A Night With Drunk Pinkie

         It was one of those nights again. Of course, I had to be who this chick relied on to get home. She couldn’t have chosen any other available taxi driver. Despite all these tree air fresheners hanging on my mirror, I knew what to expect when she came into this car.

         Imagine the smell of cotton candy, cake frosting, or anything else you’d find in a child’s birthday party. Now mix it all with a sour pint of alcohol. That described Pinkie Pie’s odour to a T.

         Speak of the devil, here she came.

         “See ya later, alligators!”

         Her drunk ass barely managed to open the door. But then, when she crawled in, she slammed it like she had criminal strength.

         I glared at her through the mirror. “I better not have to clean up after you again.”

         “I barfed a ton in there already. What’cha worried about?” As usual, all her words were lagging behind.

         “Where to this time?”

         She stabbed the seatbelt in the slot. “To Rarity.”

         I pulled out my lengthy address list of Pinkie’s friends. Unfortunately, Rarity was a far distance away from the club. Pinkie just had to frequent a club nowhere near where she and her girlfriends lived. But at least it meant a good pay before I could pack it in tonight.

         Flooring the accelerator, I directed us away from this neon joint.

         Not even one minute into the ride, Pinkie had undone her seatbelt. She then uncurled her body along the back seats as if she owned my cab.

         “Girl, didn’t I tell you about dirtying up my seats?”

         “How am I dirtying them up?” she burped.

         When we pulled to a red light, I turned back to her. “Strap in, feet off my seat, or you can walk your narrow ass to your friend’s place.”

         Pinkie groaned. “Party pooper.”

         Suddenly, the smell in the car changed. I’d been driving for three years now. I knew how my baby was meant to smell and how my repeat passengers were meant to smell. They called me the dog of taxi drivers. And this new odour completely threw me for a loop.

         Once more, I looked back. “The hell are you doing?”

         Pinkie Pie had moved to the middle seat and held a heel in her hand. After dropping it to the floor, she played with the seatbelt for a second time.

         “I’m NOT dirtying up your seats by kicking off my heelsies!”

         Fantastic. Now I was gonna have to buy ten more trees for my damn cab. My other passengers weren’t gonna suffer from the smell of someone’s foot fungus lingering.

         And it was potent, I kid you not. If the rest of this wasted ho smelt like ripe wine, her feet smelt like raw cheese. Like her toes had been swimming in that low-budget movie theatre nacho cheese. Or like they’d been diving in an extra-large bucket of buttery popcorn.

         It got so bad that I rolled my window down for once. A/C couldn’t save us.

         “Pull it up! Pull it up!” Pinkie screamed, covering her ears.

         “Woman, what now!?”

         “My ears are too tired to handle that wind noise. You’re making them sad.”

         I shook my head. “You’re making ME sad.”

         So, the window shut again. Slamming both hands on the wheel, I diverted my full attention to the road. The less I paid attention to Pinkie’s quirks, the faster we’d arrive at her destination. Then that Rarity lady could sedate her or something.

         And just like that, the smell returned. Maybe it wouldn’t be so harsh if she were smart and wore stockings or socks. Socks with heels sound pretty stupid, but we have fools who wear socks and sandals here. So it ain’t completely out the window.

         Even though it was midnight, traffic was heavy like a motherfucker, especially on this highway. Big trucks surrounded us as if they owned the road.

         But no matter how dull the moment got, Pinkie could not keep her trap shut.

         “Can I tell you a funny story?”

         I squinted. “Only if you be quiet after you’re done telling it.”

         “Other day, I was visitin’ my old high school. Being kinda like a teacher assistant. Then, I saw one of my friend’s sisters there. And ’cause the hall was packed with people, I got to squish her butt with both hands. Never even knew it was me…”

         “Great. So I’m driving paedophiles, now?”

         Pinkie threw her head back. “Oh my God! How’s it paedophilia when she’s built like an adult?”

         There were so many things wrong with what came out this bitch’s mouth that I didn’t know where to begin. That poor girl.

         “She’s single anyway,” Pinkie continued. “At least I was sweet ’nough to give her attention.”

         With that, two distinct thuds pounded in my right ear. My trusty mirror revealed the foolishness taking place behind me.

         Atop my centre console, the heart of my belongings, Pinkie’s bare feet rested.

         Know what? I wasn’t gonna say anything. I wanted to let it slide and focus on the task at hand. But no, she had to keep running her mouth.

         “What was I thinking coming out here with black? Should’ve gone for red, white or blue.”

         “Mmm-hmm. Real interesting.”

         “What’cha think ’bout my toes?” she asked, curling her hideous monsters.

         I gave a blunt answer. “They smell like shit, and they’re toes. No different than any other woman.”

         Pinkie was persistent in getting a non-sarcastic answer. Every two seconds, she’d repeat the word “toenails”. She did it over and over like a broken record! Eventually, I was about ready to yank one of those toes off her damn foot.

         “Whatever, let me see them,” I conceded, still stuck in this slow-ass pileup.

         “Here ya go!” Pinkie pushed her feet further in the centre console, placing the bottoms flat on the surface.

         As I said, her toes were nothing special. Hell, her feet weren’t anything to write home about. They were feet. Five toes, a heel, it wasn’t like you could write a paper on them. So what if she had pink skin? A million other girls like her existed throughout the world.

         The only remarkable thing was that her toes were painted black. And yeah, it clashed with her purple dress big time.

         “Were you drunk when you chose that colour?”

         “Alrighty, you agree it’s not the best. But Pinkie’s gonna get Rarity to paint ’em white…”

         My eyes returned to the traffic. “Don’t think that’ll help you one bit.”

         Finally, the cars deactivated their brake lights, and we were on the move. After getting off the next exit, there would be a long stretch of country road for miles and miles. Hope you like endless fields.

         Just as I started to feel some peace, some warm, slimy shit touched my right elbow. And I almost floored the brakes when I saw this bitch’s big toe on my arm.

         “You got ADHD or something?”

         “Suck on it.”

         “The fuck?” I swatted her foot like a fly.

         And like a stubborn fly, the foot returned. Even being shaky from the alcohol, Pinkie flew out her seatbelt and leaned in closer. She pulled her foot to my face, wiggling her toes.

         My voice rose. “Don’t make me crash this with both of us in it!”

         “Just suck my toe a little and I’ll stop. Pinkie promise.” This was the clearest she’d spoken all trip long.

         “The fuck you even want your toe sucked for in the first place? You know how stupid you sound and look right now?”

         She screamed at the top of her lungs. “I WANT MY TOE SUCKED!”

         Look, I gagged at the thought of having her drunk foot in my mouth. But the one thing about Pinkie was that she always held her word if she made you a promise. If she said she’d get you your money by the end of the week, she’d somehow stumble across it.

         This was my only chance to get some peace. So, with one hand on the wheel, I jammed Pinkie Pie’s big toe in my mouth.

         “Oh… Yeah, just like that…”

         While she moaned like she was getting dicked down, my brain throbbed. Guess I didn’t know what to expect a foot to taste like in the first place, but hers was WEIRD! After about six seconds, I yanked the sucker out my mouth.

         “There. Now shut up for the rest of the ride.”

         “Thanks a lot,” she had a big grin and a finger to her lips. At least she brought her feet off my car’s console.

         For the next few miles, there was nothing but the sweet sound of this motor burning gas. Pinkie seemed to go in and out of consciousness. And I could play the radio uninterrupted. Everything was going perfect. Well, almost everything. Among all the greatness, one problem remained.

         I had a boner.

         Where the hell did I get a boner from, and how did it happen with this broad in my cab? Maybe I’d just been so stressed that my thing got hard.

         But then something else wasn’t adding up. It was typical of me to check my mirror and make sure my passenger was doing fine. Yet now, I was consistently looking at the bottommost section of the glass. It felt as if frustration built in me whenever I couldn’t see Pinkie’s whole body.

         “You’ll be fine when you drop her off,” I whispered to myself.

         “HEY!”

         I jerked the wheel to the left, sending us into the opposite lane. Just as a car zipped towards us, I skirted back to the right, nearly flipping this taxi.

         Pinkie continued like nothing happened. “Your light’s red,” she said, pointing to the flashing dashboard.

         My speedometer clocked me at 35 MPH, but more importantly, the fuel dial was dangerously close to E.

         Shit. I always hated having to stop for gas with someone else in my car. But what was I gonna do about it? Thankfully, I’d driven this route enough times to know there was a gas station just four miles away. If this baby could hold out, she’d be refilled in no time.

         Let me tell you, those were a long-ass four miles. I still couldn’t stop looking at this chick. Furthermore, my dick couldn’t shrink like a good boy. If anything, it was getting harder, even when we pulled into the station.

         “Try not to do anything stupid,” I said, getting out the car.

         Before paying to get the pump started, I made my way to the bathroom. Considering I’d only had a bit of water on this trip, nothing came out my junk. But, hidden among these filthy walls, I began to tug on it.

         The encounter replayed in my mind. Pinkie’s nasty foot in my mouth. Why was I jerking off to this nasty event?

         Maybe it was her slutty attitude tricking me into thinking she was sexy. Whatever the reason was, I couldn’t stop stroking. Until I realised I’d left a drunk woman alone outside. My pants came up, and I dashed out the restroom.

         “What in the hell?”

         I wanted to slap myself on the head. So, wasted Pinkie followed me in here and was shuffling around in the mart completely barefoot. More than ever, she looked like a homeless prostitute.

         She stepped on all kinds of sweets and dirt bits that covered this low-budget floor. While she was paying for something, I spotted some popcorn junk stuck between her crusty toes. Just behind them, her heels were flat in a puddle of dried, spilt cola. And as she wiggled and lifted her feet, you could hear the crunchy and sticky noises from eight feet away.

         Not again! My focus was on her stupid feet again! I had to get her ass home, now, before she fucked my mind up even more.

         After paying for the gas and escorting her to the cab, I sighed. Because now that she’d been walking barefoot, there was no chance my car would leave the night unsoiled.

         “Sit in the passenger seat,” I said. “I ain’t trying to have my next customers stepping in some stickiness.”

         “Okie dokie.”

         THUD!

         She hit her head on the car’s roof before sliding into the seat.

         Now I tried to focus on the gas flowing into my tank. Those numbers were important to follow, way more important than thinking about Pinkie’s stank-ass feet.

         So then, tell me why I ended up looking back at her again? The frustration within me was filling to a max. Honestly, Pinkie wasn’t even doing anything out of the ordinary. I was just seething at how I couldn’t see all of her again.

         Once the screen read $104.88, I pulled the nozzle out and set foot in the car. Jeez, I was so thrown off by everything that I forgot to shut the engine off. Thank God nothing exploded.

         Her foot smell… It came back with a vengeance. Now that Pinkie was right next to me, it made its presence known from the get-go. Even I couldn’t deny on the inside that it made me blush a little. But she was still drunk, so maybe she wouldn’t catch onto the reality.

         The reality that her foul feet were somehow turning me on. And I wanted, no, NEEDED to see them one more time.

         I started to drive away from the pump but didn’t sweep back onto the road. Instead, I pulled forward into one of the parking spaces. What I was about to do could get my fired. But at this moment, my dick was doing the talking.

         “You know, since you’re tired and all, I’ll rub your feet.”

         Pinkie took a few seconds to process my offer. When her eyes widened, the seatbelt came off, and her legs crossed over the centre console.

         On my lap sat her bare feet. Good Lord…

         “Thanks. So nice of you,” Pinkie slurred, rubbing her soles together.

         Man, there was still popcorn and candy bits sticking to these things. And they had some dust and sand from the ground. But, all that said, the girl got my heart racing as my cock lay beneath her heels.

         Not knowing jack about giving a massage, I would have to bullshit my way through it.

         First, I grabbed one of her feet and pushed my thumbs into the sides. After a bit of this, I went lower on her foot before rising to the toes. With these five things, I had to be careful. The slightest error could mean crumbs spilling all over my seat.

         I lightly pressed my thumb against Pinkie’s big toe. Bad move since a giant popcorn kernel fell onto my lap.

         The girl stuck her hand out. “I’ll eat it.”

         “Probably not a good idea,” I said.

         “Gimme!” Pinkie reached forward and grabbed the popcorn, sending it in her mouth like it hadn’t been on a filthy floor. “Crunchy.”

         Huh. Maybe it did taste good if it was on her feet. Crazy as it was, my body wanted to get a lick on her foot. Just one quick lick.

         “What if I licked your foot?” I asked, still rubbing her arches.

         Pinkie giggled, leaning back against the door. “I’m down for whatever…”

         “Okay then.”

         Hiding my horniness was tough, especially as my lips approached her foot. A sticky-looking popcorn kernel was crushed between two of her toes. And it tempted me so badly. I just had to go down on it.

         So, I shut my eyes and bit the popcorn, dragging it from between her toes. It slowly entered my mouth. Tasted stale, but the fact that it was smushed on her foot made swallowing it kind of… sexy. The fuck was wrong with me?

         “Ya like my feet, then?” Pinkie asked, pushing her toes into my nose.

         “They’re just okay,” I said.

         Smelling her feet up close, I gasped as some pre-cum spilt out of my dick. They reeked! And yet, they were so addictive. One sniff wasn’t enough! I grabbed both her feet and rubbed those grimy things against my face.

         “They’re just okay, are they?” Pinkie burped. “They seem a wee bit more than okay if you’re lovin’ them like that.”

         It was getting dangerous how much I forced my nose into her feet. And on top of the smell, they were so soft. It was like burying my face in clouds.

         Overwhelmed by the odour, I backed up a bit before looking Pinkie in her eyes. Tired as she was, a naughty smirk stretched across her face.

         “You’re not gonna kiss ’em?”

         I nearly burst when she said that. Going back for round two, I stuck my face into her feet. There, I planted a bunch of kisses on those sticky soles. From heel to toe, she got this treatment.

         “Mmm…” After the kisses came more licking. Yes. Though her feet tasted weird and indescribable, they made me feel like I was high. Maybe it was because of the bits of dust clinging to her soles. Either way, I wanted to see how long this trip would last.

         When I slurped on her toes, Pinkie let out a deep moan. “You don’t-a mind if I get off to this, do you?”

         I shook my head.

         “Good, because… Oh boy…” She pulled her dress back and stuck her hand below.

         As if she were presenting me with more goodness, she spread her toes. A sticky mess of candy bits dripped and was waiting to be eaten. Of course, I went about my business. Lemme tell you, some of it was REALLY stuck in there! I had to wrestle her toes just to get the gunk out.

         Gulp!

         Phew. But this night was far from over. Pinkie’s big toe forced its way into my mouth. And unlike last time, I sucked it with effort. Hell, I sucked it as if it were one of her titties.

         “Wiggle your toes,” I gasped.

         The drunkie did as I said, even sliding more of her toes in my mouth. They were slimy, gross, and even salty, but I loved them. Holy shit! How did I end up loving Pinkie’s nasty toes!?

         “Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle,” the girl sang while flexing all her toes.

         Speaking of that other foot, it was dancing on my lap like it hadn’t left the club. My dick enjoyed every little moment of it. Because whenever Pinkie slapped it hard, it craved more.

         Whatever disgust I had for Pinkie suddenly vanished as I climbed over her. Our lips met.

         Mwah!

         But the chick didn’t leave her feet out of the action. She must’ve been a cheerleader or acrobat, for she used that flexible leg to rub her foot along my back.

         Pinkie kept her eyes wide open as she returned the kiss. She made it so sloppy, too. Her mouth sat open through much of it while her tongue’s new mission was getting down my throat. Perhaps I would’ve been grossed out if her lovely foot wasn’t massaging my back. Or maybe some of her drunkenness spread to me over the course of this ride.

         I finally pulled back, leaving a spit trail between our mouths. And just like that, I went back to slurping on her toes.

         However, she wasn’t content to leave me in charge the whole time. Once more, she thrust her big toe in and out my mouth. The look of determination and horniness on her face as she did it sent a shiver up my spine.

         “Wait, wait,” I said.

         At last, I undid my belt buckle and pulled down my pants and underwear. Then, like a mousetrap, my cock sprang into action. It was swollen, throbbing, and wanted to feel Pinkie’s silky skin caress it.

         And I was gonna grant it that pleasure.

         But while licking Pinkie’s arch and covering her toes in more spit, I took a moment to really watch her finger herself. Though her dress still covered her pussy, her whimpers and moans were such a good treat to the ear. In fact, whenever I pushed her nasty toes down my throat, she quivered.

         “I wanna see you crush my dick,” I panted. “Like, rest them under your heels.”

         Yes, I needed to feel that again. This time, with the real deal. And so, Pinkie slammed her heels on my cock so hard, the car moved.

         “Oh fuck,” I moaned.

         “You like that, don’tcha?” Pinkie giggled, licking her teeth.

         As Pinkie slowly scrunched her toes, my cock tensed up. It could barely breathe under the weight of these blushing beauties.

         Man, something about her feet really did look cute. The bottoms, specifically. The way the toes could wiggle for days, the overall smoothness, and how wrinkly they could get were something to behold. And the lights from the gas station made them shine like diamonds.

         “I like your toes,” I said, either loopy, in ecstasy, or both.

         “Tell me more,” Pinkie moaned.

         I picked a foot up and started sniffing it. “They smell like…”

         Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff…

         “They smell weird, in a good way.”

         Pinkie laughed as she retracted her foot and stretched across the middle of the car again. This time, her breasts were hanging past the centre console while her feet swung in the air.

         “I know my feetsies smell like dirty corn chips. I love that ’bout ’em, too.”

         The woman purred on my thigh before snatching my dick. Not two strokes later, she put it in her mouth.

         Instinctively, I grabbed her hair and pushed her further into my cock. If Pinkie ever complained, I would’ve stopped on the fly. But she only moaned, rubbing her smelly feet together as she swallowed this dick.

         The harder she bobbed her head, the closer I was to cumming in her mouth.

         But then she pulled back and started stroking my dick with her soles.

         “What if I…”

         I shuddered. As if she had no control, her toes tickled the head of my cock. If she wanted me to last a while, she was doing a poor job. And her pressure only intensified as she scrunched her toes.

         Pinkie was immediately met with a tiny squirt of pre-cum.

         “You can do better than that,” she said.

         With more energy, the girl slapped my cock against her soles.

         And in a few seconds, her feet looked like two long cakes with frosting haphazardly spread on them. It just kept running down until it dripped on me.

         While I was out of breath from the orgasm, Pinkie seemed out of breath from the effort she exuded in making me cum. All the while, she was still fingering herself.

         Yet that’s when it happened. You know when you cum and get that feeling of post-regret? I felt it big time, even when Pinkie eventually moaned and squirmed.

         I came on one of my customers. Whoo, this was gonna be awkward from now on.

         After pulling up to Pinkie’s friend’s spot, she stumbled out the car and threw me a couple of dollars. That’s when I noticed that she still hadn’t put her shoes on. Though I called out to her, she never turned around.

         Oh well, I’d give them to her the next time her drunk ass entered my cab. But in the meantime…