They Are Perfect

THEY ARE PERFECT!

______________

A 10 minute comedy for Audio

by

Jim Binz
6/2023



















CAST OF CHARACTERS


JOE: M, 20’s
PAM: F, 30’s


SCENE

Sign up table in a deserted Mall area

TIME
Now















SFX Footsteps approach

PAM
Is this where I sign my son up for Cub Scouts?

JOE
Yes, here’s the form, just fill it out.

PAM
Are you peeping down my blouse?

JOE
What? Uh, no. No I wasn’t. I wouldn’t.

PAM
I didn’t know that Boy Scouts were allowed to lie.

JOE
No, I, uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to.

PAM
Do you peek down women’s blouses all the time? Is that your thing?

JOE
Uh, no. I don’t do that.

PAM
Is that your set up here? You sit low and wait for young mothers to lean over and fill out the form?

JOE
Uh. No. I’m sorry. I just glanced. I didn’t mean to.

PAM
Really? Seemed like you were very eager to get a peek.

JOE
I, uh. Sorry. I. uh.

PAM
Do you enjoy this? Sitting there all day looking down blouses? Are you evaluating? Did you like what you saw?

JOE
Um. Uh.

PAM
What do you say? Too big? Too small? Maybe not perky enough?

JOE
No, uh.

PAM
Maybe you didn’t get to see far enough? Do you need a better look? Is that it?

JOE
No.

PAM
Well? Your evaluation of my breasts? How do they shape up for you?

JOE
I, uh, I don’t know. I just glanced, I didn't mean to peek.

PAM
Should I lean over again? Give you a better look?

JOE
No. Uh, just fill out the form. I won’t look. I promise.

PAM
How can I trust you? You certainly peeked before. What did you see?

JOE
I didn’t see anything. It was a quick glance.

PAM
I should report you to the Boy Scout Organization. Let them know what your little game is.

JOE
No. Wait. I’m just doing sign ups. For the Cub Scouts. I’m very sorry. Please don’t report me. I didn’t mean to look.

PAM
Right.

JOE
I apologize. I had no right to look.

PAM
But you did look.

JOE
Yes. I suppose I did. I’m very sorry.

PAM
You’re despicable.

JOE
I know. But, I’m, uh, well.

PAM
What? What?

JOE
Well, I’ve never actually seen live breasts. Ever.

PAM
Am I supposed to believe that?

JOE
On the internet, of course. But not actually. Not in person.

PAM
Really? Never?
JOE
I live alone. I never had sisters and Mom was a bit of a prude. So, no. Never.

PAM
That doesn’t excuse it, you know?

JOE
No, of course not. I’m truly sorry.

PAM
What’s your name?

JOE
Joe.

PAM
I’m Pam. Joe, I have a little secret for you.

JOE
Oh?

PAM
Yep. This is my favorite blouse. I wear it a lot. I like that it’s low cut. I like how it makes my breasts look.

JOE
Oh, well, uh, it’s very nice.

PAM
Yes. Here’s my little secret, Joe. When I leaned over the table, I knew you would look.

JOE
Really?

PAM
Oh yes. I get as much pleasure from men looking as you get from seeing.


JOE
I, uh, I can’t believe that.

PAM
No, it’s true, Joe. Now, tell the truth. Did you get a good look?

JOE
Uh, well, yes, I guess.

PAM
And?

JOE
They are perfect!

PAM
Why, thank you, Joe. I agree. They are perfect.

JOE
Seeing your breasts have made my whole day. Week. MONTH!

PAM
And was this your plan sitting here? To sneak peeks down blouses all day?

JOE
Oh no. Not at all. Most of the time there’s nothing to see. It’s all covered up.

PAM
Aww. That must be disappointing for you?

JOE
No. Not really. Seeing you was a rare treat.

PAM
I’m glad, Joe. I’m glad I could make your day. Would you like to see them again?


JOE
Uh. No. Thank you. It would feel weird.

PAM
I don’t mind. I could look away while I bend over your table and give you a good long look.

JOE
No. I couldn’t.

PAM
It would remove the spontaneity? The sneakiness of the whole thing?

JOE
I don’t think I like the idea of planning it.

PAM
Ah. You like the secret peek. Like a Peeping Tom?

JOE
No. I just don’t think that planning it would be right. It wouldn’t feel respectful.

PAM
I could flash you. You’d get to see the whole picture. I could do it when you don’t expect it. It would be a surprise for you.

JOE
I don’t know. I'm, uh, having a little trouble breathing.

PAM
Joe, I have on a very pretty lacy black bra today. I could flash that and then pull it up for you to get a really good look.
JOE
I, uh, I think I’m having a heart attack. I can’t breathe.



PAM
This is what you want, right? To finally see actual breasts, live and in person?

JOE
Please. I’m shaking. I’m sweating.

PAM
I would even be willing to let you touch them. How about that?
JOE
I’m having chest pain. My arm is going numb.

PAM
It would change your life, Joe. You said they were perfect. Wouldn’t you like to see them? Touch them?

JOE
I think I’m going to faint. Please, just the form. Sign the form.
PAM
I see. It’s only good for you if there’s some perversion involved. You’re a peeper.

JOE
I’m so sorry. Please. I apologize. I’m so sorry.

PAM
Don’t be sorry. They’re only boobs. It’s certainly not a big deal. Lot’s of guy’s have peeked.

JOE
I’ll never do it again. I promise.

PAM
Yes, you will. Guys always look. You can’t help yourself.

JOE
I’ll stop. On my honor.


PAM
A Boy Scout Peeper. And then to lie about doing it.

JOE
Yes. But, you wore that blouse. You wanted me to look.

PAM
That’s a horrible excuse. It will never stand up in court.

JOE
I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist a peek. I’m sorry.

PAM
I’ve never had a man in a Boy Scout uniform stare at my cleavage before. That was kind of hot.

JOE
Oh Lord. I’ve disgraced the uniform.

PAM
I kinda like the idea of making a man break his Boy Scout Oath just for a peek at my chest.

JOE
A Scout is clean. A scout is reverent. A scout is respectful.

PAM
A scout peeps down a woman’s blouse in public.

JOE
A Scout is loyal. A Scout is trustworthy. A Scout is Friendly.

PAM
A scout was certainly trying to be friendly to my boobs.

JOE
On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law;

PAM
There’s no one around. C’mon Joe.

JOE
To help other people at all times; and to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.

PAM
What do you say, Joe? Perfect breasts. Just for you?

JOE
I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be right.

PAM
It would be right. I would love to show them to you. Right here. Right now.

JOE
I’m having trouble breathing again. Please don’t.

PAM
Would you have a heart attack if I just flashed you right now?

JOE
Please, stop. Just go away. Sign up your son online.

PAM
That doesn’t sound like much fun, Joe.

JOE
The sign up is not supposed to be fun. Please, leave me alone.

PAM
A grown man afraid of seeing boobies.

JOE
I can’t breathe. Stop torturing me. Please. I said I was sorry.

PAM
Well, I guess that’s that. Here’s your form back. Don’t peek.

JOE
I’ll never peek again.

PAM
That’s a shame, Joe. Peek, just don’t stare. And don’t get caught.

JOE
Goodbye. Thank you for returning my form.

PAM
Goodbye, Joe. You’re welcome.

SFX sound of footsteps leaving

JOE
I need to leave. I need to gather my stuff and get out of here.

PAM
Hey, Joe! Look!

THE END