Dream Journal of a Girl I Can't Forget 3

Part 3: "Something More"

Part 3:
"Something More."

Free from work for the day, a man made his way through the local shopping center. Today he was simply window shopping and looking around for any sales. In the back of his mind thoughts of the strange girl with chestnut hair still lingered. Sometimes she seemed like a stranger he met on the street, other times a close friend, and others yet as though she were his lover. His thoughts drifted to the book he’d been writing all those weird dreams in and briefly the image of a book sitting on a white table flashed in his mind. Shaking the thoughts from his head he continued on with his day.

The last stop for his trip was on the floor of clothing stores. Something caught the man’s eye; a woman with long blonde hair tied back into a neat ponytail, and she was looking his way as well. Looking around to make sure it was in fact him that she was looking at, the man gave a timid wave. A small smile showed itself as the woman waved back, so he decided to approach her. As it turned out she was heading the same way but had gotten separated from her friend on the way. The man suggested helping the woman look for them in the meantime, and they both headed off.

After a while of searching around the different stores the two managed to find the woman’s friend, who then offered him to tag along with them but he declined. As he was leaving the woman handed him a small paper with her number on it, saying she’d like to thank him some time for helping out. “Trina, call me sometime.. I’ll see about returning the favor.”

*****

A couple days had passed and the man decided to call Trina and she asked when he had time to go out for lunch. The two met up at the usual park in the center of town and at Trina’s suggestion, headed to a favored cafe of her’s. The cafe was rather out of the way and tucked behind other buildings so much so that the man had never heard of or seen it before. The storefront was unassuming, which was fitting for the location, a plain sign hung above the door that read “Dotte’s Comfy Cafe”. The pair took a booth by a window. Trina slid a menu across the table to the man, “Consider this my treat. Order whatever you’d like, on me.” The man took her up on her offer and ordered a few things, “So.. how’d you originally find out about this place? I’ve never heard of it before..”
“Ah, well..a friend of mine happens to run the place. So you could say she introduced me to it..”
“Oh? So you know the owner? That’s a pretty cool perk to have. Do they give you discounts or anything?”
“..They offered to, but I’d rather just be treated as a normal customer, they have a business to run-I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
“That’s fair I suppose.”
“And as part of my thanks, I’d like to leave this with you.” Trina slid a small card onto the table between them.
“What’s this?”
“Think of it as my business card, if you will.”

The man picked up the card, it read “Trina’s Turn-around Services” and listed the address of what he assumed was the main office, but oddly there was no contact number to call, only a large star printed on the card. “Business card? What do you do exactly?” he asked as he stowed the card.
Trina smiled, “Oh, this and that. Mostly things like rehabilitation, therapy, life planning, things like that. If you ever need anything just let me know.”
“I’m not sure I’ll need any of those things anytime soon, but I’ll take you up on your offer.”
Time passed quickly as the pair chatted away and shared stories about their friends and coworkers.
“Thank you for your patronage! Be sure to come back any time.” The woman behind the counter smiled as she waved at the pair as they left. The woman’s silver eyes caught the man’s attention as he waved back, but told himself they must be colored contacts.

*****

“So you met some random hottie that gave you her number then treated you to lunch? You expect me to just believe that?”
“..well when you put it like that, it does sound pretty unbelievable. But yea I guess?”
“And most importantly, you didn’t invite me along!?”
“Well I-wait, what? For starters, weren’t you busy with work? Secondly I don’t think having a plus one was on the table.”
“That’s besides the point! Ahh, well good on you I guess. Maybe one day I’ll get my lucky break too..”
“I can’t help but feel you’re taking away the wrong message here…”

The two men were once more sitting in the park together.
“Anyway, how have things been otherwise?”
“Alright I guess..no weird dreams lately, or at least that I can remember.”

The man pulled out a piece of paper that looked to be torn out of something, “I did find this on the floor the other day, but I can’t figure out where it went in the journal..”
“Hold up, you’ve been tearing out pages? Why?”
“Why? Well sometimes it ends up being stuff I’d rather forget, or I screw up writing or something..it’s not that big a deal man.”

The other man let out a sigh, “It kind of defeats the purpose of keeping the journal if you’re just tearing out what you don’t like..but whatever, I guess. It’s your journal..”
The man handed the page fragment over to the other.


Unknown month 00, XXXX:
…woman in a dark and dreary room. There were these purple torches along the walls, like something you’d see in a video game, that lit up the room. The one thing that stood out the most about her was the long streak of black running through her blond hair. Her eyes looked like they contained the entirety of the night sky and the countless stars…I can vaguely remember her saying something about a name, but every time I try to recall it there’s just a static-like noise that drowns it out…


The other man shrugged, “Sounds to me like you fell asleep watching TV and it just blended into your sleep or something..”
“..I guess, probably explains why I tore it out. Must have been something stupid.”

*****

June 10, 20XX,
I found myself in what looked like a small farming town out of a video game or movie or something. It must be pretty far out from any big cities seeing how run down everything was, though it didn’t seem to bother any of the people at all. There were adults idly chatting with neighbors, and kids running about and playing..it was a strangely peaceful scene. I guess that’ll get you when you’re so accustomed to living in a busy city for your whole life.
A group of smaller boys and girls caught my attention, they mostly appeared to be between about 4 to 6..I walked over to them but they didn’t seem to react. Maybe they couldn’t see me? Even more strange, I couldn’t make out any of their faces. Well all but one of them. The only one I could see any features of was a small girl with vibrant green eyes. Something felt off when I looked at her..

June 12, 20XX,
I was standing near a small island-no “near” isn’t the right word..I was floating in the air above said island. I watched as dark clouds blotted out the sky and the setting sun as the waves grew violent. The water had turned black, is that really just ocean water? The tide drew back slowly and I think I could see someone standing out on the shoreline. That looks bad..a huge wave was starting to form. I’m not sure how far up in the air I was exactly, but the top of the wave was just beneath my feet. Soon enough I saw it crash into the island, yet there wasn’t any sound from the impact.
Everything was gone…in the truest sense of the word. The person I saw standing there was gone without a trace, the shoreline-if anywhere-was buried beneath the waves, the town on the island-gone. No trees or buildings were left in the waves’ wake, as if the whole island had never existed in the first place.

June 15, 20XX,
I was sitting in a classroom..or at least I felt compelled to call it that, it was probably a larger room in someone’s house that they were using as a makeshift classroom. All the other kids were eagerly looking up front as an older woman was giving some kind of lecture. I couldn’t really follow what it was about, I think they were discussing religion because words like god, goddess, and blessing kept coming up. There was also a bit about death and the night time I think?
Next to me there was a girl staring attentively at the woman, like a child listening to a story about their favorite hero or something. Her green eyes practically glowing with wonder as she listened. I guessed I was missing something that all these kids knew that made all this seem so interesting..

June 27, 20XX,
So this one is going to sound crazy when I read back over it..but here goes:
I was sitting on a grassy cliffside, looking out at the ocean reflecting the night sky. “Good, you’re here tonight.” a woman’s voice called to me from behind. It was Trina. Though I wasn’t sure what she was doing here-wherever “here” was-a familiar face was nice. She wore an all black dress with a matching veil, which oddly went well with her obsidian-black eyes and pale blond hair. I stood up as she approached me, “It’s almost time.” her voice was calm, but I felt a slight sadness clinging to it.
Behind us stretched a large fenced off area that was dotted with stones. Set in such a way you could call it a graveyard, which in a sense, it was. No names were on any of the stones, and some weren’t even set in an organized manner, just seemingly strewn about. The night was quiet. Not even the waves dared to break the silence, and the clouds had parted for the stars shining brightly in the sky.
We had only met earlier this month, and even that was only by chance, but Trina and I seemed to get along pretty well, every now and then we would get lunch together and catch up at her favorite cafe. Her friend Dotte is a real character, I have no idea how she can run that whole place by herself, at least that’s what she claims..plus I haven’t ever seen any other workers there..it really is strange. I’m getting side tracked–

We were here tonight to honor the passing of one of Trina’s friends. Though I didn’t know her myself..I kind of found myself here in this situation.
The two of us quietly walked to one of the larger stones towards the back of the field. It appeared that Trina had set things up while I waited, there were various decorations set about the stone; wreaths of dark purple and white flowers (none of which I could recognize) and a plethora of gem-like stones that looked like emeralds and a few amethyst.
Trina quietly set down a large crystalline object in front of the stone, a large diamond-esque star shaped gem that seemed to glitter with the starlight itself. She stepped back next to me and spoke quietly, “..The night embraces all equally. Though the day may end at different times for us all, when your body feels worn and your soul weary..” with strangely cinematic timing, a tear slowly made its way down her cheek as a shooting star streaked through the sky overhead.
“..the cool caress of sleep will welcome you, and as you slumber may the stars shine on in your wake..”
I must’ve been seeing things, because I thought I saw small yellow lights reflecting in her eyes, just like the stars in the night sky.
“..though one life ends on this night, another shall begin the dawn after…”
Now there was a faint glow around her hands as she held them to her chest in prayer..
“..the goddess herself welcomes you home, dear R-***”
A splitting pain shot through my head and chest and I couldn’t hear what she said at the end..there was some sort of static noise. Trina continued as if in a trance, paying me no mind at all. She knelt down and gently touched the grass, “..sleep forever more.” at those words, the entire field bloomed flowers of multiple shades of blue, each reflecting the moonlight. The sight was truly enchanting..but a deep sorrow ate away at my chest.

Next thing I knew I was sitting back in my bed and it was morning already. I’m not too sure what that dream was all about..but I have this hole in my chest like I just watched one of my family member’s funeral.

*****

The man was walking through town once more in an attempt to find Dotte’s Cafe. For as many times over the spring and early summer as he’d visited with Trina, he could never find his way back to it by himself. This time around he wanted to speak with Dotte and ask her if Trina had been around lately, it had been a few weeks since he last heard from her and she wasn’t responding to any texts or calls.
As expected, he couldn’t find the cafe this time either and finally decided to give up after hours of searching.

“Excuse me sir, could I interest you in a fortune reading?” An older man working a stand that sold magazines called out to the man as he was heading home. Unlike his friend, the man didn’t care for superstitions and things of the sort but figured he’d entertain the idea for a change. The older man asked him a series of questions that the man felt weren’t really relevant to anything. The older man’s smile faltered for a moment, “Even the most cloudy of days may lead to a clear night of moonlight.”
“..what is that supposed to mean, exactly?”
“That isn’t wholly for me to say, these things hold different meanings for each individual. Time will tell.”
“If you say so..”
The man continued on his way back home, deciding to push what the older man said out of mind.


Time continued to pass and the man never ran into Dotte or Trina and soon enough he gave up on looking for them all together.

July 15 20XX,
Everything I saw was blurred like I was looking through foggy glass. Four people were kneeling in front of me each dressed in dramatically different clothing.
On the far left was a man with pallid green hair wearing a dark blue set of robes. I couldn’t see his face from here, but he gave off a warm feeling like the summer sun. He kept his head low without moving an inch..it made me think he might be nervous to be here right now.
Next to him was someone clad in a jet black cloak that covered their face and most of their body, so I couldn’t really make out what they looked like. Something about them felt vaguely familiar but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, not being able to see any of their features wasn’t helping any either.
The third was a visibly older gentleman suited up in golden armor with white hair that almost looked to have a slight purple tint to it. Unlike the others so far, he was looking directly forward at me with his mismatched eyes. One was a bright blue while the other was a deep gold and had a slight amethyst glow to it. Something about the way he was looking at me frightened me..almost as if he were looking right through me.
Lastly there was a gentle looking woman on the far right. Her long curly brown hair hung low and covered her face. Unlike the others, she was wearing an elaborate looking green dress with intricate golden designs. Something about looking at her put me at ease.. For a moment I thought I saw a small bird perched upon her shoulder as I looked at her, but there was nothing there when I looked again.

I wanted to ask what was going on but when I tried to speak nothing came out. I couldn’t even move no matter how hard I tried. When “I” finally spoke, the voice that came out sounded nothing like my own. “..Think of it as having a pet.” As “I” spoke a cold sense of dread washed over me, “..After all, recently I’ve gotten to really know one myself.” I felt a stare boring into me. I wasn’t the only one who must have felt this way as the people in front of me all had their heads low, even the older gentleman who was looking right at me was now stock still.
Something deep inside me stirred while under that piercing gaze.. Something I couldn’t quite put into words. It felt awful at first and as it continued to grow and spill forth I felt a sort of anger mixed inside it. Anger might not be the right word for it.. A seething hatred, a sort of disgust that ran deep into the very core of my being. This feeling swept over me like a tidal wave as everything in front of me tinted red.

I tried to scream out for one last time and all I could manage was a pathetic creak. It wasn’t loud by any means, frustratingly so, but the red faded and part of my vision became slightly clearer if only for a moment. At that moment I think I saw the person in the black cloak flinch and move their head just enough to see a black iris looking right at me.

*****

Two weeks have passed since the man had given up on his search for the two women, returning his focus back to work and the more mundane happenings in life. Today he was once again waiting for his friend to finish up his work as well while waiting in the usual park. His thoughts started to wander to the dream he had a few days ago as he sat there waiting. The feeling of that overwhelming rage still lingered in the back of his mind along with a flash of those black eyes staring right at him.

“Is this seat taken, kind sir~” A cheery voice interrupted the man’s thoughts, “I’ll take that as a no then!”
A woman in some kind of bar-maid outfit plopped herself down on the bench the man was sitting on in an exaggerated motion, “Fancy meeting you here. If I remember right you’re a friend of Trina’s, yea?” The woman brazenly put her arm around his shoulder, “ You look like you’ve seen a ghost there, c’mon and tell big sis Dotte aaalll about it!”

What the woman said finally registered to the man as he sat there dazed about what was going on. He found it kind of annoying that one of them finally showed up after all the searching he did for them. More than anything he wanted to ask, “Where has Trina been? I’ve been meaning to ask her about something..” The sudden appearance from Dotte had seemingly washed away the dread he was overcome with moments ago.
“Ah yea, it’d make sense for you to ask that about now.. She’s been busy with work is all.”
“‘Busy with work’ enough so that I haven’t seen or heard from her in weeks?”
“Well ya..very busy.”
“Then what about you? I couldn’t get in touch with you either.”
“Me? I-I was on a bit of a..business trip of sorts..”
The man let out a long sigh, he could see it in Dotte’s silver eyes; she must be a terrible liar. “Okay, so if she’s been caught up in work this whole time..when do you think she’ll have time again?”
“I don’t really know her schedule all that much. Sooo she’ll be free when she’s free?” The innocent smile she flashed as she spoke didn’t help. “By the way, what are you sitting out here for?”
“I’m waiting for my friend to be done with work..we usually meet here and head home together. Though he’s usually here by now. Maybe he’s running late or something.”
“If that’s the case then how about I stay a while and keep you company, hm?”

There was a minor shift in her tone that Dotte was hoping the man didn’t pick up on. Deciding to push back her plans for the evening, she pushed the point of staying with the man for the time being until his friend arrived. When he finally gave in and let her stay, he was given a questionable “good boy” as Dotte gave him a light pat on the head. At this the man pointed out that there wasn’t any way she could be older than he is, or if she was that it mustn’t be by that long. All he got in response to that was a giggle followed by her stating she’s much older than she looked, and that it’s rude to ask a woman her age.
The pair sat in the park chatting as the sky grew dark and evening approached. The man’s friend still hadn’t shown up. Having waited for so long, the man figured his friend must have picked up hours or stayed late so he decided to call it for the day and head home. As he tried to leave, Dotte quickly hopped off the bench and walked with him, saying she still had some time to kill and would walk him home. Again the man pointed out how she kept treating him like a child, but Dotte simply smiled mischievously at him.

July 17 20XX,
I can’t be the only one who always wondered what it’s like to be able to wield super powers while growing up. All kids have those starry eyed views at some point whether it’s from watching TV, reading fantasy books, or seeing movies. I guess I had that line of thinking running through my head when I found myself standing in an open field. The green stretched off into the distance without end.
The thought popped into my head, if we had magic like in TV shows and anime..then we’d have some kind of magical power, mana, or something of the sort in us, right? Something in me stirred. My body felt strange..there was some foreign feeling circulating through me. It slowly moved from my chest to my head, arms, stomach, then down to my legs. When the feeling made its way back to my arms I tried to “catch” it in my hand. The feeling stopped moving and my hand started to feel hot. Ah it feels like my hand is on fi-
Flames burst forth from my palm, consuming my entire hand in a ball of fire. Instinctively I shook my hand at the sensation and the fire flew off and fizzled to nothing as it moved through the air. I tried to “catch” the feeling in my hand again, now that I knew it’d cause fire to burst forth it wasn’t as startling. This time it didn’t feel as hot as the flames covered my hand again. I wasn’t sure what to do now, then it hit me, if this works like magic from a video game or something then I just have to throw it like your run of the mill fireball spell, right?
So that’s what I did. Boy what that a mistake, the ball flew a few feet before violently exploding and setting a patch of the field on fire. I began to panic as the flames continued to spread. If I had some water or something I could put the fire out..but how does this work? Fire manifested from a heated feeling in my hand, so if I needed water where would I get it? Rain would be nice but there isn’t a cloud in sight. Clouds..?
I held my hand up towards the sky. If the fire worked like I guess, then I think I should be able to do this. The sky darkened slowly as clouds started to form, soon enough rain began to fall. A little more should do. The rain came down harder and I think I heard thunder in the distance. After a few seconds of heavy rain the fire died out. Lightning started to break through the clouds as the wind picked up. This could be bad. I need to clear this up somehow. I tried, albeit jokingly, brushing the clouds away from sight…and it actually worked. The dark skies easily cleared up as the ominous dark clouds faded away like a puff of smoke.
I think I’m getting an idea of how all this stuff is working. Next I tried to do something with the ground trying to mimic earth magic from an anime I once saw. Nothing happened. I tried a few other times and still got nothing, not until I tried putting my hand to the ground and thinking about molding it like clay. It was a little scary causing miniature earthquakes while upturning large chunks of land so I stopped with the large scale stuff rather quickly. I kept it small this time by making little target dummies out of rock a distance away. So I’ve tried a little fire, water (I guess if making it rain counts), and earth. I guess that meant wind was next on the list? I wasn’t sure on how exactly to tackle that..
I gave up on wind magic. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. When I tried picturing wind gathering in my hands like in anime it made this awful crackling sound. Out of sheer curiosity I kept gathering it one time and ended up conjuring lightning which shot out and completely obliterated one of the targets I made and left nothing but a small pile of scorched rocks. That stuff seemed extremely dangerous so I left it alone after that. I also had the idea of combining elements to see what would happen since most shows touch on that concept. Lets just say that after I somehow summoned a giant meteor with earth and fire, creating about a mile wide crater, I decided to stop there before I somehow killed myself in the fallout. They do say it’s dangerous to play with fire..well in this case it was giant flaming rocks, but still.

*****

The moon was high in the night sky as a lone woman was wistfully walking through a small park in the middle of town, humming to herself. Looking up to the moon, she let out a small sigh and quietly said, “It’s about time now, isn’t it?” The woman looked at a peculiar watch on her wrist, which had strange symbols in place of the numbers on the face. Next she looked over her shoulder and past a line of bushes as an ambulance went speeding by. “I guess I should go tell her..” the woman murmured to herself as she turned around and walked off into the night.

Time has a funny way of working things out for people, Dotte, of all people understood this more than most. This understanding is part of what helped Dotte and Trina become the friends they are today. In Dotte’s case she was a rather punctual store owner despite how much her cheery, laid back personality might say otherwise. Whether it was deadlines, or systematic procedures, she knew everything had a reason for being done the way it needed to be for the “greater machine” to work properly.
Though she rarely spoke about her work with Dotte, Trina also agreed with her line of thinking. In her case, Trina often had to help people work through the acceptance that all things had to end at some point in order for the new to begin. In most cases this pointed to her helping others move past problematic times in their lives. But she knew the opposite was true as well-even the good must end eventually.

Tonight was one of the longest nights the two were about to have, Dotte bringing news that was by no means good, and Trina having to make a decision she may come to regret in due time. One of the two was certain how things would most likely unfold once everything was on the table, but whether they were right or not was a different question entirely.

Only time would tell. And father time can be rather cruel.

*****

July 19 20XX,
It started out with an unsettling theme park-like place..rides and attractions galore. I don’t know how I got there or why, the park is packed with people bustling around but they don’t seem to notice me at all. First, everything is fine and new.. as I sank deeper into the dream it slowly became more corroded. The life of the park vanished as I noticed everything turned more and more into a vacant, off-setting ghost town.
The people are gone, the rides are broken, stalls and attractions have malfunctioned. It's almost as if it's been decades of abandonment in seconds. This horrifying nightmare-fuel-inducing music plays from the pa system, skipping and repeating. I've sunk deeper yet, and I now began to notice it's a dream. Everything is gone and realistic logic is missing. I finally found one trace of a person. He seemed to have gone mad and I couldn’t recognize his face even when I looked directly at him. They kept going on and on about all of this stop, and that everyone is missing. None of my words seemed to have gotten through to him whenever I tried talking to him.

I couldn’t understand.

Everything still looked rundown, I think I was walking in circles the whole time. Where had I been already and where could I go? I didn’t remember. I heard a voice telling me how to get out, I just wanted to wake up. I began screaming out for someone to help. I found myself doing as the voice said and the person from before reappeared. I tried to force my way out of this dream, but he stopped me and was yelling things that were incomprehensible. The more I tried the more he fought and resisted me.

I finally managed to find a way out, although it didn’t make sense. I could finally be free and wake up. I sank even deeper…all the way to the bottom.

I found myself back at the start of this whole mess, like a video that was stuck on some sick, twisted loop. The faces of all the people were blank and featureless. Everything kept escalating and I tried to get out again, and again, and again. Everything just kept looping back.
Then I started screaming to get out and losing my mind. After what felt like years and years of being stuck in this loop I think my mind finally broke. At the end, in the 253,865th loop, I saw a figure. A woman…I think. A cold, blue light washed over me.

I was lying in darkness, starting at the ceiling. My clock read 1:27am, it had only been 45 minutes since I had fallen asleep. I could still hear that damn music playing.


July 20 20XX,
I think something has solidified in my mind, I'm not so sure what exactly it is, but it feels like it's always standing right behind me. The presence feels like a ghost is watching over my shoulder and there's a weight on my back. Being stuck like this I don't really know what to do about it so I just let go. Figuring that if I keep looking away, by some means, it will go away for good. Of course it isn’t that easy and it always finds its way back to look me in the eye. I sit and stare my own self down.
Part of me feels like I can’t be bothered to explain this to other people, or that it’d be a waste of time since they wouldn’t understand. I push it all back out of sight and act like it’s all fine. The longer I look the other way the deeper I feel I’m being pulled under as it sits there sneering at me.
I’m sitting in a white room.. All I see around me is a single white table with a closed book on it. I felt compelled to reach for it and as I did I think I heard a voice yelling, “Stop!” I hesitated and drew back. The book opened on its own and a bunch of photos started spewing out of it. They looked like pictures of some guy…
Wait, that’s-

*****

The man was trudging slowly through the usual park, and found himself staring absentmindedly at the bench he usually waited at. His mind was still a jumble of thoughts while the news he received two days ago echoed once more.
He had shown up for work just the same as always like any other day. First he heard from his boss that “a coworker”, who had later turned out to be his friend, wouldn’t be showing up due to an emergency. Initially he shrugged this information off as things in life go awry all the time and there wasn’t much you could do about it. Then later in the day he heard about how there was a terrible car accident the other night and that the current conditions of the people involved hadn’t been made public yet.
Hearing this made his thoughts turn to how his friend hadn’t shown up all evening while he waited for them to get done with work. When he first thought back on it he thought perhaps he just missed him while he was talking away with Dotte. As the day went on his concern grew further as he still hadn’t seen his friend show up for work, and by the time the day was over he was still nowhere to be seen.

“Having a rough day?” A cheery voice interrupted the man’s thoughts. “You look even worse for wear than the other day. How about you come with big sis Dotte, she might have just the thing to cheer you up!”
Before he could respond the man found himself being pulled along. What could she possibly do to make all this better? More than that, he wanted to know why she was there at just the right time to run into him-again. The fact frustrated him the more he thought about it, and her cheery tone made it feel like she was making light of whatever she might think is going on right now.
“Why..” The words spilled out of his mouth as his mind was spinning, “What do you want, what do YOU think you can do about it? You don’t even know what’s going on and yet here you are sweeping in like you can just brush it all away!”

Dotte came to a silent halt and faced the man, her face was uncharacteristically stern, “Trina wanted to talk to you, she said that you sometimes frequent this park so I came to get you.”
Anger took its hold and the man couldn’t stop himself now, “What the hell does she want? Gone on business for so long and not reaching out or anything, and now she wants to speak with me but can’t even show up herself!?”
“She had things to prepare while I came to get you.”
“What could she-”
“Enough!”
The man pulled back, He’s never heard Dotte raise her voice before and something about it riled a fear deep within him. Thankfully this helped bring down the anger that was boiling up inside him. Along with that, though it surely must’ve been his eyes playing tricks on him, he thought he saw Dotte’s eyes flash a golden orange for a brief moment. That was the last either of the two spoke for the rest of the trip.

The pair were now standing in a large reception room. Dotte explained that this was the office building where Trina worked “for the most part”. Having calmed back down on the way over, the man quietly nodded. Oddly enough, he couldn’t quite remember the way they took to get here. When he tried to think back on the directions they took he couldn’t recall any of the street names, or what the buildings they passed looked like. As he looked around, Dotte approached the desk and told the secretary that they had an appointment with Trina. A few minutes later Trina came walking out into the reception room and called for the two to follow her.

Trina sat quietly at her desk as the other two took their seats. She knew what questions were undoubtedly going around in the man’s head, though she was uncertain what Dotte may have told him on the way over, if anything at all. As much as she wanted to answer him honestly, there were aspects about her affairs that she couldn’t reveal to him. The only way she could describe this to him in a way he would understand was that it’s a matter of confidentiality with her boss. Not even Dotte fully knew where or what she was doing while she was off on business, but she had more information than most people.
The silence dragged on until Dotte took it upon herself to speak up and mediate between the other two. She had a feeling that the two both had a lot on their minds without a solid idea on where to start the conversation. However Dotte did find it a little humorous that Trina was at such a loss for words, she always seemed like a calm and cool headed person for as long as she’d known her. Normally Dotte’s blunt way of addressing the issue would be her go to in a situation like this, the tension she felt from Trina suggested the topic she wanted to speak about needed anything but, so for once she tread lightly with her words.
“So now that we’re all here together..why don’t I start us off by asking where you’ve been, Trina? Him aside, you didn’t really even tell me where you went off to..”

There was an obvious hesitation as Trina spoke, “I suppose writing it off as a personal errand won’t do here..and you both do deserve a formal answer.” Trina looked directly at the man as she continued, “Though I cannot give full detail for reasons I can’t get fully into, I’d like to first apologize for not responding to your attempts to reach me. I…there was a pressing matter regarding someone who has always been something of a daughter to me, though we aren’t related by blood. It required my immediate attention and I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be away.”
Dotte nodded along, “So that’s what it was. How’s little-”
“Let’s leave it at that, Dotte. Please.” Trina gave her a strained smile as she cut her off.
“S-sure thing. So, um, that covers where you’ve been and what I’m sure he wanted to ask the most, is that right?” Dotte looked over to the man and he gave a curt nod in response. “Okay, then, you’ve been looking like you want to say something, Trina.”
“Though it may not be my place to say this to you as things are, but my condolences about what happened to your friend.”
“..Thank you..” The response he gave sounded cold and emotionless, but the grief he was holding back showed clearly on the man’s face.
“And I want you to know that if you ever need anything-anything at all, just let me know.”
“I’ll..keep that in mind.

“These things are kind of her specialty, so don’t hesitate to take her up on her offer.” Dotte added in.
A slight smile crept on Trina’s face, “Yes, you could say it is.” She stood up and slowly walked over to where the man was seated, “It may sound heartless to put it this way, but something a lot of my clients often struggle with is coming to terms with the understanding that death comes for all of us equally. Your age, race, and gender mean nothing to it..and it’s completely natural for these things to happen. As unfortunate as it may be.”

Something about the way she spoke shook the man to his core. Her words gave off a feeling of someone with countless decades of experience in their field. Stranger yet they carried a yearning of a mother waiting for their children to come back home. Once Trina sat back down at her desk, she asked the man if he had anything else he’d like to bring up or ask about. When it came time to speak up his mind went blank for a moment, then only one question came to the surface, “I don’t know if it’s something within your area of expertise or what you might think about it.. But I keep having these strange dreams where I see this girl…” The man tried to explain the dreams he had about that unknown girl and what they meant, if anything.

When he finished Dotte seemed intrigued by his tale whereas Trina’s expression hadn’t changed the whole time. It almost made it appear as though she had heard all of this before, but this fact had slid past both the man and Dotte. All Trina said was, “That all sounds odd indeed. I’m not sure I have an answer as to why these dreams are happening.” She looked down at some papers on her desk then continued, “But if you’d like, you can come talk to me about them as well.”
“Alright..I’ll stop by after work sometime.”

Sensing the mood had finally lightened up, Dotte threw subtly to the wind, “Well now that all that is out of our systems! How about we all get a meal together to unwind?”
“No, I’m fine”
“I’ll pass”
Dotte hung her head, “Both of you, really?” She shot a glance at her watch and stood back upright, “Well I suppose it’s fine. I’ve got something I need to take care of.. So if we’re done here I’ll just go ahead and see myself out-” making her way to the door quickly, Dotte waved exaggeratedly “take care you two, I’ll see you around!” and like that she was gone.

“That girl comes and goes like a whirlwind sometimes, I swear.” Trina shook her head as she watched Dotte leave, “Unfortunately I have a meeting coming up, so we’ll have to end things here for today.” The man got up and headed out of the room with Trina. They said their goodbyes and that they’re see each other another day, and as he started to leave Trina called after him, “It must be hard right now with everything that’s happened, but something I like to tell my clients is that no matter how much things fall apart, there’s always the option to start over as long as you’re willing to try.”
“If things really are that simple..I’d certainly like to start all of this over again.”

As he turned to leave, the man could have sworn he saw a blue glint in Trina’s eyes..but surely that was just the light’s reflection playing tricks on him..

*****

July 21 20XX,
I feel tired, when was the last time I actually slept through the night..? My eyes and head feel heavy but I keep moving. As I think about sleeping this anxiety fills me and it gets harder to hold back. My heart aches as the sights flash through my mind once more. My death. Their death. You leaving. My isolation. It's only been a few seconds but these thoughts seem to stretch out into hours as I sit here.

I think I saw the sun rise at some point..or did it set? Maybe that was just the light in the other room being turned on and off.

In the back of my mind I begin to hear someone laughing. I don't get it. What's so funny? I see them standing there, hands on their face, head upwards. Laughing heartily. Must be nice. I feel something building inside my gut. It's comical how I only feel this uneasiness but everyone else goes about their lives. I'm laughing too now. Or was that me laughing in the first place? They weren't laughing happily. That's the laugh of someone enjoying the suffering of another.

Maniacal laughter bellows from me as I hold my head back.

I jolted awake in a cold sweat, when did I fall asleep? I feel sick..

July 22 20XX,
There were no words to describe the sight when I laid eyes upon it. Down the street a large, reddish-orange glow burned in the night’s darkness. Fire? My pace hastens. Naturally, this can’t be right. As I rush towards the glow I see flames reaching into the sky. How did this happen? I stood there speechless as the neighbors gathered around the street, sirens started to draw closer from the distance.
The pain in my chest grows worse and worse by the second. Just looking at the pile of flames I could tell, nothing alive could be left in there. How long had this fire been burning? Foreboding came over me that no one had made it out. This can’t be happening, what do I do? All the noise goes to my head and I can’t think properly.

Then, silence.

The fire is gone, the street clearing. I’m all alone. As much pain as I feel, not a tear has been shed. This isn’t normal, I should feel more than this. They’re dead, why don’t I feel more!? This fading memory comes back day after day. I was never there when it happened but I’ve witnessed it countless times.

July 23 20XX,
I keep seeing his face. Now that he’s gone it seems he’s all I think about if I let my mind wander.. This sickening regret keeps building up inside me..telling me that I should’ve done this or that. That it’s my fault this happened, if I were there things would be different. Thoughts of my own incompetence rush in and it all falls apart. I wish I could explain why I am the way I am.

I can’t be myself around people while these things are weighing me down..
I always feel alone. I hate myself.

I don’t want to die, but it hurts, the thought of hurting you all…

It's hard to think properly.. I can't withstand the weight of these emotions anymore, the whispers in my mind aren't subtle any longer.. I just see it all playing out.. no words just the full visualization playing out before my eyes.. the anger. sadness. solitude. crushing loneliness. "Your heart hurts. but you can still take more. make it work” That voice came to me in the cursed white room. I saw someone sitting at the table, but I couldn’t make out what they looked like.

July 24 20XX,
I keep thinking of you, and you're haunting my thoughts and dreams more than ever before... I thought pushing you away would consequently push away the remaining feelings that can't die inside me. I keep telling myself I can handle all this, that if I can just make it to the end of the day things will work out somehow. Again and again I keep finding myself standing in that white room..
I slumped into the chair as I woke up there once more. What nightmares are you going to show me this time? I can’t help but laugh, this is becoming predictable. Either that figure will show back up or memories of my friend will force their way in. I waited for something to happen.

..and waited.

…..and waited.

..there was nothing.

I just kept sitting there looking at a white wall in abject silence. After I don’t know how long, everything grew dark. A faint light appeared on the walls, no several lights started to flicker into existence. A timid purple glow filled the room. In front of me stood a black figure with a deep blue sheen to it and next to it was another figure surrounded with a magenta glow. It looked like they were talking but I couldn’t hear anything. Something inside me felt nostalgic for whatever reason as I saw them standing next to one another.
The two figures looked upward, so I did as well and saw the once white ceiling give way to a starry night sky that looked too scenic to be real. One of the two pointed up at a small cluster of stars; the largest and brightest of them was a dazzling deep blue. Next to it were two other smaller stars, one shone a bright pink and the other was a much more subtle gray-nearing white, star.
I heard a familiar voice ring in my ears, “If you ever feel like starting over, all you need is to be willing.” My face went hot as the words slipped out, “I do.. This is all too much, just take everything away.” something wet ran down my face. The blue star’s light intensified for a moment and the gray start started…moving?

I watched the gray light streak through the night sky..

The last thing I remember is feeling like I was falling out of my chair..

*****