The End

THE END

She sat there. Just sat. Numb, that’s all she felt, numb. “Why?” she wondered. How did they expect her to understand at thirteen? Her thoughts wandered back to yesterday; her first real kiss. Hard to believe, but yesterday was so much different than today. She and Tommy fishing at the creek, she was so in love. Now this, she wondered why, over and over, why?
She could hear them in the other room. Panic, fear, anger, she couldn't help but hear it overflowing into her room.
“That stupid president!” she heard her father say. “Didn’t he think about this happening? I thought our government was suppose to have something in place to stop nuclear attacks!”
His anger was stronger than she had ever heard. “What was the reason for this war? I'll tell you! It was to keep this kind of thing from happening, now look! He’s destroyed all of us! You can sure bet he’s in a safe place. Pawns, that’s all we are, pawns in his overpowering plan! Now what are we suppose to do?”
She could hear the television. Newscasters talking, warning people, sirens going off in the background. But, no one said what could be done to stop this.
“Pray,” she heard her mother say in the quiet voice she always used, “we need to pray. God is the only one who can help us now. We won’t get anywhere criticizing; it’s already been done, just pray with me. Please.”
The sounds drifted off and slowly, as if in a dream, she got up and walked to the window. Outside it was raining. But she didn’t see any rain; she was gone. Gone in a fog of memories. She thought about her life, playing in the yard outside, the first time she rode her bike, the feeling of pride she had that swept through her when she finally learned to ride. She thought of her first bike wreck and her fear when she saw the blood from the scrapes on her knee. She remembered her father’s strong hands, picking her up and carrying her in the house while she cried against his chest. He made her feel so much better. His words, love and strength had always been there for her. But now, he couldn’t do anything.
She looked over at the garden. She and her mom had planted it. She enjoyed her time in the garden with Mom. She had the wisest mother in the world. They talked about anything and everything in that garden. Once, her mom had told her that gardens were good for more than just growing plants; they were good for growing girls as well.
Her mind drifted back to the time she asked Mom about love. She had loved Tommy for so long, but he never seemed to return it, or to even like her. She knew she must have been the ugliest girl in school. But, when she talked to her mom, she felt so much better.
"You're not ugly," her mother had said. "You're more beautiful than any flower on this earth."
Then, her mother explained that sometimes girls have to make the first move. She should ask him to go riding, fishing or even to get a coke with her.
"But, always remember,” she said, "be yourself. Don't try to be something you're not."
She remembered how she walked up and asked Tommy if he wanted to go fishing. She remembered how that had taken every bit of courage in her. She remembered how she shook inside while she knew he heard her excitement in her voice.
But Tommy said, "Sure." She would never forget that word as long as she lived: “Sure.” She couldn't believe it; she was so happy!
That day, the day they went fishing, was the most magical and wonderful day in her whole life. They walked side by side to the creek. They talked and talked and talked. They talked about everything, the flowers, the trees, their hopes and dreams. He wanted to go into construction, just like his dad. Oh, to think; a strong carpenter . . . That would be so wonderful. And, she could already picture him as a carpenter. He was so strong and tall; and his dark brown hair added perfectly to the rugged image she loved so much about him. He would make the perfect carpenter.
She told him she wanted to be president and he didn’t think it was stupid. He thought it was a great plan and even said he would vote for her. She just about floated into space when he said that.
They fished most of the afternoon. And what an afternoon it was! A perfect, beautiful spring day, warm enough that they took off their shoes and hung their feet in the water. Sunny, but the brightness in the sky didn't hold a candle to the brightness in her heart. No wind at all, the world just seemed to stand still. The perfect day.
She smiled as she thought of how it happened, the most wonderful, fantastic thing that could ever happen. They were chatting, she didn't remember about what. When suddenly their eyes met. It was like two angels joined their eyes together and they couldn't take them apart. They both went silent. They looked at each other. For the longest time they just gazed in each other’s eyes. She remembered her heart beating a thousand miles a minute. She had never felt the deep, deep feeling she felt at that moment. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, he placed his hand on her shoulder. Oh, she remembered the shivers that went down her spine. Then, he gently, lovingly and, more tender than tender, touched her lips with his. That was the most beautiful feeling she had ever felt. No words could ever describe that moment. She knew then she was the most blessed girl in the world. She loved him and she could feel his love in his kiss. She wanted to be with him forever. She wanted to give her whole life to him.
Life. Oh dear, that word jerked her back to reality. Oh, she couldn’t die today. She just couldn’t. She loved him. She wanted to be with him. She longed to be back at the creek with him. Why? Oh why? Tears stung her eyes. She thought about her dreams. She wanted to be president. She wanted to live and love. She couldn’t die now. She just couldn’t.
Silently, deep, deep inside of her she screamed; a loud, panicking scream. Every ounce of her energy went into the scream. No! No, No, No! This can’t happen! It just can’t! I’m young! I want to live! No!
Then the tears came. Rushing tears, hysterical tears, she was going to die! Somebody had to do something! Please! she begged. Please! Somebody! Anybody! Do something! Stop this! Please! She would give anything, everything! Just stop this! Please!
She fell on the bed and used her pillow for a muffler. The tears kept coming, she cried and cried, a desperate, miserable cry.

Suddenly, fear hit her. What would it be like? Would it hurt? She didn’t want to hurt. What if it was terribly painful? Oh, this can’t happen, it just can’t! She had school tomorrow, a ball game this week, a life to live, and dreams to chase!
Her father’s voice interrupted her cries. He was calling her. “Hurry up!” she heard him say. “If we’re going, we have to go now.”
He did it! She thought. He figured out a way to save us! I knew he could do it! Quickly she jumped up and wiped her face. Relief swept through her body. She almost ran to the living room.
The look on her parent’s faces immediately told her, he hadn’t figured out anything. They looked old, older than she had ever seen anyone look and sadder than sad. She had never seen her parents like this. Her mom clutched the Bible tightly in her arms and the worry lines on her face were deeper than the deepest river in the world.
Her father looked nervous and weak. He had never looked weak to her before. Fear embraced his face. Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. Tears came again.
“Oh, God, this is really happening,” she said. Suddenly, both parents had her in their arms and together the three of them cried. Her parents cried and held her and each other, as if they would never get the chance again. A desperate hold; she knew they so much wanted to comfort her and tell her it would be okay, but they couldn’t. Not this time, it was over, everything was over.
Her father took her mother’s face in his hands and told her if they were going to go, they had to go now.
Mom looked up at him and slowly nodded her head. Silently, they walked out of their home. They walked away from their memories, their lives and their future. They walked out into the rain. She followed her parents into the rain on this most terrible of nights. They walked, silently. Then they stopped under a tree. She looked to her dad for answers.
“We must go immediately,” he said. “We can’t be in any shelter; we don’t want to suffer; we must just let it get us.”
Slowly, he took their hands and they knelt to pray.
*****
Three tiny, helpless creatures in a huge, vast universe knelt together for the last time and prayed.

Copyright Ó 2003 by Anna Rice