Part 31: Mistake

DISCLAIMER: Nonconsensual scene(s).


Note: This item has been rewritten and edited. All text in rose is BRAND NEW MATERIAL for this chapter of the story. In addition there are many minor changes to the original text itself. Please enjoy this new, expanded version of Part 31 and be on the lookout for updates to the next parts!


SILENCE REIGNED IN the streets of the Great Red Tribe, for the time being. Night after night went by without any of the typical carousing from before the battle with the River Tribe; the taverns were still frequented, nearly as often as before, but in a much more subdued manner, and their patrons tended to stagger home in low spirits rather than high ones. The occasional cry of pain still issued from a house now and then, though most of the injured had been tended to as best as possible, and those who had survived past the first few nights were expected to live. It was the typical lull which came after most great battles, before things could return to normal, but that did not mean it didn't make the tribe uneasy. Such silence was unnatural, night after night.

Resikh paced the hallways of General Mahakhi's house, head turning left to right and tail flicking impatiently. He slowed down at every room he came to, and even stopped in the Moru quarters, but this just left him even more baffled than ever when he found Rithukh'het there, looking equally puzzled. He left her and renewed his search, biting his lip. He eventually passed the south courtyard and had to stop and double back, craning his neck. He frowned and altered his course, setting foot out toward the pool.

"Djuta...?" he called, peering at the still form seated upon the bench near the pool. "Is that you?" His frown grew as he approached. "I've been looking for you all day! And you are here again--?"

"I thought perhaps I might think," Djuta said quietly, staring at the water. When Resikh halted beside him and leaned down to look in his eyes he saw how clouded they were. He sat down beside him.

"I thought you did not like this place," he said, so only Djuta could hear. "Why would you come here to think?"

"Things change," Djuta said, without elaborating.

Resikh stared at him a moment, then sighed and looked toward the pool. He clasped his hands between his knees.

"And that is the flaw in everything," he murmured. "Would that some things did not ever change...but you were never the dreaming type. I am the one who is supposed to sulk, and you are supposed to drag me out of it; you're making me feel uneasy now." He glanced at his friend, but saw he had drawn no reaction; with this he sighed and leaned on his elbows, staring at the water again. They stayed this way in silence for a long while.

"Please, Brother," he murmured after a time. "Come back to your room. Rithukh'het is worrying."

"She will be fine."

"But I will not, if you don't let me in on what's bothering you so greatly. Why will you not talk with me? I am not so good at dragging people out of their moods as you are, but I can listen..."

"I do not wish to leave it all on you," Djuta said; Resikh frowned at him but he didn't meet his eyes. "It is nothing," he said, but Resikh sat up.

"It is hardly 'nothing.' You're thinking about Nehekhi." Djuta flinched, just slightly, and Resikh noticed it. "This is about what happened during the battle! You are blaming yourself over that--? Djuta-Kana..." He turned to face him and clasped Djuta's hand in his own. "You know you could not have prevented that. Nobody could have known that mutt could have possibly still been alive! I even passed right by him and had the chance to run him through but I thought he was thoroughly dead! I did not wish to dirty my sword with his foul blood; can you believe such a stupid thing?" He furrowed his brow at Djuta's lack of response. "What happened was the mutt's fault, none of ours. You cannot tear yourself apart because of what he did."

"Nehekhi-Kana did not have to try to save me," Djuta said, and a bite of anger entered his voice, making Resikh take pause. "I did not deserve that sort of treatment. It was foolish and selfish of him to do such a thing, when he has all of his Moru he has left behind, and I have only one who would do fine without me. He has family and I do not. He should have looked out for himself first of all."

"He risked his life for Mahakhi also," Resikh retorted. "You would fault him for being the way he was? He would have tried to save you no matter who you are. And Rithukh'het does depend upon you, and so do I. Do not try saying you have no one, and that all would be better off if you were dead. You know this is not true for one moment. Nehekhi made his choice himself."

"He chose the wrong Kana," Djuta said, and pulled his hand away. "He should have chosen to save himself."

"Well, this is not the way he was. He gave his life doing what brought him the most honor there is. Instead of being angry with him, you should be proud for him."

"What is there to be proud of when I am the very reason he is dead?" Djuta snapped, and turned his head to glare at his friend so fiercely that Resikh flinched back. Djuta's muzzle wrinkled. "I froze," he growled. "When any other Kana, greater or lesser, would have been expected to fight--I froze. I did not do a single thing. I could not even lift my sword. I have never frozen in battle. Not once. And so why now, when a truly good Kana's life depended on it? I have always taken care of myself just fine until now. And now, a good Kana is dead because of it. This is the sort of mistake which gets soldiers much lesser than myself expelled from the army."

"You are not a lesser soldier," Resikh argued, "and so you are not going to be kicked out for one mistake."

"Perhaps this is their mistake," Djuta replied, and stood. Resikh glanced up at him as he turned and started to walk back toward the household, then scrambled to catch up.

"How do you mean--?" He came into the hallway at Djuta's side, almost having to jog to keep up with his friend's brisk pace. "What do you mean by a 'mistake'--? What are you thinking of, Djuta?"

"Merely how undeserved certain things are around here," Djuta said, and fingered one of his lappets.

Resikh's eyes went wide. "Have you gone mad?" he exclaimed. "You and I earned our lappets TOGETHER! You have always trained and fought harder than anyone I know! If they had not already been here, we would have likely been first and second lieutenant instead of Nehef and 'Hikh! You've always been PROUD of your lappets--you would call them a mistake now--?"

"Things change!" Djuta barked at him, baring his teeth.

Resikh bared his teeth back. "But you do not!"

"Perhaps it is time I did!" Djuta whirled away and paced even faster; "Leave me alone!" he snapped, when Resikh attempted to follow. "Go mother-hen somebody who needs it!"

Resikh halted, but then scowled and stormed after him. "You will hardly brush me off so easily!" he hissed as he caught up, and jabbed a finger at the other Kana. "If you think I will just wander off and let you throw your fit in peace, then you have another thing coming! You are the one who beat it into my head long enough that I am a good Kana. And so I will hardly walk off and let you deny everything you know you are. I know you better than this, and you will not change what you are."

"You are ignorant," Djuta growled, but talking in the hallway ahead caught their attention, and they lifted their heads to look. A pair of Kana stood outside Mahakhi's quarters, talking with the big Kana; Djuta frowned slightly, and he and Resikh picked up their pace to see what was going on.

As they neared they recognized the face of one of the barracks lieutenants, a lesser sergeant standing beside him and nodding mutely while the other Kana did most of the talking. Mahakhi stood in his doorway with his arms crossed and a dark look upon his face; his eyes flicked to the side to acknowledge Djuta's and Resikh's arrival, but other than that he made no move to show that he'd noticed them. The barracks lieutenant gestured as he spoke.

"Which is why overseeing them at such a point is practically impossible," he was saying. "I'm doing the best I can, but I am only one Kana, and they are expressing this same sentiment in the other barracks. There are two hundred men under my command, and it is impossible to keep good watch over them all after such an event."

"I was assured their injuries were minimal," Mahakhi said.

The barracks lieutenant sighed. "They are, yet this is not the main concern at the moment. Morale is very low at this point, you must know, Lord." Mahakhi nodded and the lieutenant went on. "There have been more fights than usual, spats, and I've broken them up, but I know there are things I cannot always catch. Nothing too serious, yet, but this may always change, especially if they are not properly supervised." He gestured again, at the sergeant standing beside him. "He has noticed an increase in unrest among the rest of the trainees, and was nearly pummeled by a group of them just yesterday."

The sergeant nodded emphatically, his ears red. "I--I might not have escaped with my life, if they were not caught in time!"

"They would not have killed you," the barracks lieutenant said to him, as if chiding a small boy, before turning his attention back to Mahakhi; the sergeant flushed even more. "Yet this is the very reason why I feel there must be stronger supervision in the barracks, at least until morale has improved. I know there are some wounded Kana who are unable to serve in their duties, yet are able to get about; I was wondering if perhaps one of them might be made available...?"

Mahakhi opened his mouth. "I will watch," Djuta said aloud, and they all looked at him, Resikh blinking. "If you need someone to supervise the barracks area," Djuta clarified. "I am free to do this duty."

The barracks lieutenant gave him an odd look, then glanced at Mahakhi. Mahakhi's brow furrowed, but he sighed and shrugged, rolling his eyes heavenward. "Very well," he said; then to the barracks lieutenant, "If your barracks get Djuta, then that is likely all you will need. I've known him to stay awake an entire day straight without dozing off, and swing his sword with the best of them the day after. Mind you this will not be a permanent arrangement, however," he said, and gave Djuta a dark look. "As soon as morale improves I expect my men to be back at their regular posts."

"Yes, Lord." The barracks lieutenant bowed, putting his arm to his breast. He turned to Djuta. "If you aren't busy, tonight would be a decent night to begin guard duty. It is Barracks Area Two; you know the way?"

Djuta nodded. "I am free right now," he said, and stepped away from Resikh; the barracks lieutenant and the sergeant looked puzzled, but followed, and Resikh and Mahakhi were left in the hallway by themselves.

Resikh's brow furrowed in confusion. "Djuta--?" he called out, uncertainly, but the other Kana didn't even look back at him. He wrinkled his muzzle and snorted. "FINE THEN!" he yelled, and made as if to turn and storm away, only to notice that the general was still watching him with much curiosity. Resikh's face went bright red and he ducked his head in a hasty bow; when Mahakhi nodded he hurried away from there as quickly as he could go.

"Be a stubborn mule," he groused as he went, sandals slapping against the tiles. "As if I am inclined to keep your company when you're in such a mood! Maybe babysitting some wet-behind-the-ears trainees will put you in your place." He made his way down the hall toward his own rooms, but his step began to slow as he started to change his mind, and he halted and fiddled his fingers a little, indecisive, before changing direction and approaching a door closer to him. He opened it and looked over his shoulder, back up the hall, as if expecting to see someone there. The hall was empty.

Resikh snorted. "I do not think you will last very long there!" he exclaimed to nobody. "You've never liked babysitting much! And so I will be here to talk some sense into you when you return, Brother." And with that, he stepped into Djuta's quarters and shut the door behind him.

* * * * *

Lieutenant Tefkha was a talker, Djuta discovered with some irritation as they walked down the street toward the barracks. The other lieutenant went on and on, and just would not stop chattering, the entire way; he glanced at several of the taverns as they passed, and waved and greeted almost everyone who went by, and made a great deal of gesturing as he spoke; Djuta peered surreptitiously at the sergeant walking behind them, and saw that he didn't seem to care much for the Kana's chatty mood either. Djuta just sighed and reminded himself that at least the trainees would not be so inclined to chatter. Hopefully.

"How long since you have trained in the barracks?" Tefkha inquired as the barracks gate came into view. "Or were you spoiled by some sponsor?"

"I take it you do not much care for sponsors," Djuta said with a yawn.

"I do not care for them as they take my work away from me." Tefkha flared his nostrils. "Truthfully, I'm hardly wanting for anything, but many sponsors barely know what they're doing. Money doesn't solve every problem. Though I would not mind them taking a few trainees off my hands. How long since you have trained in the barracks? Or were you some sort of pampered lapdog?"

Djuta rolled his eyes but brushed off the insult. "A while now. And yes, I trained in the barracks, and had a sponsor."

"Oh yes." Tefkha appeared to count off something on his finger. "No family. Well, I do not know how well you remember, but there are some things which it is permissible to get away with in the barracks, and some things it is not permissible to get away with. I'd prefer you to thrash me out of bed if someone attempts to murder someone else--this is not going to happen, Sergeant," he said, before the younger Kana behind them could speak "--or if there is a fight during which more than a cup or so of blood may be spilled, or if somebody is calling somebody else a Moru or his mother a Sha or some such--they are not so good at brushing off such comments--or if someone is yelling for their life, or honor, or whatever. Attempting to flee the barracks without leave is also unacceptable. And if anybody manages to get a Moru in--although they have never managed this in all the time I've been running Barracks Area Two--then I first want the Moru put out, and then the Kana brought to me, so I can thrash his tail as hard as I can for making me look bad."

Djuta yawned.

"I am certain you know the acceptable offenses," Tefkha went on. "I do not need to be woken up for every little spat, or insult, or for every time somebody sticks something in or sucks off somebody else, because there is hardly any way anyone can keep their eye on all of that all the time. Only make a deal of it if somebody or other does not seem to be enjoying himself. Or did you come from a decent barracks where no such thing ever occurred...?"

"You are a pissant," Djuta said. "And no, I did not come from such a sparkling nice barracks; I think I would be rather worried if nobody was getting any nesakh'ai in those places. Is this all or do you want to hold my hand all the way through it?"

Tefkha flared his nostrils. "Your offer is tempting, but I must refuse. And you are right; I think my job would be a lot less stressful if they allowed Moru into this place." They reached the gate and he gestured for it to be opened, the three of them stepping into the training yard; the trainees were sparring already, clanging their swords against each other. "The trouble is not so great as it could be," Tefkha said when he looked at them. "Which is why I wanted some assistance so early. It's best to nip things in the bud, as they say. There is nobody in particular you should watch out for but if you have good instincts on such a thing, you'd best use them come nightfall. One of these days, perhaps somebody will snap and strangle somebody else. No, Sergeant, this will not happen," he said to the young Kana behind them, whose face had gone pale. "Go see to your training, and quit hovering about like a frightened chick. You make me look ridiculous."

"Y...yes, Lord," the other Kana said, saluting, and hurried off.

Djuta looked at the trainees. Tefkha waved at them. "Training ends soon," he said. "You wish to eat with us--?"

Djuta shook his head. "I will be in the sleeping area," he said, and turned to walk away inside the barracks building. Tefkha watched him go with some curiosity, then merely shrugged and headed back over to see to his trainees.

* * * * *

The Kana barracks, although intended as a place of sleep, were most often quite busy at night, even though in relative quiet and secrecy. Djuta stood guard near the door into the training yard, his position offering a view of all two hundred cots which stood in orderly rows stretching away from him. It was customary for the trainees to be left to their own devices at night; and while most of them took the allotted time to sleep, there were always some who chose to preoccupy themselves with other things. Djuta remembered how stressful barracks life could be, especially to the usually teenaged trainees, many of whom had not even been with a Moru of their own yet; so he knew that when he first saw a bit of movement here and there, someone sneaking over to someone else's cot every so often, it was not such a big matter to fuss over, and he ignored this. It was a long while before anyone attempted anything, with him standing there; but when they must have sensed he would not keep them from their nighttime diversions, they went about them as if he were not present. Djuta didn't care. It wasn't as if he had never done such things in the barracks himself, though that had been with only one other Kana; he couldn't be certain about the fidelity of most trainees, especially once the sun came up again.

His eyes fully adjusted to the dark, he turned his head and spotted a sergeant lying back upon his cot, his feet upon the floor, fingers clenching and unclenching the sheets as a private sucked gently on his testicles. He actually watched them for a while--from the looks of it, how they approached one another and immediately embraced, he could tell they were close, and had been for some time--and only when the sergeant moaned softly and writhed, his seed pouring into his lover's willing mouth, did he finally turn away. At the other side of the room one of the smaller, leaner Kana crouched upon his cot, panting and gritting his teeth as a soldier almost twice his size coupled with him. He let out a strained sound, whether of pain or pleasure, Djuta wasn't sure. He was certain that once in a while, relations in here were not entirely consensual...he couldn't be sure, for example, about the three Kana near the back who pressed another down beneath them, pushing into his mouth and anus, one thrusting his penis into his armpit...but this was not his matter to decide. If one of them should happen to cry for help, then he wouldn't hesitate to crack the others over the head before dragging them to Tefkha; but until that should happen, they were to be allowed to continue with whatever they were doing. Djuta tilted his head back to look at the ceiling, and his mind wandered to other things.

Why did he save me...? Knowing how many back at home relied upon him, awaited his return--why did he choose to save me...?

He shut his eyes and winced. He and Captain Nehekhi had never been close, had never even had an actual conversation together...yet they knew each other through his Moru, the human Ameni. Djuta tried to understand why Nehekhi would give his life and leave his human behind so willingly, and came up wanting. The other Kana's behavior made no sense to him. Even worse, his own behavior made even less sense. His muzzle wrinkled in disgust.

Why did I freeze like that? I have never frozen in battle! The only time I have ever fallen short in battle was when my wing was cut...and here, I was not even hurt...

Was it that dog...that Bakh'asu? His eyes, like a viper's...I cannot move when I see them. But I did move, when I first fought him...why then did I fail when my skills were needed the most...? Why did Nehekhi have to jump out in front of me...why did I ever have to buy that damned dog...why did I ever let him take me in Tas'hukh's courtyard...?

How far back does it all go...? When will it all end...?

"Lord...?"

He blinked and lowered his head. A young Kana stood before him, most likely not past his sixteenth or seventeenth year. The insignia upon his lappets showed him to be a private. He bowed slightly and Djuta tipped his head.

"Yes?"

"You are Lord Djuta, I am right?" he asked. "Lieutenant Tefkha told us about you while we were training. He said that you had been assigned here to guard the barracks."

Djuta frowned slightly. "Yes, I was." He paused, then added, "You are...?"

"Oh--my apologies, Lord!" The color rose in the private's cheeks and he quickly bobbed his head, black lappets dangling; his fur was almost completely white, and when he lifted his head again, Djuta saw that his eyes were bright blue, an odd color he had never seen before. Looking at him, Djuta got an odd feeling of deja vu which he couldn't place, until he realized the young Kana reminded him vaguely of Sergeant I'anen...only I'anen had been haughty and prissy, whereas this Kana seemed almost meek and puppyish. "Private--Private Ri'hus, Lord," he said as soon as he met Djuta's eyes again, and Djuta nodded. "I--I just wished to say that these are good barracks, yet there has been some trouble lately...and...well, I wished to tell you that I appreciate your efforts to make them safer."

Djuta's ear flicked. "You have had trouble here?" he said, which made Ri'hus flush again and avert his eyes.

"Well...not so much, just yet, Lord...but I have never been very good at my training, and when there is trouble, there are certain Kana it tends to seek out first of all..."

The lieutenant felt a pang of sympathy. From the looks of the private, he was surprised he was still even in the barracks at all; he was as slight and slender as a female, and could probably almost have passed for one if the viewer did not see his face. Djuta had a sudden ridiculous thought of how much Captain Tas'hukh might be interested in him, before shaking his head abruptly to clear it. Ri'hus saw the gesture and blinked, then ducked his head and took a step back, fiddling his fingers.

"Ahm...I apologize for bothering you, Lord; I meant no offense by it..."

"There was none taken," Djuta said, suddenly feeling the need to put him at ease. "I appreciate you letting me know I am not wasting my time here," he said, and Ri'hus's head bobbed back up, his cheeks going pink but his eyes lighting up. Djuta almost gawked at him. It looked as if he would do anything to please.

"Of course, Lord!" he exclaimed. "Of course you are not wasting your time. I--I just wished for you to know, that there are those of us who appreciate your service."

"Thank you," Djuta said, feeling a little stupid now, and nodded when Ri'hus put his arm to his breast and bowed his head. He took several steps back toward the cots, but then hesitated, fingers fiddling again; he lifted his head a little and peered up, then from side to side, before turning a little bit and pausing again. Djuta watched him the entire time. This went on for several moments before he furrowed his brow a little in puzzlement.

"Private...?" When Ri'hus turned back and bobbed his head Djuta frowned slightly. "There is something else...?"

"Oh." Ri'hus flushed again, rubbing at his ear. "No--nothing really...that I can think of..."

"You cannot sleep?"

Ri'hus blinked at him a few times, as if he hadn't been expecting the question, then seemed to relax a little. "No...not very well, lately...I just worry about my training, and all, since I am not very good at it..."

"I am certain if you keep it up you will improve," Djuta said, but this response only seemed to dispirit the younger Kana again, and he nodded and started to turn away once more.

"Yes, Lord...of course. I'll stop pestering you now..."

What in the Duat does he want, a lullabye? Djuta watched him walk away, and hated how much his wings drooped; Ri'hus lifted his head to look off to the side, where a couple of the trainees were busy in the same cot, then dropped his head again as if embarrassed and rubbed at his arms as if chilly. He looked small and lost wandering up the aisle on his own, and Djuta felt the sudden urge to follow him, tell him to stop, make him feel better somehow. His throat stuck when he couldn't think of a thing; scouring his mind, he pushed himself away from the door and held up his hand.

"Private--?"

Ri'hus halted and turned to look over his shoulder.

Djuta opened his mouth to speak, then found he had no idea what to say. He gestured instead, and Ri'hus came back toward him, head tilting curiously. "You cannot sleep?" he asked again; Ri'hus averted his eyes a little, and Djuta found himself saying, "If you think your lieutenant would not mind your or my absence for a little while, I could fetch you a drink and that should help you to get some sleep for tonight."

He almost gawked as soon as the words were out of his mouth--whatever would make him say such a thing? But as soon as he saw the look on Ri'hus's face he knew he'd actually said it; the private's eyes lit up and he almost smiled as if in relief, and bobbed his head quickly.

"I do--I do not think he would mind too greatly," he said hastily. "After all, you would be keeping an eye on me--it's not as if I would be deserting, or anything--"

Djuta had to wave at him to cut him off, nodding before he could convince himself to take back his offer. Ri'hus immediately fell silent. "All right, very well...we will fetch a drink from the nearest open booth, and drink it on the way back here. And if this does not put you to sleep I will have to think of something else."

Ri'hus's face suddenly lit up in a wide smile, as if he had just been promoted to lieutenant himself. Djuta found that the expression made him feel not quite so guilty anymore, and turned to step out the door, waving Ri'hus after him. "Come along," he murmured, "before I change my mind and realize how foolish this is."

"Yes, Lord!" Ri'hus exclaimed, but he was careful to keep his voice quiet, and together they exited the barracks in silence.

* * * * *

As it was so very late at night, it took a while to locate an open stall, and Djuta managed to haggle the owner into selling them a beer each before he closed up for the night. They walked away from the stall holding the cups in their hands and sipping at the thick liquid, the street fading into shadows around them.

"How long have you been in Tefkha's barracks?" Djuta asked, feeling that perhaps conversation would put the younger Kana at ease.

Ri'hus seemed relieved for the offer of talk. "About--about seven months now, Lord--long enough to know others' way about, but not long enough to know my own way about." And he gave a huge smile as if he had told the world's funniest joke. Djuta smiled at him in return, just to keep him from drooping again.

"Who is sponsoring you?"

"My father pays for my upkeep--it was his idea that I enter the army." Ri'hus's wings sank a little. "Although...I am not very good at fighting, and I do not seem to be improving much...I'm not as fast or as skilled as the other Kana. Most of those I entered the army with have reached sergeant by now..."

"Rank is an arbitrary thing," Djuta said emptily. "I am certain they'll grant it to you if you earn it."

"Well...this is the problem, Lord." Ri'hus flushed a little. "I do not think I will earn it. I have tried swordfighting, and daggers, and spears, and the axes are too heavy for me...I seem to trip and fall or drop my weapon more often than is proper..."

"Every good Kana once started out as clumsy, and with a hundred thumbs," Djuta said. "If you keep training hard you will do better in time. Perhaps you need only to take a little longer than most."

"I suppose, Lord..." Ri'hus didn't sound convinced. He sipped at his beer.

Djuta followed suit, just to give his mouth something to do. "Oh," Ri'hus said, and looked up again. "I--I hardly know much about you, Lord. Why was it that you came to guard the barracks--?"

"You do not think me fit for the job now?" Djuta inquired.

Ri'hus blushed. "This--this is not it, Lord! It is just--we merely know of your service to Lord Mahakhi--and for a lieutenant elite to be put to guarding training barracks is...well...not quite the duty one would expect of such a Kana..."

Djuta snorted lightly. "Do not worry about offending me," he said. "I fully understand what you say. I volunteered for the duty. This was all. It was no punishment, or anything."

Ri'hus let out his breath. "I had guessed this," he said, as if defending himself. "There were a few who insisted you had gotten Mahakhi-Kana angry, but I did not think you had--they do not punish elites by making them guard barracks." He paused when he saw how Djuta no longer seemed to be listening, the lieutenant staring ahead as they slowly walked, his eyes distant. "Um..." He lowered his head and scratched at his ear, seeming vaguely embarrassed, before coughing politely. Djuta blinked, but didn't raise his head.

I should not even be here. I promised to guard the Kana barracks, and here I am already breaking that promise, just to get some pup to go to his bed. Why did I even come out here? I do not even like beer. It smells too much like him...

"Lord...?" He at last lifted his head from his foggy haze and met Ri'hus's eyes. The private looked at him for a moment, then away, fingers fiddling at the edge of his cup. He bit his lip.

"If...if I am bothering you, it's all right to send me back...I will not tell Tefkha-Kana of anything..."

"No," Djuta said, the guilt returning. "This is all right...I've just been distracted lately, is all."

Ri'hus lifted his head again. "Distracted...?" he prompted, and he looked at Djuta so earnestly that for a moment, the lieutenant was tempted to tell him of everything, every single thing, that had happened during and since the battle; he bit his tongue until it hurt in order to refrain, the urge was that great. Instead he simply nodded.

"Yes...this is all." He turned back to the street ahead of them. "In all truth I should be back at Lord Mahakhi's house," he murmured, half to himself. He swirled the beer in his cup. "I have a Moru who I do not even see nearly as much as I should..."

"You have a Moru?" Ri'hus asked.

Djuta nodded and took a drink. "Yes...a new one. I never took one, until now..."

"I've never had a Moru of my own yet," Ri'hus said, and blushed again. "Though--I hope this will change, someday--if I ever get any better at my training..."

"I am being horribly neglectful," Djuta murmured, Ri'hus's voice fading away. "Of everything." He stared at the ruts in the road as they passed, and flared his ears pensively. For some odd reason, he wanted almost more than anything to head back to the household now, seek out his Moru, and simply go to bed--he wanted everything to be the way it had been before all of this. If he had not purchased that other Moru, would he even be here today, trying to drink some strange Kana to sleep? Or would he be in his own bed? His head began to hurt trying to figure these things out, and he longed to return home more than ever, just to settle his confused thoughts.

He tensed and almost stopped when a hand touched his arm. He lifted his head quickly and met Ri'hus's eyes; the private peered at him uncertainly before drawing his hand back and fiddling with his lappet. He chewed on his lip a little.

"Lord..." he said; then, "If--if you are feeling uneasy, I might try to put you at ease--just so you are not so tense, and on edge, anymore..."

Djuta just stared at him stupidly. "I do not know what you mean," he said after a moment, when Ri'hus added nothing. The private's ears went pink and he sloshed his cup a bit, eyes shifting in every direction but of Djuta's own, and slowed to a stop so Djuta had to do the same.

"You...said that you should see to your Moru more," he murmured, scuffing one foot against the ground. "But your Moru is not here? I...I could try to make you feel more at ease, if it would put you in a better humor, Lord..."

Djuta stared at him for a moment or two more before realization began to dawn on him, and his eyes grew, ears flaring. Had he just heard what he thought he'd heard--? He continued staring at the younger Kana in disbelief--He could not mean what it sounds like he means--until Ri'hus lifted his head to meet his eyes, and took a step toward him, clasping his cup in his hands and bobbing his head forward in an almost comically earnest way.

"I--I could give you ahi'akhta, or hakh'tua even, if you wish," he whispered so abruptly, that Djuta knew it had taken everything he'd had just to say it, and the bright red rising in Ri'hus's face only confirmed this thought. But all Djuta could do was blink again, sheer dumbness keeping his jaw from dropping open.

He is--he is propositioning me--? This pup? He has some sort of--a crush on me--?

Ri'hus must have noticed how he wasn't responding, as he ducked his head again, looking mortified. "I--I apologize, profusely, if I've offended, Lord," he murmured. "I...just thought that maybe...uh..."

"Why..." Djuta's voice finally came back, only he realized he had no idea what to say. He struggled to find the words to speak. "Is this why you wished to leave the barracks...?" he asked at last, brow furrowing.

Ri'hus's embarrassment only grew. "I--no, of course not, Lord! I would--I would never insult you--I--" He made all sorts of faces, looking utterly humiliated. "I did not mean to offend you, Lord," he exclaimed, nearly spilling his cup. "I--I really was having trouble sleeping, and--I really did want to tell you what I thought of you guarding the barracks--and--"

Djuta held up his hand, then grasped Ri'hus's wrist before he could spill his beer all over himself. The private looked almost ready to cry. "It's--this is all right, Private," he said. "You haven't offended me...I was just...not quite expecting to hear that. Please calm down. Somebody will hear you and come running."

Ri'hus's face went bright red. "A-apologies, Lord," he stammered, but clutched his cup more tightly and lowered his voice. Djuta gave him a moment to gather himself before venturing to speak again, not wishing to set him off even worse. It was a wonder such a Kana had even been allowed into the military, much less had managed to stay for seven months.

"Truthfully," he said in a quiet voice, so Ri'hus had to stop fidgeting. "The reason why you offered this? I will not be offended. I just wish to know why you would do such a thing. Do you think I would suggest you for promotion, or put in a good word with your lieutenant...?"

Ri'hus blinked at him, then lowered his head. "I...no, this is not it," he said meekly, surprising Djuta; he'd assumed that was the most likely motive behind such an offer. "I...I intend to earn my lappets, if I can, Lord..."

"Then why do you follow me out of the barracks, and offer such a thing? You must have some reason?"

"I..." Ri'hus paused and rubbed at his neck; Djuta's perplexity grew when he realized the young Kana didn't really seem to have a reason. "I just...you looked so unhappy, and I know how this feeling is, and I thought..."

Djuta sighed. "How I am feeling has nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with the barracks," he said. "Every Kana has thoughts on his mind, and you cannot hope to ever distract them all. You would end up wearing yourself to exhaustion. I will do fine, in time."

"But--I heard of the battle. How it went." Djuta's ear flicked, but Ri'hus met his eyes. "I heard of...what happened to Nehekhi-Kana," he murmured, looking away. "I did not know him, Lord...but we have all heard of him. We heard of how he lost his life...there was some murmuring about you in the barracks."

"Me--?" Djuta echoed.

Ri'hus nodded. "Some of them are saying you are not the Kana everyone has always claimed you are," he said. "That Nehekhi-Kana died because of you." Djuta felt a stabbing feeling in his heart, when Ri'hus lifted his head and met his eyes again. "I do not believe that," he said, in the most forceful voice the lieutenant had heard from him so far. "I do not believe that is how it happened at all. I...I know that Kana can make mistakes, and not be able to move, and drop their swords..." He blushed a little. "But it does not make them bad Kana. Not all of them." He lifted his eyes again, and chewed his lip. "So...I thought I should tell you this, before you might hear it from one of the others. Do not listen to them, Lord. They don't know what they're talking about."

"And you do?" Djuta prompted.

Ri'hus flushed. "I--I will not say I do," he stuttered, then took a breath. "But I know that you are a far better Kana than most of them."

Djuta flinched and turned away. He had to take several breaths to steady himself, all of what Ri'hus had just told him flitting through his head.

They are talking about me--already? Already the rumors are flying. That I am not good enough anymore. They said the same thing in my old tribe, after I returned...but back then, I could prove to them they were wrong. Now...I cannot prove anything...Nehekhi-Kana is gone. It does not matter what Resikh or Mahakhi think. If the army does not trust me, then I cannot fight for them...the same thing will only happen over and over again...

"Lord...?" He heard Ri'hus's voice, yet didn't reply. His eyes stung and he ground his teeth in irritation at the feeling. Ri'hus stepped up beside him and peered into his face, then fiddled his fingers awkwardly, waiting to be acknowledged. Djuta reached up one hand to rub it against his eyes, and took in a shuddery breath.

"You may go back to the barracks, Private," he said under his breath. "Before you are missed. I will not report you."

"But..." Ri'hus hesitated, biting his lip. "But what about..."

"I will be fine."

The young Kana stood staring at him in silence for a long while. Djuta continued grinding his teeth and rubbing at his eyes, feeling like the world's biggest fool. If the men did not distrust him already, then they should soon, once they caught wind of how he was crying in the street like a baby.

After an interminable silence Ri'hus murmured, "Do not believe them, Lord. They are ignorant. You know it."

Djuta dropped his hand and sighed, staring at the rutted road lying ahead. Ri'hus hesitated, then reached out and clasped his hand. Djuta clasped his in return, without even meaning to, and Ri'hus's face lit up at the gesture. He stepped toward Djuta so they stood only a small space away from each other, and whispered so only he could hear.

"Come, Lord. I hate that this bothers you so...please, let me take your mind off of it. Please, Lord?"

Djuta lifted his head to look Ri'hus in the eyes, and the private stared back, his face open and hopeful. He still couldn't understand the youth's willingness to go so far just to distract some total stranger...yet Ri'hus's was the friendliest face he had seen in a long time. And it had been a long while since he had seen someone look at him with such adoration. He knew he did not deserve that look, but right now, it helped his heart feel a little less heavy.

Ri'hus set his cup upon the edge of an empty booth standing next to them, and tugged on Djuta's arm. "Come," he whispered. "I know a place."

Djuta numbly followed, letting his own cup drop to the ground with a thunk. Ri'hus guided him into one of the narrow alleys between the buildings and toward the end, which opened out into someone's yard. They halted before they could step out into the open again, and Ri'hus guided Djuta to lean back against the wall. He kissed him on the muzzle, so lightly and quickly that it felt almost like a mere tickle; Djuta could barely see the flush to his face, and the meek but sincere smile he gave him before dropping to his knees. The lieutenant almost pulled away, but Ri'hus smiled up at him again, and Djuta saw that his earlier embarrassment had apparently faded. He frowned in confusion. Would it really put the pup at such ease to do such a thing--? He opened his mouth to tell him he did not have to do this, but as soon as he felt the private's hands slide under his kilt and up his thighs, his voice immediately left him and he took in a shaky breath. Ri'hus deftly untied his loincloth, and ran his cool fingers over Djuta's sheath, up and down; Djuta's eyes fluttered shut and he started trembling at the feeling. The young Kana stroked him until he began to swell, and then Ri'hus lifted his kilt and bent forward, running his hands up to grasp Djuta in behind and tilting his head down to place his muzzle to his penis. His tongue poked in Djuta's opening and the lieutenant gasped and stiffened. His claws dug into the wall when Ri'hus took him in his mouth and started gently sucking.

Djuta panted and clawed at the wall, his thoughts hazy and scattered, but at least he did not think of Nehekhi anymore. Ri'hus was rather skilled for his age, and Djuta dimly wondered where he had learned this, before he didn't even care anymore. His hands crept forward to grasp the private by the head, and Ri'hus responded to the gesture, moving as the other Kana prompted him to. Djuta tilted his head back and whimpered, his fingers running under Ri'hus's lappets, and just as soon as the younger Kana's tongue swirled around him, his cheeks sucking in, he felt his seed come surging up and gasped as he abruptly released in Ri'hus's mouth. He dropped his head forward and almost expected to see Ri'hus pull away in distaste, or sputter awkwardly, yet the private continued sucking at him, swallowing every drop. When Djuta let go of him and sank back against the wall, shaking weakly, he sat back on his haunches and wiped surreptitiously at his mouth, peering up at him as if awaiting something.

Djuta had to take a moment to catch his breath. He hadn't even been aware he'd been interested in such a thing right now, his mind had been so distracted. They had not even been in the alley twenty minutes yet; Ri'hus silently rose to his feet as Djuta regathered himself, slowly pushing himself away from the wall and putting a hand to his head. He sucked in a breath of cool air, and looked up to see Ri'hus still peering at him hopefully.

"Lord...?" he murmured, and then fiddled his fingers. "I hope you feel better..."

Djuta blinked hazily. He still found the young Kana's actions odd, but no longer cared that much. For the first time since the battle his thoughts had stopped racing over Nehekhi's death and his own guilt, and he supposed that was what mattered the most.

He gave a vague nod, and Ri'hus's face lit up again with pleasure. "Yes...I do. I did not expect it...but this helped. Thank you, Ri'hus."

Ri'hus beamed. "It was all I wished to do, Lord," he exclaimed, as if Djuta had just given him the most wonderful gift ever. "And I truly do hope you do not take to heart anything the others might be saying. I know--I know what I say means very little--but I hope you know this is true."

Djuta nodded again, though he wasn't really listening anymore. He took a step toward the mouth of the alley, and Ri'hus stepped aside to let him by. He walked a few wobbly paces before stopping and turning to look back. The private looked somewhat lost, standing behind in the shadows like that. Djuta was about to prompt him to follow him back to the barracks, when he suddenly realized he did not wish to return there at all. His promise to Tefkha didn't sound quite so important anymore, once he realized that, should he stand guard in there again, he would be thinking all the rest of the night about Nehekhi. This thought was enough to make him fight back a cringe; his own bed sounded inviting yet again, but he would think the exact same thoughts there, as well.

He paused, then turned about a little. "Private...?"

Ri'hus stood straight out of the slump he'd begun to sink into, wings flaring. "Yes, Lord--?"

"You are expected back at the barracks in the morning, right?"

Ri'hus's spirits seemed to sink a little. "Yes, Lord..."

"I will be returning to Mahakhi's household rather than the barracks," Djuta said, and Ri'hus's wings sank and his gaze drifted to the ground. "I may go and speak with Lieutenant Tefkha in the morning," Djuta went on, "to provide an excuse." When Ri'hus looked up at him again he met the private's eyes, just to be certain he understood him correctly. "Would you wish to come with me, back to my quarters...?"

Ri'hus blinked. Then his face lit up once more, eyes wide, and he bobbed his head hastily, unable to completely suppress a smile. "I--of course, Lord! Of course I will come with you!"

A wave of relief swept over Djuta, which he couldn't quite explain. He didn't care. He took a step to the side and gestured, and Ri'hus hurried forward to catch up with him, following him out of the alley and back up the street.

* * * * *

Resikh sat upon Djuta's bed, lying back and staring up at the canopy. He fiddled with the pleat of his kilt and furrowed his brow as he thought over all that had gone on since the battle, and the death of Captain Nehekhi. His thoughts played out over and over, much like those of his friend.

I have never seen him so preoccupied. Not even after Bakh'asu. Not even after Mahakhi. He hates that courtyard...why would he go back out there? Is he punishing himself? Why would he blame this on himself? He had no way to know such a thing would happen...

Where is he? He cannot be babysitting those pups all night long...is this some sort of punishment, too...?

He sighed to himself and tapped his claws against the mattress. He could be even more patient than Djuta could--if there was anything he could beat Djuta at, it was holding his temper. It was the only advantage he had over the other Kana, and he fully intended to use it.

He will not get out of talking to me so easily. I will wait here all night if need be, and if he does not show up, I will seek him out. And then he will get a piece of my mind. He sighed again. I would have even given him a piece of my tail, if he'd just bothered to show up...what is with him? He has never turned me away before...

He smiled slightly to himself as he stared at the canopy in the dimness. The two of them had known each other since boyhood, and Djuta had been the first person he had ever kissed--or rather, Djuta had kissed him, jokingly, as they played with their toy swords--but Resikh had never forgotten that feeling. Djuta had also been the first one he'd ever been with, and the only one he'd ever wished to be with. His smile faded now and his perplexity grew.

He and Nehekhi-Kana were not even close. I understand his pain...but then again I do not understand it. He has always been so rational before. Why would this get to him so?

Why do you blame yourself, Brother? You must know you are not the one to blame...

Shuffling noises came at the door, and Resikh's ears pricked. He glanced toward it, then pushed himself up. He sat and watched as the door cracked open before getting to his feet and crossing his arms, summoning up the crossest look he could manage. He was not truly angry with the other Kana, yet he would hardly let him off without at least a proper chiding.

"So you finally show up?" he called out as the door opened. "You show up just a little too late, for I've lost my good mood..."

He trailed off when Djuta appeared, stepping into the room and leading another Kana in with him. Resikh blinked, then furrowed his brow. Djuta wove a little as he walked, nearly running into the door, the other Kana--a young private, from the looks of it--laughing as if he had just told a joke. Resikh's confusion grew. The strange Kana had to be at least eight or ten years younger than they were, perhaps more, and the way he grabbed at Djuta's arm when the lieutenant nearly fell over bewildered him all the more. Djuta looked for all the world as if he were...drunk? But that couldn't be; Djuta hardly ever touched beer, much less drank to excess...

Before he could speak, the younger Kana turned his head, and spotted him; his laughter died almost immediately and he blinked as well, looking confused. Djuta saw the expression on his face and turned to look at Resikh as well; there was a brief awkward silence as the three of them stared at each other, before Djuta tilted his head and flicked an ear.

"Resikh...? You are here?"

Resikh's brow furrowed even more. "Yes," he said, knowing it was obvious. "I've been waiting for you to come back all night."

"You have?" Djuta shrugged. "Well--here I am, then." And he laughed, which made both Resikh and the private look at him as if he had lost his mind.

Resikh gaped at him, then shifted his gaze to stare at the younger Kana, who flushed, noticing his scrutiny. Djuta looked from Resikh to the private and then waved at the air. "Oh," he said, and gestured between them, back and forth. "This is Private Ri'hus...I met him in Tefkha's barracks. He has had some interesting things to say. Ri'hus, this is Resikh; we trained together."

Resikh's ears twitched. "We did considerably more than train together!" he groused, before feeling his face grow warm; normally he was not one to spout out such petty comments, but the oddity of the situation was such that he couldn't help himself. Ri'hus ducked his head meekly, looking as if he wanted to disappear, but Djuta only laughed again.

"Yes, I suppose we did," he said. "Forgive me, Res, for downplaying you so; you know I do not mean it."

"I wished to speak with you," Resikh said. "About what you said earlier..."

Djuta made a face and waved at him. "Oh, that again...I'm not in the mood. In fact I thought Ri'hus here might help keep my mind off such bothersome things."

Resikh gave the younger Kana a look. "He is a private, and should be back in the barracks sleeping for his training tomorrow."

Djuta made a face at him. "What, you are jealous--?"

Resikh bristled. "Of course not! What's gotten into you, Djuta? Have you been drinking? You hardly act like yourself tonight..."

"I am fine," Djuta snapped, a bit too loudly. Then his voice returned immediately to normal--at least, as normal as this situation could be--and he offered Resikh an odd smile. "I am fine, Brother...yes, I had a drink or two, but no, I am not out of my head. In fact I am probably feeling better than I have in quite a while now." Resikh stiffened when Djuta looped his arm about his own so he held onto both of them, and Djuta briefly nuzzled his nose against the other lieutenant's neck. Ri'hus stared at them with wide eyes; Resikh pulled away, baring his teeth.

"Djuta, what are you doing--?"

"You sound as if we have never done this before?" Djuta said, but didn't press the point when Resikh drew himself loose. He gave the same strange smile which made Resikh uneasy. "In all truth, I had not known you would be here...but I do not mind. You can stay, if you wish. If Ri'hus does not mind." He nuzzled at Ri'hus's neck now, and Resikh clearly saw the look of embarrassment growing on the younger Kana's face; from the looks of it, he had not expected Resikh to be there, either. "In fact perhaps you might want to join us--? That way, no one would be left out, and you would not have to find another place to stay the night, either." And he laughed at this, as if it were quite amusing.

Resikh gawked at him in disbelief. They had never, not in all their years together, entertained a third party! "Are--are you mad?" he blurted out. "Djuta, you're frightening me! What's gotten into you tonight?"

"Lord...?" Ri'hus asked softly, brow furrowing.

"You two," Djuta said, as if chiding, and grasped hold of Resikh's arm again, drawing both of them close; Resikh's muscles tightened, and Ri'hus didn't look too happy either. Resikh sucked in a breath on feeling the other Kana's muzzle at his throat. "Why are the two of you so tensed tonight? I know; I realize this is not like me. But I already told you that everything changes, eventually."

Resikh's ears flicked wildly, then he growled and pushed himself away, baring his teeth at the lieutenant. The other two both looked at him. Djuta flared his nostrils.

"You do not wish to join us? If not, I'll just go on without you."

Resikh blinked and flushed. He glanced at Ri'hus, who stared back. The private looked at Djuta, then back at him. He didn't seem so much frightened, as simply confused.

As if to make the situation any weirder than it already was, Djuta nuzzled at Ri'hus's ear, and the private's face went red. "Yes, the three of us," he said. "There is a problem with that?"

Resikh bit his lip. "Djuta, you need your rest. I know the battle upset you, but it upset all of us, and if you will just--"

"I am fine!" Djuta snapped, making them both flinch. He turned to Ri'hus and murmured in his ear, "Go to my bed...I'll join you shortly." He let go of the private's arm, and lightly patted his behind as he walked away, casting a furtive glance back at them as he went. Djuta turned back to Resikh and cocked his head to the side.

"You are absolutely certain you won't join us, Brother? You never know what you might miss..."

Resikh stared at him with wide eyes for a moment, then hissed and put his hand on the pommel of his sword. "You are mad!" he snarled. "I will hardly take part in such a stupid idea!"

Djuta shrugged one shoulder. "You miss out then, I suppose." He turned away, back to the bed that not that long ago Resikh himself had been seated upon. The private sat there now, ears turning bright pink when Djuta joined him, sitting down beside him and nibbling at his neck. The young soldier was obviously flustered and embarrassed, yet said nothing, didn't protest, as Djuta leaned over him and kissed him.

Resikh snorted with disgust and turned away from the two of them, humiliated. He stalked across the room to a small stand and savagely snatched up a jar of wine, pouring some into a cup and downing it immediately. He swept his hand across his mouth and glowered at the wall, unable to believe how infuriated he felt.

What has gotten into him? He is never like this! EVER! Do not tell me this is all because of that damned battle--! I mourn Nehekhi-Kana just as much as he does--there are many things I wish I would have done differently, if I had only known--but you do not see me picking up pups and bringing them back to bed with me! Much less inviting HIM along!

The calmer, more rational part of his mind told him he was just being petty, and he downed another cup of wine just to drown it out. He couldn't keep his teeth from grinding against each other, and set the cup down with a clank. He might as well return to his own rooms now. There was nothing for him here but more exasperation.

He pushed the cup away and turned for the door, ears and nostrils flaring. Perhaps Djuta would manage to get himself in trouble on his own; although normally Resikh would not cherish the thought, today it mollified him just a little, and he put his hand on the doorhandle.

"L-Lord--!" Ri'hus's voice came, high pitched and startled sounding. "What--what are you doing--? Stop it, stop--!"

Resikh's hand froze and he glanced back at the bed with some curiosity. At first he assumed Ri'hus's call had been aimed at him, until he noticed the other two weren't paying him any attention at all. Djuta still kissed and caressed the young private, just as he had before; Resikh's eyes widened, however, when he saw what the private was doing. He lay upon his back on the bed, the other Kana over him, yet didn't kiss or caress Djuta in return. Instead he squirmed and flailed, trying to break free, his teeth bared and a panicked look on his face. Djuta held his arms so tightly that he couldn't pull loose, and as Resikh watched, despite the younger Kana's protests, he pressed his knee to Ri'hus's thigh and nudged his legs apart.

Resikh blinked. "Djuta...?" he asked, stupidly.

"Lord, no!" Ri'hus shouted. He tried bucking his hips upward to get free, and twisted his head away from Djuta's insistent nuzzling. "Please! I won't bother you--I promise! Please! Let me go back!"

"Come now," Djuta said huskily. Still pinning one of the Kana's arms, he slipped one hand down between his legs, pulling up his kilt and pulling off his loincloth to expose him. Resikh saw now that the private was anything but excited, his sheath smooth, his shaft unexposed. The lieutenant paid this no mind as he ran his hand up and down the soft skin, panting hoarsely and then pulling up his own kilt; his own loincloth was gone already and his shaft throbbed outward. "You wished for this, didn't you--?"

Ri'hus wrenched his other hand free and with a cry tried to push him away. Djuta caught it before he could do so, and nudged his legs apart again, bearing down on him and forward.

Resikh's eyes grew. "Djuta!" he cried again, rushing at them. Damn it; he should have been quicker. From the way Djuta lurched and grunted, Ri'hus arching and crying out in pain, he could tell he was just one moment too late to spare the young private. Only as his friend pulled back, then pushed forward in his second thrust did Resikh reach him, elbow connecting with Djuta's jaw; his head snapped back sharply with a gasp of pain and surprise. That effectively made him let go of Ri'hus, who scrabbled back and away toward the head of the bed, sobbing and curling in on himself. Djuta managed to regain his senses just enough to jump from the bed and swing at Resikh, once; but Resikh had expected this. His own fist stopped Djuta's attack, striking him in the face and sending him crumpling to the floor. Djuta groaned as he sank into a pathetic pile, and silence abruptly filled the room.

Resikh could only stare down at his friend, his heart pounding in his ears, unable to believe what he'd just seen, what had just happened. Djuta didn't move and so he glanced over at Ri'hus, who still sat curled near the head of the bed, crying quietly and rubbing at his eyes. Djuta winced and slowly pushed himself over onto his side; Resikh looked down at him again.

"Djuta?" he whispered, furrowing his brow. "Gods, what in the Duat have you done?"

The Kana put one hand to the floor to steady himself, the other going to his bleeding mouth. He looked at the red lining his fingertips as if uncertain what it was, then scowled. When he spoke he didn't look up.

"For gods' sakes," he muttered. "We merely came back here to pass the night. What's gotten into you?"

"Pass the night?" Resikh blinked in disbelief, and his voice rose. "Have you gone mad? You were forcing him!"

"Forcing?" Djuta looked up now and wrinkled his muzzle. "Get over it! He came here willingly, did he not? Did you see me dragging him? Did he go running when I suggested he spend the night? No, none of these he did. I hardly forced him to do anything!"

Resikh flung up his arms. "Djuta, you were holding him down upon the bed. Did you not even hear him telling you to stop? And you took him anyway! This isn't forcing?"

"He came here willingly. It was even his idea. Need I even tell you how long he spent just trying to convince me to take him out of the barracks? And I do so, and then this happens!" Djuta lifted his head and spat now in the direction of the bed; Ri'hus whimpered and drew in on himself again. "And so you decide to change your mind right in the middle of things! For gods' sakes! At least show better timing!"

"It was hardly the middle of things, you damned fool," Resikh hissed. "He told you to stop even before you entered him. What sort of Kana do I have as my friend! I pitied what had been done to you once? Now you are nothing more than a rapist yourself!"

He gasped and flinched when Djuta leapt to his feet, baring his teeth with an ugly look. Immediately his fingers were around Resikh's neck, as tight as a vise, and it was only because they were equal in strength that Resikh could keep from choking. Ri'hus sat up with wide eyes, gaping at them.

Djuta bared his teeth in Resikh's face, his eyes livid; Resikh had never seen him look so ugly, or so furious. His claws dug into Resikh's neck. "You take this back," he hissed.

Resikh's lip curled back; he kept his own hands upon Djuta's arm, his claws also digging in. "I will not take back the truth!" he gasped.

Djuta threw back his head and bellowed. "TAKE IT BACK!" He abruptly let go of Resikh's neck and threw his weight against him, sending him stumbling back into the wall. They crashed over each other into some chests and sent pottery flying and shattering to the floor. Djuta grabbed Resikh by the front of his uniform and dragged him back up to his feet.

"Take it back!" Djuta shouted. "What you said!"

Resikh had to struggle to catch his breath, his claws digging into Djuta's arms. "I will not! What in the Duat has gotten into you, Djuta--?"

Djuta snarled at him and drew back one fist. Resikh's eyes grew, then he squeezed them shut, preparing himself for the blow. A crashing sound came instead, and he felt bits of pottery strike him in the face. Opening his eyes, he saw Djuta's eyes roll back in his head. He slumped forward, against him; Resikh gasped and caught him before he could fall, and they slid to the floor together. He blinked in confusion when he tried pushing on the other Kana, and saw how his head rolled limply to the side; it was only when he noticed a shadow looming over them that he even thought to look up to see what could have happened.

Private Ri'hus stood there, holding the shattered remains of a pot in his shaking hands. He stared at them both for a moment, eyes wide and face pale, before letting the rest of the pot fall to the floor. He put his hands to his face, wings trembling.

"What have I done?" he whispered.

Resikh paused to make certain Djuta wasn't going to attack him again before grimacing and pushing himself up. He pushed Djuta's limp body off of him and rolled him over, pressing his fingers to his neck. When Djuta groaned he wasn't certain whether to feel relief or rage. He let out his breath.

"He's all right. Merely knocked out."

"But--he is a commanding officer," Ri'hus moaned, his hands still to his face. "What have I done?"

"You merely defended me. You will not get in trouble." Resikh pulled his leg out from underneath Djuta's and pulled on the unconscious Kana's arm, making a face. "Help me with him."

Ri'hus dropped his hands and stared at them for a moment or two, looking as if he were in shock; yet when Resikh started tugging on Djuta's arm again, he sprang to life and stooped to take his other arm. Together, they dragged Djuta to his feet and toward the bed, where they unceremoniously dumped him upon the mattress, his head lolling back and arms going limp. Resikh wiped his hand across his brow and took a breath to steady his nerves, then glanced about him as Ri'hus began pacing back and forth, chewing on his claw and whimpering. He dug out a chair from the side of the room, glanced back at Ri'hus, then fetched the jar of wine as well and carried them back across to the bed. He set down the chair and nudged Ri'hus into it; the young Kana dropped his head into his hands, and did not lift it to accept the cup of wine Resikh offered him, so Resikh drank it instead. He wiped his mouth and stared at the unconscious lieutenant, not quite certain what to think.

Ri'hus whimpered softly, shoulders shaking. "I did not mean to cause trouble--I swear I didn't. I should have just stayed in the barracks...but I am sick of it there...I thought...maybe...I do not know what I was thinking." He started to cry.

Resikh let out his breath and rubbed his eyes. "I can hardly understand it...he is never like this, ever, with anyone...nor would he ever be. I just cannot understand it..."

Ri'hus choked and snuffled. "It is my fault--I told him to take me from the barracks. I gave him hakh'tua, I said I would come back here--everything I did told him this is what I wanted. I thought I wanted it, but I...I did not mean to...to change my mind, yet...I do not know...he..."

Resikh suppressed a sigh, Ri'hus's chest hitching and his eyes streaming. "This was not your fault," he said flatly. "It does not matter that you gave him hakh'tua, or came back here. He knows enough to know he does not have this right. At least," and he lifted his head to wrinkle his muzzle at Djuta, "I had thought he did!"

"I should not have bothered him," Ri'hus wept. "I knew it was wrong to bother him...I stepped out of my place...I did not mean it, Lord."

"It was not your fault," Resikh echoed himself, but Ri'hus didn't seem to be listening. He sighed at the way the private shook and cried, and wondered why Djuta had ever wished to bring him back in the first place. He poured another cup of wine and pressed it into Ri'hus's hand.

"I do not want any drink," Ri'hus managed to choke out between tears.

"Go on and drink it. You need something to settle you down before you crumble." Resikh stood and watched while Ri'hus meekly lifted his head, almost spilling the cup's contents as he raised it to his mouth and took a sip. He managed to drink it without spilling most of it, and lowered the cup again, sniffling; Resikh glanced at the bed and made a face.

"I suppose he will need the physician for that," he muttered, then looked at the younger Kana again and bit his lip. "You wish the physician to see to you, as well--? If he hurt you? I can call on your lieutenant, or someone from your household to set you up for the night--"

Ri'hus at last showed his face, his eyes bright red and puffy and his nose wet. "Please, no, Lord!" he cried, and when Resikh frowned he clasped his hands together in a begging gesture. "Please, do not tell anyone! Please don't let them know!"

"But, if he--"

"Please, Lord," Ri'hus begged. "It will only be worse if you tell! Please do not!" His eyes flooded with tears. "I promise--I promise I will not say a word of this, if you do not. Please!"

Resikh's brow furrowed, but he decided not to press the point; although it made him feel guilty, he was a little bit relieved that no complaint would be filed, at least yet. "Then the physician can see to you without knowing," he suggested, having to explain when Ri'hus gave him a confused look. "I will not tell him what happened, and you do not have to. But perhaps he should see to you anyway. Make up some story, or something. Just in case you've been injured at all."

Ri'hus blinked, then flushed and lowered his head. "N...no...I will be fine," he murmured, staring at his cup. "I would rather just avoid the trouble. He did not hurt me much...I am used to it...he merely caught me by surprise, is all."

I suppose that is his choice, then, Resikh thought. He poured another cup of wine for himself and drank it with a look of distaste; it seemed sour, going down his throat now. He stared at Djuta for a moment and then at Ri'hus, who looked as if he would soon sink into his chair; the pang of guilt came to him again.

Why did I not step forward sooner? Then all of this, none of this would have happened...he would not have been hurt so...

But who am I feeling guilty about? The private, or Djuta...?

He couldn't even be certain which it was, and this made him feel even guiltier. He hated the thought of not reporting the incident, just as much as he hated the thought of reporting it, and this just made the wine in his stomach feel sour as well, and he set the cup down before he could be sick.

Ri'hus shakily stood, still rubbing his eyes. "I--I will go back to the Kana barracks," he murmured, sniffling. "I'll tell Tefkha-Kana that I...I..."

"You will tell him that you left in the company of Lord Djuta," Resikh said, "because Djuta was feeling ill, and you happened to be awake, and thought it would be best if you accompanied him back here. And that is why you have both been gone. You would have no problem saying this?"

Ri'hus shook his head quickly. "No--I--this is good. Th...thank you, Lord."

Resikh ignored his salute as the private hastily left the quarters, the door swinging shut behind him. He sighed as he stepped toward the bed and looked down at Djuta, who looked as if he were sleeping. He ground his teeth.

"I will lie today," he said quietly, "and I have made another lie for me. For you. I have never lied like this, for anyone. Not even for you. What have you made me do, Djuta? What have you done?"

Of course the unconscious Kana did not answer him, and so Resikh sighed heavily and turned to the door to fetch the physician.

* * * * *

The old physician refused to leave his quarters when he sensed that Resikh was not being entirely truthful with him--"If it is as much of an emergency as you say, then why can you not give me the particulars?--you wouldn't be hiding something, would you?"--and no amount of pleading or threatening would convince him to come out, "unless the stupid mutt is on the verge of death itself!" Resikh did not have it in him to say this was so, and so he spat at the old Kana's door and stalked off down the hallway in frustration.

Junior Physician Khetai was more accommodating, if no more hospitable. He trudged down the hallway after Resikh, rubbing at his eyes and mumbling under his breath the entire way. He asked questions in an annoying manner just like the old physician did, yet wasn't quite so pissy when refused answers, and seemed more interested in just getting the duty out of the way so he could go back to bed. His attitude changed a little when he saw the state Djuta was in, and he gave Resikh a suspicious look, before digging in his box and pulling out some strips of linen.

"We were in a fight," Resikh said.

Khetai gave a light snort. "In the bed?" he prompted; when Resikh blinked, startled, he merely went to the waterbowl at the other side of the room and dipped the linens in it. He came back and rolled Djuta onto his side, placing the wet cloths over where Ri'hus had struck him.

Resikh finally regained his senses and bristled. "No, not in the bed," he snapped.

"What you decide to do in your own time is your business," Khetai yawned, examining Djuta's head, "but it becomes my business as soon as someone is hurt. Why didn't you call that dumb dog who normally sees to such things? He could use a good rousting from bed now and then..."

"He would not come," Resikh retorted. "You were my second choice. Is he going to be all right or not?"

Khetai shrugged and pressed the cold pack back into place. He dug in his chest and pulled out a small papyrus packet, waving it at Resikh. "Unfortunately, he will be all right. If you do not continue bashing him in the head. If he awakens, and starts making a noise, give him this to knock him out again. It's much safer than hitting him in the head."

Resikh snatched the packet of poppy and made a face. "I am sorry I bothered! The next time I'll just let him wallow in a pool of his own blood!"

"At least I would get some sleep then," Khetai yawned again, and packed up his case and left. Resikh had to walk in a circle or two just to blow off steam, before tossing the packet onto the stand and slumping down in the chair vacated by Ri'hus. He rested his head on his hand for a good long while, trying to calm his thudding heart. He felt exhaustion begin to set in--he himself had not gotten any sleep just yet--and let out a shaky sigh, wishing he had just stayed in his own rooms the entire night, and let Djuta do as he wished.

Would any of this have even happened if I were not here? When Ri'hus changed his mind--was that because of me...? His anger flared. I will not blame myself for what he has done!...

After some time he heard a soft groan come from the bed, and lifted his head, blinking the tiredness from his eyes. Djuta moved his head slightly and grimaced, lifting his hand and pressing it to his skull. Resikh felt a brief pang of sympathy before remembering what he had done, then seethed with anger again. He got to his feet and went to stand beside the bed as Djuta very slowly started to push himself up, wincing the entire time.

Resikh crossed his arms. Djuta paused when he caught sight of his shadow, and lifted his head; his eyes were red, dark shadows surrounding them, and his muzzle still wrinkled in pain. He rubbed at his head and frowned.

"Res...?"

Resikh scowled at him. "I take it you had a pleasant nap?"

Djuta made a face. "My head is killing me. So no, I did not."

Resikh's lip curled back. "Good!" When Djuta glanced up at him again he flung his hands up. "I am GLAD you didn't get a good sleep! Because I will not be getting a good sleep, and neither will Ri'hus, from the looks of it!"

"Ri'hus--?" Djuta frowned in confusion, then his gaze shifted toward the bed as he sought to remember. His eyes grew cloudy and his wings shrank in toward his back. "Ri'hus," he said, again.

"That's right," Resikh grated. "Private Ri'hus. The little item you could not keep from your quarters this night? You remember him, right?"

Djuta nodded slowly. His voice was soft and vague. "Yes...I...I remember him."

"Good, because he will be remembering you, too." Resikh hissed and shook his head in disgust. "What is this, Djuta? All of this? Is this all about Nehekhi and that battle? Because I have thought it over as many times as I can, and I still can't see how you would do a thing such as this. What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all? Because of you Ri'hus went back to the Kana barracks practically crying."

Djuta's head jerked up. "He is all right--?" he blurted out.

Resikh threw up his hands again. "NO, he is not! Not after what YOU did!" Djuta cringed but Resikh railed on. "You should only feel lucky he has decided not to submit a complaint! Though if I were in his situation I do not know that I would act the same way! You have always been the best Kana I know, Djuta. You have bent rules--but you have never once broken them. I've always looked up to you. Ever since we were pups. And you toss all of this away in an instant. I do not understand you anymore!"

"I made a mistake," Djuta murmured, rubbing his head.

Resikh bared his teeth. "A mistake! Is THAT all you call it--?" He flung his arm toward the door as if to indicate something or someone. "I felt sorry for you after hearing of that Bakh'asu dog! After hearing what had been done to you! I felt bad for you, for no good Kana deserves such treatment! And here you go and do the exact same thing!"

Djuta stood up now and clenched his fists--Resikh braced himself for another attack, but there wasn't one. "It is not the same!" Djuta cried, voice cracking; Resikh felt a brief twinge of pity for him, but brushed it away, and clenched his own fists.

"It IS the exact same!"

"I did not mean to do it!" Djuta cried. "I--I do not know what I thought--but this is not something I will do again! I am nothing like Bakh'asu!"

The other lieutenant scowled. "ONE TIME is bad enough!" he snapped. "ONE TIME is all it takes! If you can do this thing--this thing that I had always thought was beneath you--then what else can you do, that I just knew you would never do, before? I am sorry for what Bakh'asu did to you--I will always be. But look at yourself now. One time is all it takes. You may not ever be as despicable a dog as he was, but you have done the exact same thing." He took a step back, his emotions warring on his face; the desperate look on Djuta's face made his heart feel fit to break, yet he couldn't take back what he'd said now. "I promised Ri'hus I would not report this--it's thanks to him that you won't end up like Bakh'asu-Moru. I would tell you to thank him--but I do not think he would wish to see you just now." He turned and made his way to the door.

"Resikh," Djuta called out in a pitiful voice. "Please--do not leave like this. Please do not leave."

Resikh slowed to a stop, his hand upon the door. The wine roiled in his stomach and he wanted more than anything to turn back and forgive his friend...but every time he thought this, images of Ri'hus's crying face flitted through his head, and hardened his resolve. He glared at Djuta over his shoulder. Djuta's own eyes were wet, but he made himself ignore it.

"He asked you not to do something," he said. "And you did it anyway. Why should I be any different? I always learned from you." He opened the door. "You are still my brother, Djuta. But I cannot bear to face you just now."

He stepped out of the room without another look back. He almost expected Djuta to call out again, yet he didn't; when Resikh at last caught one more brief glimpse of him, as the door swung shut, he saw the devastation in the other Kana's eyes, and almost paused...he had never seen Djuta look that way before...but then the door closed between them...and Resikh let out his breath, and walked away.

* * * * *

Djuta stood in his room and stared at the closed door for what might have been a minute, or an hour; he couldn't tell which, anymore. Time seemed to stop existing, but it did not matter now long he stared; the door didn't open again, and bit by bit, he eventually realized he was alone. This realization made him start to tremble; he slid his hands up to grasp his arms as if cold, and his wings hunched in toward him, shaking.

What have I...what have I done...?

How could I do such a thing...?

Resikh's accusing words rang in his head afresh, and he gripped it in his hands, grimacing and squeezing his eyes shut as if to try to block out the voice. Yet as soon as he did it was only replaced by his own voice, screaming shrilly in his mind.

Bakh'asu! I am exactly like Bakh'asu!

I am...I am nothing like Bakh'asu! NOTHING! I would never do such hideous things as he--

But I have done one of them already, haven't I?--and Res is right--if I can do this one thing--what else might I do? I do not even know why I did this--what might make me do this the next time?

I vowed to myself I would never be like Bakh'asu, or those robber dogs--but look what I have done--look who I have hurt--not just Ri'hus, but Resikh-Kana--who might I hurt the next time...?

He whimpered and slid his hands forward to cover his face, shoulders shaking. "There cannot be a next time," he moaned, his voice muffled. "I will not ever let there be a next time. He is right. Once is too much. I will not ever do that again, I swear it."

But I swore before--and what good did it do? How can I be certain I will never hurt another soul...?

I am sorry! I am sorry! A thousand times sorry!

"I am sorry," he choked out in a broken sob, but no matter how much he meant them, the words rang hollow, meaningless, now that the past was past. He started crying into his hands, sinking to the floor; he had to grasp hold of the bedpost to keep from falling as his legs gave out, and his ankles tangled in the sheets. He sat and rocked back and forth as he wept, unable to believe he'd done such a thing, yet knowing it was true--he remembered it clearly--no amount of pushing it away would remove it from his head. If anything, it played itself over and over in even greater detail every time, until he wanted to strike his own head against the wall.

I am sorry, he cried in his mind. A thousand--a million times sorry.

I am...sorry...

The words echoed in his head, unbidden, and Djuta gasped and started when he remembered what Nehekhi had said, just after the ax had struck him, just before he sank to the ground before Djuta's eyes. He hadn't had any time to think over the words back then--but now that they came back to him, he agonized over what they might mean. To whom was he sorry? For what? What did he mean? Nehekhi's last words to him, and he had no idea what they meant.

Why did he apologize to me? When I was the one at fault? When I am STILL the one at fault! Why did he say this? Why did he think I deserved it?

I did not deserve his apology--I do not deserve his forgiveness. It is because of me that he is dead. It is because of me that Ameni and Thi'usa-Moru have no master. It is because of me that Resikh is hurting and Ri'hus will never trust me again. All these things are because of me. I am the cause. No number of I-am-sorry's will ever change that, or make it better.

No apology will ever ensure that I never hurt anybody again...

If you can do this thing--this thing that I had always thought was beneath you--then what else can you do, that I just knew you would never do, before...?

In our best and in our normal moments we are far better than they are; we do not go about stealing others' belongings and raping and murdering women and children. But when we are in our worst moments we are no better than they are. Then we are the same. Every one of us is capable of doing that...

If one is pushed far enough they will push back, as hard as they can. In our worst moments we are all alike. There is not one bit of difference between us...

This is the way of things, Ameni; in our worst moments we are all brutes...

"I am the same," Djuta whispered, and his eyes opened, tears streaming unheeded down his face. "I am the exact same. And I could do it again...I could do anything. I could hurt anyone...over and over again. I am the same as Bakh'asu now."

He gritted his teeth, and ground the heel of his hand against his eyes, letting out a strained noise. His own words came back to haunt him as he never thought they would, and he wished more than anything he had never set foot in those barracks. That he had never let Nehekhi jump in front of him. That he had never bought that damned Moru in the first place...that he had never gotten his wing injured, that he had never met Resikh, that he had never arrived at the Shore Tribe...

Djuta stood up, kicking away the sheets and stumbling toward the table with the waterbowl. He dunked his hands in it and splashed the water in his face, yet this did nothing but make him sputter and choke. He wiped the fluid away from his eyes and happened to glance up at the mirror. He stared at his bloodshot eyes, at the panicked haunted look within them, and his heart stung in his chest.

Nehekhi-Kana...Resikh...Tas'hukh...I'anen...Ri'hus...Ameni-human...

I have hurt them all. Every last one of them, and more...I can never take this back...

He froze when he felt something cold and hard digging into his palm, and looked down to see that he was gripping the handle of his dagger, still tucked into his belt. He thought of how he had not used that, nor his sword, to stop Bakh'asu, and had an immediate, overwhelming urge to tear it loose and hurl it away from him, useless weapon that it was...

It is not the dagger that is useless...it is the one who wields it, or does not wield it...

Djuta's fevered thoughts shifted as the metal grew warm in his hand, and he felt his heartbeat finally begin to slow.

I am the one who caused all this.

I am the only one who can end it. If I do not...then this will only go on forever. Nehekhi--Resikh--Tas'hukh--I'anen--Ri'hus--Ameni-human...

I am the one who connects them all in their pain. I am the cause of it all.

But if the link is broken...then the hurting will stop. I cannot hurt anyone anymore...

I did not mean to hurt you, Res-Brother, ever...you must believe me. Please believe me.

Without your belief, I have nothing...

Something plinked into the waterbowl, sending ripples across its surface. Djuta stared down into the water, tears dripping from his eyes, yet he didn't even see his own reflection. The anguish in his heart faded away into a dull ache, and he had to take in a shaky breath or two, trying to regain his senses. After a few moments he pushed himself away from the table and turned about so he leaned against it with one hand, fingering his dagger with the other, and stared across the room at nothing.

"Ameni-human," he murmured. "He must have been apologizing to you, not to me. I did not deserve it. Resikh-Brother..." The slightest ghost of a flinch passed across his face, and he had to take in a trembling breath as his resolve almost left him. "...I will never be sorry I met you. But I am sorry you met me. I did not mean to hurt you, Res-Kana." He shut his eyes and the tears flowed down his muzzle, dampening the fur. "I hope someday you will believe me."

The words had barely left his mouth when he pulled his hand up, and in one swift sweeping movement, jammed the blade of the dagger into his breast, the sharp tip embedding itself beneath his breastbone, up to the hilt. Djuta's eyes came open and he gasped for breath, the searing pain shooting through his chest somewhat more than he had expected, though it hardly mattered now. He was already falling, and by the time he collapsed, blood seeping out around the dagger handle, the entire room was growing hazy, and the pain was no longer so great, and as the shadows at last pressed in around him and shut his eyes, he did not care for much of anything anymore.

Continue:

"Part 32: Disguise" 


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