A Lovely Cup of Tea

My god. I swear he gets more gorgeous every time I see him. Those eyes. That face. The man’s a god. A living god. I should just come out and tell him. You’re a god, Dr Andrews. A living god. He’d probably just smile that coy little smile he does. I mean he must see how much I fancy him. My God, I give enough hints. How many double entendres can one woman drop?
When I first told him about the headaches, I think he just thought I was making it up again. I admit I used to make the most of any opportunity to see him. Of course I did. who wouldn’t? You think I didn’t notice that his waiting room was filled almost always entirely of wanting women? I was no different. The slightest sniffle, cough and I’d be round his surgery before you could say stethoscope.
Then I passed out in the supermarket. What a bit of luck that was. A week later I go to his surgery to find out the results of tests. So he shows me this chart, these x-ray thingies. Picks up this stick and points to a milky blob. I’m afraid it’s bad news, he says. A tumour. He‘s so lovable when he’s serious. I know it sounds silly but in a way it was a relief to finally have something genuinely wrong with me. A cancerous tumour, he explains further. I say to him You know I don’t smoke doctor, how can I have a cancerous tumour? I watch the lines in his forehead deepen. I’m in love. I’m telling you, I’m in love. I mean, what is it about doctors ?Anyway that’s seven years I’ve been seeing Doctor Andrews and finally I think he’s beginning to notice me.
See, after pointing at the x-ray photo thingies, he slowly sits down behind his desk. He puts his hand though his dark, thick, beautiful hair. Not a speck of dandruff to be seen, I kid you not. He’s obviously distressed by what he has to say. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy. It’s only a matter of time, he finally mutters. Could be days, months, but its only a matter of time and what with the size of the lump, an operation would be futile.
I nearly passed out there and then. See, he gently reached out and placed his hand on mine. It was the most romantic moment I’ve ever experienced. He seemed quite emotional. And then he says I‘m so sorry, Joan. Joan he called me! He’d never called me by my first name before. I was in heaven.
Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s serious. Having a tumour the size of a golf ball in your head.But I can’t help wondering. If he secretly thinks about me. The way I think about him. Doctor Andrews I mean. See, maybe this is just his way of making a pass. Well it’s possible. We all take the long way round sometimes. Anyway, Doctor Andrews says I must start making “arrangements” as soon as possible. He’s right, of course. I better phone St Mathews as soon as possible.
See, I’d like to be buried in St Mathews. Have you seen the young priest there? Father Breen? He’s a bit of all right, I can tell you. What is it about a man in a dog collar? I think he likes me as well, you know. The way he gives me communion. There’s something unspoken. I’ll have to go round to the manse to arrange things. Just me and him chatting over a nice cup of tea. I’m getting goose pimples just thinking about it. Of course I know he’s a priest but he must know I fancy him. I mean how many double entendres can a young woman drop?
There’s other things to be sorted out as well, of course. I must make sure there’s a really nice buffet after the funeral. That’s there’s enough sandwiches to go round.And tea of course. I wonder if Doctor Andrews would read at the church service for me. Imagine that! Oh, do you really know who I’d really like to come to the service? That man who came to read the electricity meter last week. Now he really was nice. A bit young perhaps, but those cheekbones! I think he fancied me, actually. Said I made a lovely cup of tea. I mean how many double entendres can a young man drop? I should invite him to my funeral. Tell him to treat it like a date. Then there’s Mr Johnson who lives up the stair, he‘d be terribly disappointed if I didn‘t invite him. And of course I mustn’t forget the milkman. Who could forget the milkman! And then there’s the postman of course. What is it about a man in uniform? Actually I wonder if I could find out the address of that man who was digging the road up a couple of days ago? Just remembering the muscles on that man makes me go weak at the knees.
Yes, well, maybe you’re right. Maybe I should just accept the way things are. Get things in perspective. But they do say everyone should experience love at least once in their life, don‘t they? Why should I be any different? And it isn’t as if I’ve got long to go. Doctor Andrews said so. Actually d’you know you’re a very nice looking young man yourself. I bet all the girls are after you. Would you like another cup of tea?