Crawling Back To Her - Part 1

"Happy Birthday, to Steve...Happy Birthday to you!" Helen beams as the small gathering of guests applaud and cheer. "Now come on, time to make a wish!"

Steve considers the same wish he has every time he's presented with the option. Unfortunately, without the apparent arbitrary good fortune that comes with birthday wishes, he knows deep down that no amount of luck could help him with the reality.

Steve has a foot fetish. Not just a small, occasional quirk but in a major way. For most of his life, certainly since he can remember, he's had a real thing for women's feet. The only other person he's told is Lucy, his ex girlfriend who he dated at 16, and again at 25. Let's just say, it didn't go well! That was a clear sign to him then, a wake up call even, that he was never going to have a 'normal' relationship with Lucy or anyone IF feet were the focus. Enter Helen!

With Helen, it's different - for a myriad of reasons. First of all, she is incredibly caring, kind and thoughtful. Lucy, on the other hand was always quiet, aloof and almost dismissive. Like she was doing Steve a favour by giving him her time. In some ways, they were similar, in that he naturally had fallen into the 'submissive' dynamic with each girlfriend. With Lucy, when they most recently dated, it was more of an assumption that what she wanted was more important: what film to watch, which restaurant to eat at, where they would meet... which is probably why she failed to take him that seriously. Lucy also could be brutal - how she finally broke it off with him was an experience he'd never forget... Helen, also being dominant would be referred to as 'assertive' - she is a natural leader, puts thought into everything, so it is a less grudging, and more logical acceptance that she rightfully rules the roost!

However, Helen has shown a clear dislike for anything foot-related. Since they had started dating, some 18 months ago, he tried to ignore the occasional comments like "Eugh, my feet are so gross...", "I HATE foot massages - the idea of someone even touching them is just, yuck...!", "I will never understand why anyone could be into feet..." It has become increasingly clear to him that Helen would and could never be someone to confide is secret to. What if she was repulsed? What if she just dumped him, there and then? Then he'd really be back to square one!

Snapping himself back to reality, Steve gives his cute girlfriend a well-practised smile, one that tells her that everything is great and that he's happy. It's a mask he wears, one to protect himself. Since Lucy's brutal dismissal of him, one she couldn't even be bothered to do so over the phone or in person, it has made him all the more determined to never let such an embarrassing secret slip, ever again. As he blows out the candles, he shifts that initial 'wish' - that Helen would accept his foot fetish and embrace it, to not having a foot fetish at all

While the party starts to disperse and Helen promptly - in her no-nonsense way - ushers everyone politely, but firmly out the door, she lets out a contented sigh.

"Well I think that went well, don't you? I'm gonna put some of those photos on Facebook!" She grins, as she taps away efficiently, still chatting to him. "To have some of your family, my family, friends, plus those managers from work..." This is what she was really referring to. Of course, Helen couldn't pass up a birthday to impress some of the big bosses. It was totally logical and he couldn't really complain. With a potential promotion coming up, it can only help him. Of course, Helen was careful NOT to invite his chief rival from work, Stacey, to the party.

"Yeah, definitely!" He gives his girlfriend a squeeze, one hand idly brushing through her long, dark brown hair. It was always so glossy and straight, perfectly even on both sides. "And you said that there's another surprise after all that too?"

She pulls away, grinning, flickers of excitement dancing around her hazel eyes. "Oh yeah! Now I just need to get changed...give me fifteen minutes and we'll be off!"

Watching her happily skip up the stairs, he can't help but feel how lucky he is to be with her. ANY sign of showing he was into feet could easily spell the end of everything. Being around Helen, all of his positives were accentuated - his quirky sense of humour could at times be hilarious, his charming smile seemed to make her heart flutter. He was not prepared to throw all of that away!

Plus, for the last year, he had gotten into the good graces of Helen's father, Duncan. At first a tough, no-nonsense type who had warmed to Steve so much so, that in recent months, Steve had made several promotions, under Duncan's influence and support. Since meeting Helen, his salary had steadily increased, he was living in a plush, spacious apartment with a beautiful woman who seemed to be taken with him, and who actually earned more than him. Even though it ws technically her apartment, it was their home, and he was proud of it! Helen was also above him at work, at the headhunting firm that Steve, Helen and her father all worked at. Between them, they had a very decent income and even discussed moving to a house together. There is no doubt about it; Helen is the best thing that has ever happened to him! So what, that she isn't into anything foot-related - in fact if she were, that would mean he would not have all of the positives just mentioned.

Such a start contrast to Lucy, who never cared about his career prospects, showed no interests in meeting his friends or family. She certainly would never post anything with him on Facebook! He still checked her account regularly, just to see what his ex were up to, however she rarely updated it and has a small number of friends, the same geeky girls that she hung out with at High School. They were all beneath him then, so he had little need to associate himself with such nerds, when he had cooler friends. Looking on his phone at her profile picture, he has to admit, that looks-wise, she is cute. Different to Helen in that she was a little taller, with wavy, strawberry blonde hair, pale skin. Anyone comparing them would most likely think Helen is the better looking of the too. His girlfriend has dark, tanned skin, being half-Columbian, gorgeous dark eyes and hair... petite yet curvy in all the right places. Yet, there is something just...sexy about Lucy. She wasn't back when they first met....

Allowing himself to reminisce in his mind, he thinks back to when they first started dating, when they were just teenagers - both around sixteen years old. Tora was a real nerd at that time - some fourteen years ago. She wore glasses, had braces (the full on 'train track' style ones), was into superheroes and all of that Marvel stuff (she still was, years later too!) and just wasn't 'cool'. She wore clothes which looked like they were picked out by her Mom. She wasn't interested in any fashionable music, clothes or anything that would be considered 'cool'. He was always a pretty popular kid, being good at sports and attractive. Lucy didn't like talking on the phone and he was actually a bit embarrassed to introduce her to any friends or family. He wasn't fussed about meeting her friends - a couple of girls who were basically nerds, only more so than Lucy. Steve wasn't, and isn't, exactly an adonis but most would consider himself a good-looking guy: tall, athletic, dark brown hair and a winning smile. He was never exactly shallow, but he did aspire for more. Anyway, despite her geekiness, she was still cute, in a shy, awkward way. Even though he knew he could do 'better' than her, they just started dating out of nowhere really. Most importantly, she seemed to like him; at that point, he'd never had any real success with girls and was intrigued by her. So flattery was certainly a part with them dating the first time.

When they started dating, he was definitely the more confident of the two. She was happy to go along with his ideas for dates: the cinema, the park, shopping, or back at each other's folks' houses. She was barefoot almost all the time, which drove him mad. It was torture, always having a raging hard on next to her on the sofa, or in each other's beds when they made out. At a house party, when they got together the first time, she actually had slipped off her shoes then, which he could not ignore. At that age however, she was unwilling to take things past kissing. It was frustrating and one of the reasons he eventually broke things off with her. Still, he was lucky to be allowed to massage her sumptuous soles, her perfect toes...It was fair to say that he was infatuated with her feet but of course did not have the courage to confess his attraction to them. Lucy was also very uncertain about doing anything sexual, something his precious-ego'd, sixteen year old self could not cope with, especially when his friends were talking about getting laid. There were other things about her too - the whole not liking to speak on the phone; she didn't like to drink and would never go to bars, parties or anything others his age, including he, liked to go to. He always struggled to get past the fact that she was basically a nerd, albeit a cute one with incredible feet! Of course, none of his friends would have seen the latter as a factor, even if his secret foot fetish were known.

Steve was also getting a little irked that she would start getting more decisive with what they did - at first, it would be all his suggestions but in the last month or so, it would only be he programmes, her films. No, she wouldn't come over to his, but he could come over to hers. Or she was seeing her geek-friends, but he could come over afterwards. Or, she had to finish some homework, while he massaged her feet... She would even give him a well-used smile, the same one when he reluctantly accepted that they would cuddle, rather than do anything sexual; or that it would be another Marvel Cinematic Universe film to watch, rather than his choice. Other girls would snigger a little when they saw him together with her, which he soon realised was due to the fact that he was clearly the 'hotter' one of the two. Other, more attractive girls at school even tried to flirt or subtly hook up with him, which he was either oblivious to, or turned down, not without reluctance. It was definitely with some peer pressure, temptation for other women and regret that he ended things. It took a lot of nerve to end things and she went quite quiet when he'd mentioned his sexual frustrations with her. When he broke things off, she seemed to understand but did not give much away - which was typical of her. He was honestly unsure how disappointed she was; he'd sensed back then, after a good six months of dating that she was possibly getting as tired of him massaging her feet, as he was with her not willing to progress things sexually. Maybe she was just too polite to have ended it before he did.

Years later, they randomly got back together again. Before and during college, he'd had flings, one night stands and the occasional girlfriend, but never for that long. The usual issue, several weeks in to dating a girl, was him wanting to be sexual but finding it a challenge, as he still desperately desired the woman in question's feet. It never felt right to confide this to anyone at all, so either his, or her's, or both's interest would wane. After college, he got into recruitment. Work was so full on, he didn't give himself much time for relationships. He hadn't really considered getting back together with her, dismissing her as the nerdy, awkward loser, who wasn't interested in sex. After randomly bumping into her in a shop, nearly nine years after they first dated, he didn't actually recognise her at first! No longer did she have the glasses, the braces, yet she was still endearingly geeky. She was certainly hotter than before, still shy, but quietly confident. The gap between them, suitability-wise, had definitely narrowed. He found himself messaging her time and time again, which became increasingly frequent. He simply couldn't shake her away - perhaps it was partly guilt for what happened some nine years ago, but he just felt drawn to her.

Finally he decided to ask her out; it was no great surprise that she agreed to do so. She was still pretty much a nerd, albeit a prettier one than before. Yet, with no better prospects on the horizon for him, it just seemed right, comfortable to get back with her. Although she was more confident, attractive and sexy, the Lucy of 25 years old had barely changed from the sixteen year old he had dated in other ways than still being nerdy. She still lived with her parents, was still coy about sex - they had it occasionally, but she wasn't exactly eager to do so. For her, it was a bit of a chore. For him, it either didn't happen as he couldn't get hard due to her feet not being involved and not being able to ask her to do so, or was over far too quickly - usually when she was barefoot! She hung around mostly with the same two geeks from high school - Sharon and Anita. She showed no interest in getting him to know her friends and deliberately avoided situations where he tried to get her to meet his. You see, although she was more self-assured than before and less geeky-looking, she was still a nerd at heart. Joe and Callum, two of his closest friends, actually mocked him for getting back with her. Though they did at least admit that she was better-looking than she was at high school. Despite what his friends thought, he found her attractive and was defensive of her. He really wanted it to work! He remembered taking her away to Rome for a surprise holiday and she was - typically - on her period. Instead he contented himself to kneel at the foot of the bed and offer a foot massage, which she agreed to. When he made the same offer an hour later, she looked him in the eye, her soft, sexy feet in his hands and asked him directly if he "liked feet". He could have confessed then, at her feet - literally! However, something about her look told him it just didn't seem right to do so.

In bed that night, she lightly grazed a bare sole up and down his leg, giving him an erection in no time at all. She giggled at this but didn't say anything, other than sigh before wishing him a good sleep. Their dating and been a bit on-off during that second relationship they'd had. It was so frustrating waiting for her to reply, she still didn't like to chat on the phone and it was always on her terms where and when they met. She wasn't dominant in the sense that Helen is: naturally charismatic and thoughtful but more in a quiet, aloof way. An entitled sense that what she wanted simply took priority over his needs. He cringes at the thought of the slightly drunken, late night text message he had sent just a few months after Rome, confessing his foot fetish. It was mortifying at the time, trying to delete it the next morning, knowing she had already seen it, then sending a desperate follow up to please let him know if she was OK with it. Then her reply.... Well, I don't know what I'm supposed to say about that. You've just dropped it on me in a message. Let's take a break, then see where we are.

A 'break' turned into a week with her either ignoring his messages, or giving him one word answers. This of course led to more desperate, grovelling messages from him, assuring her that his foot fetish was nothing and that he could learn to live without it. Or he'd go the other way and confess how beautiful he thought her feet were, only to backtrack later. He was a mess at the time and if he could go back and delete that week from his life, he would! The gap between her replies became increasingly blunt and elongated. Knowing that he couldn't phone her as she didn't like to speak on it, he cringes again at the thought of resorting to pleading with her outside her house - where she lived with her parents (thank goodness they wer away!). He still remembers it like it was yesterday. He told his friends, his parents a much abbreviated version of events and they were in full support. None of them had really met Lucy and had little reason to encourage him to get back with her. So, it was a clean full break, which was the right thing to do.

Shaking his head away from the thoughts of Lucy, he smiles to himself knowing that everything has changed in three years. He doesn't need feet - not from the woman he is in a relationship with. It's been working fine for a couple of years now and the more time that passes, the less he will even think of his ex! He can deal with his fetish in his own way - he can jack off to porn, easily keeping it a secret from his girlfriend. Anyway, he's dealing with it all just fine! Determined to focus his attention elsewhere, Steve takes a moment to check his Facebook, smiling at the number of likes already for Helen's post for his birthday. She's definitely hot - all of his friends agree (a little too enthusiastically!), with her smooth, tanned skin, long brown hair ... he can't help but be proud that he's managed to not just get with her stay with her too.

Switching to checking his WhatsApp, he stops dead in his tracks as he scrolls to a message, the third one down on his phone.

Lucy...

Practically gulping, he curses quietly to himself. Typical - just as he had been thinking about her and trying to force her from his mind! Maybe it's best to ignore it. He's told Helen very little about Lucy, just the bare details and obviously nothing about how it ended! Then again, it is his birthday, maybe she just wants to send a nice message...

Hi! Just seen your girlfriend's post on Facebook. Does she know you have a foot fetish? Happy Birthday by the way!

Shit! Nothing for years, then suddenly this...?! The who the hell did she think she was?! His hand starts shaking, causing the phone to drop;

"Everything OK, sweetie?" Helen calls down to him.

"Er, yeah. Yeah all good!" He lies. "Just checking on Facebook..." His voice trails off as he re-reads the message again.

"Ah, you saw my post!" Helen continues, still calling down the stairs. "Don't forget to like it. And comment please!" His girlfriend is always a little insecure of anything on social media. Her gentle reminder is the last thing on his mind right now.

He still has a few minutes before Helen would be ready. Impulsively, he types a message back to his nerdy ex girlfriend...

Thanks for the Birthday message...it's been a while! Hope that all's well.

That's it, no acknowledgement of what she has said, she can't come back with anything to that. It's good...it's neutral and should put her off... And who does she think she is? He's moved on to far better things - he has a hot girlfriend, a better job from before... He shouldn't have bothered replying, to be honest. The next message though, a minute later, makes him stop dead in his tracks. Lucy has never been that quick at replying before!

You didn't answer my question. Does this Helen know about your foot fetish? I'm not going to ask again.

Her threatening words make him feel simultaneously annoyed and panicked. Shit, SHIT! It made him think of the last time he'd seen or had any contact from her...

It was after he turned up to her place, ringing the doorbell a little more urgently than he should. She was clearly pissed with him, standing at the doorway with arms folded, and a frown adorning her pretty face. He'd actually dropped to his knees and was in the process of grovelling before her, before she hushed him quiet, and spoke words forever etched in his memory... I'm sick of your constant messages, your excuses and your crap. I don't want to see you or hear from you. If I want a pathetic, grovelling guy who is into feet, I will let you know.

Steve wasn't stupid. At that moment, he went cold turkey from Lucy, resisting the urge to message her ever again. He scarpered away, no longer willing to be the pathetic loser who literally crawled on his hands and knees, never contacting her again. She was a nerd and he could do better than her anyway! And in Helen, he has!

"Ready in two minutes!" Helen yells down. His efficient, organised girlfriend will not want to see him unprepared.

His thoughts flying around at a hundred miles an hour, he finds himself fumbling a reply back to Lucy...He smirks a little at the idea of making her feel bad for trying to open up old wounds...

Foot fetish? No, that was years ago! To be honest, it was never that much of a thing, just a brief phase. Also, it's my birthday and I'm going out with my girlfriend. Actually, she's taking me out for a surprise meal - something you never did. Anyway, I've moved on, I'm with someone else who has got everything I need. I have no idea what you want, but whatever it is, just leave it.

That was tough and assertive. Although Lucy wasn't exactly dominant, she had become increasingly reluctant to listen to him the longer they'd known each other. Even the surprise Rome trip was met with resistance and skepticism. That message would make it clear to her - he's moved on and does not need her.

Helen emerges, her lovely dark brown hair sleekly tied to one side. Wearing a black cocktail dress and heels, his mind is at least taken away from his devious ex girlfriend, temporarily.

"OK, let's go!" She says matter-of-factly, grabbing him by the arm and leading him towards a cab.

"Where are we-"

Putting one finger over his mouth, she giggles. "Oh, it's a surprise. Don't worry, you'll love it!"

Arriving at an impressive, yet rustic-looking building, Helen beams as she leads him by the hand. "Happy Birthday, darling! This restaurant has just opened - I know Italian is your favourite and it's supposed to be amazing!"

Sitting down together, Steve can't help but be flattered and chuffed to bits with this second surprise - after the party at their apartment - today. He babbles a thank you but she waves it away with one hand before standing up to head to the ladies' room.

Deciding to avoid looking at his phone, he tries his best to enjoy the evening his lovely girlfriend has arranged. Helen happily plies them both with red wine, along with the delicious antipasti and several other courses. Finally starting to forget slightly about his ex, Steve chances a glance again at his phone when Helen pops away to greet someone she has recognised.

Are you kidding me? 'A brief phase?!' You and I both know that you are obviously lying. And what you said was just rude. What the hell makes you think that you can speak to me like that, that just because with someone else, that makes her better than me?! All I asked was a question and YOU'RE the one who is being an asshole about it. You ask me what I want - I will you: you need to apologise! That's what I want!

Around ten minutes after that message, another one was sent, not long ago...

Last chance. You've already lied to me about not having a foot fetish, then you're rude, then you fail to reply. Apologise to me now or I'll add a little comment on your girlfriend's Facebook post... I can't believe the nerve you've got - after how things ended with us and the way you treated me, you should be doing everything I tell you, with a pretty please and thank you! You have seriously pissed me off.

What the fuck was happening?! His introverted, aloof ex was getting increasingly bossy and threatening! Steve finds his heart beating like a drum, gulping as he re-reads Lucy's messages. Glancing over at Helen, he sees that she sat down next to another girl, the same friend she recognised. Using this as a chance to reply to his ex, Steve knows he has to change tact.

OK, I'm sorry. Sorry for being rude to you Lucy. There was no need. Please, just let it go. I'm out for my birthday but I am sorry.

It's somewhat humbling to apologise like that over WhatsApp and it makes him automatically think back to his last encounter with his ex, but it's better than in person. Feeling his cheeks redden a little with shame glancing forward to see that Helen has waved at him, calling across she'll be a few minutes or so, he gives a hasty thumbs up back. Meanwhile, he sees the typing... text on WhatsApp from Lucy.

No, that won't do. You need to give me a full, proper apology for speaking to me like that. All I asked you was a simple question and you get rude with me. That's frankly taking the piss, considering what happened the last time we saw each other! So, no - that was crap. I want to hear you apologise humbly and really mean it. It's the least you can do, after what bullshit you've put me through before, time and time again!

His heart sinking further, Steve finds his hands shaking with what to write back. At the same time, rather shamefully he finds himself getting slightly aroused by her confident, domineering attitude. He's always been a sucker for dominant women and this is the most in control and assertive his ex has ever sounded! He can't just leave like this though...Helen has planned this evening and if she got even the faintest idea of the truth. He can't let this spiral any further! Helen at least is in full on conversation with her friend, so it gives him some time. Hang on, she said she needs to hear it...His eyes light up with an idea...

Recording Audio...

"OK, Lucy, please forgive me. I humbly request that you accept my apology. I was rude to you... and I... there was no need. I shouldn't have been slow at replying too - I shouldn't have mentioned it being my birthday, being out for it, or what I said about you not caring...that wasn't fair. Please, I'm sorry..."

Trying to ignore a puzzled look from a passing waiter, and taking a nervous sip of red wine, he watches with trepidation as he tries not to feel too ashamed. Although he's desperate not to revisit this old, one-sided ground with her, he knows that he simply has to appease her and swallow his pride. Lowering himself to send an apologetic voice note to this girl, who he was way out of the league of now.

You still haven't answered my original question. I'm getting tired of this. I would have just accepted, a polite reply from you, with a quick sorry for what a freak and weirdo you had been to me when I last saw you. Now you need to come over so I can hear what you have to say in person - this is the bare minimum now. No more messages. Thanks for the voice note though - I'm sure that will come in handy if you're not here in 15 minutes. It's the same place as before, on Revello Drive. Hurry up before I start sharing some home truths!

Feeling increasingly defeated and outplayed by his ex, he curses himself for being so stupid. He's sent her plenty of grovelling messages before, plus with this voice note she has too much on him. The risk of Helen, or anyone else finding out about his secret foot fetish, snaps him into action. Getting a slightly odd again from the waiter, he knows he has no choice...

Awkwardly getting to his feet, he feigns a stomach ache as he shuffles over to where his cute girlfriend and buddy are. Before Helen can introduce her, Steve starts making his excuse - that his stomach feels funny and that he needs to go. He assures her to stay here with the friend she has bumped into. He'll come back to the restaurant as soon as he has a lie down and starts feeling better - it's still fairly early after all.

"Oh, baby. Don't worry - have a rest, then see you back here, or at home." Helen says soothingly, totally buying the lie while her friend, a hot blonde with very white teeth, smiles apologetically. Unfortunately, the scene causes several waiters to come over, none of which are happy that the stomach ache could implicate the restaurant. Assuring them all it's from too much birthday cake earlier, he finally staggers out of the Italian place, fortunately hailing a cab immediately, meaning he can just about make it to Lucy's on time...

During the journey, he goes over what to say. He realises that he does NOT want to profusely apologise... in person, she won't have the gall to keep threatening him. His geeky ex girlfriend will realise that he's moved on and isn't the same guy from before! He needs to do this quickly. He could even get back in time for the main course at the Italian restaurant! Another thought suddenly hits him - she still lives with her parents? He was only allowed to meet her Mom once or twice and he senses they are unlikely to think highly of him... Anyway, they're unlikely to be in; she was never keen for him to be around them before. Still, it adds more credence to his theory that this nerd is still a loser... he should not be wasting his time on his birthday with her!

Greeted by a barefoot Lucy, wearing denim shorts and tight white vest top, he can't help but admit that although she'll always be a nerd, there is something about her. Directly compared to Helen, very few guys would honestly say that Lucy were the more attractive one. But this power she just seems to hold over him is quite intangible. Shaking that away for a moment he glares at her.

"OK, you've played your little game well. I've got somewhere else to be so I'm not staying for more than a few minutes. This is going to stop now!" he hisses at her, not wanting to cause a scene in front of any neighbours.

Arching an eyebrow at him, she looks mightily unimpressed. Running one hand through her strawberry blonde hair and placing the other on her hip, she actually strongly resembles Amy Adams - something he hadn't really thought about before. Her pale, almost milky skin looks very smooth, especially when his eyes wander down to her feet, the red nail varnish sparkling.

"First of all, you're late," she tells him curtly. "And you really think standing up to me is the way to go? Oh no, you are here to humbly apologise, on your birthday, for so many things. Close the door after you and do it quickly, otherwise I might start sending out a couple of messages..." Huffing a little, she shakes her head before turning around, slowly, deliberately walking away so her soles of each feet can be seen for a second or so before being placed back down.

Frankly, he feels like telling her to fuck off! She's being downright rude to him, not even saying 'hi', or 'Happy Birthday', or apologising for threatening him over messages! Realising that she is determined to play this on her terms only, Steve knows the right thing to do is NOT to follow her in...however she has those messages from before, that voice note this evening...

She turns around, a look of total confidence on her face. "Don't worry, my parents are on holiday for a couple of weeks. Now, hurry up already, before I make things any worse for you..."

Knowing that he has no choice, Steve obeys, grimly pulling the door closed behind him. He just needs to get inside, make it clear to her that this has to stop and that he's moved on... then he can get back to his girlfriend and enjoy the rest of his birthday!


What will happen in Part 2? How does Lucy react when Steve tries to be firm with her? Will she still insist on an apology for him...is that all his ex wants with him?