Just Another Day

"Just Another Day"

         Just another day in my boring life, how will I ever contain the excitement? Don’t let me answer that, I’d probably say, “Let me kill my roommate, it’d make me happy!” My day officially started with the alarm clock blaring into my ears. What the hell, I thought. I never made it that loud. Nate, it had to be Nate! I promised myself once I got dressed I’d strangle him first thing.
         I flopped out of bed, stretched, bent over in pain when I felt something crack or crunch, and made my way to the bathroom. I felt cursed realizing just how monotonous the whole morning routine really was. I grabbed my electric toothbrush and smeared some toothpaste onto the bristles and slapped it in my mouth. I pushed down on the button and nothing happened, so I pushed harder, still nothing. Crap, I thought, batteries must be dead. So I was forced to do it the old fashioned way.
         After a hot shower, which luckily wasn’t interrupted by the neighbors flushing their toilet, I went to my closet and pulled out my suit. I hated my job; I was a programmer for LT-ONE Technologies. Essentially we fixed what the other guys screwed up. We’ve single handedly saved a lot of major companies from going under. You’d be surprised what kind of things their screw ups could lead to.
         I sat on my bed, loathing the impending agony of another day of work and started putting my clothes on. I finally got to the last piece, my tie. I hated ties; they’re uncomfortable and impossible to tie. I just buy the clip on kind. Finally I was dressed, a small accomplishment yes, but on a Monday it counts.
         I walked out into the living room to find my roommate sitting on the couch. He was watching the news and putting together a jig-saw puzzle. The man was obsessed with both those things. His obsession with the news was at least understandable, but he kind of creeped us all out with the jig-saw puzzle thing.
         I continued through the living room into the kitchen. I was shocked, the garbage can was empty. I walked back into the living room. “What happened to our garbage?”
         “I took the trash out this morning.”
         I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was the same man, who when his room got to messy to reach his bed any more decided to just sleep in the living room from then on out. I looked toward the window and told him, “I don’t see the flying pigs, which means you want something from me.”
         “Good guess Sherlock.”
         “Alright, what is it? Dare I even ask, because I know I’ll regret it.”
         “My sister needs some one to drive her to the airport. I was thinking maybe you could do that for her,” he had to be joking. Why would anyone in their right mind even go within half a mile of her? The last time she visited we learned first hand how to apply plaster to a ceiling. I might also add we learned how to shingle a roof.
         “You’re out of your mind, right? What makes you think I’d ever pick you sister up and drive her to the airport?”
         “I also cleaned out the fridge,” he dropped the a-bomb. There was no way I could say no now. We had been ordering out for a month after the meat loaf attacked us. I’m not even joking. It lunged for my throat I swear.
         “How did you clean out the fridge?”
         “I got a hose and I put one end in the top of a chlorine jug and the other in an opening in the back of the fridge. The chlorine fumes weakened the meat loaf pretty good, though the little bugger still had a little fight left in it. But you remember that stun gun I bought, that finished it off.”
         I couldn’t believe it, he killed it. “Fine, I suppose I owe you. The thing did try to kill me after all. But just this once, don’t ever expect me to drive her anywhere ever again. I’m still expecting the roof to cave in on me.”
         “Man, don’t worry about. Mom said they put her on a new medication now. Some pink pill called XCV blocker or whatever. Here’s her address, she’s need to be there by six, her flight’s at eight,” he handed me a piece of paper with an address on it. “Besides, wait until you meet her cousin. She’s hotter than anyone I know, but we’re related so I’m out of the picture. Can’t go having babies with two heads or something.”
         “You know you have a sick obsession with her cousin, which is also your cousin. I might add the jig-saw puzzle thing is really starting to creep Kevin out.”
         “Dude, remember we don’t share the same uncle or whatever, so technically she’s my step cousin or whatever. Oh yeah, Kevin called before, said he needed to charge something on one of your credit cards, so I gave him the number and everything.”
         “You did what?”
         “You’re welcome. He said he needed to buy something and that it wasn’t cheap.”
         “You’ve got to be kidding me. Kev’s a compulsive shopper. I’ll just call the credit card company when I get to work and put a stop on the card.” I paused for a moment; I had to see this thing with the fridge. I walked back into the kitchen and cautiously opened the door. Dear god, that was not right. “Nate, I think the chlorine had a side effect.”
         “Like what dude?”
         “I think the pickles are reproducing with one another.”
         “Really? Cool, I gotta call the news people!”
         “You do that Nate; I’m going to work now.” This day was already scary enough, and I had the joy of driving his sister to look forward to. I walked out our front door and straight to my car. I went straight to work, the gridlock, morning traffic didn’t even faze me this time.
         I pulled up to one of the remote parking spaces, I wasn’t anybody special. Even the grueling walk to the building seemed okay. I walked in and sat at my desk. We didn’t have cubicles really, and the idea of privacy would have been a plus. Everybody could see everybody else. God, what a sickening idea that is. But today the prying eyes didn’t really get to me. I was too hung up on the hell ride in store for me later today.
         But I had thought enough to pick up the phone and call the credit card people. “Hello?” Damn, yet another automated service, for your convenience or course. I should have gotten a job working as a Visa support employee, I bet I’d never have to do a thing, least of which would be picking up the phone. I suffered through the push button menus and finally put a stop on the card. I figured if Kevin got made at me I’d just turn it all around on Nate instead. It was his fault after all.
         The rest of my day went pretty slow. I was stuck with a hellish C++ program that seemed to contradict it’s every programming. At one point I actually found a command that triggered the program to both start and end at the same time, resulting in a fatal error and a need to reboot the machine for the user. What will they think up next?
         Finally lunch came around. I needed a break from what I was doing. One more algorithm and I thought I would keel over and die. I went down to the cafeteria, if you could call it that. I ordered my food and found my friend Jasmine and took a seat.
         “Hey, what’s up?”
         “I’m having the day from hell. Not the least of which involves me driving Nate’s sister to the airport later.” The look on her face would have been perfect for the cover of some horror game.
         “Why in God’s name would you ever agree to drive his sister to the airport? If I remember correctly she was involved in that whole roof collapse thing you guys went through five months ago.”
         “Yeah, she was the cause actually. She claims she was playing Frisbee indoors, and can’t understand how the rest happened.”
         “Frisbee? She said that was the cause of your roof coming down on top your heads? I pity you. I just hope you’re alive when this is said and done.”
         “Tell me about it.”
         “Just what made you agree to do this little favor for Nate anyway?”
         “He cleaned the fridge out. You remember our meat loaf problem.”
         “Yeah I do, lucky for you I speak Klingon and was able to keep it from starting that army to take over the kitchen. By the way, how do you think it learned Klingon in the first place?”
         “Trust me I don’t want to know. Besides, now we have an issue with the pickles. I swear they were reproducing in there.” Most people would probably be freaked out by this sort of thing, but Jasmine has been my friend since the fourth grade, and yes she did act as interpreter between us and the meat loaf.
         “Let me guess, Nate’s contacted the proper people? Live at 11:00.”
         “He practically jumped out of his seat. Though I doubt they’ll go for it. Especially after the meat loaf nearly killed the last reporter they sent our way. By the way, do you know if they released him from the mental hospital yet?”
         “I heard he’s going to be there a while. Something about leading an army against the evil meat loaf empire.”
         “Oh. Poor guy, not his fault the meat loaf hated reporters…and string cheese.”
         “Yeah, that was a little weird. I’ve got to get going again, they got be fixing an infected program. You’d think people would learn to use anti-virus every once in a while.” With that she headed back to her floor. I finished up with lunch and went back to work my own self. Four more hours and I could enjoy the company of the Nate’s sister. God how I wanted to wrap the mouse cord around my neck and strangle myself.
         Finally work was over and I headed back out to my car. It was 4:30, which meant I had to go pick up Nate’s sister soon if I wanted to get there on time. I figured I might as well face my doom, no since putting it off any longer. I went to the address he gave me, which was a hell in it’s own to find. Good thing I started early. I had no idea our city zoned three different Main Streets. Let along that they were all with a five block radius of one another. There it was his mother’s house. I could feel shivers go down my spine.
         I didn’t have nearly enough time to fully enjoy my horror though. The second I stopped the car his sister came running out with some of her luggage. “Hey, how are ya?” Great, I was hoping she wouldn’t recognize me and I could flee and tell Nate I got stuck in grid lock or something.
         “Hi. Here, I’ll help you with your luggage.” I got out of the car and helped drag the stuff to the trunk. One bag in particular seemed to weigh a ton, “Hey, what’s in this thing anyway?”
         “Oh, that one? Just some dirt. I’m going to start a garden when I get to France.” I reminded myself she took out our roof with a Frisbee, don’t be surprised about this. “I’m going to grow Venus Fly Traps. Hey, I know, I’ll send you one once they get all grown up and stuff.”
         “Thanks, maybe it can take care of some of the stuff that’s living in our fridge.”
         “Hey, I thought Nate took care of that?”
         “He managed to off the meat loaf, but now we got a thing going on with the pickles. It might potentially show up on the news later tonight, if he can convince them to send another reporter to our house. The last guy is still in the mental hospital.”
         “Aw, that’s too bad. He was a nice guy.” She chuckled a little. I got the impression she knew the guy pretty well, or that she got to know him once the meat loaf had made him go insane.
         Once we finally got all her luggage in the car we were off to the airport. The drive was interesting to say the least. For one thing she insisted we listen to her favorite station. I figured why not. Little did I know the music they played was “hard core polka.” That’s not the half of it. She also decided to belt out the tunes through the window in rather packed traffic. I think one guy was loading his shot gun and one point, luckily there was a break in the traffic and we got pretty far ahead of him. I was not prepared for what she did during the twenty minute wait along the highway. We had been waiting about fifteen minutes when she hoped out of the car and climbed on top and started to dance to the hard core polka music! I regretted not making use of that mouse cord earlier. Luckily she only did it for the one song and got back in the car.
         The hell ride finally came to an end when we got to the airport. I helped her get her luggage out and made sure she got her tickets alright. We walked up to the counter and she asked the lady for two tickets. I wasn’t really paying much attention until Nate’s sister tapped me on the shoulders and said, “Oh hey, can I ask a really big favor. I’m a little short on cash right now. Do you mind if I charge the ticket on your card. I promise I’ll pay you back.” I didn’t believe it. She didn’t have the money for her airplane ticket? This wasn’t happening; I had to make sure she got on that plane. I was not driving her back home no matter what! I figured why not, I’ll make sure she pays me back. Then it dawned on me. I had put on stop on the card after Nate told me about Kevin wanting to use it, and Nate, being the friend he is, sneaking into my room and giving the info to Kevin.
         “You’ve got to be joking; you can’t pay for your ticket?”
         “I’m sorry; I promise I’ll pay you back. Interest and all, besides you got that nice fixed low rate I’m sure.”
         “One small problem, I had to put a stop on the card this morning. I can’t use it right now.” I wanted to die, I wanted to die. How was I going to get her that ticket now? I pulled out my cell phone and called Nate. Unfortunately Nate’s had a few run ins with credit in the past. He mentioned something about not being allowed in Canada ever again.
         I hated to have to go with my next option, but I didn’t see myself having much choice. I called up Jasmine and told what was going on with Nate’s sister and all. She fully understood the severity of the situation. She was kind enough to let us charge the ticket to her credit card. I hated the prospect of getting her involved and I knew I owed her big time. She figured I could pay her back by taking on a project she got stuck with at work that wasn’t getting anywhere.
         Well luckily Nate’s sister got on her plane and was off to France. She sent us a Venus Fly Trap about a month later. We put it in the fridge in hopes of it taking out a few things; unfortunately the pickles were more formidable than we anticipated. Nate’s sister sent money from her business venture to Jasmine to pay off the ticket. I meanwhile got stuck with an impossible program to fix at work. The news people refused to send any reporters to our house, even after Nate told them about the fate of the Venus Fly Trap and how the pickles talked in Pig Latin. We’ve been ordering out still with no sign of the fridge ever being reclaimed in the name of humanity. Kevin keeps complaining it was the worse day of his life on the count of me stopping the credit card. Apparently he was going to surprise us with a new fridge, but he needed my card to pay for some of it. When I look back at I guess it was really just another day.