My Legacy

Dear Frank*
         Though you are not yet born, I know I will die before you ever get to know me. Frank, my boy, I want you to know who I am before my time is over.


         Growing up, some things developed that never changed. From the time I was little, I loved to argue, I was stubborn, and I was a little brash. It probably stemmed from the overprotective nature of my parents. I was also quite emotional, but in the sense of always showing emotion, as I was very angry throughout my life. It got worse the older I grew. Perhaps the only thing I can say I approve is that from the time I was born, I was intelligent and had a keen mind. This trait, among others, had a tendency to both earn me respect and bring me pain, as it was a blessed curse.

         I think in a lot of ways I didn't change too much, personality wise. In retrospect, I became independent earlier in life and was always wanting to move along in my life. As I matured (which happened earlier than expected), I also became a lot more critical and opinionated. My stubborness led to me constantly insisting it was my way or the highway, and this often place a tax on my mind, more like a drug, actually; I knew damn well it was detrimental to my health, but my body and soul were bound to be lost without it. Still, some hobbies eventually shaped my personality, molding it into something a bit closer to congenial. As I unearthed talents that had always tried to make their way to the forefront, I found myself enjoying the pleasures of writing and music, two hobbies that eanred me recognition (even without practice).

         It took me almost 20 years of plowing through masses of self doubt and sanity sapping mood swings before I could see myself from two perspectives: that of others and that of myself. Some viewed me as brash, insensitive, argumentative, proud, stubborn, and prone to overreacting. Others felt I was intelligent, enlightened, independent, and mature. Some things have been pinpointed correctly while others are off (in my opinion). Don't get me wrong, though. Everything I can imagine being a personality trait can be found in all people. Only certain things end up being manifested in an individual, though, making us unique. You will learn that in time, Frank, and I hope my perspective helps you in that lesson. Just remember that whatever you choose to form your personality, it is you, and it is everyone else, too. How you choose to display is what makes you individual.

Love,

Mom

*-What I call my unborn child.