THE CASE OF SCOTCH

         I had barely started my tea when Captain leDuc suddenly loomed into view. "Frack, pick your ugly partner’s head out of the sports page and get out to Glamis Road on the double. A man has been found stabbed to death in his bed."

         Within minutes, we were on the road, with me doing the driving as usual. We put to use the thermos containers Frick had bought for his coffee and my tea. I could smell the toasted cinnamon bun he was eating as I accelerated on the Expressway, our flashers blinking to clear the way. He offered a piece, but I did not want to get the wheel sticky.

         The U-shaped house sat on the top of a hill at the end of a cul-de-sac. We drove through the gate on the open side of the "U" and parked. We found our victim at the farthest end of one of the wings. In the anteroom were two more bodies with knives in them. Neither Frick nor I could understand much of what the man who found them said. He had a thick brogue. Frick thought his name was Duffy, but I was not sure. He kept muttering something about a 'Hellhound."

         I spoke to a Mr. Ross. He told me MacDuff, as our thick voiced man was known, had arrived early that morning for a meeting and had gone to wake the victim, a Mr. Duncan, a high mucky-muck of some organization or secret society. Frick was examining the bloody victim. His foot bumped into something metal under the bed and a second later a crown rolled out.

         "Duncan was a little weird," Ross opined.
         "And the other bodies in the anteroom, are they his adjutants?"
         "You could call them 'yes men', I suppose."
         "Three men murdered by the same fiend!" I shook my head in disgust.

         As soon as I said that, MacDuff ground his teeth and muttered about things being rotten in Scotland. A Hellhound was on the loose, he said again.

         Ross interpreted. "Our host killed those men after we found the body. We noticed them sleeping with knives in their hand, and he decided to exact justice. He claimed they moved toward him."

         "And who is our host."

         MacDuff spit violently. Ross quietly answered, "The Macbeths, a young upwardly mobile couple. He was recently named head of the Cawdor office."

         I noticed my partner trying the crown on for size. He'd been very quiet, but now he spoke. "We'll assemble in the library in fifteen minutes for a reconstruction. Frack, get me a list of the people here last night, and where they slept."

         "Yes your majesty." I couldn't resist that barb. Frick looked even sillier than usual with the gold crown on his head.

         Fifteen minutes later, I was seated at the head of a green baize table. To my left sat the Macbeths, Lady Macbeth next to me. Next to the host was a man named Banquo and next to him Ross. The end of the table was reserved for Frick while on my right hand side sat Duncan's two sons and MacDuff, still muttering. I had spoken with the hostess, but got little out of her except something about problems with a dog named Spot.

         Ross asked if we could hurry. The assembled multitude needed to elect a new chief. Frick, with the crown still on his head, was studying the room chart I had tacked to the wall. He now turned and said, "Donaldbain, what kind of name is that?" The younger of Duncan's sons blushed and stammered, "You're asking me? Malcolm here got a normal name. I think my father was drunk when my turn came."

         Frick now turned to our host. "So it was you who killed Duncan's assistants. Why?"

         Macbeth's face reddened as he spoke. "My rage got the best of me. I thought they had done it, they were asleep with knives in their hands and they had blood on their faces."

         "I see."

         Though Frick saw, I wondered if he noticed the daggers being shot at him from Macbeth's eyes. I was about to press our host when the door opened and in walked the handsomest young man I have ever seen. His hair was perfect and his teeth glistened. Frick, standing, asked the obvious.

         "And who are you? You are not on Frack's chart."
         "I am Prince Charming; I arrived after all had gone to sleep."
         "And what is your purpose being here?"
         "I have this slipper. I must try it on the foot of the lady of the house. If it fits, she shall become my bride."
         "But Mrs. Macbeth is married." I could see Frick beginning to snort, like the horse who knows where the barn is.
         "Oh, I didn’t know that. I wondered why this address wasn't on my original list."
         "And where is your dagger? All the other men are wearing theirs but your sheath is empty."

         Frick was on to something. I stood and moved behind the prince.

         "I must have lost it."
         "Likely story. Cuff him Frack, we are taking him downtown. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, you may now get on with your board meeting."

         As we left, I could see MacDuff beating his head on the table, muttering something unintelligible.

         We sat at our desks congratulating ourselves on solving the case, but just as Frick was taking a bite from his cheesesteak, Captain leDuc appeared again. She did not seem happy.

         "Well, Dynamic Duo, get yourselves out to Glamis again. Mr. Banquo is lying face down in the pool, with an axe in his back."

         As we climbed into the car, I heard, "You take this one Frack; your guess will be as good as mine."

August 11, 2002