Have a Doughnut?

         I think I've converted Frack to jelly donuts. She's standing over my desk, reading a missing person report and holding a cream-filled donut in her hand. Now she's sucking the filling out of it without touching the pastry. How does she do that? I've been eating them since I was a kid and I can't. I prefer nibbling around the good part, saving it for last.

         "So this Pollie kid turned up missing after going out to Trick or Treat?"

         I nod my agreement. My mind's on the raspberry-filled, sugar-covered treat in my hand. I'm going to see if I can pull a Frack on it. Here's the filling hole, hmmmm, nothing's coming. Maybe I better give it a puff to clear the path.

         "FRICK! You got jelly all over my white sneakers. Yuck. See if I come to your house for breakfast again."

         The napkin only seemed to smear the red stain, and there's some on her sock too. I wonder if Mehrtens, sitting across the aisle, picked up on her comment about breakfast at my house. I don't think we are ready to be a station house item yet.

         "Forget it Frick. They're my old pair. We've got to get out to this cabin place and interview the foster mother." Stuffing her notebook in her jacket pocket, she heads toward the door. I swallow the last of the donut-sans-filling and follow. "Frick, don't forget the donuts. These guys don't need to eat any more."

         The "cabin" would look like painted scenery except there's a woman sweeping the front porch. We pull the car close and get out. I've learned from experience that Pods is better than me at talking to members of the fair sex so I let her take control.

         "Are you the Ms. Gailey who reported your son missing?

         "Yes, Ma'am, but he's not my son. I just have custody this month; last month was Wannabe's turn and he is supposed to visit Gypsy starting next week. But he went out trick or treating yesterday and hasn't come back."

         I can't keep silent. "You let him go alone, ma'am, with people like Starr From The Darkside lurking about?" She begins to cry.

         "Fill your trap with another donut, willya Frick, and let me talk to Ms. Gailey. Now tell me, what does he look like? Do you have a photo? When did you see him last."

         Ummmm, this one looks like it's filled with apple and cinnamon, a real favorite of mine. I must admit, Frack has a way with victims; the woman has stopped crying and her face is brightening. She is looking at the bag.

         "Jelly donuts? Can I have one?" I hold the bag out. First Gailey takes a powdered jelly, then Frack sticks her hand in and comes out with the last fruit-filled one. "Now don't get crumbs on my clean floor," warns Gailey.

         Frack chooses that moment to do her magic trick again, causing the amazed Gailey to drop her donut atop Frack's other white sneaker. "How do you do that?" she asks as she tries to clean off the sneaker. "Oh, it's a trick my father taught me. Don't worry about the shoe; partner here christened the other one earlier. Now tell me what little Mr. Pollie, errr, Rolley Pollie, looks like."

         "It's not Raul-ee Paul-ee, it's Roll-ee, Poll-ee. Well, he's short, he has a kind-of cow lick sticking up in the middle of his forehead, and a cute smile painted permanently on his face."

         "Do you have a photograph, ma'am?"

         She's inside only a minute. When she returns she hands Frack a small, gold-framed snapshot.

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         The photo boggles my mind. "Is that a diaper he's wearing? Isn't he going to be a little cold?" Frack shoots me a dagger, but the woman doesn't notice. She shakes her head, "You'll have to ask Wannabe; she created him."

         "Created?" We both say it at once.

         "Yes, on a dark and stormy night in her castle."

         Frack reads my mind. "Never mind, I don't think we want to know." Frack asks when she has seen him last.

         "He went off into the woods down that path. I was worried, so I gave him a bag of glazed donuts and told him to drop crumbs along his path in case he became lost. When he didn't come home, I was going to follow, but I thought I'd better stay by the phone in case he called. He has his cell phone. He carries it inside that whatever it is he wears. Oh, I do hope the little toofer is safe."

         "Come on, Frick, let's get after him."

         Little did I know that it was to be the start of our most frightening adventure.

         The trail was wide and easy to follow. It did not take long to find the first crumb, which Frack picked up and ate.

         "Frack! You're destroying evidence."

         "I'm sorry, Frick, you know me, I always want to eat after an interrogation."

         As we approached a fork in the path several miles on, we could hear a gruff voice singing, “Hi Ho, Hi Ho, to Grandma’s House I Go.” We broke into a run. I could see the hind legs and a tail of a large gray creature disappearing around a bend on the left hand divide, but Frack pointed out that the crumbs continued to fall on the right. We split up, I followed the animal and Frack the crumbs.

         I stayed well behind the four footed fiend, hoping it would lead me to the missing Rolley. I came to a large clearing in the woods, in the middle of which was a house. I thought I noticed the door closing, so I crept up stealthily to a window and peeked inside. To my surprise I saw the sheep rustler, Sebastian Wolf, and the girl known as Bo Peep; another familiar girl in a red cloak and hood had her back to me. She was taking off the cloak very slowly while moving her shoulders. I thought I heard music.

         I raced to the front door and knocked. An old woman answered. I flashed my badge and stepped inside. “Excuse me, Madame, have you seen any trace of this little boy.” I held out the photo that Gailey had lent us. The woman excused herself to find her glasses. As she did, the door to an inner room opened and Wolf came out, followed by Ms. Peep. I spotted the other woman putting her cloak back on.

         “Wolf again. What are you up to this time?”

         It was Peep who answered. “Mr. Wolf and I have come over for tea with Miss Hood and her grandmother. Miss Hood now entered and confirmed the account, but her face was blushing. My job was not to learn the illicit activity going on, but to find Rolley Pollie.

         “Have any of you seen this boy?”

         They looked at the photo. All seemed to get a big laugh out of it.

         “Nice hair,” Wolf smiled.

         “What is he wearing?” This was Miss Hood.

         When Grandmother confirmed that no one had seen him, I thanked them for their help and backed out the door.

         I could see Wolf leering at Miss Hood. Bo Peep said something about threesomes, but by now the door was closing behind me. I retreated back through the woods to the fork in the path. Thankfully Frack had restrained herself from eating the crumbs, but the path went on for four or five miles until I came to another house in the woods.

         It was the most fantastic dwelling I had ever seen. The outside was covered with powdered sugar, and looked like a giant donut. On top was a blinking neon sign, with the message “Tastee Donuts.” The crumbs led to the front door. I was about to ring the bell when I noticed a white sneaker, stained with jelly, under a bush nearby, and beside it, a broken cell phone. I crawled beneath the window to get around to the back when I heard the creak of the door opening. From behind a bush I saw a man, giggling to himself, carrying a bucket of water to the well.

         “Oh, mateys, it’s going to be a real feast.”

         He had an accent, either English or ‘Strine” as they say 'down under.' While his back was turned filling the buckets, I slipped inside. The room I was in held a large wooden table with a place setting for one. There was also a china hutch, but that was all the furniture. There was a stairway to the second floor, and a door to another room. I pushed it open. I was in the kitchen. There was no refrigerator, but there was a counter with a chopping block, and to my left, a giant stove and oven. I could feel the heat coming from its wood fire.

         I heard a moan in the darkness to my right. I looked more closely and saw two wooden cages that would normally be used for animals. In one was my quarry, little Rolley Pollie. The other held Frack. Rolley was smiling and pasting Gift Points on the bars of his cage. Frack was sitting on her rear, legs drawn up and head down. She must have seen me.

         “Frick, over here, get me out of here.”

         “How’d you ever get captured by that runt?"

         “Just get me out of here, okay. I’m sorry, I was tempted by the sugar. Now he’s feeding me donuts to fatten me up to cook me. I hate them. The little boy here won’t eat them. Don’t know why he’s here.”

         The little boy shouted, “He won’t take my Gift Points, Mister, and he won’t play Trick or Treat. I’m going to report him to the Storymaster.”

         I was trying to get the door to Frack’s cage open when our host returned.

         “Giday, Mate. Going to join your friend for dinner, on my plate. Bhwaaaaaaaaahahahah!!”

         “Frack, it’s Mort the Gourmand! The captain has an APB out for him.”

         Rolley was talking a blue streak now. “And he won’t take my gift points and won’t play fair. I want to go back to Gailey’s cabin."

         Mort had picked up a chopping knife and a large piece of wood. I was backed against the door of Frack’s cage.

         “Joining your partner, eh, mate. You both can share the cage and the pot when I get you fattened up. Oh what a feast. Two coppers! And this little fella for dessert. Ummmmm.”

         I felt something soft in my hand. I’d had the same feel in my hand this morning. I knew what was in Frack’s mind.

         “Hey, Mort, can you suck the inside out of a jelly donut?”

         This stopped his advance. He looked at me queerly.

         “You do it like this, Mort,” and I put the donut to my mouth. I inhaled and puffed. Direct hit, raspberry jelly, right in the eye!
Lowering my head I charged, ramming him back against the oven, which singed him.

         “Yeooow.”

         I gave the door to Frack’s cage a slam and it opened. She grabbed my cuffs and restrained him and then went and freed Rolley. There was no phone to call headquarters, so Rolley plastered him with Gift Points that immobilized him. For good measure, Frack smeared his face with jelly and sat him in a chair outside, near a beehive.

         “Make one move Mort, and these bees will surely find their dinner." Mort started to cry.

         We left him there, not daring to move and attract the bees, and walked back through the woods, Frack carrying Rolley. Along the way, we heard giggling coming from Grandmother’s house. Rolley asked if we could Trick or Treat there. “I think not,” I replied.

         When we arrived at Gailey’s, we called the station from the car and then went inside. Rolley was emptying his Trick or Treat bag on the table. Gailey poured us each a glass of cider and then brought out the biggest plate of homemade jelly donuts we had ever seen. I guess she did not notice my partner’s face turning green. “Now, Frack, I want to see you do that trick again.”