Menu in French (and English)

Once upon a time, there was a TOWN. It was quite a little town, and it had only one of everything. One school, one college, one grocery store ... you get my meaning.

It had one little cafe, called the Royal Tea Cafe. Of course they sold coffee, too, but they liked some puns with their buns. Their slogan was: Show your LOYALTY to our own Royal Tea!

Now the owner of the Royal Tea Cafe had one French great-grandma, and he liked to think of himself as part-French. So, his menu was printed in both English and French, and people who wanted to pull his leg often joked that LE PAIN was a good menu item, it was such a pain to sit on the hard seat, or to wait so long for food, or to listen to the piped music ... or whatever. To them, he always replied patiently that he hadn't made up the French language and couldn't help what they call bread, but he made really good bread (le pain) if they'd like to taste it. And upon tasting it they admitted it was a good pain, and didn't pull his leg any more. In fact, they then went on to show their loyalty to Royal Tea by defending French words on the menu to others who went on to chuckle about them.

Just for the record, it must be said that the chairs at Royal Tea were soft, and the piped music very good. But you did have to wait a long time for your food, because everything was made fresh. There were no semi-cooked ingredients kept on standby. Royal Tea did not believe in waste.

Once, real royalty happened to visit Royal Tea. His Royal Highness the Prince of Next District was on an incognito tour and rode up on his horse to the only cafe he could find around.

"Get me some hot coffee, some good pizza and a couple of croissants, quickly," HRHTPOND (His Royal Highness The Prince of Next District) ordered.

"It shall be done," the maitre-d replied with a small bow (he bowed to all his customers, he didn't know this one's princely status), "but I'm afraid it can't be done quickly. We have to prepare the base and the toppings, we have to put the ants in the croiss ... this takes time."

"Nonsense. I have ordered my meal and I shall have it at once."

"With all due respect, you shall have a very good meal, but not at once."

HRHTPOND did what he always did when he didn't get his own way. He threw a tantrum. He simply took his handy tantrum out of his backpack and chucked it. "Good shot, sir," the maitre-d said, impressed. It was not often that the little town saw such a good tantrum thrower.

HRHTPOND was now a tantrum short and getting very hungry. But he had to wait for the base, the toppings and the ants in the croiss. He couldn't even walk off in a huff because there was no other cafe to puff to. So he waited.

And it was while he was waiting that he spotted the child. Well, it wasn't difficult to see the child, she walked in with her mother and they occupied the next table after nodding cheerfully to HRHTPOND, who found himself nodding affably back.

He watched the little girl. He had never seen a little girl behave this way. You see, he had only ever met princess-type little girls, and they behaved like royalty. But here was a commoner in Royal Tea, behaving perfectly delightfully as any little daughter of any commoner would do.

This little girl sat by her mamma and talked about her friends and the games they played. She listened when her mamma responded. HRHTPOND was so fascinated that when his food was at last served, he asked the waiter to take it to the next table.

The mother-daughter duo looked up as they were apparently served with food they hadn't ordered. HRHTPOND was feeling a bit awkward, but he spoke up from behind the waiter.

"I say, I wonder if you'd like to share my pizza and croissants. And we can order some more coffee. I'd just like to speak to this little girl."

"Why thank you, and you can in turn share our food when it comes," the mother replied.

So it was a merry party, and HRHTPOND enjoyed it so much that he took up a summer job at The Royal Tea Cafe, so that he could meet more nice people. So now royalty is employed by Royal Tea, and there is great loyalty in the town, even though bread is le pain.