal government planet to get permission to travel beyond the door.”
“The door?”
Zeta 382: “The door that leads to the other side of the universe. No one knows what’s beyond it. The people who have made it beyond have never returned.”
“What do you think is behind the door?”
Zeta 246: “A big party, yeah.”
Zeta 10: “His intelligence.”
Zeta 382: “It’s still all a mystery.”
The ship was all black. The engines would normally over heat if the ship got too close to the sun but this was no ordinary craft. The cooling systems would match the heat level in cooler area of the universe in less then two milliseconds. After which they would lower the ship’s temperature to ten times that amount. Inside the ship, the walls were white and the furniture was gold. The storage areas needed to be restocked.
Adam paced around the side of the ship inspecting every inch of the hull. The metal hull was created out of the strongest material in the universe. Zeta 1 was said to have blessed the material with his staff. Of course, Zeta 1 had passed away into the energy world along time ago but the Zetas were still mass-producing themselves. Anything that had been blessed by Zeta 1 was of great value and had become lucky charms.
Zeta 4: “Come Adam, we must visit the Zeta who’s never there.”
“Who the heck is that?”
Zeta 246: “He’s my uncle.”
Zeta 10: “No he’s not.”
Zeta 246: “He’s not? Then why have I been visiting him so often?”
Zeta 382: “Because you’re unintelligent.”
Zeta 246: “Can we make cheese?”
Zeta 4: “Why are you here.”
Zeta 246: “Because daddy made me.”
Zeta 4: “Yeah we’re still trying to figure out that mystery.”
Zeta 246: “Oh no… have you seen my hat?”
Zeta 4: “You don’t own any hats.”
Zeta 246: “Have you seen your hat?”
Zeta 4: “I don’t own any hats.”
Zeta 246: “Well you better go find your hat.”
Zeta 382: “He doesn’t have any hats!”
Zeta 246: “Why are you asking for his hat then?”
Zeta 10: “He wasn’t you were.”
Zeta 246: “Then stop asking.”
Zeta 4: “You were asking.”
Zeta 246: “Asking what?”
Zeta 10: “If he owns a hat.”
Zeta 246: “I don’t know does he?”
Zeta 246 soon found himself in Black Betsy tied to a chair.
Zeta 4: “Come the Zeta who’s never there is waiting, or he’s not there.”
The group exited the room and entered the main foyer as a team of hungry scientists came rushing by.
Zeta 6: “Hurry the system is overloading!”
Zeta 537: “We must get to the automatic leveller before this place blows up.”
Zeta 721: “The leveller is too far, we need to radio over there.”
The three scientists exited the building, leaving the original group alone with the alarms and lights.
As Adam and the Zetas treaded towards the house of the ‘Zeta who’s never there’ they noticed the labs still unbalanced. Zeta 4 knocked on the door. No one was home.
Zeta 10: “Oh, how convenient, he’s not home.”
Through the trees lay a shadowy figure only Adam could see.
"Do you see that?"
Zeta 4: "See what?"
"That shadow beyond the trees."
Zeta 10: "No."
Adam slowly creeped up on the figure and grabbed him. The zetas looked at each other in bewilderment. The figure took form into another Zeta.
Zeta 382: "You're the zeta who's never there."
Zeta ?: "Aye, or as you may call me, Zeta Eight."
The Zetas appeared to be stunned with amazement. Gasps escaped their already gapping mouths.
Zeta 10: "Zeta Eight, but we assumed you were killed."
Zeta 8: "No, I just decided to disappear."
Zeta 4: "But why?"
Zeta 8: "To hide from my nephew."
Zeta 382: "Who?"
Zeta 8: "My nephew, Zeta 246."
Zeta 10: "You mean to tell us that he really is related to you?"
Zeta 8: "Unfortunately."
Zeta 4: "I feel your pain."
Zeta 382: "So you've always been home?"
Zeta 8: "Yup."
"Now you'll have to call him the Zeta who has always been home but he hasn't open the door because he's invisible."
Zeta 8: "There's something different about this one. Why was he able to see me?"
Zeta 10: "He's from Earth."
Zeta 8: "Earth? Man, is that place is dull."
"Tell me about it."
Zeta 10: "We need to get the Earthman behind that door."
Zeta 8: "Do not question me."
"What if we make a statement?"
Zeta 8: "No. To get beyond the universal door, you will need: a can opener, the government's approval to travel beyond the door, and a fish from the fresh water."
Zeta 382: "Why a can opener?"
Zeta 8: "What did I say? You'll find out when the time comes."
From the west a Zeta emerged from the forests. He looked to be in distress and extremely uncomfortable.
Zeta 10: "What's the matter."
Zeta 952: "It's the system. We have a major program failure."
Zeta 4: "Can you stable it?"
Zeta 952: "We can't tell, it's overloading."
Zeta 382: "If the system fails, the planet will be destroyed."
"Can't you just use your energy technique?"
Zeta 10: "You don't understand. We never were able to understand this planet's energy patterns."
Zeta 4: "What can we do to help?"
Zeta 382: "You can get in Black Betsy and leave."
Zeta 4: "No, you need all the help you can get."
Zeta 10: "And so does the universe."
"He's got a point."
Zeta 4: "I suppose so."
When they returned to the laboratories Black Betsy was in the launch fields. The lanes extended from the north of the labs.
"Why are the lanes pink?"
Zeta 4: "Don't ask."
The two adventures entered the craft and headed straight to the bridge. Zeta 4 turned on the video screen and typed a series of numbers into the panel in front of them. The screen flickered with noise.
"There's no answer."
Outside a number of explosions alarmed the unexpecting public. Zeta 4 and Adam reached the window in time to watch the control tower slide and crumble to the ground. The archway the ship sat under was beginning to crack. The tension was becoming too much for the ship's artificial intelligence program.
Zeta 4: "Black Betsy, take defensive action and get us out of here."
"Yes sir."
The force field consumed the ship's outer layer in an unbreakable field of energy. The engines spun with coursing amounts of energy rays. Liquid colours splashed together and created a deep shade of black.
*Note* This is what is meant by fast as, or faster, of a bit slower then a certain colour. Depending on the amount of colours thrown together the faster the craft will travel. Most ships today travel at the speed of red. Limitations of speed of unknown seeing that the deepest shade of black is unknown. *End of Note*
The ship lit up brighter then an oriented pigeon on Easter holiday. The floor felt like it was going to fall beneath their feet.
When the ship was orbiting the planet and all mental capacity was concentrated on road kill and what time dinner was at, the crew relaxed in their private quarters.




Chapter 2. The Stupidity!



Some where in a distance, far greater then the distance between Earth and excitement, there was a party. This party consisted of: party food, games, and oddly enough a purple decorative rug. No one knew what purple tasted like but some say it's similar to Mango fresh lattes. This party was blasting music twenty-four seven. The room span reached as far as the eye could see, and a bit further width wise. People were dancing time away.
Black Betsy was out of view from Electyai and making it's way to the edge of the Galica galaxy. The two-person crew consisting of a Zeta and a human hustled around the corridors making their way to the bridge.
“What’s going on?”
Red lights were flashing on and off.
Zeta 4: “I don’t know. The navigational system is on the blitz. We are approximately fifteen million years off our target course.”
“What happened?”
Zeta 4: “I don’t know, but we’re heading straight towards a black hole.’
A door in the back of the bridge slid open and in walked Zeta 246.
Zeta 246: “I like pushing buttons.”
Zeta 4: “What the hell are you doing here?”
Zeta 246: “I was born from a tube.”
The lights ceased flashing.
Zeta 246: “I was talking to the mirror.”
Zeta 4: “What?”
“You left him tied up in the chair.”
Zeta 246: “The ropes let me go. They are very angry about being used to tie up annoying people all day.”
Zeta 4: “What are you talking about?”
Zeta 246: “We made cheese.”
Zeta 4: “Shut up and get out of my sight.”
The three of them were tossed off their feet in an instant. The blackness grew around the screen.
Zeta 246: “Weeeee!”
The ship disappeared into the black hole in a blink of an eye.

…

Music shattered the silence that had beheld the ship.
“Where are we?”
Zeta 246: “At the party, whoooo. Let’s party.”
“Why is there a party in a black hole?”
Zeta 246: “Why is there a party in your mouth, whooooo.”
Zeta 246 exited the ship and started to dance with the purple rug.
Zeta 4: “Quick, let’s get out of here.”
“But what about Zeta 246?”
Zeta 4: “Leave him.”
“Unfortunately the engines are burnt out.”
Zeta 4: “Damn.”
Someone in a sparkling red uniform danced their way onto the ship in search for accommodations.
“Yo man, man what’s up man? Man come on this party is pumping man, man get on the grove smooth man.”
Zeta 4: “What the heck did you just say?”
“Yo man, man don’t you feel me man? Man, man, why man are you not partying man?”
“Can you repeat that?”
“Man, man, why man are you not partying man?”
Zeta 4: “This is a lost cause.”
“Man that hot chick is digging you man, man, man, man. Man what, where, who, how man.”
Zeta 4: “Man, man, get the hell off our ship man.”
“Okay man, man no need to go loco on me man.”
The uniformed man danced his way back off the ship and into the crowd.
“Yo man, woman.”
Zeta 4 turned to Adam with a painful look on his face.
Zeta 4: "Who was that?"
Adam moved over to the window and looked out over the dance party.
"I don't know but this music is quite good."
Zeta 4: "Not you too."
"Well you can't deny it."
Zeta 4: "And why not? I can deny anything I want to, it's in a Zeta's blood, you know."
"Wow, all that is in human blood is red ink."
Zeta 4: "Red ink?"
"It use to be something else but someone thought it would be a funny prank to fill their blood with ink and it spread after a few generations."
Zeta 4: "I don't think that's scientifically possible."
"Well it happened and now we have a renewable source for pens."
A loud crash from out side the ship startled the two conversationalists, they moved quickly to find out what it was.
*Note* A loud crash is a strong wave of invisible, umm, ah, well waves that have no rhythm (much like the music today). Theses invisible waves pound against the ear drums making them pop inward. Okay that last part was just hocus pocus (or at least you hope so), but I think you get the point if there ever was one. S0o last night I was drinking some coffee and the smallest pack of... *End of Note*
Adam and Zeta 4 made their way into the gathering crowd of mob mentality and focused their attention on the rising platform before them. On the platform sat a tall elegant chair and on the chair sat a very small creature. In a high squeaky voice it said...
"Soldiers who dance to the left of me, countrymen to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you, I am your leader."
Some where in the crowd some one spoke up.
"But I'm not a soldier... I don't even think I've seen you before."
"Throw him in the dungeon!"
An advisor sitting close to the leader rose with hesitant.
"Ah sir, because of cut backs we don't own one of those."
"Fine, throw him in the pit."
"Umm sorry sir, but we're fresh out."
The creature turned to his advisor and gave him a stare of doom.
"Well what do we have?"
"A small square painted on the ground."
"Fine fine, throw him in that."
"Sir..."
"For the love of...What now."
"We really can't throw him in, it's too small."
"Really? Jeepers, is it too much to ask for some respect, I mean come on."
"It costs about..."
"Shut up, just put him in the square, please."
Two guards stormed pass the leader and out into the crowd. After awhile they had located the source of the disturbance and had placed him down in the middle of the small square fit for one person.
"This is really quite pathetic, you know?"
This creature seemed to have a bit of a British accent which is kind of strange because the creature had never been on the planet we call Earth.
"I mean what's going to stop me from walking out of this square? No really, what's going to stop me? This square? I hardly think so."
The leader creature dropped his face into his hands and moaned for a short period of time.
"Does this guy ever stop talking?"
"Well here I go now, I'm going to start walking away. Yup, I'm escaping my imprisonment..."
As soon as the disruptant had placed one foot out of the square a field went up and ZAP he was instantly vaporized.
"What the devil was that?"
"That was a field the vaporizes the annoying, sir."
"Good God, I need one of those for my wife."
"Right away, sir."
"Impressive number one."
"I'm number two, sir."
"What happened to number one?"
"You vaporized him, sir."
"Oh yes, so I did. He was a good man."
"He ate all your sandwiches, sir."
"He did? Throw him in the square!"
"Sir, he's dead remember?"
"Dead? How? Who did this? He was a good man!"
"Oh brother."
"No he's dead along with my mother."
"Sir, weren't you going to address the party?"
"Undress, you say?"
"Address!"
"Oh yes, people of the greatest party ever thrown in our life time and possibly the next few that follow. Wow, that's a long one."
"Yes, sir."
"I'm afraid that our stereo is on the blitz."
"Beg your pardon, the what?"
"The blitz!"
"No I can't hear you speak into the microphone."
"Oh sorry, is that better?"
"Yes, thank you."
"The stereo is on the blitz."
"The what?"
"The blitz! I'm speaking into the mic this time."
"I don't understand"
"The blitz, the blitz."
"Does any one have a dictionary?"
"It's lingo."
"What's lingo?"
"The blitz."
"No I'm not hungry, thank you."
"It means it's broken and we don't know how to fix it."
"Ohhh, can I have it to go?"
"Didn't you check people at the door for stupidity?"
"Everybody the stereo is broken and it's that moron's fault."
"Who?"
"The not so random scapegoat in front of me. Place him in the square!"
Zeta 4: "Let's get out of here."
Adam searched around for an exit.
"How do we do that?"
Zeta 246: "The music is calling me, it's taking control of my brain and telling me to dance."
Zeta 4: "That's impossible the stereo is broken, along with your brain."
Zeta 246 pointed in a direction and protested that the exit was in the opposite direction.
"How do you know?"
Zeta 246: "The music told me if I pointed in a direction then the door out is in the opposite."
They all glanced in the opposite direction Zeta 246 was pointing and sure enough there was a door waiting for it's beholders.
Zeta 4: "Well would you look at that."
Zeta 246: "I'm not totally stupid, just on Mondays to Sundays."
"That's every day."
Zeta 246: "No, there's netherdays."
Zeta 4: "No there isn't, stupid."
Zeta 246: "Are you sure?"
Zeta 4: "As sure, as you are dumb."
Zeta 246: "Okay then it's settled."
Adam shook his head in sympathy. The group of three made their way across the room of dancing idiots and out the door. On the other side of the door was a platform in which they were standing on and beyond was the universe and Earth. Adam's eyes swallowed the view with a passionate burst of overwhelming joy. He had been feeling homesick ever since they had reached the surface of Elactyai.
"That's Earth."
The platform spun around to the other side of the planet and Adam notced something strange about it but he couldn't quite pinpoint it. On what appeared to be the surface of the planet Earth was a big red blotch like some one spilt wine.
"Wait, what is that."
Zeta 4: "That is the mark of failure."
"What? No, I mean I accidentally spilt juice on my jacket."
Zeta 4: "Look at the mark!"
Adam snapped his head up and look at the surface of his home.
"Oh, that's weird, that was never there before."
Zeta 246: "That's because we spun around and around and...oh I'm getting dizzy."
Zeta 4: "Sit down before you hurt yourself. This is not Earth. It's very different from Earth."
"It look's like Earth."
Zeta 4: "No it doesn't!"
"Then what is it?"
Zeta 246: "Are you ready for this? It's going to blow your socks off. Earth two, two, two, two."
"Earth Two, two, two, two?"
Zeta 246: "No, Earth two, that was a dramatic echo."
Zeta 4: "It's different because it's a failed replica of your planet and now it's lonely and abandoned...and a waste of space."
"What happened."
Zeta 246: "Some say it's haunted by old man Jefferson’s ghost, oowww scary."
Zeta 4: "It's not haunted, you fool."
Zeta 246: "No it's not true, ahhhh...oh look a star."
Zeta 246 started to skip about the platform trying to catch a floating star and burning his hands when he did.
Zeta 4: "The programming was filled with errors and caused the whole system to melt down in a matter of point two-fourths of a second."
"That's very precise counting."
Zeta 4: "They're programmers with no lives, what do you expect?"
"Good point."
Zeta 4: "All they did for research was play with a big ball, it didn't even remotely resemble Earth One."
"So how do we fit the ship through the door?"
Zeta 4: "Did you just lose some intelligence? We can't."
"Then how do we get out of here?"
Zeta 4: "Our only choice is to go back the way we came, retrieve Black Betsy and find another way out."
They turned around to leave the way they had came but to their surprise the door had up and vanished without leaving a shred of evidence of it's existance. Adam sighed thinking about how another day was ruined because of a stinking door in the middle of nowhere. Zeta 246 had given up trying to catch something on fire and was now lying on his back rolling around like a cat high on catnip (yes, I said high, get over it.)
"Is he alright?"
Zeta 4: "No."
"Where did the door go?"
Zeta 4: "Do I look like the wizard of Ohz?"
"It's pronounced Oz."
Zeta 4: "Well do I?"
Adam froze with a stupid confused expression on his face. He waited for a few seconds.
"Now that you mention it, I think you have his nose..."
Zeta 4: "We need a ship."
With the mention of a ship, Black Betsy appeared in their graces next to them on the platform in perfect working condition.
Zeta 4: "Whoa, how did that get there?"
Zeta 246: "It was generated."
Zeta 4: "Yes I know, but by whom?"
On the opposite end of the platform a door slide vertically open and a small being was standing in between the doorway. This alien was about four foot five with long arms and long legs (not like the aliens you hear about in today's stories.) The alien took two feet out of the doorway and...(fine, okay, I guess you can call him the typical alien hybrid, there are you happy? You lazy stereo typist. As I was saying...)then turned and ran back inside. The door remained open and Adam and the crew could make out whispering coming from within a small enclosed room. A booming voice seemed to come from the space around them, it said.
"Do not be afraid for we will inflict no harm upon you. We are the voice, we have no physical body as you process..."
"But we saw you come out just now, in the doorway."
The voice now seemed to whisper to another somewhere in the distant room, it said.
"I told you they saw me, they're not blind you know." Another voice seemed to reply in a whisper, "Well they could have been."
The voice returned it's attention to it's impatient guests.
"Then what do I look like?"
Zeta 4: "Small with long arms and long legs. You have big eyes."
"That could have been anyone."
Zeta 246: "Anyone including you, and you, and even me."
Zeta 4: "Look we know it was you and we don't really have time for games."
"Why?"
Zeta 4: "Because we're on a mission to..."
"Why?"
Zeta 4: "Well let me finish..."
"Why?"
Zeta 4: "My goodness this is pointless."
"I know you are but what am I?"
Zeta 4: "Goodbye."
"Wait."
Zeta 4: "What?"
"Please stay, we're ever so lonely."
Zeta 4: "I wonder why."
"If you stay we'll give you stuff."
Zeta 4: "What kind of stuff?"
"How about some electronic books? Or a beautiful artificial bag?"
Zeta 4: "We don't need anything thank you."
"No, I know, how about a can opener?"
Zeta 4: "What did you say?"
"A can opener? Bingo, we have a winner."
Zeta 246: "Yaaaah, what did I win?"
Zeta 4: "It's a figure of speech, stupid."
"Can't it be both?"
Zeta 4: "Are you going to give us that can opener, or not?"
"What?"
Zeta 4: "The can opener!"
"Oh yes...first you must answer the question three."
Zeta 4: "What are you? Illiterate?"
"Yes...They call us the grammar morons."
Zeta 246: "Ahhhh...attack of the grammar morons!"
"No we're peaceful creatures."
Zeta 246: "Ahhhh...they're peaceful!"
"Is he alight?"
Zeta 4: "No."
Zeta 246: "They tied me up with ropes but the ropes let me go and now they're out for their revenge, revenge!"
"Ummm, yeah, okay. He's got issues."
Zeta 4: "Has issues."
"What?"
Zeta 4: "Oh never mind."
Adam took this moment to step into the conversation.
"I don't mean to be rude interrupting but can we have that can opener you promised?"
"Can't you stay any long?"
Zeta 4: "God I hope not."
"Very well. The first question is: What are you wearing?"
Zeta 4: "Seriously?"
Zeta 246: "oh, I know this one...no I don't."
"Clothing."
"Correct, rect, rect, rect!"
Zeta 4: "What the hell was that?"
"Dramatic effect...Two!"
Zeta 4: "Is this going to be stupid?"
"What is your eye colour?"
Zeta 4: "Yup."
"Light."
"That is rrrright..."
Zeta 4: "Please don't..."
"ight, ight, ight! And the final question..."
Zeta 4: "Can we skip this part?"
"What is the number one?"
Zeta 246: "A letter...no wait..."
"A number."
"Correct!"
Zeta 4: "Now do your damn echo."
"rect, rect, rect!"
Zeta 4: "There you go."
"Bonus round!"
Zeta 4: "Wait you never said anything about a bonus round."
"Just kidding."
Zeta 4: "Give us the can opener!"
From above the platform a small opening appeared out of nowhere (like everything else in this novel.) in which a floating table slowly descended from. Adam looked at his watch for something to do.
"Bum, bum...bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum...ba. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum...ba. ba, ba, ba, ba, bum...ba. ba, ba, bum. bum, bum, bum, ba, bum..."
The booming voice took a loud big breath of air and then mildly carried on his tune.
"Bum, ba, bum, ba, bum..."
Zeta 4: "Are you finished?"
"Bum."
When the floating table had finally finished making it's descend from the top of nowhere, the can opener was lifted from the middle of the table.
"Was that really necessary?"
"Don't question our techniques! They are far greater then yours."
Zeta 4: "Thank you for repairing our ship and all but we really must be leaving."
"Was it something I said?"
Zeta 4: "No, you can't help being idiots, you just are."
"Bye, send us a post card."
As the crew were taking off on Black Betsy the ranting of the aliens could be heard concerning the prices of modern day stamps (and they really are quite expensive [like everything else on this planet. {Isn't it crazy, the extent of my grammar power, woo, ha, ha, ha.}])
...

Adam woke up covered in thick blankets that were causing him to sweat more then a basketball player after a big game.
*Note time* Did you know that the average lump of coal is used as a gift to naughty children in an Earth tradition? (crazy isn't it? The truth is that it's all a cover story so your parents can act cruel and inhumane without looking like the bad guy.) True story, actually it's what you will be getting next year. *End of Note*
In the corner of the medium sized room hung a medium sized machine with medium sized buttons and labelled with mediums sized font (large is too big you see).
*Note* this note is so I can write medium countless of time and you can't stop me because...*End of Note*
Adam got out of bed (which was medium sized) and walked over to the flashing machine in the corner to examine it more thoroughly. In retrospect Adam never really had much luck with working with machines and as he started pushing buttons at random it made sounds like something out of a Sci-Fi novel (wink, wink). It reminded him of the time he had blown up a chair with his portable stereo system and if you were to ask the person who repaired it, he still has no idea about how it was possible. Adam backed away from the machine and uttered a terrifying 'oops'. The machine stopped making the noises and in a tray at the bottom rested a newly generated card. Adam picked up the card and looked over it with great interest. On the back he found small typing just barely legble for the naked eye, it said:
'You will be eaten by a man eating horsefly.'
Adam was baffled by the machine's response. He noticed yet another card resting in the tray. In bold letters it said:
'The Sadist Machine.'
Adam tried pressing a few more bottons to raise another response out of the machine when a card fell into the tray.
'Do not press any more buttons, they do not work. I control all of the functions that I have. All except the red button.'
"I wonder what it does."
The machine seemed to hear and response to his question.
'Something horrible...It make's me happy. To be exact, it makes me as preppy as a high school valley girl.'
"Now that's scary and cruel."
'By the way, did you know that your body is in the process of decay?