if only you knew..

There are many things that you don't know
things about me, emotions i never show
things within me, feelings bottled up inside
the things that i fear and the times I've cried
sadness lurking in my heart, and the anger within
the lonely, painful times there have been
the times when no one was there to know how i feel
the things people don't realize about me, but it's all for real
there have been times when all i could do was cry
when everyone and everything frustrate me and i don't know why
people used to make me so happy, all i could do was smile
now i can't remember the last time i was truly happy because it's been a while
i used to think my life was pretty good
i went to school and did everything just like i should
but now, i really could care less
my life's a jumble, just one big mess
i'm sick of everyone and everything around me
they're all so clueless, they think they know me, but don't they see?
it's like everyone's so completely blind
but perhaps one day the truth about me they will find
if only you knew
some of the things i've been through
then maybe you'd understand why sometimes i just don't give a damn
why sometimes i'm sad and don't know why
why when you ask me what's wrong, i lie
why sometimes i'm a little sensitive
and why sometimes it's hard for me to forgive
if only you knew how i feel inside
but you don't, because that's something i choose to hide
i know most of the time i don't make much sense
just talk to me though, and perhaps it's you i can convice
that inside me, there is a great love
a feeling of which few people truly know of
i'm not filled with anger and hate
more like so much pressure and confusion i can't ever see straight
if only you knew
the things i've been through
if you knew all the things i'm up against just in one day
then maybe you wouldn't treat me this way
if you'd realize that i'm trying very hard
to open up and let down my guard
then maybe you'd get to knbow the REAL me a little more
if only you really knew me, i promise it wouldn't be a bore
you'd know what i feel so deep inside
you'd know the things about me that i so easily hide
you'd know what was really going on in my head
and know everything i wish i had said
but, if only you knew,
that really and truly,.. I love you