I do not want this

He kept me like a man who fancies his atomic watch
Always examining my every word,
scrutinizing my every thought,
questioning my every move,
until none of my decisions belonged to me
anymore.

Until I couldn't stand up for myself anymore
because whenever I tried
to assert and own
my true self,
he would squash me,
crush me,
take my words
and crumble them up in his hands and
let them drop to the earth
As his foot stomped on my budding existence.
Taking every bud and eradicating it.
Comminuted thoughts.
Just shards pushed into the ground and
mixed with the dirt.
Then,
he'd whip out his wrinkled, festering, flaccid penis
and piss upon the pieces of me I had
tried so hard to make something of,
to reconnect with the soul of my very inner essence,
my core.

Determined to crush my independence.
Soggy wet mud.
My broken bits torn up and slaughtered.
Bleeding in the piss-stained mud.
My blood pours out until
I am drowning in the thick mass
he created out of snippets of
my emotions,
my experiences.
Choking on the vile intrusion of his
worthless words
as he continues screaming that he is the victim.
His words break apart
as soon as they leave his lips
and the true violence is exposed in lines of lies.
I weave together the strings
and hope someone will see.

Who is able to bring me back to life
marry my soul with the parts excised and removed
violently,
malevolently,
without regard for humanity.
Nothing more than a mud doll reanimated
as the puppeteer keeps trying to make me dance
his sick and twisted version of romance.

I can't.
I don't want it.
This is not who I was called to be.
Chattel.
Property.
Slave.
No autonomy or volition of my own
Just a false sense of security as he
pulls me near
and whispers in my ear
how much he loves to abuse me.