something that should have been said a long time ago. |
ive said too damn much of what ive wanted to say. ive incriminated myself against myself. time creates more to say and there is so much more to say. the things ive said are already enough to breed distrust, to fucking suck the life out of the relationship ive wanted all along with you. your name is spoken and all who hear have my past mistakes glued, so nothing i do and everything i do revolve around the fact im infatuated with you. all emotions be damned, thats entirely true. you are the tease of my eye, the portrayal of perfection; how can i deny your part in my life - love would have been nice, but thats not reality. too many things would have been nice, but i love my life, ive never thought twice. now its time every last one of you know this fact too. ive said too damn much of what ive wanted to say. to everyone... it's time it's all said, it's past time..but now hear them my way. so read these lines like your inhaling lines, let every letter affect your brain. love was never part of the equation, it's never been there. if this creates shock i hope it hurts. i hope you hurt as much as i did when my feelings as a friend were mistaken again and again for feelings i always had but were misconstrued. when i asked about her it wasnt an invitation for you to assume that my thoughts revolved around her and i was consumed. im not, so stop being a burden to my emotional curtain ive used to shield my thoughts from what is not true. be a friend, and let a friend have thoughts of a friend without adding your own mix of shit not needed. mind your own damn farm and seed it, but stay away from mine and let me reap the sow ive already grown. these are my words to you so take them how you want them, eat them, breathe them or leave them. just know by them that what you thought isnt true. ive said too damn much of what ive wanted to say. to her... you know how i feel, ive already said too much of what is in my head. but you too, are easily read and it's time i differentiated the fallacies you surely believe. lying about the situation has bred contempt in our friendship. you no more want to believe me than you readily want to accept the words of all you confide in. im trying i liked the friend i once was to you. what about you? your lips part to say some great things and the point is any compliment i give to you is not a prelude to a kiss. it is my way of making up for the mistakes ive made that hurt you. weve conversed about our thoughts, and my lust for you is well known but misunderstood. you embody the perfect form that any naked eye could ever want. maybe its just my eyes that truly are addicted to your curves, your eyes and beautiful skin. men attached who have no right to speak of such things can remain silent when i am forced to explain the entirety of my feelings. the humor is added when it's decided that all men lust. so why are my attractions the ones that are wrung thin to drip at my feet and be deciphered without any cause except i am attracted to someone? it's time that was said, being awkward around each other has grown old. you do what you want, please include me as a friend. more has never been done or attempted. i can say with certainty i would like differently, and i wish physical things could happen. but i beg you dont let these words confuse what is true. none of this can happen, its a pattern in my life to not have what i want, and its accepted. to who reads this, dont read between the lines i have nothing disguised. what you believe is a lie. let me live with my friendship to them both, if it remains. |