Saving Katie

         Katie Watson and I have been friends since the third grade. She shared her lunch with me when I forgot mine on the bus. Since then we became an inseparable duo.
         Just this last year, Katie and I had entered our junior year in high school. She had become a popular cheerleader and I remained the bookish shy girl we both used to be but somehow we were still friends. Katie always defended me when her popular friends would make fun of me. They would laugh at me when a teacher would reprimand me for reading in class and they would call me four eyes because I chose to wear glasses over contact lens because I never liked they way they felt. I guess I was just never hip enough to fit into that crowd. Katie never cared and she chose me over them as her best friend. She always told me it was because I was a real person and not shallow like her cheerleader buddies.
         One weekend afternoon I was over at Katie's house. Katie had some music on and was showing me one of her new cheerleader routines. For being so popular and pretty, Katie was terribly self-conscious. I laughed a bit as she twirled around making a weird face at me.
         "Are you going to make that face too?" I joked as Katie plopped down on the couch besides me. She got this look on her face and shook her head violently.
         "Not in a million years." She replied. It was then Katie's mom came in with a pizza and just like a hundred times before we sat down at the table Katie picking off her pepperoni's as usual.
         After dinner we went up to Katie's room. On our way upstairs Katie stepped into the bathroom and told me to go ahead. I continued down the hall toward Katie's room when I realized I had left my notebook downstairs. I always have a notebook with me. I write down observations or thoughts that occur to me. Most of the time not so private thoughts because once in Junior High my notebook was abducted by a bully and they read to the entire world that I thought Doug Gilmour was the cutest boy in school and I wished that he would ask me out. I was so embarrassed I never wanted to go to school again. Ever since that incident I never keep secrets in my notebook just observations and insights. As I was rounding the corner of the stairs I heard a noise coming from the bathroom. It was clearly the sound of someone vomiting. Was Katie getting sick? I thought to myself. I continued down to retrieve my notebook.
         Upon returning to Katie's room I found her sitting on her bed smiling looking through last year’s yearbook.
         "Are you feeling ok?" I asked her.
         "Never better." Katie replied cheerfully. I frowned. I didn't know whether to bring up the vomiting or not so I didn't say anything. I decided to dismiss the thought from my mind perhaps I was just hearing things. I didn't say anything more about it all that night.
         By the following week I had forgotten completely. During my sixth hour biology class I had to go to the bathroom so I got the pass and headed down the hallway to the girls restroom. When I stepped in I could hear somebody in one of the stalls throwing up into the toilet. I'm not normally a nosey person so I kept to myself. Whoever it was however was coughing and gagging and having a very difficult time. I felt sorry for her. As I was prepared to leave the restroom I compassionately said, "Are you ok in there?"
There was a moan from inside the stall. The voice was muffled but I know Katie’s voice it had to be her. I stepped out of the restroom and returned to class.
         Later that afternoon as I was walking out of the school I saw Katie in the auditorium with a group of other girls preparing for their cheerleading practice. I decided to go over and see how she was doing and risk the ridicule of the cheerleaders.
         "Hey Sam!" Katie smiled as I approached them clutching my books close to my chest. "Hi Katie, it's good to see your feeling better." I said. Katie kind of looked surprised, "I've been feeling great all day today." She smiled.
         "Good." was all I could reply. I was out of my element standing there with the cheerleaders and I could tell that Becky Simonson was just dying to say something to me but was biting her tongue because she knew Katie would defend me. Practice was about to begin so Katie kind of waved and turned away "Gotta practice now I'll call you tonight ok Sam." I nodded and crept back out of the auditorium.
         Katie called later in the evening. Immediately I asked her about throwing up in the bathroom. "It's nothing." Katie countered quickly.
         "Then how about last week at your house?" I asked recalling the sound of vomiting from the bathroom.
         "Sam I am fine, don't worry about me." Katie soothed.
         "I am worried Katie," I sputtered, "You are throwing up all the time like you're bulimic or something!"
         "Would you hush Sam," Katie scolded, "I'm not bulimic or anorexic or anything like that."
         "But..." I began but Katie interrupted me.
         "I'm in good shape." She said, "I'm not sick trust me."
         "Ok, Ok." I conceded, "But why are you vomiting then?"
         "Twenty-four hour flu bug or something I don't know." Katie replied hurriedly, "But I'm feeling great."
         "Maybe you should tell your mom about the vomiting though" I replied.
         "No!" Katie gasped sounding shocked, "My mom would make a mountain out of a mole hill and freak out."
         "Still she might be able to help." I pleaded.
         "Your overreacting Sam," Katie was starting to get annoyed I could tell, "Please don't tell my mom ok." I hesitated for several moments.
         "Katie your my best friend" I finally sputtered almost in tears.
         "Promise me" Katie said again sternly. Several seconds went by. "Promise" Katie said again.
         "Ok, I promise." I finally gave in. After hanging up the phone I felt very sad and went straight to bed but I couldn't sleep. I was afraid for Katie.
         I kept my promise to Katie. I didn't say a word but I watched her. Most people didn't seem to notice but I could tell that Katie was losing a lot of weight since I was paying particular attention to her. It was several months later when I got the nerve to bring it up to Katie again. I received more of the same defenses only this time Katie accused me of being paranoid.
         One afternoon as I was leaving the school I saw Katie in the auditorium again with her cheerleader friends. I waved to her but didn't go over to talk. She waved back with a smile. I took the familiar route home. I walked down along Oak Street and past the First Federal Bank that sets along the corner of Oak and Franklin Boulevard. Crossing Franklin Boulevard I pass Nick's Sundries a kind of candy shop that Katie and I used to ride our bikes to when we were in junior high. Entering our neighborhood, a typical suburban neighborhood to be sure, I started to get a feeling of deep nostalgic sadness. I stopped in front of my house and stood there for several minutes before heaving a heavy sigh and continuing on to the end of the block to Katie's.
         Nobody was home when I got there so I sat on the curb feeling lost and lonely in the world a lump in my throat and tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I must have sat there for at least an hour, but I barely noticed the time go by. It was a clear warm spring day and to sit there in the sun was pleasant enough had I not been feeling so emotional. When Katie's mom maroon Buick Le Sabre pulled into the driveway I looked up in a blurry daze a tingling of anticipation running up and down my spine. When she got out of the car I stood up and approached her in near stumble.
          "Sam,” I heard her call me in a concerned voice, "Is something wrong?" She dropped her bag and came toward me quickly. I must have looked pretty pathetic eyes red and puffy blurry with tears I fell into Katie's moms arms sobbing.
         I began stuttering slightly between sobs and pulling the words out from deep inside of me tearing at my heart I said, “Help....Katie needs our help." Burying my face into Mrs. Watson's comforting arms I broke my promise.
         I told Katie's mom everything. I told her how long I had noticed that Katie was showing signs of Bulimia. I told her how I tried to get her to talk about it and how she made me promise silence. I told her how I noticed how much weight Katie had been losing and her vomiting. Every detail I carved from my soul as if with a knife. Katie's mom listened to every word. She thanked me and told me how good of a friend I was to Katie. She comforted me as I cried out all of the emotions I held in for the past several months.
         I didn't see Katie for awhile. She wasn't in school and when I called, her mom sympathetically told me that Katie wasn't speaking to anyone. A week or two later, Katie called one last time to tell me that I had betrayed her confidence and that she didn't want to be my friend anymore. I pleaded, I cried, I tried to explain myself to her. After that she refused to face me. I would try to say hello in the hallways at school and she would turn her back to me. I would wave if I saw her in a store or just out walking in our neighborhood, but she would always purposely turn her head to look the other way. Eventually I quit trying and resigned myself to the fact that I had lost my one and only best friend in the whole wide world.
         Last I heard Katie was involved in an eating disorder program. Someday I hope she understands why I had to break my oath of silence. Until then I will miss her.