I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry



If only you knew what I can't admit to myself
How much I think of you, my emotions on the shelf
And how much I care, while still denying you a place
As a fellow member of the human race.

If only you knew while I stand denying all
How far I might have gone had I the guts to bawl.
But my feelings for you I stored in a dark bin
And never let them out and never let you in.

Friendship denied is a horrid state
And friendship spurned closes the gate
To the many paths which save us from the breach
A life of joy and purpose far out of reach.

How I wish, dear friend, I had been good to you
And struggled through to being real and true
Not hidden myself behind pretend walls of fear
Built to shame one I could love so dear.

Yes, I claimed to fear you and tried to make it so
Tried to say your reaching to me was a wicked blow
Slandered and mocked you when you tried to be real
Squashed your spirit under my heel.

But now let be the good for you I feel
And build on that so my wrongs I might repeal.
"I'm sorry" doesn't even begin to say
The remorse and regret I feel today.

But maybe, just maybe, today I can begin
To turn back the tide of my great sin.
By turning in the power called by me to rule
So I could have the upper hand and not be thought a fool!

So I could be the one in charge and have the final say
And make you do as I wished and never get away.
So I could call the shots and tell you what to do
And think highly of myself and lowly of you.

Maybe this can be the day I mean with all my heart
To think of what is good for you and give you a new start.
Maybe now I can at last enjoy being me
And be glad to see you as yourself strong and free.