Dear Me (2023)

Dear Me,

         A lot has changed in the last year, huh? I changed jobs, started working from home, started attending events for my book, wrote most of one book and started another - it's been wild. So much has changed. Back when I wrote last year's Dear Me letter, I couldn't have imagined that in two months, I would go from working 40+ hours per week in the behavioral wing of a hospital to working at home in my jammies for the Department of Human Services, working cases so that people in need could afford food, medical insurance, and any other resources I could find to try to help them. Sadly, some things did not change. Covid-19 still ran rampant and got me for a third time since the plague first emerged and wrecked my immune system so badly that I was sick for an average of one week every month with various colds, flus, and ailments. Still, I managed to complete some of my goals from last year and branch out into new goals I had not yet considered when I originally wrote my Dear Me letter for the 2022 contest. With more time on my hands to write and my slowly-improving health, the time has come to set new goals.

Writing Goals

1. I finished writing out the main plot points of Red Hoods, enough that it is in editing phase. So, the goal for this year is to polish it to a shine and either begin pitching it to agents and publishers or to dedicate time and energy to self-publishing it on my own. I have not yet decided which route would be best for my creation, but I will know once it is finished and want to get it moving in the direction of being published and in my hands.

2. One of my goals from last year's Dear Me letter is making the list again because priorities changed and it got moved to the back burner. The true crime compilation I was working on last year made great progress. I finished and published several of the short stories I had planned out for it, but I did not complete it or publish it as a compilation last year. Between work, school, and everything else, I simply ran out of time. So, this year, it is important to me to finish the stories I intend to write for the compilation and self-publish them together with a cover I can be proud of and made available pretty much anywhere books are sold, as well as ebooks.

3. This one goes on the list every year, but I'm always happy to announce that I intend to win NaNo WriMo. NaNo has been instrumental in the process of getting my books written, despite the fact that only one book has been published and the other is being considered for an intense rewrite because it was amateur-hour gore wrapped in a very flimsy story. Low and behold, I have figure out how to fix it. NaNo gives me the focus and the drive to keep writing, even if it means writing parts out of order or rewriting scenes in different ways to try to hit that massive goal of 50k words in a month. I love the challenge, and I have to admit that I love my collection of "NaNo WriMo Winner" shirts. One of these years, there may be an entry on a Dear Me letter stating that I plan to make them into a quilt, but I need many more shirts before I can consider that.

Non-Writing Goals

1. Due to the way my body has been beaten down by sickness over the past two years, I've been making a point of going to the doctor regularly and trying to take better care of myself between visits. With that being said, I am continuing my weight loss journey. I'm not using any extreme diets or workouts so intense they make you puke. I'm just monitoring what I eat, using portion control, and trying to fit more exercise into my daily life. After I started my work-from-home job back in March of 2022, I went from walking 14k steps per day down to less than 1k steps per day and gained a considerable amount of weight. I have no delusions of meeting my ultimate goal weight in a single year, but I do aim to lose 25lb this year. That averages out to about 2lbs per month, which is quite reasonable according to most nutritionists.

2. Video games play a big role in my self-care, so I have made them part of this year's goals as well. I have several games in which I am within 10% of completing all of the available trophies by means of completing challenges and replaying the game with different goals, so I am pushing myself to complete 3 of those games and reach 100% by the end of the year. I have a variety of games to choose from because I have a tendency to switch games based on my moods and what type of game I think would serve me best. This means I make progress on many games but only finish a game once in a great while. If I can complete some of my partially-finished games, I can start new games, which would help me get through the metaphorical stack of games in my online library and on my shelf.

3. Every year, I make a blanket on my infinity loom. Sometimes I keep it. Sometimes I give it away as a gift. This year, I want to learn how to make a different kind of blanket. I bought myself a Sentro knitting machine for my birthday last year and have mastered making a hat on the "tube" setting in 15 minutes, but I've never touched the other setting: panel. Using the "panel" option, I can make large squares of material out of non-bulky yarn and put them together to make a blanket. That is my goal. I want to learn how to make panels with decent proficiency and put together a blanket. Recently, I've been buying this velvety yarn that is just short of being bulky yarn from the dollar store. Even better, it runs smoothly through the machine. My plan is to buy enough of this velvet yarn to make a super-soft blanket with a block pattern. This would be a new skill for me, but I believe I can do it.

         My goals may feel small to other people, but I feel that I have some major challenges ahead of me. That being said, I know I am capable of completing each of them, if I focus on my goals and make time for them. I have a tendency to put off my self-care time and my goals because others have asked favors of me. I'm well-aware of my people-pleasing behaviors. That doesn't mean I have to give into them. In fact, it gives me the opportunity to take the reins on those impulses and learn how to control how much time I am dedicating to saving everyone else versus how much time I am reserving for myself and my own needs, which includes a compulsive need to feel like I'm achieving something. That's going to be more difficult this year now that I've decided to take time off from school indefinitely. However, that means I'll have more time to focus on all of my other goals. Perhaps I will achieve more than I've aspired to in this letter. Perhaps those achievements will inspire new challenges and goals as well. I hope they will.
         Things have been complicated since the pandemic went into full-swing in 2020, but I feel like this is my year to get back to doing the things I love and become the best version of myself so far. I have so many things I want to achieve and many books I want to write before my time runs out. I hope I have plenty of time to get them all done, but if I don't, I had probably better get on that dauntingly long list of story ideas, huh? I won't entertain the idea that I know which stories will pull me into the madness and occupy my mind (considering last year, I intended to finish one book and ended up starting and finishing another), but I do feel as though I could finish another book by the end of NaNo WriMo 2023. I won't make it an official goal, but once Red Hoods is sorted out and pitched or self-published and marketed, I'll need to work on another story to keep me busy while the next step in the process unfolds. Not to get ahead of myself, but I can't wait to see my next book out there and work on the next story that's been stewing in my brain. There are plenty to choose from, after all. I really do hope it's a great year for writing.
         Alright, me. I have goals and I know how to achieve them. Now I just have to put in the work and reap the rewards. And remember, above all else, make time for selfcare. There's no reason to run myself into the ground getting them done this instant, and there's nothing wrong with taking some time to breathe between projects. It's ok to take breaks and to know I don't feel like it that day. It's ok to change goals based on my needs or wants and to enjoy the process because these are all things that I am doing for myself and no one else. It's ok to decide some goals have to be let go to make room for new needs and goals. Things change, and sometimes I can't see it coming. Life is funny like that. Just roll with it.

I've got this!


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