ECHOES FROM THE LOST DAYS - splinter

i've been told to go to my safe space
in my head, create this tranquil place
but i can't even begin to fathom
what it could be, my mind is a chasm
an abyss, blacker than nothing
and in the darkness, my memory rings


why can't i have a sanctuary?
what is it that i can't see?
i have no place to call my own,
not even inside, among skin and bone
i can't seem to be still, can never rest
else i'll fall apart, there will be nothing left
alone, i shoulder my boulders of burdens
alone, try to see something more than
what lies in front of me, this dismal world
of muted blues and grays, i want to hurl

i keep on my melancholic march
continuing to seek for that stark
contrast to my world i've heard
lies somewhere along the road
i search for my personal oasis
a place where i can feel bliss
but i know deep down, it doesn't exist
my hollow soul just pines for this
some semblance of belonging,
of understanding something else,
to not experience
this brimming emptiness

or maybe i'm just looking for somebody to make the pain go away
with one warm smile, flush it out of my heart and soul until none remains
but maybe that'd be giving into selfishness
thinking someone else can give me purpose
but as it stands, i've never found nor felt any
as far as i've seen and am concerned,
i have no real purpose in this world
i blindly shamble on, unaware of most everything
only really know that i'm slowly crumbling
piece by piece, i leave a trail of my own remains
as they splinter off and lay on the road, plain
for anyone to see the path i have taken,
my will is voidclad, it cannot be shaken
for you can't shake what isn't real
if it were, then perhaps i might feel