Maybe

There's something wrong with me.

There's something wrong with me,
there's something wrong with my mind. I love you so much, but I hate myself even more.
I hope I can stop trying to stop it.
My mind begs me to scream, but I can't feel it anymore. Every day I try to find ways to lose my mind. I'm dead inside, there's nothing, I feel empty. I can see the air passing through everything I see. I'm afraid I get back, I'm afraid I'm alive. Cause it hurts so much. Everyone tries to teach me how I should feel, everyone shows me what I should be, how I should smile. However, I can't even feel myself, who am I?
Days grow shorter, yet my skin goes smoother, every single day I avoid stretching it, and every next day, I regret it.
I'm not like you.
I'm not like everybody, or at least that's what I try to convince myself.
Lately there's something different. I'm seeing my own death; it makes me feel relieved.
I wish I was death. I'm not whispering these words, but someone is.
I feel it, I feel the way words are crawling through my mind, begging me to end it, rats are showing up in my mind, eating my soul away, how grateful I feel.
I'm not myself, only a part of me that goes on through living. Perhaps one day I will laugh at this feeling, perhaps one day someone will cry because of this same feeling.
I've been jumping through time, I wake up, and then I wish I would never do that again, the sun, is no longer residing on my routine. I avoid it, it makes me feel too alive,
Maybe one day I will want to be alive again. For now, tho, I wish there was no "now". I know, I know, clich.. so what? Aren't we all the same shit anyway? I wish I was the same, but there's no place for the same I was before I was someone. Maybe there is, not here, not yet, but maybe there's a place where I don't need to run from maybes, and maybe its not here, on this same world.

I wish I was no longer tired of being tired, but then, I wouldn't be myself.
What if I love to be this lonely loner?
Maybe I love to be alive, or maybe I just like to suffer while I am.
Maybe It was never real, and my tears were only enjoyment of somebody who's controlling all my movements from a third party view.
Maybe I'm dead, and wishing to comeback.
Maybe, but just maybe's won't complete my world, right?. Maybe they will.