agabaga 1

why must i feel these ways? i feel nothing, yet i have everything, and i'm getting richer by the day. not in spirit, or in wealth for that matter, but in potential. i don't think of myself as creative or particularly interesting, but i still find the need to express my shell of a being, or else i'm not doing enough. i see those in my life having fun and showing their best moments out on social media, but for some reason, it's hard to internalize they feel stuck sometimes, and they're likely not fond of themselves either. it's this trap of knowing all these things that apply to everyone to varying degrees, but not seeing any of it with my own eyes makes it harder to believe. anyways, i feel god awful right now. there should be more for me to talk about than me, but regardless of whether i like myself or not, which i don't think i do, i'm the most important thing in my life. there are aspects of being trapped in my head that i like, but i just want to live. at this point, i don't care if i make a fool of myself with my endeavors, because making mistakes is all part of the process. the best creatives i've come to know and love all have rough spots in their career, from Kanye to PewDiePie, but their frequent achievements topple their occasional faults. my life is about to change for once, and while these changes could make me or destroy me, i've come to learn that anything is better than complacency. i hope this gets lost in the purgatory of pretentious bs; i wouldn't want it any other way.