The love that should be

She looked at me with a perfect smile. The kind of smile that forces one of your own to form. Her beauty was ridiculous. I wasn’t sure how I was able to look at someone who, sure I’d admit had imperfections, but all I could see was perfection. She blushed when I looked at her a few seconds too long. I looked away, embarrassed. She would never love me the way I love her. She would never look at me and see more than a friend and that killed me.
I envisioned a life with this beautiful soul. I imagined fostering children with her one day. The older kids who no one seemed to want for some reason. I would give them a good life. I pictured our dream like future and remembered that it indeed was simply a dream. The reality that drowned me every second of every day was that she does not and will not love me in the way I needed her to.
I glance back at her face and quickly think of something to say to ease the awkwardness I had created. “How’s school?” I really just asked her about school. Ridiculous. “Really good!” She responded with an eagerness and excitement that I needed to hear again. ” There is this guy in one of my classes that I really like. He plays football for the college team and he’s pretty good. He’s super cute too! I think I have a picture, hang on.” She picks up her phone and scrolls through photos to find one acceptable enough to show me. I struggle to think of something to say while plastering on a convincing enough smile. “Damn, he is really cute.” It pained me that I didn’t need to lie. he was above average when it came to his looks. “Yeah...” She faded off, distracted at the picture that she fixated on. She shook her head. “I’m hoping he’ll ask me out. I mean I guess we’ll see. I think he has been giving me hints but I could be wrong.” “That’d be cool. He would be stupid to not want to be with you.” He would be an absolute idiot.
“Alright. I better get going. I want to get home before dark. See you later, love you!” My heart was heavy hearing the words I craved so, knowing she meant something entirely differently. “I love you too.” I’m in love with you.