Alone

Alone

By Solum Anderson

What does it mean to be alone? according to the dictionary it means: "Separate, apart, or isolated from others" or "to the exclusion of all others or all else" You might think that this is an accurate description of the word. But that's only what it is. A word. All the dictionary knows is words. words are flat and stale, they only have meaning if we give them meaning. The dictionary cannot know what a word truly means. It cannot comprehend the weight of a word, the emotional weight; how a word feels. "Words can't feel." some people say. They are right. In the traditional since, no, words cannot feel. But to us they can. There is an old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." This cannot be any farther from the truth. words can sting, words can hurt, they can hurt you beyond repair. But words can make you feel other things besides pain. There are emotions that we haven't given a name yet. Like what it means to be alone. The dictionary can try, but as hard as it does all it can see are words. The emotions attatched to words a book can never understand. The crippling feeling of being alone cannot be expressed in words. The feeling gives you a deep and strong feeling in your chest. It feels like there is a void inside of you. You can feel this black hole absorbing you. You are slowly being destroyed from the inside out. Eventually, if you are kept in complete isolation, it consumes you completely. the void goes away, the feeling subsides. Only because the void has taken everything it can from you. All the things you could have felt are gone. You are alone, not only in the physical world, but in your head. The nasty and vile thoughts that are usually suppressed due to the proximity of others are free to run rampant over your brain. the thoughts get in and they sink their dark, evil claws deep within you. you can't feel, but you can think. You think vile, evil thoughts, and with no one else there to talk to you and make you feel like you belong, like you are wanted. The thoughts take control of you. They cause you to do things. Evil things. they transform you into a monster. You are a monster. I am a monster. Who am I? why can't I feel anything? let me out. please. I want to be free. I want to feel. I want to be wanted. I don't want to be alone anymore.