She Never Returned My Calls

"All rise!"

"Case #2121 - Alexander Graham Bell v/s Susan Brown."

"The Prosecution calls Susan Brown to the witness stand!"

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"

"I do."

"Miss Brown, please state your name, age and occupation."

"Susan Brown, age 24, maker of cakes and ice creams."

"Where were you, on the night of June 25?"

"In my shop, making my most delicious ..."

"Objection. The question only pertained to where the defendant was, not what she was doing there."

"Sustained."

"So on the night in question, you were in your shop."

"Yes, I told you that."

"And where is your shop located?"

"At #77, Street of Wonders."

"And Mr. Alexander Graham Bell lives at #69, which is across the street, am I right?"

"Yes."

"Well, Miss Brown, Mr. Graham Bell claims you distract him from his work."

"I beg your pardon, I do no such thing."

"Objection!"

"Over-ruled! Go on, Miss Brown."

"I simply do my work, I have no time to distract anyone else. It takes all my time and energy to make the quality of cakes and ice creams I do."

"Well, Miss Brown, Mr. Graham Bell says that such tempting fragrances waft across the street from your window that he gets completely distracted. His mouth begins to water and he begins to dream of his mother's recipes."

"Well, I'm flattered that a great man like that can think so much of my cakes and ice creams! All he has to do is send me a note, and I'd send him some!"

"Well, he said he tried to phone you, but -- wait a minute, I have his exact words here -- yes, he says -- She Never Returned My Calls."

"Is this true, Miss Brown? You didn' return Mr. Graham Bell's calls?"

"Well, yes, judge, your honour, because I don't have a telephone yet. As you know, the telephone has only just been invented ..."

"Objection! It was a yes-or-no question. Did you, or did you not return Mr. Graham Bell's calls?"

"I did not -- but --"

"There are no buts. Your honour, the plaintiff is right in saying She Never Returned My Calls."

"It's not fair, your honour, Mr. Graham Bell is the only one in the whole wide world who has a telephone! He has just invented it!"

"Silence, Miss Brown, or you'll be held in contempt. I order both lawyers to approach."

"Yes, Miss Brown, we have thought of a suitable compensation. Your lawyer has agreed to it. As you have been found guilty of not returning Mr. Graham Bell's calls, you shall serve everyone present in this court some cake and ice cream."

"Oh, I'd love to, your honour. Mr. Graham Bell isn't the only inventor here. I've invented some new flavours and been looking for people to taste them and tell me what they think!"

(Two hours later)

"This entire court-room has reached a unanimous verdict. Miss Susan Brown's cake and ice cream innovations are the best in the world."

"Case dismissed!"