How To Love a Woman

How to Love a Woman


“Dad, I need your help. Susie just wore the ugliest dress. I asked her, ‘Are you going to wear that?’ I thought she was going to hit me.”

“Doug, years of experience have taught me never to ask ‘Are you going to wear that?’ When you’re first married, that question will get the response, ‘Why? Does it make me look fat?’ Even if your darling beloved does look like a stuffed toad, you should say, “Why no, darling, of course not. I’m just worried you’ll be uncomfortable. You know how you hate to be and here you’ll just insert whatever temperature is the opposite of what it actually is.”

Doug smiled, relaxed a bit, he sat in the chair beside me. So I continued.

“When you’ve been married about ten years, that question will get the response, ‘Why not? Everyone else is wearing this. And you should wear your blue shirt. You never care about how you look.’ I looked him square in the eyes. “Don’t even bother to argue.”

“But Dad, I so want to do what’s right.”

“Son, listen, when you’ve been married for fifty years, that question will get the response, “We’re going out? I have to get out of my sweats, or PJs, or robe? Do I have to put on a bra?” I laughed. “So you now know for certain you’re not going anywhere. Again. It’s all good.”

“Alright, I get the lesson. Don’t ever ask, ‘Are you going to wear that?’”

“You got it. Basically what I’m telling you is always tell your wife that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She looks amazing no matter what she wears. Works like a charm, every time.”


W/C 284