I don't know who i am

Hello!

I'm a person that does not know what they want in life. I fear what they fear so therefore they fear me. I feel way too far away from human connection. I feel uncomfortable all the time. I doubt my sexuallity. I mean people can do want they want with their body, but when it comes to mine I can't wrap my head around being someone that is not willing to spend their intimacy with a women. However I think I'm neglecting myself . I think I'm not accepting the inevitable. I feel that my mind is pressuring me to accept now but I keep telling myself that is not correct. I'm sorry if im being homofobic but I'm maybe that person who would finally accept their destiny. I remember some expirences with my close friends when I was a kid. Things that I would rather not say in a person to person interaction. But maybe that's what I like maybe that's what I live for. I mean I also had intimacy with two close girls when I was a kid but... I just don't know. It seems that for me one of these two options bring more to the table than the other one. And that's why maybe I feel so empty. I feel so discouraged. I feel not accepting what i should be accepting. I fear accepting what I should be accepting. So what's up with me?