Grandma's Ghost and Mental Health

I met the twelve-year-old first. Sitting in a small conference room by the school office, we talked about her family:

“My sister sees ghosts.”
“She does?” I answered. “Tell me about that.”
“She screams and runs into Mom’s room.”
“And how do you feel about this?”
“It scares me.”
“Does she see them often?”
“Yeah, sometimes she does.”
“Do you see them too?”
“No, of course not.”
“Why do you think she sees ghosts?”
“’Cause she don’t take her medicines like she’s supposed to.”

I met the thirty-something mother later that morning at her apartment in the Projects. Evicted for the third time and unemployed, she was in the process of emptying the apartment and moving in with a girlfriend and her children. She told me rather matter-of-factly about her struggles with bipolar disorder and seizures. Thankfully, medication helped. When asked about her daughters, she explained the youngest had ADHD and OCD and oldest was schizophrenic and not on medications.

“Why not?” I asked.
“She just don’t want to take anything. She spits them out.”
“What about school? Does she go?”
“Can’t force her. Tried that and it don’t work. She just leaves after I drop her off. I gave up trying.”

Later in the conversation: “My daughter was attacked and raped when she was twelve. She went to counseling for a while but quit because she didn’t like the counselor. Ever since then she’s had hallucinations. Now she tells me she sees and talks to Grandma’s ghost. Grandma passed away a couple of months ago.”
“Do you think it’s time to take her to see someone?”
“Ain’t my problem no more. She’s moved in with her dad now.”

I met the seventeen-year-old later that day at dad’s house. He wasn’t home. Calm and composed and sitting on the living room floor, had I not already been informed, I would not have suspected mental health issues. I could tell she didn’t want to talk but, quietly and haltingly, she confirmed what sister and mother explained earlier. Dad’s girlfriend, who also lived in the home, was blown away. Fearful for her own daughter, she didn’t want the girl in her home.

I caught up with Dad a few days later. Not long out of prison, he didn’t know about the mental health problems of his daughter or that she refused to go to school. No one mentioned this before she moved in.

----

As a child abuse investigator, this family was placed on my caseload with allegations that Mom wasn’t seeking mental health attention for the seventeen-year-old and not making her attend school. This family obviously needed help beyond their means. I requested the Court to order services and there would be no cost for them.

About a month later, I spoke to the services caseworker now responsible for assisting and monitoring the family and reporting back to the court. She readily released her frustration. Problems persisted. Mom’s situation hadn’t changed, she and the twelve-year-old still lived with a friend. Based on her long-term history, it was questionable whether Mom could ever obtain and maintain permanent housing. Because of her eviction, she could not return to government-assisted housing until back rent was paid, but that wasn’t going to happen because Mom still didn’t have a job. At their current home, the youngest daughter’s arguing and fighting with the roommate’s children endangered the likelihood of remaining in this home. Also, the oldest daughter had moved back with mom after an argument with dad over a TV. Additionally, the mental health counseling could not begin for another six to eight weeks due to heavy backlogs.

As the services worker, in desperation, wondered what to do, I wondered, “What’s a mother to do. What does anyone do?”

Whatever it is, it’s not soon enough.

---

It’s not uncommon for mental health issues to pass from one generation to another. In many communities there exists a severe shortage of mental health counselors and providers. Even fewer willing to take on cases as severe as this. Neither is it uncommon for families to appear normal to others when they are far from it. Their ability to mask and compensate, to keep things under the surface and hidden from others, can be well-developed. And sometimes, such as with this family, their problems become so woven into the fabric of their lives and have been there so long as to become their normal. “Normal” meant living daily with ghosts and hallucinations, without medications or treatment, without counseling, without a permanent home, in relational dysfunction, and without employment.

Heaven help them. No one else is.
---

If you know someone with mental health issues who needs assistance, please reach out on their behalf. You may be that help from Heaven they so desperately need. You can find several resources online at this website: Help for Mental Illnesses - National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) (nih.gov)