Gunshy Suicide

I have become the essence of my shame
And molded myself into what you hate
Just so I can taste the once familiar pain
I shiver at my own resolute

I am mute when you need comfort
Deaf when you need release
Cripple when you begin to fall
And a virus

I am not your love
I am your disease
A cancer that is taking your life
A death from life

I was once a dream
A "knight in shining armor"
That you would dream of
Where I would come to take you away

I have turned into a parasite
All I have to offer is infection
And an irritating itch after my bite
Please kill me

Perhaps your will cannot
But that does not matter
For it will test my wills strength
To see if it can kill itself

The words you cry to me may seem ineffective to me
And the tears you shed may seem not to bother me
But my soul screams in pain every time my flesh intervenes
I think it's time to teach my flesh a lesson...with grace of hot lead

I do not understand how you find purpose to this life
I cannot listen to anyone
I cannot even listen to myself
Everyone has lies spilling from their lips

I guess this is what happens when you hold on too tight
You get the shaft in the end whether you try or not
So I will not make myself uncomfortable
But the taste of tears and blood are making me nauseous

So much for dreams and hopes
Where there was once a belief in them now sits a box of letters
Letters and words that fueled my motivation
Are now burnt and disintegrate with the touch of wind

I have no dreams
I have no desires
No hopes
No aspiration

Is that a crime?
To refuse to care about the future
To deal myself short and cheat myself of life
Am I guilty of a crime I never meant to commit?

So what is to be the rest of my life?
I would take the rest of my time and give it to someone else if I could
So they could live twice as long
Obviously someone must be amused so simply to want life