Forever and Always

Chapter 3

Towards the beginning of 2012, Star Wars: Episode I was re-released to theaters in 3D. My aunt took Drake and I to see it. I remember thinking it was really cool to see a Star Wars movie in 3D. I was pretty familiar with the movie already but I looked forward to watching it on a big screen. The highlight by far was seeing the final duel between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Darth Maul with “Duel of the Fates” blaring from the speakers. It was very immersive in a theater setting.

My other aunt, Drake’s mom, was dating a guy named Rob. Rob is also a Star Wars fan and that helped endear us to him. One weekend I went to stay with Drake to visit and Rob offered to take all of us to see Star Wars in 3D. Drake and I eagerly accepted. He also took his children and Cece, Drake’s younger sister. Cece only came because the twins.

Rob has a son younger than Drake and I named Oliver. Twin daughters named Alex and Maddie, and an older daughter around my age named Violet. More on Violet later. I met his kids shortly after he started dating my aunt. Over time, I really came to love them. I loved when it was all of us doing things together.

I remember when we all went to see the Star Wars movie in 3D. It was just as fun the second time. Especially with Rob’s kids and Cece there. I remember an advertisement for Star Wars: The Clone Wars playing before the movie. Darth Maul was set to return in the show soon and I was excited to see that. It was some pretty good cross-promotion on Lucasfilm’s part.

I was mostly quiet through the movie but I remember Drake talking to the other kids because the auditorium was empty besides us. At one point they dropped the bucket of popcorn and I felt bad for the janitor who had to clean that up. The second time through I remember noticing more of the 3D.

Sometimes during lunch at school they let students go into the gymnasium to talk. One day at lunch I went in there with Alice. I don’t particularly remember what we talked about. Probably just shot the breeze.

At some point she told me she had tried to commit suicide. I don’t remember what Alice said she tried to do, but it obviously wasn’t effective. I was taken aback to say the least. It put a damper on my day. I felt sad for the next hour or so after hearing that. After that bombshell it’s no wonder I can’t remember what we were talking about before.

I hoped that she wouldn’t try anything like that again. At times she made comments about wanting to die and that worried me. I didn’t even want to think about what I would do if she killed herself in the future. Most likely it would’ve broken my heart.

Around that time, I had gotten my first cell phone. It was a basic smartphone that my mom got for me. It wasn’t particularly fancy, but I didn’t need it to be. I got Alice’s number so we could text back and forth.

In May of 2012, a movie I was very excited for was released: The Avengers. This was a movie I had been looking forward to for a couple years at this point. As many of you probably know, Marvel had established a lineup of movies about superheroes. The first few were a lead up to The Avengers movie. Where Iron Man, The Hulk, Thor, and Captain America would team up.

One thing I hadn’t mentioned yet is that I love superheroes. I’ve been a fan of them since I was a little kid. So this Avengers movie was a big deal to me. Spider-Man is my favorite superhero. Another Marvel character. I also love Batman, arguably DC's most popular character. Coincidentally, they also had movies coming out later that year. I had also already known about the Avengers from the comic books and the animated movies that were released direct to video in 2006. Which took a lot of inspiration from Marvel’s “Ultimate” comic books imprint.

I remember the day The Avengers was released. There was a bad storm the night before and school was canceled due to flooding. The ditches in the neighborhoods were filled with water. My aunt took Drake and I to see it. We left early to get the best seats in the special IMAX theater. On the way to the theater, we saw a man sitting in a kayak, floating in a ditch.

I was patient enough to wait a few hours. I was just happy to finally be seeing the movie. Drake however has ADHD, and because of that waiting was harder for him. My aunt had bought us cups with the characters on them. We tossed a ball around and talked to pass the time. Though I could tell Drake would’ve rather not been there. Even if he was interested in the movie.

My mom met up with us a little before the movie started. She had to work that day. I loved the movie. To this day it’s still one of my favorites. Drake didn’t like it as much. He didn’t think waiting for as long as we did was worth it. For me however, it’s one of my favorite memories of going to see a movie.

A couple weeks later, my aunt took me to see it again. Just the two of us. Midway through the movie, I excused myself to check my phone. Just in case Alice texted or called. I wanted to be there for her if she needed me. On the off chance that she relapsed and cut again. There was nothing and I decided that I was worrying myself too much and enjoyed the rest of The Avengers for a second time.

Later during that May, there was a movie that came out called Dark Shadows. Johnny Depp was a vampire named Barnabas Collins, who after being buried alive for centuries, gets to know his distant family. It was based off a television show of the same name, but I wasn’t familiar with it. I did think the movie looked interesting though. I had seen the preview a couple months before it came out.

My aunt took me and Drake to see it the weekend it came out. We saw it on the biggest screen in the theater. While we were waiting to be seated, Alice came up to me and we talked for a few minutes. I was excited to see her. It was rare that we saw each other in public because Alice lived in another town.

It turned out she was there to see the same movie, but at a different auditorium. That’s when my aunt and Drake met Alice for the first time. I remember my aunt saying that she liked Alice. Which made me feel good. Drake and I really liked the movie but my aunt didn’t seem to.

After we got home, I talked to Alice about the movie for a while. We messaged back and forth. She liked it a lot too. I remember her saying she really liked the witch and the daughter who turned out to be a werewolf. While we were talking, my aunt and Drake were hanging out in the same room. I think they were talking a bit about the movie too with each other as well as other things.

When eighth grade was winding down, that’s when we got our yearbooks. I remember that year a lot of kids signed my book. Even some kids who I didn’t talk to often. I was happy when Alice signed mine. She drew a little smiley face with vampire fangs. I of course signed hers too. I think I just wrote my name. Nothing particularly special.

Focusing on Alice made me completely forget about Jennifer, Brittany, and their friend group. I had found a much more meaningful friendship. So I really didn’t care if they signed my yearbook or not.

I was happy to see that Alice and Jasmine seemingly made up. After having her around more when I saw Alice, I came to care about Jasmine too. Because of how much she means to Alice.

On the last day of middle school, I was excited that the year was over but I was a little nervous about moving up to high school. To be honest, there’s not much I remember about that day. Except for the last class of the day, science. It was an easy-going class period.

Mr. Smith played music and let us have a social hour after saying a few things to the class. I hung around Alice for the whole time. She talked with a couple of her friends and me. At some point Liam leaned Alice backward over a table and hugged her. I thought that was odd and Alice didn’t seem to like it.

He wasn’t aggressive but it was weird. She laughed awkwardly about it. I had the look of “so that just happened” on my face. I was hung up on why he would lean her over the table like that. I guessed it was because he wanted to intentionally make her uncomfortable, which judging by the look on her face, he was successful.

After that awkward moment, the rest of the time was nice. I started to think about how much I’d miss Alice during the summer. So I reached out and hugged her for the first time. It was a special moment for me. She smiled at me afterwards. I didn’t consider the weirdness of what happened earlier but I don’t think I made her uncomfortable. I would’ve felt bad if I did but it was a spur of the moment thing.

I walked with Alice to the area where the buses parked and we said goodbye to each other. This last bus ride of the year was also the last time I’d see Emma for a while. I may not have been as close with her at the time but I figured I’d probably miss her too.

The summer after eighth grade was a transitional period. I thought about how my first year of high school would go. I visited my dad in North Carolina shortly after the last day of eighth grade. I stayed with him for a couple months. My step mother was pregnant with my half brother. During that time I told Tessa about Alice. I mentioned how important she was to me and how I wanted to help her.

I met a couple of Tessa’s friends. One was named Rocky and one was named Dylan. I found Dylan to be pretty. She had nice blue eyes and brown straight hair. While hanging out with them I often thought of Alice and how much I missed her. I also spent time with Tessa’s good friend Sammy, but I already knew her from the time I lived in North Carolina. Oftentimes we would walk around the apartment complex aimlessly and talk.

Sometimes I talked to Alice through social media while in North Carolina. I was glad that I didn’t have to go a few months without any kind of interaction with her. I told her a little about Tessa’s friends and what we did.

What was also exciting for me was seeing Maria again after over a year. We had been talking on and off on social media for months. By that point we got to know each other better. Like me, she liked Batman and Lord of the Rings. I talked to her about Alice sometimes, but I didn’t mention the self harm yet.

Maria introduced me to a couple friends of hers. Tommy and Jake. Two boys who were younger than me. We usually spent time near mailboxes. A bunch of mailboxes for the apartment complex were grouped together. Maria would usually sit on the ground or lean on the railing. We would just sit and talk about anything we could think of. With or without Tessa, we talked for hours. Before I knew it, the first girl I ever became smitten with, had become one of my closest friends. Over time, I came to love her too. The same way I love Alice. I also became friends with Tommy and Jake.

I remember during that summer I had made a collage on social media of my closest friends. It’s been years since I’ve seen it and if I saw it now I probably would think it looks terrible. Although it was a nice sentimental thing. It was of Alice, Emma, Maria, and Jasmine. I made it by using their profile pictures.

Over the course of that summer I saw a few different movies. One night my step mom had rented 21 Jump Street for us to watch. My dad and I thought it was hilarious. My dad took me to see both The Amazing Spider-Man and The Dark Knight Rises. I remember talking a little about The Dark Knight Rises with Maria, Tommy, and Jake. Who also had seen it. Tessa’s grandparents took her and I to see The Avengers. Which was the third time I saw it. Then one day Tessa’s father took her for a day out. She invited me to go with them to see the movie Ted and eat lunch. I’ve met her father before but that was probably the most time I ever spent with him. I felt honored that Tessa wanted me to be with her.

It was a big summer for my social life. I began to feel more comfortable with conversation. It also helped that I spent time with people my age outside of a school setting. Summer came to an end, and it was time to go back to Michigan. It was bittersweet. I felt sad saying goodbye to my dad and my sister, but I also missed Alice and Drake. I may have been nervous about high school, but I was also looking forward to finally seeing Alice again. That thought kept me brave.