Final Countdown

Final Countdown


There is a time to make puns, and there is not.

When you are arresting a citizen, it is not a time to make puns.

Constable Kelkar, not being aware of these nuances of polite behaviour, made a pun as he was arresting Eva Marie. "We'll have to purse-you this matter at the police station, Madam," he quipped, clicking the handcuffs on. "Purse-you, get it?"

Eva Marie's glare showed that she had, indeed, got it. Once again, Constable Kelkar missed the unspoken assertion. "I mean, you being caught red-handed stealing a women's purse, you know. Pursue, purse-you, and if somebody were to 'sue' you, then, well ..."

Constable Kelkar chuckled as they boarded the police jeep. His chuckle rose to a guffaw as he started the engine, and he was roaring with his vehicle as they drove to the police station. For a moment he thought that Eva Marie was joining him in his mirth, but she was merely choking - the smoke from the exhaust having engulfed her.

"Now then," Kelkar began, as he looked at her across his desk. "If you could fill out this form ..."

"I can't fill out this form," Eva Marie responded.

"What's the glitch?"

"The glitch," she snapped back, "is that I've got donut batter sticking my fingers together."

"Donut batter?" Kelkar inspected her fingers. "I don't detect any donut batter."

"But you do detect the handcuffs, don't you? I can't write on your form till you undo them."

"Ah. Now which pocket did I put the key in?"

She didn't show it, but Eva Marie was fuming inside. They were running out of time. She had been an idiot to get herself broiled like this. The sisterhood wouldn't let her hear the end of it for all her born days. To be caught by Constable King Kong Kelkar, of all people. If it had been anyone else ...

Mechanically, she filled out her fake name, fake address, fake phone number and fake every-other-detail-needed. She knew these by heart, almost better than her real ones.

Her mobile beeped.

She forestalled the constable by saying, "I'm allowed one phone-call, I'm taking this one," and answering it.

"Where are you? It's time for the final countdown," came Natasha's voice.

"I'm in the pie shop."

"You've got yourself baked like the blackbirds?" Thank goodness all the sisters were well versed with the code.

"I was sampling the strawberry, but it was too hot."

"Who are you up against?" Natasha asked.

Inwardly, Eva Marie groaned. "The chef himself."

There was a deep chuckle. "You let King Kong nab you? Just for that I should let you stay in the pie shop."

Eva Marie ended the call. Even in her position, she couldn't let this insult go unpunished.

*********

Once in her under-trial cell, she took deep breaths and then counted her blessings. She was the only occupant at the moment. No awkward gagging of a bystander involved during the escape. There was an attached bathroom, with a sink and shower and all. And then, the blessing that Natasha knew where she was.

And there was Natasha! The sisters were quick, once they made up their minds that something needed doing. How innocent she looked, in that nun's get up. That's why they called themselves 'the sisters' of course. It was the easiest way ...

"Yes, Constable Kelkar," Natasha was cooing. "We focus on under-trials, and women at that. We figure they're not hardened criminals yet and there is hope that they'll see the error of their ways ..."

It took her three-and-three-quarter minutes to convince him to give her time alone with Eva Maire, and it took the two of them another four-minutes-fifteen-seconds to exit the prison gates together.

"You'll be in time for the countdown. You're going to have to wear the pink tutu, though."

She had expected worse. The pink tutu was the least humiliating of the forfeits for being in the pie shop.

They got to Headquarters. Everyone else was sitting around the computer. The pink tutu was neatly folded on the chair meant for Eva Marie. She climbed on to the chair and with everyone's eyes on her, took her clothes off, chucking them to the floor. She proceeded to climb into the tutu. That done, she sat on her chair.

"Just about a minute to go."

The screen flickered on. Hillary's fingers moved rapidly over the keypad. Thirty seconds ...

"It has to be exactly at the right moment. If Hillary misses it by a second ..."

But Hillary wasn't about to miss anything.

Five - four - three - two - one ..."

"YES!"

They'd done it.

They'd hacked into the police computer at the exact time the top brass was on theirs at police headquarters. Thank goodness they made such a noise about exactly when promotions were going to be announced, it was so easy to hack in at the same moment.

Constable Kelkar, whose name hadn't been on any list hitherto, had now officially been promoted to CHIEF INSPECTOR. He'd have no boss over him in this district. The sisters would have an easier time of it altogether.

The celebratory cake, chips, cookies and cola were already there. The sisters allowed Eva Marie to finish her snack, and even to change back into her clothes, before they took her to task.

"Heck, I'd seen that woman shoplifting and I figured she wouldn't squeak if I took the swag off her. Just didn't realise how close to the window I was and that idiot - I mean - that Chief Inspector ...."

There was a pause for laughter.

"That Chief Inspector just happened to glance in ..."

"So you lost the swag?" Hillary was ever practical.

"Had time to put this into my pocket."

They gasped at the diamond ring.

"Why didn't you tell us? We'd have ditched the tutu forfeit."

"Nah. Felt sexy, that forfeit. Being in a pink tutu on the countdown to Constable Kelkar's promotion to Inspector ..."