A conversation

“When we're through here, we will need to destroy our plans, so they don’t fall into the wrong hands.”

“Who said that?”

“God, of course.”

“I have lost it…they're going to lock me away and throw away the key this time!”

“Why would you think that my child?”

“We’ve been over this! God would never have time for me., so I must be delusional or psychotic or something, right?’

‘I have time for all my children.’

‘I’m going crazy!’

‘I have a special mission for you.’

“I want no part of this! Be Gone, God or Demon!”

‘That one always makes me laugh. Even if I was a demon, that would not be an effective way to get me to leave. You are the new apostle, my child, and you should be happy to bear witness to my greatness.’

‘I don't want to help you. If you're God, then surely you must cater to free will, right?

‘I think I shall revoke it since you are being a little baby about working in divine ways. Here's how this thing is going to work: You will collect the gnomes from the neighborhood gardens and assemble them in your own garden around the perimeter. Make sure you have them evenly spaced or the demons that live in the rotted soil will escape and end up in your toilet.’

‘IF the demons are already in my garden, why haven't they escaped?’

‘I am going to place them there after the gnomes are standing guard. They have been waiting to be conjured by the dark Lord for weeks now. I'm just going to get them there faster as he seems to be falling down on the job. Besides, it's what you're going to do with them that matters’.

‘’How can you be God if you want to call demons into action?’

‘You ask too many questions? You are just overwhelmed and in awe of my majestic presence. Anyway where were we? Oh yes, the demons in your garden. You will capture a demon per gnome and transfer that gnome to the doorstep of the FBI so that they can call the one you know as Will Smith to send him back to the dark lord using a ray gun specifically designed for this purpose. When all the demons are caught, and delivered, you will proclaim your birthright to the head of the FBI as the true messiah of the free world and demand that you are placed in a castle that reaches the sky so that you can rule over heaven and earth with me at your side.’

‘What about Jesus?”

‘He had his turn, my child, and he failed.’

‘And just when did you think I might get all this done?’

‘You have two weeks, my child.’

‘What happens in two weeks?’

‘They will have upped your medications, and we will have disappeared for the foreseeable future.’

‘Oh God, not again? Why do I fall for your antics every time.’



497 words