Empathy

         Imagine that you’ve just heard a terrible speech. You can’t believe how horrible it was. You couldn’t hear a word said because the student was either stuttering or mumbling—so after awhile, you just found yourself doodling in your notes. If he didn’t put any effort into this speech, you shouldn’t have to put any effort into listening.
         Chances are you’ve thought something like the previous in a classroom situation. You found yourself bored, and decided to act as you deemed appropriate. However, if you had attempted to see the other side of the story, you probably would have reacted differently. Just imagine being that other student:
         You can’t believe you still had to give your speech. Your life’s been nothing but trouble lately, and it’s only going to get worse. You know you’ve just bombed this speech. Your classmates are either snickering at you, or have long ago stopped listening. The teacher is scribbling at your critique form like there’s no tomorrow. You put so much effort into getting the speech written perfectly, but with school, work, and taking care of the baby, there was no time to practice. You just can’t win.
          Once you take the time to try to imagine yourself in another person’s shoes, you can draw more accurate conclusions about what to do and how to feel. This kind of understanding is known as empathy.
          We can all agree that today, humanity is confronted with infinite problems. We are facing crisis after crisis. The root cause of all circumstances lies in the state of human consciousness.
         There is an inherent human greed that leads an individual to not bother about the interests of others, only himself. In the absence of empathy, one loses the capacity to appreciate the necessity of those around him. He does not see any injustice in the tormenting and exploitation of any individual. Relationships are therefore affected, because nobody wants to spend the rest of their life with an insensitive person who doesn’t care about their problems. This definitely poses a problem. Only by experiencing an emotional interaction with people can a person gain a full understanding of the blessings and tragedies of the human condition.
         After more than thirty years of pursuing his hobby of observing people, Dr. Lawrence J. Bookbinder, Ph. D, has concluded that humans rarely use empathy. He created his own self-help website, Touch Another Heart, in the hopes of educating the public about empathy, and teaching them how they could empathize with those around them. On this website, he has written: “I believe that (the) neglect [to use empathy, listening skills, and acknowledgements with each other] is one of humankind’s tragedies because we deprive ourselves of the potential of these skills to improve our relationships and deepen our emotional intimacy. A second tragedy is that most of us are not aware of this neglect.”
         Unfortunately, these characteristics aren’t limited to just a few people. In fact, a majority of Americans are known to lack empathy. And when the majority follows this practice, the effect on the society is catastrophic. Right now, at this moment, we are all part of a common community: college students. We all are here to earn our degrees so we can get jobs so we can support ourselves. Our “I’ve got to do what’s best for me” thinking is going to affect our community.
         Melissa Vito is Dean of Students at the University of Arizona, who has personally seen the effects of a lack of empathy at her university. She says, “What occurs…is tension, misunderstanding, and in some cases, hostility…Lack of empathy results in a community where, simply put, we do not give each other a break. We tend to assume the worst of every situation.” We keep our distance from each other.
         The answer to our problem is to practice empathy. Empathy is understanding the issues or concerns that lie behind another’s feelings. It is being aware of and being sensitive to other’s feelings, thoughts and experiences. Empathy is said to put feet to one’s feelings; it’s evidence that we care about those around us. It is when a person is so fully compassionate that he or she is propelled into action. The act might be merely expressing a kind thought or perhaps a great one, such as attempting to save another’s life.
         Lawrence J. Bookbinder, Ph. D., has found that empathy can benefit each party involved. The person receiving the empathy has the benefit of:
                   • Making sense of a puzzling experience from “bouncing” ideas off someone who listens without giving analyses or advice
                   • Becoming aware of an unconscious feeling from opening up in response to being listened to with empathy and without interruption or criticism, and most importantly:
                   • Experiencing relief from distress, because if others know what you are going through, then they must have experienced—and survived—it themselves.
The benefits of the empathizer include:
                   • Being prized by a conversation partner for giving her an opportunity to talk about something that matters to her
                   • Feeling good about yourself for giving a loved one an opportunity to talk
                   • Learning about lifestyles radically different from yours.
         Although the problems of a lack of empathy are spread throughout the community and society, the solution is easy enough. One by one, we should each try to become an empathic person. Empathic people are those who express their feelings toward your problems with sympathy. Those with empathy understand others. Empathic people care about others and try to put themselves in other’s situations. People with this competency are attentive to emotional cues and listen well, show sensitivity and understand other’s perspectives, and help out based on understanding other people’s needs and feelings. Remember, to have empathy is to be at a vantage point, because you will understand what your friends and peers are going through, and why. Others will be able to trust you.
         Again, Melissa Vito, on our college community: “I believe that if more of us would stop and try to put themselves in the place of others the quality of (our) community would improve considerably. Enhancing the ability of each of us to try to put ourselves in the place of someone else would not only increase understanding, but also reduce the judgment and preconceived stereotypes which frequently guide our discussions and decisions. ”
         For those who believe they must be thinking of themselves as #1 in order to have a successful college career, becoming an empathic person can also be beneficial to our GPA. Empathy is regarded by more and more educators as a key attribute of a successful learner. Researchers have identified significant correlations between students’ scores on measures of empathetic understanding and their grade point averages.
         Just a few minutes ago, I mentioned a situation in which a student did poorly on a speech. While this student was thinking the world had turned against him, the rest of the class had fed this belief by snickering. However, the rest of the class should have reacted with empathy. So let’s relive the situation…
         As the teacher called the student’s name and he walked to the front of the class, you could tell he was nervous. Instantly, he began to stutter his introduction. Yup. Definitely nervous. Exactly how you feel when you go up there. You make a point to slide up in your seat and act like his is the most important speech in the world. As he stumbles over a word, he looks at you and you mouth it for him. He smiles and is finally able to say it. You hope the teacher goes easy on this one…
         When you remember that that’s how you feel when you give speeches, you are empathizing with the student. Instead of being negative, your thoughts are positive and you’ll actually enjoy the speech more.
         As for the speaker, an amazing thing happens when we help another person get in touch with their motivating hope—they become conscious. The nature of their thinking shifts away from blaming people and events. Instead their thinking becomes positive. They think about the good things they want and begin to think about how to bring them about.
         You’ve seen how empathy can make the best of a bad situation. Unfortunately, “We don’t verbalize a goal of working to increase empathy… However, I believe that we need to be explicit in our stating that building empathy among members of this campus community is a worthy goal.” – Melissa Vito
         As students, we should work to become empathic people. It is crucial that we try and analyze the effects of our actions even as we contemplate doing them. All empathy requires is a genuine interest in knowing how other people are feeling.
         Several easy steps may be taken to achieve empathy:
                   1. Learn what feelings are and how they work. Focus on your own feelings—the different kinds of feelings they have and what feelings are associated with what kinds of situations.
                   2. Focus on similarities between yourself and others: There is a close connection between responding empathically to another person and perceiving that person as similar to oneself.
                   3. Take someone else’s point of view. Imagine you’re in their situation. How would you feel?
                   4. Show someone you understand what they’re feeling. Use your body and your words to show you care.
                   5. View fictional dramatic situations, such as a dramatic movie. You will feel for the characters involved. Exposure to emotional arousing stimuli tends to increase empathetic feelings and responses.
         Remember: Empathy may be hard at first, but it gets easier with practice.