Forever and Always

8th Grade

Chapter 1

It was the first day of eighth grade. My last year of middle school. I went to the bus stop which was in the middle of a street, a few houses down. I stepped over some puddles in the road on the way. I stood in an empty driveway on the right side of the street while waiting for the bus.

At the house across the street, there was a mother and her daughter also waiting for the bus. The mother greeted me and told me this was her daughter's first day of middle school. I told them it was my first day of eighth grade. The daughter started talking to me. Her name was Emma. Emma was a hyper yet endearing person.

When the bus came, we sat together. I only talked in response to what she was saying. I was a shy kid. Most of the friends I made around that time initiated the conversations. A lot of times I just didn't know what to say. I was not blessed with the gift of gab.

Our middle school days were divided into six one-hour classes with a lunch break in between. A year prior I had gotten to know a couple popular girls named Jennifer and Brittany. They were best friends when I knew them. They also claimed to be a couple of my best friends. Until one day someone told me they were talking about me behind my back.

It hurt me. They were decidedly two-faced. It was a bitter pill to swallow because I really liked Jennifer. She was seemingly nice to me and laughed at my jokes. It was more likely that Jennifer was pretending to be nice.

The fact they talked about me behind my back made me question who were really my friends. Some people were pretending to be nice to me. Like Evelyn and Gabriella. Two girls that usually hung around Jennifer and Brittany. I knew at least a couple people who were safe. One was named Ben who I also met in seventh grade. Another was William, who was a good guy but got on my nerves sometimes. Then the girl who told me Jennifer and Brittany were talking about me, Stephanie.

My last class of the day was science. The teacher was a character. He had a squirt gun to shoot at students who were sleeping. He also went the traditional route and poured water on sleeping students. The teacher also said B.S. stood for "Bad Science". Though he wasn't fooling anyone.

One day in that science class, I met this girl named Alice. The teacher let us pick where we sat that day. I sat next to William. Alice was on the other side of me.

William and Alice were talking while I was thinking of what to say. I decided I wanted to be friends with Alice. She seemed nice to me. I awkwardly asked her if she wanted to be my friend. She said yes. William commented that it was pretty random. He wasn’t wrong though.

We introduced ourselves to each other officially. I remember noticing an acronym on her book sleeve. It read BOTDF, which stands for Blood on the Dance Floor. She said it was her favorite band.

It was an electronic duo with Dahvie Vanity and Jayy von Monroe. A big part of their music had sexually explicit lyrics with electronic beats. Things people in 8th grade probably shouldn't be listening to. They'd come out with the occasional serious song too. In retrospect they haven’t aged particularly well.

Towards the end of class Alice told me a story about going on a field trip with her best friend Jasmine. She said they both looked high in one of the photos. Because red glares in the eyes were a common thing with the older cameras. Before we had high definition cameras in our phones.

I ended up coming out of that class on a bit of a high. I felt good about making a new friend. I had trouble making friends back then and wasn't very confident in myself. Having a successful interaction with someone was a great feeling because that was rare for me at the time.

At some point we started sitting together at lunch. I met Jasmine there. We didn’t have any classes together. I thought she was nice. There were other people who sat near us too. Friends of Alice’s. Eric, Rachel, Heather, and Liam.

Most of them were nice to me. Rachel was the least pleasant of the bunch. She called me "pudding boy". Which I found more funny than insulting. If lunch time had pudding available, chances are I was going to eat some. She also seemed to be annoyed by my general positive demeanor. She had more of a problem with me than I did with her.

Alice didn't like Rachel. The feeling was mutual. Alice had a crush on Eric. Who was Rachel's boyfriend at the time. After I found out Alice had a crush on Eric, her unpleasant feelings towards Rachel made sense. Not that they'd necessarily be the best of friends otherwise. Alice had explained to me that she liked Eric before Rachel did.

The only reason she put up with Rachel was because of Eric. Eric and I weren't friends per say but we were cool towards each other. He was kind of a dorky guy but was charismatic. Eric sang a song called "Soy Guapo" which is Spanish for "I am handsome". Alice found it amusing and admittedly, so did I.

I was friends with Heather by the time I met Alice. She was nice to me although somewhat annoying. She was very outgoing and it got to be too much sometimes. She was one of the first friends I made after I stopped talking to Jennifer and Brittany. Heather was well-meaning for most of the time I knew her though.

I didn't get to know Liam well. He was outgoing like Heather. He joked around more often. I didn't talk to him nearly as much as I talked to Heather. He did have some strange behavior like being too touchy with Alice. I didn’t think much of it at the time but Alice told me it made her uncomfortable later on.

Alice was very kind to me. She wasn't as shy as I was. Although I do remember thinking she seemed reserved at first. She was inviting and I appreciated that. Then when I got to know her better I saw her more energetic side. Like when she opened up to me about liking Eric.

When it came to academics she was very hard working. Definitely a better student than I was at that point. I goofed around more with other students. There came a time I realized I had to step my game up. So I worked to increase my grades across all classes. It wasn't an easy process but I got there eventually. Even when I applied myself, my grades in science still weren’t quite as good as Alice’s.

I lived in Michigan and that's where I went to school. Sometimes I visited North Carolina to see my dad and step sister named Tessa. I consider Tessa to be like my real sister though. Around early 2008, three years before I was in 8th grade, I moved there with my mom. My dad also moved there so he could see me more.

Dad met this woman and they started dating. By that time my mom and dad had been broken up for quite a while. They split when I was very young. I became friends with the woman’s younger daughter, Tessa. We went to the same school when I lived in North Carolina. We were in different classes though. Funnily enough, I became friends with her then best friend before I knew who she was.

Sometime in 2009 we moved back to Michigan. I've lived in Michigan for most of my life but I was born in Florida. Visiting my dad in the summer of 2010 set a trend. I'd see him at least once a year. It was usually during summer time except during 2011. That year I saw him during my spring break. I was in seventh grade that year.

On my birthday in 8th grade someone I met in North Carolina reached out to me and wished me a happy birthday. Her name is Maria. I met her during the aforementioned spring break. She was one of Tessa’s friends. Tessa told me Maria had a crush on me and I turned her down. Until I developed a crush on Maria.

I was awkward about it and nothing ended up happening. I wasn’t used to the feeling. I thought she was very pretty though. Her family was from the Philippines. I think she was born in America though. She has naturally tan skin and freckles. Also brown hair and eyes.

I saw her message to me as an opportunity to reconnect and become friends. Rather than a couple. It would be some time before I saw her in person again. We often chatted on social media from that point on.

One day in science class we had to do some work and the teacher allowed us to listen to music as long as it wasn't too loud. I chose to sit next to Alice. I liked her and I thought I'd be a little more productive in that class. Alice shared an earbud with me and we listened to Blood on the Dance Floor. It wasn't my thing but I chuckled at the dirty stuff. I was more into rock and rap music.

Sometimes we passed notes during class. Since we were right next to each other it wasn't too hard to be stealthy about it. We usually did this when it was silent work time. Sometimes she drew a cutesy vampire face on the notes. I don't think the teacher ever caught us. Or at least if he noticed he never brought it up. One time we exchanged notes when the teacher put on some movie. It might’ve been Rango. That movie where Johnny Depp voiced a lizard.

At lunch Alice made a comment about wanting to die. It was meant to be a joke. It concerned me nonetheless. I just wasn’t used to hearing people talk like that. It seemed like it came out of nowhere. I knew she felt bad about Eric not liking her back but that was all I could think of. I suspected something else was going on, though I didn't pry because I figured if she trusted me enough she would tell me.

On the same social media website I talked to Maria, I joined a group created by Alice. It was called "Crazy Morons and Other Hyper People" but spelled in more of a quirky, less grammatically correct way. There we messed around and talked about random stuff. We made random polls, like favorite foods and things of that nature. We realized that we had some things in common like our mutual love of steak.

It was there I learned of Alice's affinity for Pixy Sticks. Which is basically sugar wrapped in a paper straw for those of you who don’t know. It came in different colors like blue and orange. She loved those things. I like Pixy Sticks but I prefer something like chocolate when it comes to candy. Peanut butter cups are my favorite.

It was on that social media site we eventually talked about more serious things through direct messages. Alice told me she was insecure about the way she looked. She told me that she felt insecure about her body. She then revealed to me that she had anorexia because of that feeling. A condition I had little experience or knowledge of.

I felt bad for her. I told her I didn’t think there was anything wrong with the way she looked. She was a rather skinny girl. I didn't quite understand why she felt that way about herself but I told her I also felt self conscious about my body because I'm a bigger guy. Alice told me she didn't think I was fat and I appreciated her kind words. That was when I realized we had insecurities about similar things.

Sometime after that day, Alice told me something I never suspected. Alice said that she cut her own wrists. I was sad about it because I cared about her, and didn't want to see her get hurt. I especially didn’t want to see Alice hurting herself.

I wondered if Jasmine knew. I supposed that she likely did. Alice expressed that she didn't want to keep doing it. It essentially became an addiction.

I thought back to a time I hung out with Tessa in North Carolina and saw one of her friends had scars on her wrist. I knew her from when I went to school there. Her name was Katie. Katie said she cut herself with a shard of broken glass. I remembered how that made me feel. Uncomfortable and wondering to myself why someone would cut themselves. Although I was sympathetic, I was definitely naive about this sort of thing.

I was concerned about Alice's well-being. I didn't know what to do about it however. I just knew I wanted to do something. I decided that I'd be there for Alice if she needed me. I told Alice I wanted to help her stop cutting any way I could. I felt compassion for her and that was reason enough.