Hidden Indentity

Never part of the "in" crowd,
Not quite belonging to the outsiders.
Trying to please you,
Just to be recognized.
But, it never seems to work.

So, I hide behind a mask,
Molded for me by society.
I'm not even myself,
Yet I'm still degraded.
Hearing spiteful words,
Seeing crude gestures,
That are all directed at me.

Do you know how much that hurts?
I just want to be accepted,
Instead I'm bleeding inside.
Criticized malevolently,
Just because I'm different.
Are you realizing that you're
Not actually judging me?
Only what I pretend to be.

Somedays I feel like
Jumping up and down,
Waving my arms.
All that,
Just so you'll notice me.

I suffer from a disease,
Called depression.
With the glass shattering at home,
I have nobody to go to.
Forever shrouded,
By falsities.

Things that were said,
A long time ago,
I can still remember.
Repeated so many times,
That I began to believe them.
Changing myself just for you,
Well, that didn't even work.

Now, I'm in disguise,
Behind a flawless glass wall.
Do you pity me?
Bet you say you don't,
But you actually do.

Truth is,
I pity myself,
For telling you this.
Why do I bother,
To think that you care?
You haven't before,
No reason to start now.

Sympathy,
I often feel that for you.
Because, even as
The rose wilts,
And withers away,
You still pay no attetion.

Right now,
I ask you this...
Do you understand me,
Will you ever?
Or will I be chastised infinitely?
Do you see me?
Or do you just choose not to?