Fuck it

Written late last night. Still under construction, welcome to my life

Infiltration of the United Nations
They gifted us all these reservations
It's a muthafucka infinite bloody staycation
Gotta pick another radio station

We on a Spiral staircase going nowhere fast
Not sure how much longer my will can last
I'm stuck in time, bleeding out in rhyme
Convicted of a bunch of made-up crimes
Concocted by assholes who ain't got no spines

Wanna crush me like a worthless bug,
Then sweep my ashes underneath the rug
They sit on their thrones, lookin' all smug
Satisfied with their status as the ultimate thug
They playin' the same tune everywhere
And I'm not sure why I bother to care
What's the fuckin' point of all that I share

Gimme the gun, I'll do it myself
Not lookin' for no trophies to put on my shelf
Just wanna reach out and make people laugh
'Cause sometimes the pain just won't fuckin' pass
Guess that's why I don't got no class
My rhythm is skewed, my attitudes crass
Got my own special brand of whoop yo' ass

Just want people to know that they ain't alone
So I write these words on my stupid cell phone
But everything I write just feels like trash
Caught up in a vortex of perpetual relapse
And you fuckers just surround me, wantin' me to snap
Out of my mind, take out my knife,
Slit my wrists up, just a tiny slice,
I'm just some old and used up ex-wife
Got no volition of my own,
Can't escape the call of tha microphone
Leave a message at the tone
I'm always sittin' at home alone
Like Macaulay Culkin, I'm fuckin' ungracious
But my life is not some Christmas vacation
It's more National Lampoon, but nuthin is funny
'Cause I owe the credit unions a bunch of money
And I'll never be able to pay it back
So all I got is my boom bap rap crack
So I'm stickin' my shit in a fucking rice sack
Sell all I have, maybe I get some stacks
Though it's mostly all just plastic crap
Bought while I was trapped with the pack of rats who fucked me over behind my back
Squeaking with glee while they smacked me up with their mumble rap tracks
Gassin' me up, tryna shove me in the oven
When all I ever did was show them all lovin'
I'm not some nasty ass piece of shit
I'm not some muthafuckin crazy chick
Don't need to be committed as some mental patient
I'm just tryna survive, don't wanna erase this

I try so hard, I try to hide
All my emotions deep inside
I keep them buried a little while
Then I walk another mile
Try real hard to fake a smile
Then a bomb drops down and I feel it all again
The healing journey never fuckin' ends
Just a vicious cycle where we all play pretend
No such thing as a real fuckin' friend
That doesn't exist in this stupid fuckin' city
So welcome to my life, it's all reality
And nothin' up here is actually free
No such thing as realizing your dream
We all gotta justify the way that we speak
So slap on that label and call me a freak
Pathetic little female, useless and weak
Tie that bird up and duct tape her beak
No one wanna hear that bitch fuckin' screech
She a British cunt like Robin Leach
Livin' the high life, how dare she try ta preach
She don't know hardship, she didn't take a knee
Don't matter 'bout her family tree
Worthless cunt, we'll pepper her with bullets, then she'll see
Sure her family got insurance for that
Put a cap in her ass, stupid white trash
Thinkin' she special, she wants a free pass
She not good enough, her face we shall smash

Well fuck it all
I'll take the fall
Walk down tha' hall
Y'all be happy to see me crawl
Blood soaked and naked
Body full sprawl
Shove my corpse in a bathroom stall
But I don't fuckin care,
Ain't got no flair, check the clothes that I wear
My heart is bare, full of pain and despair
Don't believe me? Check out my stare
Look me in the muthafuckin eye
I ain't bloody well afraid ta die

I'm not Medusa, won't turn ya to stone
But these pansy ass assholes won't leave me alone
Making dumb jokes about rusty trombones
Cryin' about coming from broken homes
Mommy and daddy didn't love me enough
They didn't buy me the latest and greatest stuff
Boo hoo hoo, poor fuckin' me
Didn't get all I wanted under the Christmas tree
My mommy whacked me upside of my head
But I'm not tellin' youse guys what I did and said
Nah, I'm a cool fuckin' gangsta, check my street cred
Look who I hang with, we cool like Club Med
Collecting toys for the orphans, givin' them bread
Not tellin' ya 'bout how I was a dumb fuckin' brat
Tryna instigate shit and always talkin' smack
Yeah, I'm just so fuckin cool, I'm down with the old-school
I ride a muthafuckin Harley and I got a big-ass crew
My ex-wife's a gold-diggin' bitch wearin' Converse shoes
Spoiled little princess, rotten to the core
Ya know how it is boys, these bitches be whores


Yup, here I be, tryna live my fuckin' life
Working at my job, payin' the price
So very full of malice and sin,
Nasty girl with a disgusting grin
Someone should bust my fuckin' chin
Whatever, take your best fuckin' shot
I know I'm ugly and old, I never was hot
And I barely feel much anymore
It's what I deserve, to be cold and poor
I'll keep working hard, but I won't conform
I gotta be authentic, I can't perform
These words I write, from my heart they are torn
And I'm already dead inside of my head
Y'all know my life from what you've read
Between my lines, you will see
I'll never have what anyone needs
Why would anyone bother with me