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 |  New neuro-pathways after a brain tumor. My thoughts and experiences. |
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When asked how am I doing? I often reply, Seven Degrees Left of Center. After a powerful seizure, an MRI scan found a lime-sized tumor in my brain. This happened in September of 2019. The tumor was located about one inch to the left and seven degrees from the center of my brain touching the hippocampus. An area of the brain responsible for coding and decoding language and memories. I have to start over each day because I've forgotten where yesterday ended. Over time, I'm learning to adapt. |
| I had a memory flash this week. What does that mean? Well, I remembered something from 5 years ago. A project I was working on where I worked. I have stayed in contact with the people I worked with. They have been/are great supporters in my recovery. Anyway, I asked if they were still working on the project I didn't get to finish. No, they weren't working on it anymore; they were just using it as is. The software produces a daily report. However, several line items need to be fixed manually. Up jumps my memory. I had written some code that automatically updates the lines. The code wasn't turned on because I hadn't finished the data set. Anyway, it is a more significant win for them than for me. The report is fully automated; they didn't know for the past five years. My win is that I remembered a technical detail from before the brain tumor, and it is still valid. Go, me. |
| Learning about AI-assisted writing made me realize it is like a drug. At first, it seems really cool and even trendy. However, it can take over the process of individual creativity. I suffered a brain injury five years ago. The result is permanent memory issues. I admit I use Grammarly to help with spelling and grammar. Without it, I can barely write ideas into readable wordage. I asked the wrong question the other day. The question should have been more personal. At what point am I using AI instead of my originality? AI-assisted writing is a slippery slope I do not want to slide down. I have to admit the tools are tempting. Thank you to https://www.writing.com/main/newsletters/action/archives/id/12976 by Max Griffen |
| I have struggled to complete my novel. Today, I broke down and tested AI-assisted writing. It accomplished two things. One, my vision of a complete story is now realized. Two, I feel even more fake as a writer than before. The other thing I proved is that anyone can prompt AI to write junk. This is even more disheartening because the story I generated reads much like the books I read. So, now I question how much AI is being used. |
| - A scream in the desert. - A bird in flight. - The scent of leather. - The text message ringtone made me jump. Just for fun, please share what comes to mind. |
| I read the notes and watched the news to learn what happened yesterday. As stated before, each day starts over with a dusty memory of yesterday, like a chalkboard not dusted well. Today is no different. So what do I have to share? I started again at the beginning: looking at pictures of my family so I remember their names, making coffee as a routine task  , and watching two hours of local and national news. It's boring stuff, really.One of the pleasures in my morning routine is checking out WdC  . There is always something new to read. Granted, I may not remember it tomorrow, but that is okay. I appreciate the sharing and encouragement this space offers. |
| How long have you sat and looked at your keyboard without touching a key? Or, holding your favorite pen without scribbling a word? Well, you are not alone. Writer's block happens to all of us. That may not always be the case. Sometimes, there is just nothing to say. So, my blog entry is simply to admit that I have nothing to say, and that is okay. Okay, I wrote something. That is a spark to what can happen next. Just admitting at that moment in time was an empty thought. I started a spark to hit the keyboard a few more times. It added to a simple idea that transformed into a few sentences, and now writing is happening. Should it be shared? I think so. If I write nothing else today, I have admitted it. Writing something is better than staring at a blank canvas. You will have some words written. Hence, writing has occurred. Click the like if you agree. |
| This week, I accomplished a task I didn't want to do. The weather was damp and chilly, yet I pressed on, connecting to my RV trailer to take it in for repair. Delayed by my lousy time management and the weather, I arrived just as the mechanics started their lunch break. I was wet and angry at myself for being late. An hour later, the mechanic said they could finish the repair if I waited instead of leaving the RV. Fair enough, yet my attitude didn't get any better. Another two hours passed before the job was completed. As I was leaving, I said, "Don't be offended, but I hope I don't need to see you all again. But if I do, I know where you are." Rather heatedly, the maintenance manager replied, "I hope we don't see you either." Those last few words weighed on me the following day—so much so that I called the manager. She was multitasking with an upset customer. Anyway, I apologized for the day before, and she replied, "You are a friend. I am dealing with someone who is not a friend. Thanks for the call. You have made my day better." The words, "You are a friend," touched me. Words are our most extraordinary power with each other. If you read this fare, hit the "like" button if you agree. "Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." --Dumbledore |
| I have worked on memory exercises and word games to improve cognitive strength. There is a measurable improvement in my real-time communication. The next day, though, well, it can still be like starting over. The slate isn't completely blank like it was two years ago. However, forgetting simple conversations is still frustrating. The best analogy is FOG. The fog is thick some days, but those days are fewer. The daily fog is thinner, like going up and down hills on the road. At the top, the fog is thick and hard to see through. Lower down, it thins out or even clears for a time. I am grateful for these improvements. The fog today is rather thin. It's time to take advantage of the clarity and write, write, write. |
| Dignity, or, to be more specific, self-dignity, has been missing from me. I didn't even realize it was gone until recently. Now, I want it back. Trauma has seasons and waves similar to grief. One day, I can feel okay. The next day, for a brief time, I remember the world I lost. Not just for me but for the world my family and friends lost. I also realize I lost something else: dignity. The dignity to realize it is okay; I need help with simple tasks. Writing is one of those tasks. These words would not make sense if it weren't for AI assistance. I admire my wife's dignity in visiting doctors with me. However, I can't remember the visits without my wife's acceptance. Even recording them for me to listen to later is little help. She has to explain the essential topics several times. God bless her, and please pray for her if you have a minute. I am growing my dignity in an attempt to write about my life. I am relearning that I can still have dignity in my successes. I will never be the same person I was, but that doesn't mean I can't find a path to dignity in being the person I am growing into. |
| I have to admit to some laziness lately. Audiobooks... The audiobooks are convenient, but they remove some personal imagination from the story. At least for me. What do you think? The same laziness has crept into my writing. I write half the word count now. The same can be said about this blog. I have thought about giving it up. But the journey isn't over. Learning to live with a brain injury is a daily struggle. Yesterday was a day that went horribly wrong. Laziness can also be an issue. I pissed off my wife. I had a day where each decision went wrong. This happens sometimes. She hit a breaking point, and I do not blame her. My apologies only go so far. She vented on how much she misses the old me. Believe me, though I can't remember the old me, I miss him too. Life is hard. I don't acknowledge how hard it is on those who love me. I do see this as progress. Learning or relearning communication is another skill in my reeducation. It is like graduating from the 8th grade. High School is around the corner. The lessons are more complicated and sometimes painful. However, a time similar to my teen years looks like a struggle about to happen. No one told me the emotional side of recovery is as equal to the educational side. I learned a valuable lesson. I believe it will stick. My wife apologized and forgave me. As I told her, I do not think she owed me an apology. We both need to acknowledge that we are together and that it is ok to get frustrated. We shouldn't hold it in so long it has time to boil. I am glad I don't have to go through puberty again; at least, I hope not. |
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), I also have a brain injury, so I had completely forgotten about your blog. 
I'm SUPER glad you tagged me or I might never have read another post again. 
So, definitely use that thing that asks if you want to announce that you added a blog post. It will prompt me to read it. 
The words might not come as easily, but the talent is still there. 
Anyone can nominate stuff, so if you find things around WdC that you love, feel free to nominate them through "
That's amazing! I'm so happy for you because I'm sure that initial result was devastating! 
